Robin Hood, Series 3 (2009)

Robin:
[shouting] It's over! Robin Hood is finished!

Much:
No, you don't mean that.

Robin:
He died in the Holy Land...with Marian. All I have left is vengeance.

Robin:
You are going to pay for what you did.

Gisborne:
No, it was you, you forced me to.

Robin:
You murdered her! She didn't love you, you couldn't have her.

Gisborne:
She should have been mine!

Robin:
[shouting] She was my wife!

Gisborne:
Noooo!!!

Tuck:
Every day it gets worse. Injustice, cruelty, corruption...these people suffer and they starve. And you'll abandon them? [Robin walks away] Robin! Where are you going?

Robin:
I can't help them. I have nothing else to give.

Tuck:
You will believe in yourself again, I know it.

Robin:
[angry] I struggled, I fought, I gave everything I had! I even gave the life of the woman I love! Why are you doing this?! Why does it matter so much to you!?

Tuck:
Because I have nothing in my life but my God and my country. I have no family, no wife, but I have a full heart, and passion must go somewhere, Robin.

Sheriff:
All right, that's enough of the piety. No amount of la-di-da words can save their blackened souls! Fire it up!

Tuck:
Wait! [lights a flare] In the name of God, wait!

Gisborne:
What are you doing?!

Tuck:
[points at Gisborne and Vaisey] You and your master, Prince John, have broken not just Man's laws, but the Lord's! And for this, you will be punished!

Gisborne:
WHAT?! [draws his sword]

Sheriff:
The monk's been on the mushrooms! FIRE!

[Hood is revealed to still be alive]

Tuck:
You see, the sun emerges again, like England's protector - his journey is complete. He appears into the light and he will save you. He has returned. The legend is alive!

Jasper:
[sarcastic and angry] Surprise, surprise!

Gisborne:
No, it can't be--

Sheriff:
[to Gisborne] YOU INCOMPETENT... FOOL!!!

Gisborne:
NOOOOOOO! [Robin pins Gisborne and Vaisey to the wall with arrows]

Robin:
I am Robin Hood, your humble servant! It is for you that I live to fight the evil that chokes this country! No longer shall we live in fear and darkness! We must stand together! Only then will the sun rise on this country, our England ONCE MORE!

[Robin has Gisborne at knife point, about to kill him]

Gisborne:
[begging] Do it! End it, please!

Robin:
[shocked] You want this?!

Gisborne:
I live in hell.

Robin:
Then stay there!

Sheriff:
[fuming] You pathetic, misery-addled mess. You are teetering on the edge of dispensibility, Gisborne. Make sure you don't fall off.

Gisborne:
[bitterly] You know, I've finally come to the conclusion that I don't like you.

Sheriff:
[sarcastic] Awww! What's the matter, hm? Was that nasty Robin Hood horrible to our little Guy? Oh, diddums...

[Gisborne angrily grabs the Sheriff and slams him against the table]

Sheriff:
[grinning] That's better, Gisborne! You'd better show some spine; you're gonna need it! Hm? Hood gave you life; now you go out and get his right!

Robin:
I'll never stop loving you.

Gisborne:
[contemptuous] Look at you; your plans are in ruins, the Black Knights are disbanded, and you're having to buy the affections of a Prince who would rather see you dead. Why should I fear you? [walks away]

Sheriff:
[furious] Because... [he throws his dagger at Gisborne; it lands in the wood of the door an inch from Gisborne's head] I AM THE SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM!!!

Gisborne:
You should have killed me when you had the chance. I'm gonna make you suffer before you die.

Robin:
Just like you're suffering now, Gisborne? You can kill me a hundred times over, but the pain you're feeling, the hatred, the self-loathing, that's never going to go away! [Gisborne hits him out of rage] You'll never hate me as much as you hate yourself!

[Gisborne unsheathes his sword]

Sheriff:
Oh, put it away.

Sheriff:
Ah, Prince John's escort. They want their money, Gisborne.

Gisborne:
So what do we do?

Sheriff:
"We"? [chuckles] Do you think that I'm going to be responsible for your arrogance and your incompetence again? [pulls out Gisborne's sword and points it at him] Hm?

Gisborne:
You can't be serious, put it down!

Sheriff:
[sternly] No, Gisborne. This time, you pay my dues. [to Prince John's men] Gentlemen, good to see you! Very smart, lovely colours, tight-fitting uniform, excellent! Slight change of plan. There is no patronage money... [shoves Gisborne towards them]

Gisborne:
What?!

