Supernatural, Season 2

Sam:
Get back. Or I'll kill you I swear to God.

Possessed Trucker:
You won't. You're saving that bullet for someone else.

Sam:
(cocks the Colt) You wanna bet?

Dean:
(to Sam) Come on, you're the psychic. Give me some ghost whispering or something!

John:
Here. (hands Sam a card) Give them my insurance.

Sam:
(sceptically) Elroy McGillicuddy?

John:
And his two loving sons.

Sam:
I'll find some hoodoo priest to lay some mojo on him.

(This is exactly what Dean suggested earlier; Sam had unconsciously heard it)

John:
Where's the Colt?

Sam:
Your son is dying and you're worried about the Colt?

John:
We are hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too. That gun might be our only cover.

Sam:
...it's in the trunk. They towed the car to a yard off of I-83.

Sam:
Hey Dad, you know, the demon, he said he had plans for me and the children like me. Do you have any idea what he meant by that?

John:
No, I don't.

(Sam leaves the room)

Dean:
(to John) Well, you sure know something.

Sam:
Oh man, (looking at the Impala) Dean is gonna be pissed.

Bobby:
Look, Sam, this just ain't worth a tow. I say we empty the trunk and sell the rest for scrap.

Sam:
No, Dean would kill me if we did that. When he gets better he's going to want to fix this.

Bobby:
There's nothing to fix. The frame's a pretzel, the engine's ruined... there's barely any parts worth salvaging!

Sam:
Listen to me, Bobby: If there's only one working part, that's enough. We're not just going to give up on... (realizes he's no longer talking about the car)

Dean:
Come on, Dad. You've got to help me. I've got to get better, I've got to get back in there. You haven't called a soul for help, you haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything, aren't you even going to say anything?! I've done everything you've ever asked me, everything. I've given everything I've ever had. Now you're just going to sit there and watch me die? What the hell kind of father are you?!

John:
I have a plan, Sam.

Sam:
That's exactly my point!! Dean is dying, and you have a plan!!! You know, you care more about this demon than you do saving your own son!

John:
Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean.

Sam:
How? How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself- it's the same, selfish obsession!

John:
Oh that's funny, y'know what, I thought this was your obsession too! This demon: killed you mother, killed your girlfriend! You begged me to be a part of this hunt! Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would've happened!!

Sam:
It was possessing you dad, I would've killed you too!

John:
Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now!

Sam:
Go to Hell.

(After swiping a glass of water off a table in anger)

Dean:
Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!

Tessa:
What are you, some kind of New Agey guy?

Dean:
(annoyed) You see me messing with crystals and listening to Yanni?

Tessa:
I just think, whatever's going to happen is going to happen. It's out of my control; it's just fate.

Dean:
That's crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die or you can keep fighting, no matter what.

Sam:
Hey. I think maybe you're around, and if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but, um, there's one way we can talk.

(Sam pulls out a "Mystical Talking Board")

Dean:
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Sam:
Dean? Dean, are you here?

Dean:
God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party.

Dean:
Thanks for not giving up on me Sammy.

(John has just performed the ritual that will summon the demon)

Custodian:
The Hell are you doin' down here, buddy?

John:
I can explain.

Custodian:
Yeah? You're gonna explain to security. C'mon, follow me.

John:
Hey. (draws the Colt) How stupid do you think I am.

Custodian:
(turns, and his eyes turn yellow) You really want an honest answer to that?

Yellow eyed demon:
You, conjuring me, John? I'm surprised. I took you for a lot of things, but suicidally reckless wasn't one of them.

Sam:
Dean, are you here? Couldn't find anything in the book. I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't- you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. Can you hear me?

Dean:
There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground and my family is gonna die!

Yellow eyed demon:
It's very unseemly, making deals with devils.

Yellow eyed Demon:
Why John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew, how much their daddy loved them.

Yellow eyed demon:
You know the truth, right? About Sammy? And the other children?

John:
Yeah. I've known for a while.

Yellow eyed demon:
But Sam doesn't, does he? You've been playing dumb.

John:
I'm gonna wanna make sure that Dean's okay, with my own eyes.

Yellow eyed demon:
Oh, John, I'm offended. Don't you trust me?

John:
So we have a deal.

Yellow eyed demon:
No, John, not yet. You still need to sweeten the pot.

John:
How you feeling, dude?

Dean:
Fine I guess. I'm alive.

John:
That's what matters.

Sam:
Where were you last night?

John:
I had some things to take care of.

Sam:
Well, that's specific.

Dean:
Come on, Sam.

Sam:
Did you go after the Demon?

John:
No.

Sam:
You know, why don't I believe you right now?

John:
Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting I don't even know what we're fighting about. Just butting heads. Look, Sammy I've, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?

Sam:
Dad, are you all right?

John:
Yeah... Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey Sam, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?

Sam:
Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Dean:
What is it?

John:
You know... when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt. And after what I'd seen I'd be...I'd be wrecked. And you... you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in they eye and, you'd say 'Its okay, dad.' Dean, I'm sorry.

Dean:
Why?

John:
You shouldn't have had to say that to me. I-I should've been saying that to you. You know, I put- I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.

Dean:
This really you talking?

John:
Yeah. Yeah, it's really me.

Dean:
Why you saying this stuff?

John:
I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?

Dean:
Yeah dad, you know I will. You're scaring me.

John:
Don't be scared, Dean.

Sam:
Before...before he... [He stops, unable to get the words out] Did he say anything to you? About anything?

Dean:
[pause] No. Nothin'.

Dean:
Stop it, Sam.

Sam:
Stop what?

Dean:
Stop askin' if I need anything, stop askin' if I'm okay. I'm okay. Really. I promise.

Sam:
All right. Dean, it's just…we've been at Bobby's for over a week now and you haven't brought up Dad once.

Dean:
You know what, you're right. Come here. I'm gonna lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug -- maybe even slow dance.

[Dean and Sam are forced to drive a Dodge Caravan while the Impala is still being repaired]

Dean:
I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.

Dean:
[looking around Harvelle's, the barrel of a rifle is placed against his back] Oh God, please let that be a rifle.

Jo:
Nah, I'm just real happy to see you.

Sam:
So look, if you can help, we could use all the help we can get.

Ellen:
Well we can't. But Ash will.

Sam:
Who's Ash?

Ellen:
ASH!

[A man in a red plaid jacket with a mullet sleeping on the pool table jolts awake]

Ash:
What? Closin' time?

Sam:
That's Ash?

Jo:
Mmm hmm, He's a genius.

[Skips to a discussion at the bar with Ash, John's journal is presented to him]

Dean:
You gotta be kidding me; this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie.

Ash:
I like you.

Dean:
Thanks.

[Discussing John's research]

Ash:
There's signs... Omens, if you can track 'em you can track this demon. You know like... crop failures, electrical storms... You ever been struck by lightning? It ain't fun.

Sam:
Can you track it or not?

Ash:
Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time... uh, gimmie... 51 hours

[Ash's hair gets put on topic]

Ash:
All business up front...and party in the back!

Dean:
I know what you're thinking, Sam: why did it have to be clowns? [reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark "Why'd it have to be snakes"]

Sam:
Gimme a break.

Dean:
[laughs] You didn't think I remembered, did you? C'mon, you still bust out crying whenever you see Ronald MacDonald television.

Sam:
At least I'm not afraid of flying.

Dean:
Planes crash, Sam!

Sam:
And apparently, clowns kill!

Dean:
Excuse me. We're looking for a Mr. Cooper. Have you seen him around?

Amazing Papazian:
What is that? Some kind of joke? [removes his glasses, showing he's blind]

Dean:
Oh God, I'm sorry...

Amazing Papazian:
You think I wouldn't give my eye teeth to see Mr. Cooper, or a sunset, or anything at all...?

Dean:
[Aside, to Sam] You wanna give me a little help here?

Sam:
Not really.

Midget Clown:
Hey Barry, is there a problem?

Amazing Papazian:
Yeah, this guy hates blind people.

Dean:
No, no I don't...

Midget Clown:
Hey buddy, what's your problem?

Dean:
Nothing, it's just a little misunderstanding.

Midget Clown:
Little? You son of a bitch...

Dean:
No, no, no, I'm just... Can somebody tell me where Mr. Cooper is? Please?

Mr. Cooper:
You two have never worked a show in your lives before, have you?

Dean:
Nope. But we really need the work. So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.

Dean:
Hello?

Sam:
Hey, man.

Dean:
What's the matter? You sound like you just saw a clown.

Sam:
Very funny.

