Saturday Night Live, Season 15

Dennis Miller:
Here now with a commentary on the values and priorities in American journalism is Mr. Subliminal. Hello, Mr. Subliminal. [pause] Welcome Mr. Subliminal, everybody.

Mr. Subliminal (Kevin Nealon):
Thank you. Thank you, Dennis (haircut). You know, there's so many... There's so many important newsworthy events in today's world. But what's making headlines? [Holds up two copies of the New York Post with the same story...] Donald and Ivana Trump (greedy pigs). I mean, what's the big deal? The Trumps are just two normal people with normal problems (therapy). Donald's a confused man who should evoke our sympathy and understanding (cheating bastard), and Ivana... a very sweet and unfortunately heartbroken women (had it coming to her) who was misled into signing an obviously unfair prenuptial agreement (sucker). And caught up in all... of this, in the middle, is a sweet, innocent country girl named Marla Maples (homewrecker), who never had a chance... never had a chance to defend herself before the press (guilty). And who cares? Who cares where she's hiding out? (Atlantic City) Personally, I just don't understand the fascination with her (breasts). I mean, Germany... German reunification is right around the corner (big mistake), and Marla's picture... Marla's picture is on the cover of every paper. There's no reason for this (big breasts). Now, let's get our priorities in the right place (hot sex). So, in summing up, let's leave Donald (fishmouth) and Ivana out of the news, and let that poor innocent Marla Maples (slut) live her life without the press manipulating her (call me). I mean, come on. I mean, really.

Let me just say this. Marla doesn't deserve this (tie me up), and the public doesn't deserve this. Unlike other news reporters, I have true journalistic values (talk dirty to me). And from this point on, I will bring to you only the most important and newsworthy issues in today's world (bring Donald's money). Thank you.