Sheriff:
... but Gisborne has volunteered to go with you, to explain why not to Prince John personally!

Gisborne:
No, my lord! Please! This means certain death!

Sheriff:
[chuckles] Well, you never know - you might catch Prince John in a good mood! [to the guards] He's all yours!

Gisborne:
[being dragged away] I won't forget this! I'll be back for you!

Sheriff:
Abbot! Where in hell have you been?

Abbot:
Rome! How dare you summon me to your quarters like a common serf!

Sheriff:
My lord, I need you.

Abbot:
And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?

Sheriff:
No. It's too late for absolution. They meet on the landing halfway. [grovelling] You are the only one who can help me now.

Abbot:
If you are truly willing to repent for all your sins...

Sheriff:
[nodding eagerly] I am!

Abbot:
... then you must make your peace with God, my son, and pray for His forgiveness.

Sheriff:
Ah, well, you see, it's not God I'm worried about. It's Prince John.

Abbot:
[smiles] Then you really are in trouble!

Sheriff:
He already has Gisborne, and it's anyone's guess what he's doing with him.

Abbot:
Well, knowing the Prince as I do, my advice is this: please him.

Sheriff:
[incredulous] ... "Please him"?! Whaddaya think I've been doing all this time?! WEAVING TAPESTRIES?!?! Look, I have to execute Hood within one month, otherwise I am horse-meat!

Abbot:
[annoyed] Well, I really don't see what you expect me do to about Robin Hood. Now, I've had a very long journey; I need to return to my abbey. So, if there's nothing else, I will bid you goodnight-- [starts to leave]

Sheriff:
Not so fast, Abbot! You will assist me.

Abbot:
[chuckles] Why on earth would I do that?

Sheriff:
[imitates his chuckle] Because... [moves to the table] I know... [pulls away a red cloth to reveal a large book - a forbidden English translation of the Bible] your little SECRET!

Abbot:
[shocked] How-?! where did you get that?!

Sheriff:
Oh, when I was looking for you at the abbey, I decided to do a bit of nosing around.

Abbot:
So you think you can blackmail me?!

Sheriff:
[nods matter-of-factly] Amazing, hm? How great men, no matter how revered, always have some explosive little nugget hidden away, ready for someone like me to find, hm? And as little nuggets go, [points to the book] this is as explosive as it gets. [tuts] Abbot, even I was shocked. [starts to open the book]

Abbot:
[rushes over angrily] Now you listen to me--!

Sheriff:
[slams book closed] YOU LISTEN TO ME!!! You will use all your power and your influence, you will use the full might of the Church to help me finish off Robin Hood once and for all, otherwise it will be your head on the chopping block as well as mine! GOT IT?!?!

Sheriff:
[to his guards] I thought I doubled the guard! Or did I just double the incompetence?! YOU ALLOWED HOOD TO ESCAPE AGAIN!!! You are more useless than Gisborne! [kicks a guard in the groin, then knocks him down the steps]

Sheriff:
[at the church] My children! I was once lost, like you, wretched, like you; wandering in the wilderness. But it was there, in the desert, crawling on my hands and knees like a dried crab, that I was guided [snaps his fingers] to a cave.

[A white-robed boy brings over an ornate box]

Sheriff:
And it was in that cave... [opens box and takes the "hand of St. Luke" - actually an executed thief's hand - out] that I found this - the hand of the divine physician, St. Luke!

[He holds the hand high and parades it in front of the awe-struck crowd]

Sheriff:
It was this hand that healed me! Healed me of my pain, guided me on the path to salvation, cleansed me of all my sins! [kisses the hand, pretending to sob] And it was this holy artefact that Robin Hood and his gang of men tried so fragrantly to steal - not once, but TWICE! That is why Robin Hood and his gang attacked the brothers of Kirklees! That is why Hood sent in his thug Tuck to break into the abbey! AND THAT IS WHY ROBIN HOOD MUST BURN AT THE STAKE!!!

[After Robin and his gang steal a wagon full of food, using bees]

Sheriff:
[to his badly-stung soldiers] What do you mean, "the wagon's disappeared"?! WAGONS AND HORSES DO NOT JUST VANISH!!!

Sheriff:
So, Prince John sent you back to Nottingham with a mission, and yet nobody saw fit to tell me. The last time I checked, I was still the Sheriff.

Gisborne:
The Prince is still waiting for his thousand crowns. His patience wears thin.

Sheriff:
As indeed does mine. What's the mission?

Gisborne:
He wants me to kill Robin Hood.