Dean:
I just think it's really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It's like, "Oh, what would Dad want me to do?" Sam, you spent your entire life sluggin' it out with that man. I mean, hell, you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he's dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I'm sorry, Sam, but you can't. It's too little, too late.

Sam:
Why are you sayin' this to me?

Dean:
Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I'm dealin' with Dad's death! Are you?

[Jo and Dean stare at Sam, giving him the hint to leave.]

Sam:
Oh, yeah. I've got to, uh…I've got to go…over there…right now. [He leaves.]

[After Dean and Sam return to the roadhouse, Ash emerges from his room]

Ash:
Where you guys been? Been waitn' for ya...

Sam:
We were working a job, Ash. [Ash looks blankly at Sam] Clowns?

Ash:
Clowns? What the f-

Dean:
[Interrupting] You got something for us Ash?

[Ash has rigged a laptop to an alarm if any of The Demon's signs appear anywhere in the world]

Sam:
Ash Where'd you learn to do all this?

Ash:
MIT. Before I got bounced, for fighting.

Sam:
MIT?

Ash:
It's a school in Boston.

Sam:
You were right.

Dean:
About what?

Sam:
About me and Dad. I'm sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinkin' that I hate him. So, you're right. What I'm doin' right now - it is too little. It's too late. [pause] I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. [He is on the verge of tears.] And I'm not all right. Not at all. [pause] But neither are you. That much I know. I'll let you get back to work. [He leaves.]

[Dean is overjoyed to have his Impala back]

Sam:
You know, if you two wanna get a room, just let me know Dean.

Dean:
[to the Impala] Don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand.

Sam:
(talking to Dean) Give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mr. Sunshine.

Sheriff:
What newspaper did you say you worked for?

Dean:
World Weekly News.

Sam:
Weekly World News.

Dean:
World...

Sam:
Weekly World News.

Dean:
Wor... I'm new.

Sheriff:
Get out of my office

Dean:
John.

Jeff:
Jeff.

Dean:
Jeff, I know that. Dr. Dworkin needs to see you in the office.

Jeff:
But Dr. Dworkin is on vacation.

Dean:
Well, he's back and he is pissed, he's screaming for you, man, so if I were you, I would…

Jeff:
Okay!

Dean:
Okay… Those Satanists in Florida, they marked their victims, didn't they?

Sam:
Yeah. Reverse pentacle on the forehead.

Dean:
Yeah… So much f'd up crap happens in Florida.

Dean:
All right, Open it.

Sam:
You open it.

Dean:
Wuss.

Sam:
Dean, get me a bucket.

Dean:
Find something?

Sam:
No, I'm going to puke.

Sam:
So... we're looking for some people.

Bartender:
Sure, its hard to be lonely.

Dean:
Did you check out that Barker farm?

Gordon:
It's a bust. Just a bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.

Dean:
You all right, Sammy?

Sam:
Yeah, I'm fine.

Gordon:
Well, lighten up a little, Sammy.

Sam:
He's the only one who gets to call me that.

Sam:
(sighs) Look, I'm not gonna bring you guys down, I'm just gonna go back to the motel.

Dean:
(groans slightly) You sure?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Hey, Sammy! Remind me to beat that buzz-kill out of you later, alright?

Dean:
He was just one of those guys... took some terrible beatings... just kept coming. So you're always saying to yourself, he's indestructible, he'll always be around... nothing can kill my Dad. And then just like that...he's gone. Can't talk about this to Sammy--I've gotta keep my game face on. But, ah, the truth is I'm not handling it too well.

Sam:
I thought you said he [Gordon] was a good hunter?

Ellen:
Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist.

Gordon:
You know why I love this life?

Dean:
Hmm?

Gordon:
It's all black and white. There's no maybe. Find the bad thing, kill it. You see, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. "Is this right, is that wrong?" Not us.

Eli:
Why are we explaining ourselves to this killer [Sam]?

Lenore:
Eli...

Eli:
We choke on cows blood so that none of them suffer. And tonight, they murdered Conrad. And they celebrated.

Lenore:
Eli, that's enough.

Sam:
Yeah, Eli, that's enough!

Dean:
And I'm supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam. No, thanks. I'll go with Gordon.

Sam:
Right, because Gordon's such an old friend. You don't think I can see what this is?

Dean:
What are you talking about?

Sam:
He's a substitute for Dad, isn't he? A poor one.

Dean:
Shut up, Sam.

Sam:
He's not even close, Dean. Not on his best day.

Dean:
You know, I'm not gonna talk-

Sam:
You slap on his big fake smile but I can see through it. 'Cause I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead, and he left a hole, and it hurt so bad you can't take it. But you can't just fill that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory!

Dean:
Okay... [He turns around and hits Sam.]

Sam:
You hit me all you want. It won't change anything.

Dean:
You're good. A monster pain in the ass… but you're good.

Dean:
(to Gordon) I might be like you, and I might not. But you're the one tied up right now.

Sam:
Ready to go, Dean?

Dean:
Not yet. (to Gordon) I guess this is goodbye. Well, it's been real... (punches Gordon) Okay, I'm good now. We can go.

Dean:
Sam.

Sam:
Yeah?

Dean:
Clock me one.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
Come on. I won't even hit you back. Let's go.

Sam:
No.

Dean:
Let's go. You get a freebie. Hit me. Come on.

Sam:
You look like you just went 12 rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I'll take a rain check.

Dean:
Think about the hunts we went on,Sammy, our whole lives.

Sam:
Okay.

Dean:
What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? I mean, the way Dad raised us-

Sam:
Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could.

Dean:
I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us to hate those things? And, man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it.

Sam:
You didn't kill Lenore.

Dean:
Well, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her, I was gonna kill them all.

Sam:
Yeah, Dean, but you didn't. And that's what matters.

Dean:
Yeah. And because you're a pain in my ass.

Sam:
I guess I might have to stick around and be a pain in the ass, then.

Dean:
Thanks.

Sam:
Don't mention it.

Dean:
Come on, Sam, I'm begging you. This is stupid.

Sam:
Why?

Dean:
Going to visit mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.

Sam:
She has a headstone.

Dean:
Yeah, put up by her uncle, a man we've never met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on

Sam:
Dean, that's not the point.

Dean:
Well, then enlighten me, Sam.

Sam:
It's not about a body or a casket. It's about her memory, okay? And after dad, it just-it just feels like the right thing to do.

Dean:
It's irrational, is what it is.

Sam:
Look, man, no one asked you to come.

Dean:
Why don't we swing by the Roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven't heard on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down.

Sam:
That's a good idea. You should. Just drop me off. I'll hitch a ride, And I'll meet you tomorrow.

Dean:
Right. I'll be stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No, thanks.

Sam:
Okay. So what are you thinking?

Dean:
I don't know, unholy ground, maybe.

Sam:
Un...

Dean:
What? If something evil happened, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the farm outside of Cedar Rapids?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or the-the Angela girl's spirit, if it's powerful enough.

[Sam nods, rolls his eyes and walks away]

Dean:
Well, don't get too excited, you might pull something.

[Dean gives Sam an angry glare after he brings up John's death]

Sam:
You want to take another swing? Go ahead if it'll make you feel better.

Television that Sam is watching:
[sultry voice] Next on the skin channel, Casa Erotica IV a tale of two Latin beauties...

[Dean enters and Sam quickly turns off the television]

Sam:
[off-handedly] Hey. ...What?

Dean:
Awkward...

Dean:
I'm still not getting that powerful 'angry spirit' vibe from Angela. I have been reading this though. [holds up a pink book]

Sam:
You stole the girl's diary?

Dean:
Yeah, Sam, and if anything, that girl's a little too nice.

Sam:
So what do we do?

Dean:
Keep digging, talk to more of her friends.

Sam:
You get any names?

Dean:
You kiddin' me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Dean:
Burn the bones.

Sam:
Burn the bones? Are you high? Angela died last week!

Dean:
So?

Sam:
So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!

Dean:
Since when are you afraid to get dirty?

[repeated line]

Dean:
What's dead should stay dead.

Dean:
Sam, if you bring Dad's death up one more time, I swear...

Sam:
Stop. Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad, we've lost Mom, I've lost Jessica and now I'm gonna lose you too.

Dean:
We better get out of here before the cops come. I hear you, okay? Yeah, I'm being an ass and I'm sorry. But right now, we got a freaking zombie running around, we need to figure out how to kill it. Right?

Sam:
Our lives are weird, man.

Dean:
You're telling me. Come on.

Dean:
We can't just waste 'em with a headshot?

Sam:
Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks.

Dean:
You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke them?

Sam:
No, Dean, I'm telling you there's too much. I mean, there's at least a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them. Some say setting them on fire... uh, one said [flipping through John's journal] ...where is it? Right here. "Feeding their hearts to wild dogs." That's my personal favorite.

