Static Shock, Season 3

Nails:
Lemme get this straight, you were the one posting online as 'Ceres'?

Poison Ivy:
That's right: the goddess of the Harvest, (throws Nails an orange) and my associate, Thelia, muse of Comedy.

Harley Quinn:
(throws a kiss with both hands after she's named in jest, before getting serious) We couldn't call ourselves Harley and Ivy on account of they'd bust us again. Ain't it sad? (draws a fake tear)

Nails:
Forget it. I didn't come all the way to Gotham to hook-up with a couple of crooks. I'm outta here. (turns to leave)

Poison Ivy:
And where will you go, Allie?

Poison Ivy:
I remember the E-mails we traded, all the fear in your letters, the desperation.

Harley Quinn:
(walking over to Nails and putting an arm around her shoulder) No-one should go through that alone, girlfriend.

Poison Ivy:
We may be, as you said, crooks now, but once we were doctors, and I'm still a brillent chemist.

Harley Quinn:
...And as a therapist, (starts cartwheeling around Nails,) I've been helping victims deal with their afflictions--laughter is the best medicine, you know. (pops up behind Nails, shaking a rattle toy,) Hee hee hee.

Nails:
(raises her hands up threateningly, her elongated, extra sharp nails into Harley's immediate line-of-sight) This isn't funny!

Harley Quinn:
(intimidated) Did I say 'laughter', (hides rattle behind her back,) I meant penicillin.

Poison Ivy:
The fact is, we can help you, my dear, (turns to her workbench and picks up a sealed vial from a stand,) I've issolated a cure for the Bang-Baby Syndrome. It worked on others and it can work on you. That's what you've come for... right.

Nails:
Yes.

Poison Ivy:
Unfortuneatly, it is rather a expensive formula. I'm afraid your gonna have to earn it.

Nails:
(lowers her head, desperate to be normal) I'm down for anything.

Harley Quinn:
Now thats your first step to recovery.

Poison Ivy:
Okay, I stopped the ship, and Harley stopped the crew, it's time for our little Nails to do the rest.

Nails:
Where'd he go?

Batman:
The kid's got style.

Anansi the Spider:
I suggest we stand on tradition, Oseba, you know well the ancient stories--the Spider always captures the Leopard.

Virgil:
Hit him with a web-blast!

Anansi:
I am not that kind of spider. (generates a glowing net from his hands) And this is not that kind of web.

Virgil:
I'm a superhero too--don't tell my Dad.

Static:
I still don't get who you can stand upside-down.

Anansi:
Stick-to-it-tive-ness.

Oseba:
At last, the Spider has been stepped on.

Anansi:
That is a very useful ability.

Static:
I practice on weekends.

Henchman:
Number 2 reporting in; no sign of anyone yet.

Anansi:
And you call yourself a lookout.

Henchman:
(caught off-guard, turns around and gasps) Huh!?

Anansi:
(mock-gasps) Huh!?

Anansi:
Where is Oseba?

Henchman:
Inside the Dam, (looks down fearfuly at how high above the ground and lake he is,) with the others.

Anansi:
Where in the Dam?

Henchman:
The bottom tunnel.

Anansi:
(to Static) He has been most helpful, what should be his reward?

Static:
How about we take 'em for a spin.

Static:
And they say cats always land on their feet.

Static:
(After failing to find Ebon escaping through the sewer) Whoa! Man! I guess when you become a living shadow, the nose is the first thing to go!

Virgil:
(sees Richie rapidly scribbling schematics in his notebook) Richie.

Richie:
Uh-huh?

Virgil:
What you workin' on?

Richie:
(speaking rapidly) Well, I was fixing my roller blades last night, while watching the military channel special on harrier jets, you know, the ones that can make vertical take-offs and landings and I was thinking, wouldn't it be super-cool to integrate that technology into my skates?

Virgil:
...Oookay...

Mr. MacGill:
Now, the first step in solving this... (he sees Richie engrossed in his notebook) Mr. Foley? ... Mr. Foley? [Richie still reads through his notebook] MR. FOLEY?