Sheriff:
[chuckles] I'm sure he does! But you've, err... you've never managed it before, Gisborne, hm? Although you did once have him at your sword point, and yet still he bested you!

Gisborne:
Well, this time it will be different. This time I will command the mission without incompetent, illconceived interference from others.

Sheriff:
[smugly] No. You will fail, like you've always failed before, and then you will come back and beg me for my patronage!

[After Walt reveals that Bertha of Bath has tried to have John killed]

John:
WHAT?!

Bertha:
He's exaggerating! That's what he does, you know how he goes on--

Walt:
No, I'm telling the truth to save your life, just like I said I would!

Sheriff:
[to Bertha] I warned you what would happen the next time you crossed me! [to his guards, pointing at Little John] KILL HIM!!! ARREST THE OTHERS!!!

Bertha:
If I didn't do what the Sheriff told me, he was going to kill us all!

Sheriff:
What an excellent idea! [his guards arrest Bertha] So exactly how far did you think you'd get, Bertha? We had a deal.

John:
The deal is off. You do not touch those children.

Sheriff:
No, no, I just want the money from the wagers. She's welcome to the slaving money.

John:
What?!

Sheriff:
Oh, I suppose she told you that she took the children off the streets out of the goodness of her heart? [chuckles]

Bertha:
Look at them. They're healthy and well-fed--

Sheriff:
Healthier children fetch a bigger price! She's been doing it for years - taking waifs and strays off the streets, fattening them up and then selling them on at the end of the season.

John:
Have you?

Sheriff:
Yes. Not this year, though. [chuckles] Take her to the dungeons. [points to the boys] Oh, and, err, arrest those.

John:
[ready to fight] LEAVE... THEM... BE!

Sheriff:
[walking away, bored] Somebody kill that man.

[After Robin, John and the others save the children from Bertha]

Robin:
It isn't safe for children in Nottingham!

Sheriff:
So says the outlaw! But for once, I am pleased to see you, Hood. It means that Gisborne has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory once again!

Sheriff:
Well might you hang your head in shame, Gisborne. You've let him escape again, [points at Isabella] and this, this... Is THIS what distracted you?!

Gisborne:
This is my sister.

Sheriff:
[sarcastic] Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. You were busy playing happy families! Your level of incompetence never, ever ceases to amaze me, Gisborne. Every time I think you've plumbed a new depth, along you come and surprise me all over again! Well maybe now, Prince John will remember why he put ME IN COMMAND!!!

Guy of Gisborne:
You represent everything that's loathsome in a man!

Sheriff Vaisey:
I thought that's why you liked me!

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Did Prince John put you up to this? He asked you to kill me, do you hear me, Gisborne? This is nothing but sport for him. Putting us up against each other. Unity, Gisborne.

Guy of Gisborne:
This isn't for Prince John! This is for me! [attacks Vaisey] I will be rid of you! [Guy overpowers Vaisey]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Quickly, Gisborne. I beg you. Have mercy on me.

Guy of Gisborne:
You have no idea how much pleasure this is going to give me. You're going to die slowly, and I'm going to watch the venom drain from your body as you die.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Oh, Gisborne, please. Don't disgrace me. Kill me quickly. [as Gisborne moves to deal the death blow, Vaisey stabs him in the leg. Guy screams and falls, with Vaisey advancing on him] Humanity is a weakness, Gisborne! It's always been your failing! I tried to teach you...!

Guy of Gisborne:
You're the reason Marian is dead! You poison everything!

Sheriff Vaisey:
[incredulous] All this for a woman?!

Sheriff Vaisey:
[to Gisborne] You know I loved you like a son. And you loved me like a father once. I know you did.

Robin:
You know, I think this is the first time we've stopped a carriage to give gold back.

Robin:
[fighting with Gisborne] You kill my wife, and you expect forgiveness?!

Gisborne:
I loved her as you loved her!

Gisborne:
I'll never ask for your forgiveness.

Gisborne:
I can't forgive myself.

Robin:
[shocked] What?!

Robin:
Gisborne!

[As Robin's men are storming the castle]

Isabella:
The peasants are breaking into the castle! You have to protect me.

Blamire:
Can't help, sorry.

Isabella:
They're going to tear me to pieces!

Blamire:
Not my problem. I've got to be somewhere else.

Isabella:
[shocked] I just gave you an order!

Blamire:
[chuckles cruelly] You have no idea of what's happening here, do you?!

Isabella:
[desperate] What?! You can't just leave me here to be massacred by this rabble! Please, for pity's sake, help me!