Dean:
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.

[Searching Neil's house and finding a heavily bolted door above the stairs to the zombie pen]

Dean:
[jokingly] Unless this is where he keeps his porn...

[upon finding the empty zombie pen]

Sam:
You think Angela's going after somebody?

Dean:
[knocking aside a grate to reveal a large hole in the wall leading outside] Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches.

Sam:
Look, smartass, she might kill someone. We gotta find her, Dean.

Dean:
Yeah. Alright, she, uh... She clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Well, it takes two to, you know... have hardcore sex.

Dean:
I've heard of some people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you, you take the cake!...

Neil:
You're crazy.

Dean:
Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy?

Sam:
Did we have to use me as bait?

Dean:
I figured you were more her type. She had pretty crappy taste in guys.

Sam:
I think she broke my hand.

Dean:
You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later.

Dean:
Sam…You and dad…You're the most important people in my life. And now…I never should've come back, Sam. It wasn't natural. And now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that's it. So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?

Sam:
So, I'm a freak now?

Dean:
You've always been a freak.

[Sam knocks on Ash's door, which bears the sign "Dr. Badass is:
In/Out"]

Sam:
Ash. [knocks again] ...Hey, Ash!

[Dean knocks]

Dean:
Hey, Dr. Badass!

[Door opens and Ash is completely naked]

Ash:
Sam. Dean. Sam and Dean.

Sam:
Hey, Ash... We need your help.

Ash:
Well, hell, then, guess I need my pants.

[Ash is searching unsuccessfully for information on the case]

Sam:
Alright, try something else for me. Search Guthry for a housefire; it would be 1983, fire's origin would be the baby's nursery, night of the kid's 6th month birthday.

[Ash stares]

Ash:
Okay, now that is just weird, man. Why the hell would I be looking for that?

[Sam put a bottle on the counter]

Sam:
Because there's a PBR in it for ya.

Ash:
Give me 15 minutes.

[Jo puts music on and takes tray of glasses to counter, Dean gives her a look]

Jo:
What?

Dean:
REO Speedwagon?

Jo:
Damn right, REO, Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.

Dean:
He sings it from the hair, there's a difference.

Dean:
If I ran off with you, I think your mother might kill me. [gives Ellen a sheepish grin as she glares at him from across the room]

Jo:
You're afraid of my mother?

Dean:
[turns back to Jo] I think so.

[Dean is singing "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon in the car]

Dean:
"And even as I wander, I'm keepin' you in sight/ You're a candle in a window on a cold dark winter's night..."

[Sam appears confused and annoyed]

Dean:
[continuing] "And I'm getting closer than I ever thought, I might-"

Sam:
[staring at Dean] You're kidding, right?

Dean:
I heard the song somewhere; I can't get it out of my head. I don't know, man.

Server:
If you want to find him [Andy], try Orchard St. Just look for a van with a barbarian queen painted on the side.

Dean:
Barbarian queen?

Server:
She's riding a polar bear, it's kinda hard to miss.

[Dean and Sam are observing Andy's van from their car]

Dean:
I'm sorry, I'm starting to like this dude. That van is sweet.

Dean:
What's wrong?

Sam:
Nothing.

Dean:
Sam, you look like you're sucking on a lemon. What's going on?

Andy:
This is a cherry ride.

Dean:
Yeah, thanks.

Andy:
Man, a '67. Impala's best year, if you ask me. This is a serious classic.

Dean:
Yeah. You know, I just rebuilt her, too. Can't let a car like this one go.

Andy:
Damn straight. Hey, can I have it?

Dean:
Sure, man!

Andy:
Sweet! [He gets inside.]

Dean:
Hop right in there…there you go.

Andy:
Nice! Take it easy.

Dean:
All right.

[Sam calls Dean on his cell phone]

Sam:
Dean! Andy's got the Impala!

Dean:
I know! He just sort of asked me for it, and then I let him take it...

Sam:
You what?!

Dean:
He full-on Obi-waned me! It's mind control, man!

[Upon finding the Impala intact]

Dean:
Oh, thank God! I'm sorry baby, I'll never leave you again! At least he left the keys in it.

Sam:
Yeah. Real Samaritan, this guy.

Dean:
Well, it looks like he can't work his mojo just by twitchin' his nose. He's gotta use verbal commands.

[Looking through the items in a van]

Dean:
And Moby Dick's bong.

Dean:
Argh!!! You know, one day I'd love to just sit down, and eat something that I didn't have to microwave in a Mini-Mart.

Andy:
Hey! You think I haven't seen you two? Why are you following me?

Sam:
Well, we're lawyers. See, a relative of yours has passed...

Andy:
[Interupting.] Tell the truth.

Sam:
That's what I'm...

Dean:
We hunt demons.

Andy:
What?

Sam:
[Shocked.] Dean!

Dean:
Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...

Sam:
Dean! Shut up!

Dean:
I'm trying. He's psychic, kinda like you. Well, not really like you, but see he thinks you're a murderer and he's afraid that he's gonna become one himself because you're all part of something that's terrible and I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

[After the boys determine Andy to be innocent, Andy and Sam are discussing their abilities]

Andy:
You get these premonitions... of people about to die? [Sam nods] ...That's impossible.

Sam:
A lot of people would say the same thing about what you do.

Andy:
[Pause] But death visions?

Sam:
Yeah.

Andy:
Dude, that sucks. When I got my mind thing, it was like a gift, you know? It was, It was like I won the lotto.

Sam:
But you still live in a van. I don't get it. I mean, you could have anything you ever wanted.

Andy:
I...I have everything I need.

Sam:
So, you're really not a killer, huh?

Andy:
That's...That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Sam:
That's good. It means there's hope for both of us.

Office Clerk:
Probably shouldn't have let you kids in here...

Andy:
No, it will all be fine. Just go get a cup of coffee, alright? 'These aren't the droids you're looking for.'

Dean:
Awesome.

[Reviewing county birth records]

Sam:
Andy, it's true. Holly Beckett was your birth mother.

Andy:
Does anyone have a Vicodin?

Sam:
Dr. Jennings was her doctor too... I mean, he oversaw the adoption. You have a solid connection to both of them.

Andy:
Yeah, but I didn't kill them.

Dean:
We believe you. But who did?

Sam:
I think I've got a pretty good guess. Holly Beckett gave birth to twins.

Andy:
[Holding his head, awestruck] I have an evil twin...

Sam:
Dean, you should stay back.

Dean:
No argument here. I've had my head screwed with enough for one day.

Andy:
How did you do that?

Webber:
Practice, bro. If you'd just practice, you would know. Sometimes, you don't need to use your words. If you have to, all you need is this. [He points to his head] Sometimes, the headache's worth it.

[Speaking with his "evil twin", Webber]

Andy:
Are you really...Are you really this stupid? Is it...You you you learn you got a twin: You call him up, you...you go out for a drink! You don't start killing people!

Andy:
Why did you kill our mother? And why, why Dr. Jennings?

Webber:
Because they split us up! They ruined our lives, Andy! We could've been together this whole time, instead of alone. I...I couldn't, I couldn't let 'em do that, I couldn't let 'em get away with that. No.

Dean:
That was mind control! That was…that's like being roofied, man. It doesn't count.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
I call do-over.

Sam:
What are you, 7?

Ellen:
You mind your tone with me, boy. This isn't just your war, this is war. Now, something big and bad is coming, and it's coming fast, and their side holds all the cards. Now, at best, all we've got is us, together. No secrets or half-truths here.

Dean:
Who knows how many of them are really out there?

Ellen:
Jo, honey?

Jo:
Yeah?

Ellen:
You'd better break out the whiskey instead.

Dean:
Young girl's been kidnapped by an evil cult.

Sam:
Yeah. Girl got a name?

Dean:
Katie Holmes.

Sam:
That's funny... and for you, so bitchy.

Dean:
We rarely drink before 10, anyway.

Jo:
[impatiently holds out a case file] Take it, it won't bite.

Dean:
No, but your mom might.

Dean:
That's ectoplasm. Well, Sam, I think I know what we're dealing with here. [beat] It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Dean:
What the hell are you doing here?

Jo:
There you are, honey. [She walks over to him and puts her arm around his waist.] This is my boyfriend, Dean, and his buddy, Sam.

Ed:
[shaking their hands] Good to meet you. Quite a gal you've got here.

Dean:
Oh, yeah, she's a pistol. [He chuckles.]

Jo:
So, did you already check out the apartment? [He doesn't answer.] The one for rent?

Dean:
Y-yeah, yes. Loved it. Great flow.

