Robot Wars, Season 1

Jeremy Clarkson:
Man may have tempered the spectre of nuclear evil but, tonight, I have the unenviable task of reporting that warfare has been taken out of man's hands. We're now at the mercy of machines and a battle - the likes of which we have never seen before - is about to begin. Outside the studio, women have lashed themselves to the railings. Britain is about to witness the birth of Robot Wars. Which is all about robots... fighting.

Peter Kinsey of Roadblock team:
[preparing to go into a fight against Nemesis] Trouble is, we just can't make up our mind what blade to use.

Phillipa Forrester:
Just because you look pretty, doesn't mean you can't cause a lot of damage.

Jonathan Pearce:
Leighbot? Pepperpot! You could pour pepper out of that Leighbot machine now! Look at the holes!

Jonathan Pearce:
[as the House Robots attack Wedgehog] Matilda's in, looking for a few scraps, as usual, Shunt takes on Robot the Bruce, but I think it's too little too late! Robot the Bruce is the winner! [Cease is called, sending Robot the Bruce to the Grand Final]

[interview after the Stock Car trials; Krayzee Tokyo has been eliminated due to having covered the least distance]

Jeremy Clarkson:
Oh, no, no, no, the one that looks like a dustbin or something is out. And you jumped the start! Come on!

Kevin Church of Krayzee Tokyo team:
It wasn't my fault!

Jeremy Clarkson:
Well, whose fault is it? Father Christmas'?

Kevin Church:
It's whoever's got the other controller on the same frequency.

Jeremy Clarkson:
That's the worst excuse I've ever heard in my entire life.