Superman: The Animated Series, Season Two

Jax-Ur:
I must say it seems a shame to kill the one other survivor of Krypton. I'd offer you a place in our new order, but something tells me you'd turn it down.

Superman:
Guess you're not as dumb as you look.

Professor Hamilton:
What do you have against him, Hardcastle?

General Hardcastle:
He's an alien. He has no allegiance, no jurisdiction. I don't trust what I can't control, Hamiliton, and I don't like what I can't trust.

(After an explosion)

Jimmy Olsen:
Sonic boom? Earthquake?

Lois Lane:
Maybe Perry had chili for lunch again.

Lois Lane:
Flash! Do you really think you stand a chance against the Man of Steel?

The Flash:
Man of Steel, Feet of lead!

Livewire:
(after being tackled by Superman) At least now we know you hit girls!

Superman's Imposter:
It's a date.

Lois Lane:
(Imposter flies off) A date?(seems to realizing that Superman likes her) Huh. Must be this new perfume.

[Lois sees cryonic tubes full of Superman clones]

Lois Lane:
Your own army of Supermen?!

Lex Luthor:
Precisely Miss Lane. Do you remember when your admirer fought the mechanical dinosaur?

Lois Lane:
Gosh, how could I forget it?

Lex Luthor:
Well, he was so weakened from the Kryptonite he actually bled. And from those few humble drops of blood my scientists have been able to clone his Kryptonian DNA. Remarkable.

Lois Lane:
All accountable to you! Let me guess, world domination?

[Lex Luthor guffaws]

Lex Luthor:
No, too obvious! Rather, I plan to share my services with anyone who calls the LexCorp hotline. Anyone who needs saving, gets it. For a fee, of course. They would be on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. [motions to Bizarro] All except this...technical difficulty.

Bizarro:
What am me?

Mercy Graves:
Bizarro, that's what you am.

Bizarro:
No Bizarro! Me am Superman! Me show!

[Bizarro smashes roof]

Lex Luthor:
[To Mercy] That's coming out of your pay.

Bizarro:
[Struggling to support crumbling roof] Me hold... you go. Me no am Superman. You am Superman! Superman - save Lois!

Lois:
You are a hero.

Lois:
Do you think he survived?

Superman:
I am unsure. I have never been in a blast that powerful. One fact is certain, he had a good heart.

Lois:
He should. He came from good stock.

Superman:
I can't even say your name forward. How am I supposed to say it backward?

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
No, dope! You don't have to say it backwards! You've got to get me to say it!

Superman:
Say what?

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
KLTPZYXM!!! Gosh, you're thick! Now, for the last time-- (realizes his mistake) Ah, nuts. (disappears)

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
Your three months are up. And this time, you're not gonna cheat me out of my fun!

Superman:
Oh, it's you again, Mr. Kltpzyxm.

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
Not Kltpzyxm! Mxyzptlk!! Now the first thing I'm gonna do-- (realizes) Oh, nuts! (disappears)

[After Mxyzptlk goes to defeat Superman, piloting a giant robot that took him three months to build]

Gsptlsnz:
Five, four, three...

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
(reappears) NUTS, NUTS, NUTS!!! (to Gsptlsnz) Not one word.

Metallo:
Lois Lane. I'd give you a kiss, if I still had my lips.

Lois Lane:
You'll never get away with this, Corben!

Metallo:
Miss Lane, please! Such cliches! How ever did you win that Pulitzer?

(A janitor is listening to his Walkman)

Livewire:
Psst! Hey, Mr. Clean!... Yow, Rap Master Danny?... HEY, STUPID!

Janitor:
(takes his headphones off) Huh?

Livewire:
I love a man who knows his limitations...

Livewire:
Uh, uh. You can look, but don't touch.

Parasite:
Don't be afraid. I know how to control my power.

Livewire:
That's what they all say.

(Lytener is escaping from prison)

Guard:
That's close enough, Lytener.

Lytener:
Close enough to what? I'm not even here. (He vanishes)

Luminus:
(to Superman) You'll realize what I've done to you soon enough. See you soon (vanishes) even if you don't see me.

Alternate Lex Luthor:
(Referring to Lois Lane) The insolence. The outright rudeness. She's definitely the genuine article.

