Saved by the Bell, Season Three

[Zack meets a college girl and lies about his age]

Slater:
[smiling] So what happened, Preppie? Did she turn you down?

Zack:
Guess again, my high school friend. She and I just agreed to get together and meet at "The Attic".

Screech:
Wow, the attic. That is cool. There could be bats up there.

Slater:
YOU'RE bats, Screech. "The Attic" is an 'over 18' club, and Zack's only 16.

Zack:
That may be true, Slater. But by tomorrow morning, we'll all be 18.

Screech:
Oh no. Mom said I have to move out at 18. I gotta look for a place.

Screech:
[to Zack's pet duck] So long, Becky. And remember... [makes quack sounds]

Screech:
[to Zack] I heard Donald say that to Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Zack:
And you're screwy.

Zack:
Hey, Mr. Belding. What brings you to study hall?

Mr. Belding Don't get cocky, Morris. I've got my eye on you.

Zack':
Sorry, sir. You're not my type.

Ms. Simpson:
To be or not to be. That is the question. Who said that?

Zack:
You just did, Ma'am

Ms. Simpson:
Right! Hamlet.

Zach to Mr. Belding after he gave him some 'candy' . "The crunchy part's the thorax."

Slater (to Screech):
You are a strange and weird person.

Screech:
Well, thank you for noticing!

Kelly:
Can we still be friends?

Zack:
Forever.

Zack:
Starting today, this is where I work. Pretty nice office, huh? You see, the whole gang landed summer jobs at the Malibu Sands Beach Club, with a little help from Lisa, whose parents are club members. (sighs) Girls on the beach, fun in the sun, money in my pocket. This is gonna be the best summer ever.

Leon:
(to all his employees, Zack included) I've owned this club for 15 years. So, I know exactly what you new employees expect: girls on the beach, fun in the sun, money in your pocket. You think this is going to be the best summer ever.

Zack:
(to the home audience) Boy, this guy's really sharp.

Stacey:
I'm looking for a Leon Carosi.

Zack:
What do you wanna see that jerk for?

Stacey:
Because that jerk's my father.

Slater (to Zack):
Look, Preppy, you can't just spend the rest of your life in your room.

Screech:
Well, I don't know, Slater. It's a pretty nice room.

Kelly:
Zack, this is our song, A-12. It's sacred.

Zack:
No, no, no. A-12 was sacred. Right up until you dumped me for that jerk.

Kelly:
Don't you dare call him a jerk. You don't even know Jeff, and right now, the only jerk I see is you. (slaps him)

Zack (to his date, Kimberly):
My gosh, can you believe her? I told her I wanted a strawberry shake instead and she gets all upset.

Kimberly:
I heard every word, you creep. How dare you use me to get back at your old girlfriend? (throws the milkshake over him)

Mr. Carosi (to Gary):
Look, I... (double take) you sure are tall, son. Have a roll.

Gary:
Thanks. I love rolls.

Mr. Carosi:
Have a dozen.

Zack:
Stacey, wait! What were you gonna say to me?

Stacey:
Oh, well, you're...uh...definitely taller than me.

Jessie:
Slater, who do you think will come out on top today?

Slater:
Call it a hunch, but I think Screech is gonna kick that commie's butt!

Jessie:
Slater, we're on the air. In this age of Glasnost, you don't say "kick the commie's butt"!

Slater:
Oh, sorry. What I meant was "kick that commie's heiny"!

Kelly (about Mr. Carosi):
Maybe he wants to give us a raise!

Jessie:
Kelly, are you taking stupid pills again? We're lucky he pays us with American money!

Slater (to Stacey after she causes the kithen staff strike):
Nice going, Terminator 3.

Jessie:
Zach, you wouldn't understand. You live in a world of privilege.

Zach:
And you live next door to me.

Jessie (to Zack):
You need a friend?

Zack:
Wouldn't hurt.

Slater:
How about five friends?

Kelly:
Jessie, let's go to the Lost and Found.

Jessie:
Why?

Kelly:
Because you've lost it.

Eric:
Lisa, how'd you get tickets to the M.C. Hammer concert?

Lisa:
Why?

Eric:
They're so hard to get; I just wanted to know how you got 'em.

Lisa:
I got them from Zack.

Eric:
You mean he bribed you with them to go on a date with me?

Lisa:
Eric, it's not what you think.

Eric:
Is it true, yes or no?

Lisa:
Yes, but you don't understand...

Eric:
Oh, I understand. So, when you told me you liked me, that was a lie too? Lisa, I never wanna see you again. (walks out of the Max)

Lisa:
Eric, wait! Eric, listen to me!

Jessie:
Lisa, is that true?

Lisa:
(crying) Yes, but when I took the tickets, I didn't like him. Now, I don't like me. (Jessie consoles Lisa)

Jessie (to Eric):
You are a selfish, inconsiderate excuse for a human being. If I was a guy, I'd punch you out.

Eric:
Yeah. Too bad you're just a chick.