Richie:
(finally looks up) Huh?

Mr. MacGill:
(points at the equation) The problem?

Richie:
(Richie adjusts his glasses and takes a glance at the ten-line-long equation of mathematical gibberish for five seconds and...) Four over pi.

Mr. MacGill:
Perhaps, Mr. Foley, if you had been paying atten- (realizing) What?

Richie:
The answer. Four over pi.

Mr. MacGill:
Y-yes, but ... how did you know?

Richie:
(ducks behind his desk) Lucky guess?

Virgil:
(after stopping the jet blade from colliding into Richie's face) Richie, this is too much.

Richie:
You're right. The rear boosters must be overpowered.

Virgil:
No man, not the skates! YOU!

Richie:
What do you mean?

Virgil:
The robot, the Zap-Caps, all this stuff! I mean, all of a sudden you're Brainiac the Maniac!

Richie:
So I'm a little smarter than most people. What's the big deal?

Virgil:
A little? The Department of Defense couldn't think up most of this stuff!

Richie:
Well they don't have to! I already thought it up for them!

Virgil:
Focus, Richie. Remember when you said your head felt like it was on fire? Maybe you were right, 'cause something's really cooking up there.

Richie:
(ponders slowly at first) I do feel different lately; I think faster, a lot faster. (starts to speed up) Sometimes I can't stop thinking. Sometimes it's like my thoughts are thinking thoughts! See, I just thought that! (starts panicking) It's like ideas are exploding in my head! Does it look bigger? It does, doesn't it? Cranial perimeters definitely expanding. Oooh no!

Virgil:
You look fine.

Richie:
Fine?! I'm having some kind of strain-on-the-brain breakdown!! I could be going crazy, I...

Virgil:
(grabs Richie) Rich, you know what I think? I think maybe you're becoming a Bang Baby.

Richie:
That doesn't make any sense. Why am I changing now?

Virgil:
I don't know. Late boomer, maybe? I mean, other bangers had delyaed reactions.

Richie:
But I wasn't even at the Big Bang.

Virgil:
Yeah, but you were with me right after I got gassed, and my clothes reeked of the stuff. Maybe that's how you got infected and it's been dormant in you all this time. What do you think?

Richie:
It's as good a theory as we got right now.

Virgil:
Yo, bro. What's that? Plans for a particle accelerator?

Richie:
(sighs) Yeah.

Virgil:
I was kidding.

Richie:
It's just ... How come I couldn't get a cool power like, super strength or laser vision?

Virgil:
Laser vision?

Richie:
How am I supposed to fight super villains? Think them into submission? The only thing I can be is your mega mechanic...

Gear:
(admires himself in the mirror in his new uniform) Well? What do ya think?

Static:
(holding his face) I think you spend too much time in front of the mirror than my sister does! And that worries me.

Gear:
Now I just need to come up with a superhero handle. How about, Hardware?

Static:
I think someone's using it.

Gear:
Steel?

Gear:
Well it's got to say something about all this gear I got!

Static:
Gear... how about that?

Gear:
...Perfect-a-mundo!

Virgil:
How do you know that?

Richie:
I looked it up in my Crime Database Computer Index.

Virgil:
Whoe, ur, hold up. What Crime Database Computer Index?

Richie:
I cross-indexed all newspaper crime reports from the last 20 years--about 852,000,000 items in all.

Virgil:
And it really works?

Richie:
Would you ask Batman that question?

Virgil:
No, but he's a famous Caped Crusader with his own Batmobile and Batplane. You are a sophomore with a pocket protector.

Static:
(to 'the Monster' about it not attacking Marcus himself) So why aren't you going after him. Marcus not good enough for you.

Static:
I'm on to you Dawg, or should I say, 'girlfriend.'

Marcus:
(because Static is talking to 'the Monster' about him) What you talking about?

Static:
Check it Marcus, creature-feature wants you to take the blame for all the damage it creates.

Marcus:
What for!?

Static:
Maybe because you broke up with her.

Marcus:
Tamara...?