Lois Lane:
So, I am Lois Lane, but I'm not the Lois Lane that you knew...

Alternate Superman:
Ever since you-- she died I've wondered if there were other dimensions out there. Other versions of me... and you.

Lois Lane:
Hold it! I may be a lot like your Lois, but you're nothing like the Superman I know! He's no tyrant.

Alternate Superman:
I had to take control, there was no other way. For too long I fooled myself into thinking I was just doing a simple clean-up job. And if I did enough good, people would follow my example. I didn't realize it was a war. And suddenly you were a casualty of that war. And I knew I had to stop it by whatever means possible.

(After Lois was returned back to her world)

Superman:
So that was me?

Lois Lane:
Yes. And... no. It-it's complicated. I could explain it over dinner.

Superman:
Dinner? Are we getting a little personal?

Lois Lane:
Better now than never...

Lois Lane:
Titano!!! Remember me? Lolo?

Clark Kent:
Lolo?!

Lois Lane:
I was eight, okay?

Maggie Sawyer:
Criminals, madmen and aliens we can handle, but this?

Brainiac:
I had to make ways to get your attention.

Lex Luthor:
There is always email!

Brainiac:
I have been using these robots to rebuild my damaged frame, but they are far too crude to complete the job. I need your hands, and your brilliance.

Lex Luthor:
Fat chance! I will not lift one finger to help the likes of you.

Brainiac seals door, but Lex keeps his calm

Lex Luthor:
I am the CEO of one of the world's foremost multinational corporations. Do you not think someone will notice I am missing?

Brainiac:
No one is irreplaceable. Allow me to demonstrate.

Brainiac generates a hologram of Lex Luthor sitting in his office, then accesses phone lines

Mercy Graves:
Hello?

Hologram:
Miss Graves, I am still conducting my investigation and I do not wish to be disturbed.

Mercy Graves:
Yes sir.

Mercy hangs up phone while the real Lex Luthor watches in horror

Brainiac:
Well then, shall we begin?

Clark Kent:
Granted, Lois, Luthor does lots of strange things, but what reason could he possibly have for trying to fool his own bodyguard?

Lois Lane:
Maybe he needed some space. Haven't you ever noticed the way she hovers around him all the time?

Clark Kent:
But that's her job.

Lois Lane:
It's no wonder why you're still single, Kent.

Brainiac:
Your efficiency has been markedly decreasing. Care to explain why?

Lex Luthor:
I am not an infernal machine! I need food and rest!

Brainiac:
There is no time for rest, but if it is food you need, I can accomodate you on that.

Brainiac uses laser to blast open vending machines. Lex treats the snack food and sodas like a feast, then looks in shock at his reflection in the broken glass, which shows a stubbly face and raccoon eyes, a far cry from the powerful CEO image he shows to the public

[Flying in, after Darkseid has just vaporized his son, Kalibak]

Superman:
What have you done to him? [Pause; no response] I asked you a question. Who are you? [Smile; no response] Answer me!

Darkseid:
[attacks Superman with his Omega Beams, frying him until he's on the ground, writhing] That is who I am.

Terrorist:
Let's make an example of this hero. A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...?

Lois Lane:
Lane.

Terrorist:
Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves?

Lois Lane:
'Fraid so.

Lois Lane:
Um...Superman?

Superman:
Yes?

Lois Lane:
Um, how can I put this...I was just thinking, it might be nice to see each other when I wasn't--I don't know, falling out a window or something. Not that I'm not grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand.

Superman:
I understand.

Lois Lane:
You do?

[explosion in the distance, bank robbers getting away]

Superman:
It's the First National Bank.

Lois Lane:
You better go. People might-- [Superman takes off] --get hurt. [starts walking dejectedly away] I understand, Lois. Really, you do! Yep, you're a complete moron. Why, thank you, Superman, I think I'm a total loser too...geez.

Joker:
[to Luthor] I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair.

Joker:
Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman!

Lex Luthor:
(laughs) What makes you think you can kill Superman when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?

Joker:
[grabs him angrily] There's nothing "mere" about that mortal!

Clark Kent:
I hear Wayne's deal with Lexcorp could run into the billions. He's a high roller.