Ed:
How'd you get in?

Dean:
It was open.

Jo:
Now, Ed, uh, when did the last tenant move out?

Ed:
Oh, about a month ago. Cut and run, too. Stiffed me for the rent.

Jo:
[laughing] Well, her loss, our gain. 'Cause if Dean-o loves it, that's good enough for me.

Dean:
Oh, sweetie. [He hits her on the back.]

Jo:
[handing Ed a wad of cash] We'll take it.

Dean:
Hunters don't tip that well.

Jo:
Well they aren't that good at poker either.

[Dean passing back and forth behind Jo and Jo twirling a knife in her hands]

Jo:
(to Dean) Would you sit down please?!

(Dean after an annoyed look sits down)

Dean:
(after saying something to Jo) Would you put the knife down?!

Jo:
So you gonna buy me dinner?

Dean:
What are you talking about?

Jo:
It's just if you're gonna ride me this close, it's only decent you buy me dinner.

Dean:
Oh, that's hilarious.

Dean:
Jo, you've got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me on this when I was so young, I wish I could do something else.

Jo:
You love the job.

Dean:
Yeah, but I'm a little twisted.

Jo:
You don't think I'm a little twisted, too?

Dean:
Jo, you've got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don't throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later.

Dean:
Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.

Jo:
What?

Dean:
Uh, just wish the pipes were clean.

Jo:
[elbows Dean] Shut up!

Dean:
(answers the phone) Yeah.

Ellen:
You lied to me. She's there.

Dean:
Ellen.

Ellen:
No, Ash told me everything. The man's a genius, but he folds like a cheap suit. Now you put my damn daughter on the phone.

Dean:
She's gonna have to call you back, she taking care of... feminine business.

Ellen:
Yeah, right. Where is she? Where is she?!?

Dean:
Look, we'll get her back.

Ellen:
Get her back? Back from what?

Dean:
The spirit we're hunting, it took her.

Ellen:
Oh my God.

Dean:
She'll be okay, I promise.

Ellen:
You promise. That is not the first time I've heard that from a Winchester.

Jo:
How do you like that? Pure iron, you creepy-ass son of a bitch!

Sam:
So, this job as glamorous as you thought it would be?

Jo:
Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.

Jo:
You ripped off a cement truck?

Dean:
I'll give it back.

Jo:
You can't keep me here!

Ellen:
Don't you bet on it sweetheart!

Jo:
Well, what are you going to do? You gonna chain me up in the basement?

Ellen:
You know you've had worse ideas than that! Look you don't like it here? Fine! Go back to school!

Jo:
I didn't belong there! I was a freak with a knife collection!

Ellen:
Oh. Getting gutted of some dusty backroad! That's where you belong?

Jo:
I...(goes to answer but sees Sam and Dean staring with mouths open)

Ellen:
(turns and sees them) Guys, bad time!

Sam:
Yes, Ma'am!

Dean:
Yeah, we hardly drink before ten anyway!

Jo:
(storms over to them) Wait! I want to know what they think about this!

Ellen:
I don't care what they think!

Tourist 1:
Hey are you guys open?

Ellen:
(at the same time as Jo) Yes!

Jo:
(at the same time as Ellen) No!

Tourist 1:
We'll just try the Arville's down the road!

Sam:
We saw the second-largest ball of twine in the continental U.S. Awesome.

Diana Ballard:
Sam, you seem like a good kid. It's not your fault Dean's your brother. We can't pick our family.

Dean:
What do you think, Scully, want to check it out?

Sam:
I'm not Scully, you're Scully.

Dean:
No, I'm Mulder. You're a red-headed woman.

Sam:
Anthony Gyles' body was found right about here. (reads) "Throat slit so deep, part of his spinal cord was visible."

Dean:
(whistles) What do you think? Vengeful spirit, underline "vengeful"?

Sam:
Wow, I'd say we've officially crossed over into weird.

Jeff Krause:
I'm with the public defender's office. I'm your lawyer.

Dean:
Oh, thank God. I'm saved

Krause:
Do you understand how serious these charges are?

Dean:
I'm handcuffed to a table. Yeah, I get it. Humor me.

[Sam calls his public defender Matlock minutes after Dean gives him the same comment]

Krause:
[surprised] You really are brothers, aren't you?

Dean:
My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone.

Sheridan:
You murdered them in cold blood just like that girl in St. Louis.

Dean:
Oh, yeah, that wasn't me either. That was a shapeshifter creature that only looked like me.

Sheridan:
Get up! (grabs Dean, pulls him to his feet, and slams him into the wall)

Ballard:
Pete, that is enough!

Dean:
You asked for the truth.

[Ballard comes in to Dean's interrogation room]

Dean:
Can we make this quick? I'm a little tired. It's been a long day, you know, with your partner assaulting me and all.

Ballard:
I wanna know more about that stuff you were talking about earlier.

Dean:
Time Life. "Mysteries of the Unknown". Look it up.

Ballard:
How did you get those? Those are from crime scenes and booking photos.

Sam:
You have your job, I have mine.

Sam:
This is bothering me.

Ballard:
Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Sam:
No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

Dean:
Pee break? So soon? I think you might wanna get your prostate checked.

Sheridan:
(talking about Dean) We can pin the whole thing on him. Right? No trial, nothing, just, just one more dead scum bag.

Dean:
Hey!

Ballard:
Unless... I just happened to turn my back, you walked away, I could tell them the suspects escaped.

Sam:
Wait, are you sure?

Dean:
Yes, she's sure, Sam!

Sam:
Nice lady.

Dean:
Yeah, for a cop. Did she look familiar to you?

Sam:
No, why?

Dean:
I don't know. Anyway, are you hungry?

Sam:
No.

Dean:
For some reason, I could really go for some pea soup.

Sam:
So much for a low profile. You've got a warrant in St. Louis, and now you're officially in the Feds' database.

Dean:
Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something.

Sam:
Dean, it's not funny. Makes the job harder. We've got to be more careful now.

Dean:
Well, what have they got on you?

Sam:
I'm sure they just...haven't posted it yet.

Dean:
Wait - no accessory, nothing?

Sam:
Shut up.

Dean:
[laughs] You're jealous.

Sam:
No, I'm not!

Dean:
Uh-huh. All right, what have you got on the case there, you innocent, harmless, young man, you?

Sam:
Whatever they are, they're big, nasty...

Dean:
Yeah, I bet they could hump the crap out of your leg. Look at that one, huh? [chuckles] What? They could!

Sam:
So?

Dean:
The secretary's name is Carly. She's 23, she kayaks, and they're real.

Sam:
You didn't happen to ask her if she's seen any black dogs lately, did you?

Dean:
Every complaint called in this week about everything big, black or dog-like. There's 19 calls in all. And I don't know what this thing is.

Sam:
You mean Carly's MySpace address?

Dean:
Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? [Sam laughs] Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?

Sam:
We gotta find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.

Dean:
Great. So, we've got to clean up these people's mess for them? I mean, they're not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play "Let's Make a Deal."

Sam:
So, what, we should just leave them to die?

Dean:
Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save them?

Dean:
This house probably isn't up next on MTV Cribs, is it?

Sam:
Yeah, so whatever kind of deal he made...

Dean:
...it wasn't for cash. Aw, who knows? Maybe his place is full of babes in Princess Leia bikinis.

Dean:
So, what is that stuff out front?

George:
Goofer dust. [Sam and Dean exchange a look.] Oh, you boys think you know somethin' about somethin' but not goofer dust? [He tosses a bag of the dust to Dean.]

Dean:
Well, we know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous.

Dean:
You did it to save her?

Evan:
She had cancer, they had stopped treatment, they were moving her into hospice. They kept saying, "Matter of days." So, yeah, I made the deal. And I'd do it again. I'd have died for her on the spot.

Dean:
Did you ever think about her in all this?

Evan:
I did this for her.

Dean:
You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself…so you wouldn't have to live without her. But, guess what, she's gonna have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she'd feel?

Dean:
So you know who I am.

Demon:
I get the newsletter.

Demon:
You're lucky I've got a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces.

[The Demon tries to convince Dean to sell his soul]

Dean:
You think you could...throw in a set of steak knives?

[The Demon kisses Dean.]

Dean:
What the hell was that for?

Demon:
Sealing the deal.

Dean:
You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue.

Dean:
Shut your mouth, bitch.

Dean:
How could he do it?

Sam:
He did it for you.

Dean:
Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that?

Sam:
Hey Dean.

Dean:
Yeah.

Sam:
When you were trapping that demon, you weren't...I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?

Dean:
[doesn't answer]

Dean:
Well, I'm sure I had a good reason.

Sam:
I sure hope so.