Tamara:
Thats right, Sweetie.

Marcus:
But how...?

Tamara:
Remember the night you broke up with me. I went to the docks looking for you, hoping to get you back. You weren't there.

Marcus:
So the Big-Bang got you

Tamara:
Yeah, but not you--you walked away clean, from me and everything else.

Marcus:
So you blaming me for what happened.

Tamara:
Oh, yeah. Before, only my heart was hurting, now everything hurts--I try to control it, but... you got no idea what it's like to live with a monster inside of you.

Marcus:
What you gonna do?

Tamara:
(starts to advance on him threateningly) What do you think.

She-Bang:
What? Afraid I'm gonna show you up again, shock jockey? Well, you can relax.

Static:
I am relaxed. You're the one jumpin' around like a demented cheerleader.

Shelly Sandoval:
(off screen) Flashback; The infamous Dakota Gang Riots, began with a freek power blackout on a hot summer's night.

Shelly Sandoval:
(off screen) Then, roving gangs turned violent on the outskirts of our city. It was Dakota's darkest hour. But there were some rays of light, rescue workers who raced into danger to save innocent lives. Today, on the five-year anniversery of the riots, we're here to celebrate those heroes with the unvailing of a monument dedicated to their bravery. One of the tragedys that occured that night, was the death of Emergency Rescue Doctor, Jean Hawkins, victim of a stray gun shot. Joining us for this very special ceramony is Jean's family; her husband, Robert, and her two children, Sharon and Virgil.

Carmen Dillo: If I knew Static was friends with the Justice League, I wouldn't have joined you boneheads. Not even to do laundry. [...] Gear: Yo! How come you never told me you were down with these big dogs? Static: 'Cause it's a secret. So secret that I didn't even know.

Brainiac: You are only delaying the inevitable. Static: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Hawkgirl: [to Gear] Hey! Remember your promise about staying in the corner. Gear: Yeah, but.... Hawkgirl: In. The. Corner. Gear: Aww!

Brainiac:
[stuttering as Static drains him] No-o-o-o-o. No. No. I can-can-can-cannot be be-be-be-beaten. I am Brai-i-i-niac, B-B-B-Brai-i-i-ni-Brai-i-niac, B-B-B-Brai-Brai-niac. O-o-one day I-I will be-be-be-be back-be-back-be-back and-and-and-and I will lay-y-y-y the funk down! [disappears]

Virgil:
(reading from a comicbook) ...This was the final showdown. Good vs. evil. Soul Power braced himself. Would his superpowers stand up to... the horrible hats of the Haberdasher. (Talking to his listeners) Uuh hah. Dig that, Soul Power's scared of hats.

Morris:
Boy, don't be dissing Soul Power. Those hats are deadly.

Virgil:
Come on Mr. Grant, how dangerous can a hat be?

Dennis:
Oh leave the boy alone, Morris. And quit interrupting, I keep hoping maybe this time that arrogant Soul Power gets it in the chops.

Morris:
(turns to Dennis) Dennis, I'm this close to giving you a knuckle sandwich. (Turns back to Virgil) Just keep reading, Sparky, and give it some 60's groove. You kids today have no sense of style. Why back in my day...

Dennis:
...Not again...

Morris:
...Cars were faster, threads were finer, and the girls were foxy.

Dennis:
(exasperated at Morris' pre-occupation with the 60's) Ohh.

Morris:
(lost in the past) Umm, umm.

Virgil:
That's it, (looks at watch,) lunch break.

Morris:
Hey. You're not done with Soul Power.

Virgil:
Trust me, I'm done with Soul Power.

Virgil:
Sharon, You gotta let me go home, please.

Sharon:
(exasperated with Virgil) What's wrong now?

Virgil:
It's Mr. Grant, he's making me crazy.

Sharon:
Virgil, you said you'd come here to the retirement home to help me, now you wanna leave short-handed. What kind of help is that?!

Virgil:
But, I...

Sharon:
This community service, Virgil, it's your duty as a citizen. Besides, you could learn a few things from the older generation. (walks away)

Virgil:
(calls after her) Like what? How to annoy people?!

