Spaceballs: The Animated Series

Skroob:
Someday soon, I plan to be president of planet Moron. And you are going to help me.

Outlet Mall:
Why would I do that?

Skroob:
Because I, too am a Sithee.

Outlet Mall:
Really?

Skroob:
Yes. But for now... I'm a closet Sithee.

Pannekin Crybaby:
I figured I'd find you here in the bottomless pit room.

Outlet Mall:
Why?

Pannekin Crybaby:
'Cause big confrontations always happen next to big bottomless pitts.

Outlet Mall:
Hm. They do, don't they?

President Skroob:
From now on, I want all our evil plans to stop at phase one. We've got an enlarging ray, wonderful, maybe we could do other stuff with it, I could use it late at night, who knows...

Dark Helmet:
Eh, I'm sorry, it only works on ants.

[Lone Starr and Vespa are tied to the front of a tank]

Lone Starr:
Uh, I know this is usually your line, but I think we're doomed.

Princess Vespa:
Then there is only one thing left to do: scream.

Lone Starr:
What good is that gonna do?

Princess Vespa:
[stutters] Well, I, eeh, I don't know, but it always works for me.

Yogurt:
Then we shall be the fellowship of the Onion Ring. But this is a dangerous mission. So we'll need indecipherable codenames. Barf, your name will be Barf Baggins. Lonestarr, you'll be Lone Staragorn and Vespa...

Princess Vespa:
Can I be her most royal highness the incomparably beautiful?

Lone Star:
Oh please.

Yogurt:
You'll be Vesparwen.

Barf Baggins:
It was Lone Staragorn. He tried to take the Onion Ring from me.

Vesparwen:
Lone Staragorn, get a hold of yourself!

Lone Staragorn:
I am the leader here, I should be the one to wear the ring.

Vesparwen:
Oh yeah? I'm the girl here and if there's any jewelry to be worn, I should be the one to wear it.

Lone Starr:
Skroob, this time I've gone too far.

President Skroob:
Oh please, sissy. Do you know how many evil plan's I've had that have been way worse than this?

Lone Starr:
Well you won't succeed. Not if I can help it.

President Skroob:
Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?

Lone Starr:
I'm gonna blogg about it.

President Skroob:
Helmet, what the hell's Lone Starr doing here?

Dark Helmet:
Eh, He's won fan of the day, sir.

President Skroob:
Fan of the day? So you're saying it's a coincidence he's here?

Dark Helmet:
The episode had to start somehow.

President Skroob:
Prepair our contamination suits. Make sure yours is very tight. So no disease can get in. I want to see every... curve...

Commanderette Zirco:
Very well, sir.

Lone Starr:
You've reached Lone Starr and Barf. I'm out rescuing Princess Vespa, and Barf is probably on the can. You know what to do after the beep.

Prof, Yogurtdore:
I'd like to dispell the recent rumors about me. I'm one hundert per cent kosher in the sausage department if you get my drift.

Prof. Snapple:
Under my direction, you will keep your shafts stiff, your heads down and get ready to watch your balls fly far. Very far.

President Skroob:
The Mighty Meteor? You gotta be kidding. I can barely see it. Helmet, what the hell is this, a model?

Dark Helmet:
I'm afraid it's the real McCoy, sir.

President Skroob:
The Real McCoy, why is it so small?

Dark Helmet:
Budget cuts, your Scroobness. We've spent all our money fighting unwinnable wars. This meteor is all we can afford.

Barf:
I'll get the duct tape.

Lone Starr:
No, Barf. I think it's time...

Barf:
No, no, don't say it, don't say it!

Lone Starr:
...for a new van.

Barf:
Ah, you said it! Have you no heart? This, this van is vintage. It's, it's, it's got history.

Lone Starr:
It's got pizza from 1983 under the seats. Point taken.

Princess Vespa:
This is terrible!

Lone Starr:
I know, without my Schwarz...

Princess Vespa:
No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.

Barf:
Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.

Princess Vespa:
[sighs] Bitch.

President Skroob:
The immaterial has become... immaterial.

Marlene:
What does that mean, Scroobie?

President Skroob:
Well, it simply means that the non-material stuff has coalesced into the star vapor of...

Marlene:
I believe it means the supernatural has become irrelivant, thus playing on two meanings of the word immaterial.

President Skroob:
You know some men get turned on by brainy talk. I don't. So shut up.

Agent Double O Sven:
You expect me to talk?

Fishfinger:
No, I expect you to fry.

Agent Double O Sven:
Eh, don't you mean die?

Fishfinger:
And that, too.

Badjob:
But first we need to butter you up.

Fishfinger:
Heh. Heh. Soon you'll be filler in my fish fingers. You're cheaper than cardboard.

Agent Double O Sven:
But why use me as filler when you can use me as bait?

Fishfinger:
What do you mean, chum?

Agent Double O Sven:
Well, I could lure all of Yogurt's agents here. You know, Double O Gunther and eh... Double O everyone else.

Yogurt:
Oi, this Pizza stinks. Yente, where did you order it from?

Yente:
From Pizza the Hutt.

Yogurt:
Oh, tastes like cardboard.

Yente:
That's because you're eating the cardboard. The Pizza's on top.

Yogurt:
I was right, I was right. There's something wrong. How do you know?

Yente:
How do you know?

Yogurt:
Are you deaf? Don't you hear that ominous music?

Yente:
Ach, we hear that same verkackte music every week.

Princess Vespa:
What is it about long, hard, tubular things that I find so fascinating?

Dot Matrix:
Talk about your Freudian ship.

Dark Helmet:
How long can a Mawg hold it's breath?

Lone Starr:
As long as the suspence builds.

Vinnie:
I highly recommend you pay me protection money, Lone Starr.

Lone Starr:
Protection? Protection from who?

Vinnie:
Protection from me.

Lone Starr:
[chuckles] I don't need protection from you.

Vinnie:
Oh, yes you do. When I get angry, I break heads. And when people don't cooperate with my extortion...

Lone Starr:
You get angry?

Vinnie:
No. When people don't cooperate with my extortion I get depressed.

Lone Starr:
I see... and, and when you get depressed, you get angry?

Vinnie:
No. When I get depressed, I get hungry.

Lone Starr:
And when you get hungry you get angry?

Vinnie:
Shut it, Dr. Phil, whould ya? When I get hungry, I start eating and when I start eating I get fat. And when I get fat...

Lone Starr:
Then you get angry?

Vinnie:
No, then my doctor gets angry. Because he's already told me a thousand times my cholesterol is too high. And when my doctor gets angry, that's when I get angry. I don't like disappointing him. So just pay me a million starbucks.

Dot Matrix:
[judging Druidian Idol] You know, you've got a very unique voice. You should be in silent films.

Lone Starr:
Eh, I think my ears bleeding.

President Skroob:
What misguided being told you had any singing ability whatsoever?

Contestant:
My zebra, sir.

President Skroob:
You're zebra's an asshole.

President Skroob:
Holy shit, I'm becomming Mothball! I will destroy Spidermawg for there is no way he can stop the all powerful Mothball!

Commanderette Zircon:
Okay, a moth versus a spider. This is gonna turn out real well.

Mothball:
Not so fast, Spidermawg.

Spidermawg:
Who the hell are you?

Mothball:
I am Mothball. Half moth, half ball.

Spidermawg:
Yeah, I gathered that from your name.