Dean:
What does that mean? [Sam doesn't answer.] Sam, I'm not gonna waste an innocent man. [No answer.] I wouldn't!

Sam:
I never said you would!

Dean:
Fine.

Sam:
Fine. Look, we don't know what it is. But whatever it is, that guy in the chair's a part of it. So, let's find him and see what's what.

Dean:
Fine.

Sam:
Fine.

Sam:
Did you pay any attention in history class?

Dean:
Yeah. The shot heard 'round the world, how bills become laws…

Sam:
That's not school! That's Schoolhouse Rock!

Dean:
....Whatever.

Dean:
Line's dead. I'll tell you one thing - if I was gonna massacre a town, that'd be my first step.

Dean:
That was kinda creepy, right? A little too Stepford?

Sam:
Big time.

Sam:
What do you think? Multiple demons? Mass possession?

Dean:
If it is a possession, there could be more. God knows how many. It could be like a friggin' Shriner Convention.

Sam:
Great.

Dean:
'Course, that's one way to wipe out a town. You take it from the inside.

Sam:
I don't know, man. We didn't see any of the demon smoke with Tanner, or any of the other usual signs.

Dean:
Well, whatever. I mean, something turned him into a monster. And you know, if you would have taken out the other one, there'd be one less to worry about.

Sam:
I'm sorry, all right? I hesitated, Dean, it was a kid.

Dean:
No, it was an "it". Not the best time for a bleeding heart, Sam.

Dean:
I'm gonna go ahead and see if I can find some help. My partner'll stick around, keep you guys safe.

Doctor Lee:
Safe from what?

Dean:
We'll get back to you on that.

Man:
Say, why don't you get out of the car and we'll talk a little.

Dean:
Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way, sorry.

(Dean and the Sergeant are both pointing guns at one another)

Sergeant:
What's going on with everybody?

Dean:
I don't know.

Sergeant:
My neighbor... Mr. Rodgers, h-

Dean:
You've got a neighbor named Mr. Rodgers?

Sergeant:
Not anymore.

(Dean and the Sergeant are both in the Impala, and are staring and pointing handguns at one another, both suspecting that the other is infected with the virus)

Dean:
Well this oughta be a relaxing drive.

Duane:
Has anybody seen my mom and dad?

Dean:
(has shot and killed both) Awkward.

Dean:
For what? For him to Hulk out? Infect somebody else? No, thanks, can't take that chance. [Sam stops him from leaving.] Hey look, man, I'm not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job and you know that.

Sam:
It's supposed to be tough, Dean! We're supposed to struggle with this, that's the whole point!

Dean:
What does that buy us?

Sam:
A clear conscience, for one.

Dean:
It's too late for that.

Sam:
What the hell has happened to you?

Dean:
What?

Sam:
You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care! You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what? You're acting like one of those things out there.

Dean:
Mm-hmm. [He pushes Sam out of his way. He leaves the room, locking the door behind him.]

Dean:
Doctor, check his wound again, would you? [She doesn't move.] Doctor!

Sergeant:
What does she need to examine it for? You saw what happened.

Doctor Lee:
Did her blood actually enter your wound?

Sergeant:
Come on, of course it did!

Dean:
We don't know that for sure!

Duane:
We can't take a chance!

Sergeant:
You know what we have to do.

Dean:
Nobody is shooting my brother

Duane:
He's not gonna be your brother much longer. You said it yourself.

Dean:
Nobody's shooting anybody.

Duane:
You were gonna shoot me!

Dean:
You will shut your pie hole, I still might!

Sam:
Dean, they're right. I'm infected. Just give me the gun and I'll do it myself.

Dean:
Forget it.

Sam:
Dean, I'm not gonna become one of those things.

Dean:
Sam, we've still got some time-

Sergeant:
Time for what? Look, I understand he's your brother, and I'm sorry. I am. [He takes out his gun.] But I've gotta take care of this.

Dean:
I'm gonna say this one time. You make a move on him, you'll be dead before you hit the ground, you understand me? Do I make myself clear?!

Sam:
Dean!

Sergeant:
Then what are we supposed to do?! [Dean pauses a long time before tossing his car keys to the Sergeant.]

Dean:
Get the hell outta here, that's what. Take my car. You've got the explosives, there's an arsenal in there, you two go with them. You've got enough firepower to handle anything now.

Sergeant:
What about you? [Dean gives him a knowing look.]

Sam:
Dean, no. No. Go with them. This is your only chance.

Dean:
No, you're not gonna get rid of me that easy.

Sergeant:
He's right, man. Come with us! [Dean gives him another look.] Okay, here's your funeral. [The two of them leave. Dr. Lee goes to leave also.]

Dean:
Actually, we're not really marshals.

Doctor Lee:
[looks wearily from Sam to Dean] Okay.

Dean:
I wish we had a deck of cards or a foosball table or something.

Sam:
Dean, don't do this. Just get the hell out of here.

Dean:
No way.

Sam:
Give me my gun…and leave.

Dean:
For the last time, Sam no.

Sam:
This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Dean:
I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa? (shudders)

Sam:
Dean, I'm sick. It's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you.

Dean:
No?

Sam:
No, you can keep going.

Dean:
Who says I want to?

Sam:
What? [Dean sits down and pauses before talking.]

Dean:
I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life. This weight on my shoulders, man, I'm tired of it.

Sam:
So, what? So, you're just gonna give up? I mean, you're just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know the stuff with Dad had-

Dean:
You're wrong. It's not about that. I mean, part of it is, sure, but-

Sam:
What is it about?

Dean:
I don't know, man. I just think maybe we oughta…go to the Grand Canyon.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
Yeah, you know, all this driving back and forth, cross-country. You know I've never been to the Grand Canyon? Or we could go to T.J. Or Hollywood, see if we can bang Lindsay Lohan.

Sam:
Dean, you're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.

Dean:
I can't I promised.

Sam:
Who?

Dean:
Dad.

Sam:
What are you talking about?

Dean:
Right before dad died, he told me something. He told me something about you.

Sam:
What? Dean, what did he tell you?

Dean:
Before Dad died he… he told me something. Something about you.

Sam:
What? Dean, what did he tell you?

Dean:
He said that he…he wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you.

Sam:
He told you that a million times.

Dean:
No, this time was different. He said that I had to…save you.

Sam:
Save me from what?

Dean:
He just said that I had to save you. Nothing else mattered. And if I couldn't, I'd…

Sam:
You'd what, Dean?

Dean:
I'd have to kill you. [Sam looks at him, confused.] He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.

Sam:
Kill me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Dean:
I don't know.

Sam:
I mean, he must've had some kind of reason for saying it, right? Did he know the demon's plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark-side or something?! What else did he say, Dean

Dean:
Nothing. That's it, I swear.

Sam:
How could you not have told me this?!

Dean:
Because it was dad and he begged me not to.

Sam:
Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself, Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!

Dean:
You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he'd never opened his mouth! And I wouldn't have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day!

Sam:
[after a long pause] We've just gotta figure out what's going on then, what the hell all this means.

Dean:
We do? I've been thinking about this, I think we should just lay low, you know? At least for a while. It'd be safer. And that way, I could make sure…

Sam:
What? That I don't turn evil? That I don't turn into some kind of killer?

Dean:
I never said that.

Sam:
Jeez, if you're not careful, you will have to waste me one day, Dean.

Dean:
I never said that! Damn it, Sam, this whole thing is spinning out of control! Alright? You're immune to some weirdo demon virus, and I don't even know what the hell anymore. And you're pissed at me, and I get it. That's fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay?

Sam:
Forget it.

Dean:
Sam, please, man. [He grabs Sam's shoulder] Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay, I'm begging you here. Please…please. [Sam nods]

Ash:
And one other name, Scott Kerry.

Sam:
What, you got an address?

Ash:
Kinda. The Arbor Hills Cemetery in Lafayette, Indiana. Plot 486.

Ellen:
Now, Dean, they say you can't protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that-- what else is family for?

Ava:
[to Sam] Why can't you just leave town, please? Before you blow up!

[Sam passes in front of the window on the building's edge]

Ava:
Holy crap!!

Shrink:
What? [looks behind]

Ava:
[to shrink] Uh, I just remembered, when I was a kid I swallowed, like, 8 things of pop rocks and then drank a whole can of coke. You don't think that that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?

Sam:
You okay?

Ava:
Am I okay?

Ava:
I just helped you steal some dead guy's confidential psych files. I'm AWESOME!

Dean:
[seeing Sam through motel window] Thank God you're okay. [sees Ava with Sam] Oh, you're better than okay. Sam, you sly dog!