Blamire:
If you want to save yourself, hear this: deliver Gisborne to the tunnel.

Isabella:
That doesn't make any sense: Gisborne is dead!

Blamire:
[sneering] Goodbye, Sheriff, and good luck!

[The old Sheriff, Vaisey, has returned to Nottingham backed by a whole army]

Blamire:
My lord.

Sheriff Vaisey:
Blamire! You old tomcat, how the devil are you?

Blamire:
The plan is in place.

Sheriff Vaisey:
Good. [looking over Nottingham, grinning] Oh, this will be so much fun...!

Gisborne:
[shocked] I put a dagger in him! I saw him die!

Robin:
Well, that ghost has raised an army.

Sheriff Vaisey:
[to Guy] Surprise! You thought I was dead. But you didn't check, did you? Very nasty wound. Gisborne, we will have our reckoning. [to Robin, cheerfully] Right now, I want my town back!

Robin:
Never. You're finished, Vaisey. Your weapons are no match for the hatred these men have for you.

Sheriff Vaisey:
[draws his sword and points it at Robin] You tell your peasant army anybody who resists me will die. Poor Allan - he squealed like a stuck pig when he died...

Robin:
And you'll pay for that, you murdering swine.

Sheriff Vaisey:
Sticks and stones, Hood. You have until dawn. Give me Gisborne, release Isabella and then return Nottingham to myself and Prince John. Otherwise, you and your little friends will be wiped off the face of the earth!

Sheriff Vaisey:
[berserk with fury] DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! I WANT ROBIN HOOD'S HEAD!

Sheriff Vaisey:
[after being humiliated by Robin yet again] That is the last time Robin Hood makes a fool out of me!

Robin:
[addressing the rebels] Loyal comrades, you know the situation and you know that we are on our own. Now we have already lost friends and loved ones...but England will lose far more if we do not make a stand this day! And yes, some of us may fall but our fight will live on in the minds of those that despise injustice, in the hearts of those that cherish freedom! You are the soul of England, standing firm against tyranny for a real future! Now ask yourself; is that not something worth fighting for?! [draws his sword] Together, FOR ENGLAND!

Gisborne:
[dying] Is this the end?

Robin:
[having been fatally poisoned] For you and me both, my friend.

Gisborne:
I'm sorry. At least you have someone waiting for you...Marian. The love of my life, but she was always yours. I've lived in shame, but because of you, I die proud. I am free. [dies]

Much:
What am I going to be without you?

[Robin places his hands around Much's neck. Pause]

Robin:
You are already more of a man than I will ever be.

[Robin removes Much's cap]

Robin:
Much...and you are my best friend.

[They have an emotional, long hug]

[Robin, dying, is visited by the spirit of Marian and smiles. Marian walks through the forest up to him, smiling]

Robin:
[softly] Marian.

[Marian smiles]

Marian:
I have waited for you.

Robin:
I knew I would find you again.

Marian:
It's time.

[She holds out her hand. Robin takes it]

Marian:
The greatest adventure is yet to come.

[She helps Robin stand up and she smiles. Robin places his hand on her cheek]

Robin:
My wife.

Marian:
Now and forever, my love.

[They kiss. Marian and Robin smile and Marian laughs as they hug and Robin picks her up and spins her around. Marian's laughter echoes]

Much:
Prince John and his soldiers have made camp down there.

Robin Hood:
What? How many men has he got?

Much:
Thousands!

Little John:
No!

Much:
Hundreds!

Kate:
Much.

Much:
I didn't stop and actually count them! I can't actually count!

Prince John:
No, no, no, no, no! They're trying to put the fire out! That's not what I want!

Isabella:
Long live Prince John!

[Nobles raise glasses and echo]

Prince John:
Long live me!

Prince John:
Do you love me, Sheriff?

Sheriff:
With all my heart, Sire.

Prince John:
Would you give your life for me?

Sheriff:
My life? Is that all? Of course.

Prince John:
Would you take a life for me?

Sheriff:
Even easier to answer.

Prince John:
Gisborne has so disappointed me...

Sheriff:
Disappointed us both, Sire.

Prince John:
Obedience. Loyalty. Love. Is it too much to ask? A king requires all three. Who's more loyal to me, Sheriff? You or Gisborne?

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Of course I am, Sire. My loyalty is infinite.

Prince John:
Good. Then prove it to me. Rid me of Gisborne, Sheriff. Quickly, discreetly. We don't want to disturb our noble guests with this messy business. Kill him for me, Sheriff.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
A privilege, Sire.