Shelly Sandoval:
(reporter on the TV) We interrupt the broadcast for a special report. A major crime is in progress at the Dakota Museum of Technology. It began just moments ago...

Virgil:
(quietly) Looks like it's time for my kind of community service.

Virgil/Static:
Goodbye old folks, hello...

Morris:
(opens the door to the roof) ...Static

Virgil/Static:
(still without his mask on) Mr. Grant?!...

Virgil/Static:
Ahh, well I guess you're wondering, 'what's with the costume,' well, I... umm...

Morris Grant:
Don't sweat it boy, I knew you were Static when I first met you

Virgil/Static:
What... You did?

Morris:
Yep, (moves his hand in front of and around Virgil/Static, causing electrical energy to become visible) I could feel the electrical field around you.

Virgil/Static:
Whoa... How'd you do that?

Morris:
Because I have a secret identity too. Here, this should help you recognize me. (puts on a mask)

Virgil/Static:
(doesn't recognize him) You're...the Lone Ranger?!

Morris:
No. It's me, Soul Power.

Virgil/Static:
(disbelief) What?!.

Morris/Soul Power:
And you're gonna take me with you to that museum.

Virgil/Static:
Whoa man are you trippin'--why would I do a whack thing like that?!

Morris/Soul Power:
Because if you don't, I'll tell all my friends I met a real superhero today; Virgil Hawkins.

Static:
Hey, how'd you get to be a superhero, anyway?

Soul Power:
It all started in the early 60's; I was just a normal cat until I got in the way of some thugs who wanted to crash Hoover Dam, transformer blew, giving me the strength of 10 turbines. I fought all sorts of scum back in my day, but the worst of them all was my arch-enemy, Professor Menace.

Static:
(mockingly) Professor Menace? What, was the name 'Dr. Bad-Dude' already taken.

Soul Power:
Laugh all you want kid, but Menace came this close to taking over the world. Back in 63, we had our last big battle; I had just about beat him when he suddenly stepped back, hit a switch and his whole lab exploded. I got out okay, but I never did find any trace of him.

Static:
A bad guy who wants to rule the world, ahh, that's original. Was he gonna do it all by himself or did he have help?

Soul Power:
He used robots, exactly like the ones at the museum.

Static:
What?

Soul Power:
That's why I had to come with you, those robots on TV once belonged to Professor Menace. (jumps onto the powerline cables) Ride on.

Static:
Hey, come back here. (flies after him)

Phillip Rollins:
After all these years, I can't believe it.

Soul Power:
Believe it Phil, I'm back and I need your help, I want access to your satellites.

Phillip Rollins:
I'm sorry Soul Power, but I can't allow that unless your a government approved client.

Soul Power:
Look, years ago, you were a young man who used to call me his idol, now your the powerful Mr. Rollins, head of this big defense satellite firm; don't tell me your too high-and-mighty to help out an old friend.

Phillip Rollins:
Times have changed Soul Power, everything these days is about security clearance. I can't do it.

Soul Power:
Back in the 60's, I fought so that young men like you would have a chance to get to this position.

Phillip Rollins:
You also taught us never to brake rules, and I won't, not even for you. Besides, aren't you too old for this sort of thing.

Soul Power:
Your never too old to fight for justice.

Static:
(quietly) Ohh... That's debatable.

Static:
Now what?

Soul Power:
Back to the Power-Pad...

Soul Power:
I need to tap into those top-secret satellites.

Static:
You stole his security card?!

Soul Power:
You know how things cling to you have static electricity.

Static:
Ah. Right on.

Batman:
Flash...

Flash:
Way ahead of you, I'll run him down.

Flash:
Errm, how do I find him, I don't know what he looks like under his mask.

Batman:
This might help. While they were here our security cameras caught them having lunch.

Batman:
(simplisticly) He's the one on the left.

Flash:
I was wondering where all the pizza went.

Hawkgirl:
Your friend is missing, and so is our's.