Jessie:
Just a chick? Just a CHICK?! (punches Eric right in the face)

Eric:
I can't believe you just did that!

Jessie:
C'mon! Want more?! You know, I was really excited about you coming here. I never had a brother, and I thought we could have fun! Be close and do things together. I tried to make us like a real family, but you wouldn't even give it a chance! And you know what? I don't want a brother anymore. (she storms out of the room)

Jessie:
If any one of you sweeties dares bid on my Slater, I'm gonna hunt you down in the streets like a rabid dog!

Lisa (to Brian):
Here's something I learned in French class: Au revoir, creep!

Kelly:
Wow, look at this line.

Lisa:
Man, we'll never get tickets to the U2 concert.

Slater:
Oh, ye of little faith.

Zack:
That's right. Yeah, we told you we had a plan. Hey, have I ever let you guys down before?

Kelly & Lisa:
Yeah!

Zack:
When?

Lisa:
The time you snuck us into the drive-in movie in the trunk of your car.

Zack:
So I forgot the trunk key. You still got to hear the movie.

Kelly:
But it was a Japanese movie.

Zack:
Hey, I tried to read the subtitles as fast as I could.

(When the gang is followed by two guys into the movie theater)

Lisa:
It's them! They're here!

Kelly (to Zack and Slater):
"Oh, just shopping. It's a mall, you know." Right. I hope they kill you two first!

Screech:
Oh, no, I'm not sleeping here again. Last night, the security dogs were nipping at my underwear.

Slater:
(to himself) All right. Concentrate, Slater. CONCENTRATE! How can I concentrate? I'm starving! I only had four Twinkies and a box of Ding-Dongs for breakfast!

Jessie:
Ms. Billingham, is the only reason you want me now is because Harvard wants me, too?

Ms. Billingham:
Well, Ms. Spano, we are the "Harvard of the West."

Jessie:
Well Ms. Billingham, thanks, but no thanks. If Stansbury is that hypocritical, then they'll just have to do without Jessica Spano.

Slater:
AND, without A.C. Slater.

Kelly:
AND, it's Stansbury's loss!

Screech:
Do you have any brochures I can look at, so I--- (Kelly yanks him by the collar)

Screech:
(to Slater and Zack) Gentlemen, we have struck gold. Let's work out.

Zack:
I don't know about you, but working out is the last thing on my mind.

Screech:
I hear you, blood.

Slater:
"I hear you, blood"? Where'd you get that?

Screech:
Chapter 3: Talking cool.

Jessie (to her dad):
I want you to call off the wedding. Leslie's not right for you.

Mr. Spano:
I love Leslie, and she loves me.

Jessie:
But, there's so many other women.

Mr. Spano:
Jessie, I'm your father, and I'll always love you. You're growing up, and soon, you'll have your own life. I want my own life, too. I'm marrying Leslie, and that's final.

Jessie:
Then I won't be there to see it.

Slater:
I never thought I'd be dating a real princess.

Christina:
And I never thought I'd be dating a real American Cheesecake.

Slater:
That's beefcake.

Lisa (to Jessie):
Girl, if I were Leslie, I woulda slapped you until my hand hurt, and then I woulda slapped you for making it hurt.

(After Jessie throws a fit and storms off, a group of students look at Kelly)

Kelly:
She's my friend, but not my best friend. (pause) Actually, I hardly even know her.

Screech:
Kristy, can I have the candle?

Kristy:
Oh, sure. Do you want to lick the icing?

Screech:
No, I love to chew wax.

Screech:
Wow, my first Hollywood party. I wonder if the Simpsons are gonna be there?

Slater:
Wow, Lisa, I just saw you on US Gladiators. Wow, you beat up everybody, including the audience.

Lisa:
Nobody messes with Lethal Lisa.

Zack:
Look at me. I look like Mr. Madonna!

Zack (to Mr. Belding after he gave him some "candy"):
The crunchy part's the thorax.

Santa (to Zack):
Have you been a good boy?

Zack:
Get real!

Jessie:
Ok, who's up next to take a picture with Santa? Tommy, you're back.

Tommy:
My mom wanted me to apologize to you.

Jessie:
Aww, that's nice.

Tommy:
I'm sorry...you ugly old bat! (runs away)

Jessie:
You little brat!!

Kelly (to Laura):
Thinking about Zack?

Laura:
Yeah. I can't believe he took me to go see Santa!

Kelly:
Yeah, I can't believe he didn't make you sit on his knee!

Mr. Moody:
(calling security) This is Melvin Moody and I'm in a bad Moody, I mean mood!

(In the hospital, the guys give Frank some cookies as a gift)

Frank:
Ah, cookies, just what the doctor ordered.

Screech:
Who's your doctor, Famous Amos?

Screech:
Lisa, don't drink that! (Lisa spits out her water) It might be poison!

Lisa:
You're right. (to Screech) You drink it. (hands the glass of water to Screech)

Screech:
(sips the water) Hm. Tastes fine to me; I'll live!

Lisa, Slater, Jessie, Zack, Kelly:
Darn!