Lois Lane:
I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash. Rich, spoiled, and... [Bruce Wayne walks off the plane] Absolutely gorgeous!

Lex Luthor:
The joint chiefs have shown tremendous interest. It doesn't take much imagination to envision these robots on the battlefield.

Bruce Wayne:
Except... I won't allow it.

Lex Luthor:
What?

Bruce Wayne:
I don't like guns.

...

Bruce Wayne:
Blame it on me, Lex. Tell your pals at the Pentagon... I just don't have the imagination.

Bruce Wayne:
So, he just appears when there's trouble? No special signal?

Lois Lane:
He's not like your Batman, thank goodness.

Superman:
I heard you were crazy. I didn't think you were stupid. [uses X-ray vision to see through Batman's cowl] Bruce Wayne?

Batman:
You peeked.

(Later the same evening in his apartment, Clark removes his Superman costume and is startled to discover a tracking device concealed on it. As he looks up in angry surprise he spots a dark shape in the far distance, observing him through binoculars from atop a skyscraper. Superman focuses his vision on the distant figure. It's Batman. The dark knight throws him a casual salute, and leaps away.)

Clark Kent:
Touché.

Lois Lane:
Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back.

Clark Kent:
Actually, Lois-

Lois Lane:
Don't be intimidated. Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville.

Clark Kent:
Let's just say I'm concerned. Your reputation is... dubious, in and out of costume.

Bruce Wayne:
Don't worry, I'm taking Lois quite seriously. [leans down] Besides, it seems to me you had your chance.

[Superman busts into a Lexcorp lab]

Joker:
More powerful than a locomotive...and just about as subtle.

Joker:
[to an incapacitated Superman] Feel free to expire at any time!

Superman:
Thank you. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.

Batman:
I'm aware of that.

Bruce Wayne:
I could always...ask him.

Lois Lane:
[just saw Batman unmasked] So when were you gonna tell me--the honeymoon?

Lois Lane:
How could you've lied to me like that?

Bruce Wayne:
Now, I never actually said I wasn't Batman... (she smacks the cut on his back) Ow!

Lois Lane:
I'll get some iodine for that scrape. Burning, stinging iodine.

Superman:
I see she's taking it well.

Bruce Wayne:
It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne, and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.

Superman:
Too bad we can't mix and match.

Joker:
Look at all the toys! Santa's been good to you, Lex.

Batman:
See anything?

Superman:
Luthor's been lining his buildings with lead. It blocks my x-ray vision.

Batman:
Well, there's always the direct approach.

[Superman punches in the door, and bows Batman inside]

Batman:
You're learning.

Joker:
Batman. It's always Batman!

[The Lexwing has just crashed into the ocean, exploding, with the Joker inside]

Harley Quinn:
Puddin'!

Batman:
At this point, he probably is.

[Harley Quinn is in a straightjacket and being placed in a padded wagon]

Harley Quinn:
I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!

Bruce Wayne:
Come to make sure I'm leaving?

Clark Kent:
Actually, I thought we worked pretty well together. Not that I want to make it a regular event.

Bruce Wayne:
She's all yours, now--if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her, 'cause I know where you live.

Jimmy Olsen:
What do I need a picture of? Luthor kissing a donkey?!

Bizarro:
Me make Krypton. Then me am home!

Lois Lane:
So, what is all this?

Bizarro:
It am Dada's house on Krypton.

Lois Lame:
Krypton? You remember Krypton?

Bizarro:
It Shinny Ball show me. It say me am Kal-El, and it show me baby me.

Superman:
Unfortunately "Shinny Ball" was confused at the time.

Superman confronts Bizarro while wearing his anti-Kryptonite suit

Superman:
Hey Bizarro, I have something for you. Catch!

Superman tosses a hunk of Kryptonite at Bizzaro, who effortlessly catches it

Bizarro:
Thanks! Ooh, rock is pretty!

Superman{to Lois}:
Our DNA must be too dissimilar.

Bizarro:
This am nice. Superman, Krypto, Dada, Lois, all here with me. Oh, Krypton pretty. So sad it have to blow up...

Bizarro has stolen a nuclear warhead from a military base and is aiming it at Metropolis

Superman:
Bizarro! You are going to kill millions of people!