Sam:
These are .223 Caliber, subsonic rounds, the guy must've put a suppressor on the rifle.

Ava:
Dude, who are you?

Sam:
I ah...I just I...I just watch a lot of TJ Hooker.

Dean:
[over the phone] Just got here myself. It's a real funky town. You ditched me Sammy!

Sam:
Yeah, I'm sorry. Look, right now there's someone after me.

Dean:
Wha- Who?

Sam:
I don't know, that's what we've gotta find out. Where are you?

Dean:
I'm staying at 5637 Monroe Street, why don't you meet me here?

Sam:
Yeah, sure.

Gordon:
[to Dean] Now was that so hard?

Dean:
Bite me.

Ava:
What is it?

Sam:
My brother's in trouble.

Ava:
What?

Sam:
He gave me a codeword. Someone's got a gun on him.

Ava:
Codeword?

Sam:
Yeah. Funkytown. (beat) Well, he thought of it. It's kind of a . . .long story. I ... come on.

Gordon:
What, you think this is revenge?

Dean:
Well we did leave you tied up in your own mess for three days. [snickers] Which was awesome. Sorry, I shouldn't laugh.

Dean:
Well, you son of a bitch.

Gordon:
(slaps him) That's my momma you're talking about.

Dean:
[chuckles] This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.

Dean:
Come on, man, I know Sam, okay, better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. The guy feels guilty surfing the Internet for porn.

Dean:
[off screen the chair he's sitting on breaks] I'M FREE!

Gordon:
Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.

[Sam slugs him]

Sam:
It's Sam.

[cops pull up and arrest Gordon]

Sam:
Anonymous tip.

Dean:
You're a fine, upstanding citizen, Sam.

Dean:
Well, Gordon should be reaching for the soap for the next few years at least.

Dean:
Dude, you ever take off like that again...

Sam:
What? You'd kill me?

Dean:
That is so not funny.

Sam:
All right, so where to next, man?

Dean:
One word, Amsterdam.

Sam:
Dean!

Dean:
Come on, man. I hear the coffee shops don't even serve coffee

Sam:
Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean I ran all the way to California, and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

Dean:
I can try.

Sam:
Thanks for that.

Sam:
So if you really want to watch my back, I guess you're going to have to stick around.

Dean:
Bitch.

Sam:
Jerk.

Dean:
What's the point of saving the world if you can't get a little nookie once in a while, huh?

Dean:
Damn it, Sam, this whole thing's spinning out of control!

Dean:
I just figured after Ava, there'd be, uh, you know, more angst, more droopy music, and staring out the rainy windows (glare from Sam). Okay, I'll shut up now.

Sam:
Look, I'm the one who told her to go back home. Now her fiancé's dead and some demon has taken her off to God-knows-where. You know? We've been looking for a month now. and we got nothin' So I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not going to let other people die, either. We've gotta save as many people as we can.

Dean:
Wow, that attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now. Thank you.

Dean:
Dude, this is sweet! I never get to work jobs like this.

Sam:
Like what?

Dean:
Old-school haunted houses. You know: fog, secret passageways, sissy British accents. We might even get to run into Fred and Daphne while we're inside. Mmm, Daphne...love her.

Susan:
Well, congratulations. You could be some of our final guests.

Dean:
That sounds vaguely ominous.

Susan:
Let me guess. You guys are here antiquing?

Dean:
How'd you know?

Susan:
Oh, you just look the type. So, uh, a king-size bed?

Sam:
What?! No, uh no, we're... Two singles. We're just brothers.

Susan:
Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.

Dean:
What'd you mean that we look the type?

Dean:
Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?

Sam:
Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.

Dean:
(uncomfortable chuckle) Right.

Dean:
Hey, are those antique dolls? 'Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home. (grins at Sam) Don't ya? Huh?

Sam:
(reluctantly) Big time.

Dean:
Big time. Yeah, you think he could come…well, we could come in and take a look?

Susan:
I don't know…

Dean:
Please? I mean he loves them. He's not gonna tell you this, but he's always dressing 'em up in these little tiny outfits and I mean, you'd make his day. She would, huh? Huh?

Sam:
(glaring at Dean) It's true.

Dean:
Wow! This is a lotta dolls. Er, they're nice, they're not super-creepy at all...

Dean:
You get online. Check old obits, freak accidents, that sort of thing. See if she's whacked anybody before.

Sam:
Right.

Dean:
Don't go surfing porn, that's not the kinda whackin' I mean.

Sam:
You're bossy.

Dean:
What?

Sam:
You're bossy... and short. (laughs)

Dean:
Are you drunk?

Sam:
Yeah! So? ...stupid.

Sam:
(as Sam is leaning over the toilet) I can still taste the Tequila.

Dean:
You know there's a really good hangover remedy, it's a greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray.

Sam:
(groaning) I hate you.

Dean:
I know you do.

Dean:
Hey, it turns out when Grandma Rose was a tyke, she had a Creole nanny who wore a hoodoo necklace.

Sam:
So you think she taught Rose hoodoo?

Dean:
Yes I do.

Sam:
All right. (gets up from toilet bowl, sighing heavily) I think it's time that we talked to Rose then.

Dean:
(groans in disgust) You can brush your teeth first.

Sam:
This woman's had a stroke.

Dean:
Yeah, but hoodoo's hands-on...

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
...you gotta mix herbs, and chant, and build an altar.

Sam:
So it can't be Rose. Heck, maybe it's not even hoodoo.

Dean:
You know, she could be faking.

Sam:
Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? (Dean nods) Dude, you are not gonna poke her with a stick!

Susan:
What the hell happened out there?

Dean:
You want the truth?

Susan:
Of course.

Dean:
Well at first we thought it was some kind of hoodoo curse. But that out there, was definitely a spirit.

Susan:
You're insane.

Dean:
That's been said.

Susan:
I don't believe this.

Dean:
Listen, sister, that car didn't try to run you down by itself, okay? I mean I guess it did, technically, but if a spirit can... forget it.

Dean:
Feels good to get back in the saddle, doesn't it?

Sam:
Yeah. Yeah, it does. But it doesn't change what we talked about last night, Dean.

Dean:
(evasive) We talked about a lotta things last night.

Sam:
You know what I mean.

Dean:
You were wasted.

Sam:
But you weren't. And you promised.

Tyler:
I don't like it up here! I'm scared!

Maggie:
It's okay, all you have to do is jump!

Tyler:
(voice breaking) I can't swim!

Maggie:
I know! But it won't hurt...I promise! And then we can be together and no-one will bother us!

Tyler:
Why can't you just come with me and Mommy?

Maggie:
Because I cam't leave here! (firmly) And you can't leave me! (sees her sad face then says softer) Please? I don't want to be alone!

Rose:
(little girl's voice) Margaret? Margaret! (Maggie disappears)

Maggie:
(Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) Yes? (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) If you did...I'd let them go! (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) But why? I mean you kept me away...for so long! (voice breaks) I thought you didn't love me anymore! (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) Okay...Little Sister!

Sam:
You've got to get everyone out of here! Your mother, your daughters...everyone!

Susan:
(stops crying in shock) I only have one daughter!

Sam:
One?

Dean:
I thought Tyler had a sister named Maggie!

Susan:
(voice breaking) Maggie's imaginary!

Sam:
Susan! Where's Tyler?

Sam:
Susan do you remember when Tyler started talking about Maggie?

Susan:
About a month ago! Just after Mom got sick!

Sam:
Do you know anyone by that name?

Susan:
No!

Dean:
Come on! Think, think!

Susan:
My mom! My mom had a sister named Margaret! She barely spoke about her!

Sam:
Did Margaret happen to die here when she was a kid?

Susan:
She drowned in the pool!

Dean:
Well, thanks, Frannie, I think that's all I need.

Frannie:
Really? I mean, 'cause I've got more. You know, if you wanted to interview me... some time, in private...?

Dean:
Yeah... Yeah, I think that's a good idea. You're a true patriot, you really are. Why don't you write your number down there for me, that'd be good.

Dean:
Frigging cops.

Sam:
They're just doing their job.

Dean:
No, they're doing our job. Only they don't know it, so they suck at it.

Ronald:
The thing I let into the bank... wasn't Juan. I mean, it had his face, but it wasn't his face. Ah, every detail was perfect but too perfect, you know, like i-if a dollmaker made it, like I was talking to a big Juan doll.

Sam:
A Juan doll?

Ronald:
Part man, part machine. Like the Terminator but the kind that can change itself. Make itself look like other people.

Dean:
Like from T2.

Ronald:
Exactly. See, so not not just a robot. More of a-a-a-a ''mandroid''.

Sam:
A mandroid?