Green Lantern:
Flash came here hours ago to investigate whether Braniac had escaped into Gear's computer.

Martian Manhunter:
We haven't heard from him all day. That's suspicious, even factoring in his usual irresponsibility.

Static:
Richie, if you can hear me, you gotta fight it! I broke free from Brainiacs mind control, you can, too!

Gear:
(overcoming Brainiacs mind control for a moment) Control... control... control!

Static:
That's right, Richie! I'll fight it with you!

Braniac:
Justice League, destroy him.

Static:
Who, me? Wait a minute, guys. I don't want to have to hurt you.

Static:
Heh, I guess that sounded as lame to you as it did to me.

Static:
(counting off on his fingers) Let's see: Batman, Flash, Hawkgirl, J'onn... who's left?

Static:
Oh, yeah... the Lord of the Ring.

Green Lantern:
(To Static) You're not coming.

Static:
What?! But... Batman!

Batman:
He's right. You're too close to this.

Green Lantern:
For a rookie you did well Static, but I can tell you'll be a handful when you finally join the League.

Static:
I'm sorry; did you say when I join the League?

Batman:
Anything is possible... when you're a little older.

Flash:
But remember, I get first dibs on the pizza.

Static:
Anybody wants to help out a young, gifted, and about-to-be-squashed hero, now would be the time.

Superman:
(flying in) I'll take that offer! (Superman saves Static by holding cymbals of giant musical monkey apart) Need some help getting this monkey off your back, Static?

Gear:
Whoa! I just had my ankle x-rayed by Superman! I'm never gonna wash it again.

Static:
(About Toyman's Clown robots) This clown posse really is insane!

Toyman:
What a great day! I get my beautiful new Darcie, and get to finish off Superman and... whats-his-name?

Darcy:
Don't move! Anybody!

Static:
A slingshot and a ping-pong ball? What's that gonna do?

Toyman:
That 'ping-pong ball' packs enough energy to take out the entire block. Trust me. I created it.

Static:
You know, you need a new hobby!

Gear:
You know, I admire a brother who sticks by his principles! You wouldn't happen to see one around, would you?

The Leech:
(looking down at Gear) Poor boy. I’d steal your powers too, but they appear to be the kind you can buy at a hardware store.

Gear:
The house specialty, the abandoned burrito of solitude. One bite, and you'll need to be alone!

She-Bang:
(sighs) No, thanks.

Gear:
She must really be down, I'm using my best jokes!

Static:
Maybe that's what's depressin' her.

Dr. Jonathan Vale:
Let her go!

Dr. Dolores Vale:
Darling we’re so sorry, we...

She-Bang:
'Sorry’ doesn’t cut it! What are you doing back here? The Government shut this place down!

Dr. Koenig:
We needed a place to work.

She-Bang:
Whats going on?

Dr. Dolores Vale:
As you know, before you were... before you came along, we worked with Dr. Koenig here.

Dr. Jonathan Vale:
We were trying to find a way for living cells to absorb energy more efficiently, bypass the whole metabolic process. It was a dead end. We went on to another project

She-Bang:
Me.

Dr. Dolores Vale:
Yes. While Koenig continued his research.

Dr. Jonathan Vale:
He experimented on himself. You see the results.

Dr. Koenig:
I achieved my goal, I gained the ability to absorb mass from other objects; their atomic structure collapses, I become tougher. Unfortunately, I ended up with some unpleasent side-affects; I can’t stop the process.

Dr. Jonathan Vale:
Soon he won’t be able to move, he’ll become a living statue.

Dr. Dolores Vale:
That’s why he stole those things, so we could build this chamber, and force the cure into his skin under pressure.

She-Bang:
Why help him at all?

Dr. Koenig:
Simple self-interest. Show her. If your parents don’t cure me, I’ll push this button. Three minutes later, those collars will inject them with poison.

She-Bang:
I can brake those in a second.

Dr. Koenig:
Ah, but if you even try, they’ll go off, and I’m the only one who knows the deactivation code.

She-Bang:
Your sick!

Dr. Koenig:
Agreed. Now lets get to work.