Bizarro:
That how Krypton end!

Superman:
Lois is not on Krypton.

Bizarro realizes the mistake he made, then works with Superman to get the warhead safely disposed of

Superman:
Now, would you like to hear the rest of the story?

Superman has taken Bizarro to a lush green planet circled by ringed moons

Superman:
You can defend this planet. It is all yours.

Bizarro:
This crummy planet! How can me be defender of planet when there is no one here to defend?

Superman:
I thought of that issue. Which is why I brought you a friend.

Superman opens hatch on spaceship to reveal one of the animals from the Preserver's ship

Bizarro:
Krypto!

Lois Lane:
Looks like he's got them in the palm of his hand.

Superman:
They better be careful he doesn't make a fist.

Clark Kent:
(Narrating) Dinner was hard to pass up. I hadn't eaten all day. Not that I needed to.

Clark:
(Narrating) I suppose I could've flown to the governor as Superman and given him the disk, but that could've raised some awkward questions. Maybe there was some ego to it, too. I wanted this to be Clark's victory. Not Superman's.

Jonathan Kent:
It's not like he's really dead, Martha. He just can't be Clark anymore.

Clark:
But I am Clark. I need to be Clark. I'd go crazy if I had to be Superman all the time!

Bowman has been sentenced to die

Bowman{talking to himself}:
How could Clark Kent have survived the bomb I planted? How, how?!

Bowman's eyes suddenly open wide

Bowman{talking to himself}:
HE IS SUPERMAN!

Executioner pulls switch

Metallo:
Do you remember how you left me, Superman? Buried under all that rock? I couldn't move, couldn't see, couldn't hear. But I could think. And all I could think about was how I was going to make you pay! So long, hero!

(Steel and Metallo meet face to face)

Metallo:
Well, what have we here?

Steel:
Call me... Steel.

Metallo:
Steel, Metallo. The meeting of the metals. Well then, Mr. Steel, may the best alloy win!

Maxima:
I am the Lady Maxima, Royal Queen, Head of the Royal House, and leader of all Almerac. Feel free to bow.

Superman:
Well, this isn't Almanac.

Maxima:
Almerac.

Superman:
Whatever. Here on Earth, marriage isn't something you can command. Marriage is a willing partnership where husbands and wives share the decisions and sacrifices.

Lady at Window:
What planet is he from?

Maxima:
I have the power to do as I please!

Superman:
And the responsibility to do what is right! As leader, you serve the people. They don't serve you.

Maxima:
This time D'cine, it's no game. This time, I kill you.

Superman:
Maxima-

Maxima:
I... don't kill him? [Superman shakes his head] I... lock him up? [Brightens] For a really long time!

Lobo:
I'm here to get that fraggin', scum-sucking, rat-scratching D'cine, and nobody better stop me!

Maxima:
Yow!

Darkseid:
I did not return you to earth so you could indulge in petty theft.

Bruno Manheim:
Petty?! We cleared over twenty million!

Darkseid:
I play for higher stakes.

Bruno:
You promised me you would make me a king!

Darkseid:
And so you are - a king of fools!

Darkseid:
If you won't be my knight, you will be my pawn.

Superman:
[At Dan Turpin's funeral] Goodbye, old friend. In the end, the world didn't really need a "super man"... just a brave one.

Clark:
(Stopping Kara from flying) That's enough of that, Kara.

Kara:
Hey, Clark. It was such a nice day, I thought I'd just, you know - vroom!

Clark:
What did we talk about? No 'vroom' during the daytime.

Kara:
All right, I've seen enough. Don't you realize you are being duped? You think you're getting power but she's just turning you into her personal goon squad!

Jimmy Olsen:
What are you doing?

Kara:
What are you think? I'm shutting down this psycho-witch!

Granny Goodness:
Ah!! Such language! Children, defend your Granny's honor. KILL HER!!

Superman:
Kara, I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.

Supergirl:
Who, me? I'm not in trouble. And by the way, it's Supergirl. See? [Points at 'S'] Super. [Points at face, bats eyelashes] Girl.

Superman:
[Pause] Right.

Supergirl:
(About Darkseid) Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley...

Darkseid:
I never settle. What I cannot have, I destroy.