Dean:
Man, that has got to be the kicker, straight up. I mean, you tell that poor son of a bitch that - - Wh-what did you say ? Remand the tapes he copied? Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation? That's messed up.

Sam:
What, are you pissed at me or something?

Dean:
No, I just think it's creepy how good of a fed you are. I mean come on, we could at least thrown the guy a bone. He did some pretty good legwork here.

Sam:
[laugh] Mandroid?

Dean:
Except for the mandroid part. I liked him. He's not that different from you and me. People think we're crazy.

Sam:
Yeah, except he's not a hunter Dean. He's just a guy who stumbled onto something real. If he went up against this, he'd get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark and stay alive.

Dean:
Yeah, I guess.

Sam:
Shapeshifter. Just like back at St. Louis. Same retinal reaction to video.

Dean:
Eyes flare at the camera. I hate those freaking things.

Sam:
You think I don't?

Dean:
Well yeah, but one didn't turn into you and frame you for murder.

Dean:
I like him [the security guard], he says 'okey-dokey'.

Sam:
What if he's the shifter?

Dean:
Well, then we follow him home, put a silver bullet in his chest.

Dean:
Looks like Mr. Okey-dokey is... okey-dokey.

Ronald:
This is not a robbery! Everybody on the floor, now!

Dean:
And you said we shouldn't bring guns.

Sam:
I didn't know this was gonna happen, Dean.

Dean:
Yeah, just let me do the talking. I don't think he likes you very much, Agent Johnson.

Ronald:
I knew it. As soon as you two left. You ain't FBI. Who are you? Who are you working for, huh? The Men in Black? You working for the mandroid ?

Sam:
We're not working for the mandroid.

Ronald:
You shut up! I ain't talking to you, I don't like you!

Sam:
Fair enough.

Dean:
I'm not just gonna walk in here naked!

Sherri:
(about Dean) Who is that man?

Sam:
He's my brother.

Sherri:
He is so brave! (Sam rolls eyes)

Ronald:
It's so weird. Its robot skin is so lifelike.

Dean:
Okay, let's get something straight. It's-it's not a mandroid. It's a shape-shifter.

Ronald:
Shape-shifter?

Dean:
Yeah. It's human. More or less. Has human drives, you know. In this case, it's money. But it generates its own skin. It can- it can shape it to match someone else's features. You know. Tall or short or male - -

Ronald:
So, it kills someone and takes their place?

Dean:
Kills 'em, doesn't kill 'em. I don't think it matters. [Taking a knife on the desk.]

Ronald:
What are you doing?

Dean:
Nice. Remember the old werewolf stories? Pretty much came from these guys. Silver is the only thing I've seen that hurts them. Come on, Ronald.

Dean:
Are you nuts?

Ronald:
That's just it, I'm not nuts. I mean, I was so scared that I was losing my marbles, but this is real! I mean, I was right! Except for the mandroid thing, thank you.

Dean:
Yeah, don't mention it.

(Dean opens vault where hostages are being hidden)

Sherri:
Oh my god! You saved us. You saved us!

Dean:
Actually, I just found a few more. C'mon everybody, let's go, let's go. (pushes more hostages in)

Dean:
Ron!!! Out of the light.

Police Officer:
Crap.

Lt. Robarts:
What?

Police Officer:
The Feds are here.

Lt. Robarts:
Ah crap.

Lt. Robarts:
(about the Feds taking over the situation) Let me guess. You're lead dog now, but you would just love my full cooperation.

Hendrickson:
I don't give a rat's ass what you do. You can go get a doughnut and bang your wife for all I care.

Hendrickson:
: [on the phone, in the command center] This is Special Agent Victor Hendrickson.

Dean:
Yeah, listen, I'm not really in the negotiating mood right now.

Hendrickson:
Good. Me neither.

Dean:
So-

Hendrickson:
It's my job to bring you in; alive's a bonus but not necessary.

Dean:
Whoa. That's kinda harsh for a Federal Agent, don't you think?

Hendrickson:
Well, you're not the typical suspect, are you, Dean? [Dean looks horrified] I want you and Sam out here, unarmed. Or we come in. And yes, I know about Sam, too. Bonnie to your Clyde.

Dean:
Yeah, well, that part's true, but how'd you even know we were here?

Hendrickson:
Go screw yourself, that's how I knew. It's become my job to know about you, Dean. I've been looking for you for weeks now. I know about the murder in St. Louis, I know about the Houdini act you pulled in Baltimore. I know about the desecrations and the thefts. I know about your dad.

Dean:
[darkly] Hey, you don't know crap about my dad.

Hendrickson:
Ex-marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of whacko he was. White supremacist, Timmy McVeigh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.

Dean:
You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero.

Hendrickson:
Yeah. Right. Sure sounds like it. You have one hour to make a decision or we come through those doors full automatic.

Dean:
[pounds his forehead in frustration as he hangs up the phone.]

Dean:
Is that community theater or are you naturally that good?

Dean:
We are so screwed.

Sam:
So, no disturbances lately?

Gloria:
You mean am I stark raving cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

Sam:
And this angel…

Gloria:
Spoke God's word.

Sam:
And the word was… to kill someone?

Dean:
Man, you gotta to try this because there really is magic in the magic fingers.

Sam:
Dean. You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.

Sam:
She's living in a locked ward, and she's totally at peace.

Dean:
Oh yeah, you're right. Sounds completely sane.

Dean:
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!

Sam:
Wait. There's no such thing as unicorns?

Dean:
That's cute.

Dean:
I'm just saying, man, there's some legends that you just...you file under "Bull Crap".

Sam:
And you got angels on the "Bull Crap" list?

Dean:
Yep.

Sam:
Why?

Dean:
Because I've never seen one.

Sam:
So what?

Dean:
So, I believe in what I can see.

Sam:
Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn't even dream about.

Dean:
Exactly, with our own eyes. That's hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed, that we would have crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a demon or a spirit. You know? they find people a few fries short of a Happy Meal and they trick them into killing these randoms.

Dean:
Well, I think I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Year's, or you might get filleted by hooker from God. HA!

Sam:
I'm laughing on the inside.

Dean:
Did you bring quarters? (Sam glances at the timer)

Sam:
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.

Dean:
What are you talkin' about, I eat!

Father Reynolds:
So, you're interested in joining parish?

Dean:
Yeah, well you know, we just don't feel right unless we hit church every Sunday. So-

Father Reynolds:
Where'd you say you lived before?

Sam:
Uh...

Dean:
(interrupting) Freedmont, Texas.

Father Reynolds:
Really? That's a nice town. St. Theresa's parish. You must know the priest there.

Dean:
Sure, yeah... no, it's Father... O'Malley.

Father Reynolds:
I know a Father Shaughnessy.

Dean:
Shaughnessy. Exactly...what did I say?

Dean:
Look, I'll admit, I'm a bit of a skeptic. But since when are you all Mr. 700 Club? No, seriously, from the get-go, you've been willing to buy this angel crap, man. What's next, you're going to start praying everyday?

Sam:
I do.

Dean:
What?

Sam:
I do pray everyday. I have for a long time.

Dean:
Things you learn about a guy.

Sam:
Dean, I saw an angel! (Dean offers him flask) I don't want a drink.

Sam:
It appeared before me and I just... this feeling washed over me. You know? Like peace. Like grace.

Dean:
Okay, ecstasy boy. Maybe we'll get you some glow sticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat.

Sam:
Dean, the angel hasn't been wrong yet! Someone's gonna do something awful, and I can stop it!

Dean:
You know, you're supposed to be bad, too, Sam. Maybe, maybe I should just stop you right now.

Sam:
You know what, Dean, I don't understand! Why can't you even consider the possibility?

Dean:
What, that this is an angel?

Sam:
Yes! Maybe we're hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God's will!

Dean:
Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's-hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that -- Mom. She used to tell me when she'd tuck me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me.

Sam:
You never told me that.

Dean:
What's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God. There's just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere. It rips you to shreds. So, you want me to believe in this stuff? I'm gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any?

Dean:
We'll summon Gregory's spirit.

Sam:
What? Here? In the church?

Dean:
Yeah. You know, we just, we need a few odds and ends, and that séance ritual in Dad's journal.

Sam:
Ha! A séance, great. I hope Whoopi's available.

Dean:
If Father Gregory's spirit is around, the séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, then we'll put him to rest.

Sam:
What if it's an angel? It won't show, nothing will happen.

Dean:
Exactly. It's one of the perks of the job, Sam, we don't have to operate on faith. We can know for sure. Don't you want to know for sure?

Sam:
Dude, all right, I'll admit, we've gone pretty ghetto with spell work before, but this takes the cake! I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!

Dean:
We'll just put it Spongebob-side down.

Father Reynolds:
What are you doing? What is this?

Sam:
Father, please, I can explain. Um... actually, maybe I can't. Um, this is, uh, a séance.

Father Reynolds:
A séance? Young man, you are in a house of God!

Sam:
It's based on early Christian rites if that helps any.

Father Reynolds:
Enough! (grabs Sam's arm and starts leading him back to the main church) You're coming with me. (a bright light starts shining, behind them)

Father Reynolds:
You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels.

Father Reynolds:
I prayed for God's help, not this. What you're doing is not God's will. Thou shalt not kill. That's the word of God.

Sam:
I don't know, Dean, I just, uh... I wanted to believe so badly. It's so damned hard to do this, what we do. All alone, you know. And…there's so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up…

Dean:
Yeah, well, don't worry about that, all right? I'm watching out for you.

Sam:
Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And that maybe I…

Dean:
Maybe what?

Sam:
Maybe I could be saved.

Sam:
Dean, what did you see?

Dean:
Maybe... God's will.

Sam:
I don't think it's my blood.

Dean:
Whose is it?

Sam:
I don't know.

Dean:
Sam, what the hell happened?

Sam:
Dean…I don't remember anything.

Sam:
What'd you find out?

Dean:
You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. Of course, I think the scariest part about this whole thing is the fact that you're a Bon Jovi fan.

(referring to an old, beat-up VW bug)

Dean:
Oh, please tell me you didn't steal this.

Dean:
You getting any goose bumps yet? God-this-looks-familiar, déjà vu vibes?

Dean:
This guy? (to Sam) You were drinking malt liquor?

Clerk:
Not after he whipped the bottle at my friggin' head!

Dean:
This guy?

Clerk:
Wh-what, am I speaking Urdu?...

Clerk:
Why don't you ask him?

Dean:
'Cause I'm asking you. Now, please, you'd be doing me a huge favor, okay?

Clerk:
Oh, do you a favor? Well, that is what I live for.

Dean:
You saw him (Sam) smoking?

Clerk:
Yeah, guy's a chimney.

Dean:
What's going on with you, Sam? Hm? 'Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people -- I mean, that sounds more like me than you.

Dean:
You never told me this.

Sam:
I didn't want to scare you.

Dean:
Well, bang up job on that.

Dean:
No one can control you but you.

Sam:
It sure doesn't seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I'm-I'm just becoming-

Dean:
What?

Sam:
Who I'm meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean. I've gotta face up to who I am.

Dean:
I didn't mean this!

Sam:
But it's still true! You know that! Dad knew that, too! That's why he told you if it ever came to this-

Dean:
Shut up, Sam!

Sam:
Dean, you promised him. You promised me.

Dean:
No. Listen to me. We're gonna figure this out, okay? I mean, there's gotta be a way, right?

Sam:
Yeah, there is. [He takes his gun from his bag and holds it out to Dean.] I don't wanna hurt anyone else. I don't wanna hurt you.

Dean:
You won't. Whatever this is…you can fight it.

Sam:
No. I can't. Not forever. [He begins to tear up.] Here, you've gotta do it. [He puts the gun in Dean's hand]

Dean:
You know, I've tried so hard to keep you safe.

Sam:
I know. [Dean pauses for a long time, looking at the gun.]

Dean:
I can't. [beat] I'd rather die. [He drops the gun on the floor.]

Sam:
No. You'll live. [He picks up a second gun and turns to Dean.] You'll live to regret this. [He knocks Dean out with the gun and leaves the room.]

Manager:
It's past checkout and I've got a couple here who needs a room.

Dean:
(looks at hooker and customer in hall) Yeah, I bet they do.

Dean:
(talking on the phone) Hi, so sorry to bother you but, my son snuck out of the house last night and went to a Justin Timberlake concert.. What?.. yeah.. Justin is quite the triple threat.

Sam:
(sing-song to Jo) My daddy shot your daddy in the head.

Dean:
Sam!

Sam:
I begged you to stop me, Dean!

Dean:
Put the knife down, damn it!

Sam:
I told you, I can't fight it! My head feels like it's on fire, all right?! Dean, kill me, or I'm gonna kill her! Please! You'd be doing me a favor. Shoot me. Shoot me! [Dean pauses a long time, ready to shoot.]

Dean:
No, Sammy, come on. [He lowers the gun.]

Sam:
What the hell is wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you'd rather let Jo die?!

Dean:
Why didn't you kill me? You had a dozen chances.

Meg possessing Sam:
Naw, that would have been too easy. Where's the fun in that? See, this was a test. I wanted to see if I could push you far enough to waste Sam. Should've known you wouldn't have the sack. Anyway, fun's over now.

Meg possessing Sam:
One look at Sam's dewy, sensitive eyes, they'll let me right in their door.

Dean:
I'll call you later, okay? (leaves)

Jo:
No, you won't.

Bobby:
Where's Dean?

Meg possessing Sam:
Holed up somewhere with a girl and a twelve-pack.

Bobby:
Yeah? Is she pretty?

Meg possessing Sam:
You ask me, he's in way over his head.

Bobby:
Don't try and con a con man

Meg possessing Sam:
Dean, back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach.

Dean:
How 'bout I smack that smartass right outta your mouth?

Meg possessing Sam:
Oh, careful now. Wouldn't wanna bruise this fine packaging.

Meg possessing Sam:
Sam's still my meat puppet. I'll make him bite off his tongue.

Dean:
No, you won't be in him long enough. Bobby? [Bobby starts chanting an exorcism] See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up -- [Sam screams in pain] -- you're not getting Sam. You understand me? 'Cause I'm gonna kill every one of you first.

Meg possessing Sam:
You really think that's what this is about? The master plan? I don't give a rat's ass about the master plan.

Meg possessing Sam:
You know, when people wanna describe the worst possible thing, they say, "It's like hell." [He punches Dean.] Well, there's a reason for that. Hell is like -- [he punches Dean again] -- well, it's like hell. Even for demons. [Another punch.] It's a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. [Another punch.] And you sent me back there.

Dean:
Meg.

Meg possessing Sam:
No. Not anymore. Now, I'm Sam. [Another punch.] By the way -- [he grabs Dean's shoulder, where Dean has a very tender bullet wound] -- I saw your dad there. He says, "Howdy." All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day, and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow. Like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it's nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your dad. And deep down…you know that you can't save your brother. They'd have been better off without you.

Dean:
Sammy...

Sam:
(demon had just left Sam's body): Did I miss anything?

(Dean punches him)

Sam:
By the way, you really look like crap, Dean.

Dean:
Yeah, right back at ya.

Bobby:
Here, take these.

Sam:
What are they?

Bobby:
Charms. They'll fend off possession. That demon's still out there. This'll stop it from getting back up in ya.

Dean:
That sounds vaguely dirty, but er, thanks.

Dean:
You OK?

Sam:
[doesn't answer]

Dean:
Sam? Is that you in there?

Sam:
No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.

Dean:
It was the right move, Sam. It wasn't you.

Sam:
Yeah, this time. What about next time?

Dean:
Sam, when Dad told me... that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you.

Dean:
[starts to laugh]

Sam:
What?

Dean:
[continues to laugh] Nothing.

Sam:
Dean! What!?

Dean:
Dude, you [chuckles] you like full on had a girl up inside of you for like a week. [both laugh]That's pretty naughty.

Sam:
Dude you mind not eating those on my bed?

Dean:
No, I don't mind. How's the research going?

Sam:
You know how it's going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.

Dean:
Mm.

Sam:
Can you turn that down, please?

Dean:
Yeah, absolutely. [He raises the volume louder.]

Sam:
You know what? Maybe you should just go somewhere for a while, huh?

Dean:
[turning the music off] Hey, I'd love to. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, my car's all screwed to hell.

Jen:
So now she haunts the building, and anyone who sees her… they don't live to tell the tale.

Curtis:
Well, if no one lives to tell the tale, then how does the tale get told?

Dean:
Woah, woah, woah, woah... hold on a minute!!

Sam:
What?

Dean:
C'mon dude, that's not how it happened!

Sam:
No? So you never drank a purple nurple?

Dean:
Yeah maybe that, but I don't say things like "fiesty little wildcat" and her name wasn't Starla.

Sam:
Then what was it?

Dean:
(pauses) I don't know... but she was a classy chick. She was a grad student. Anthropology and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories.

Starla:
My God, you are attractive!

Dean:
Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please? Lives are at stake.

Starla:
[staring at Dean] I'm sorry, I just… I can't even concentrate. It's like staring…into the sun.

Sam:
Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah... blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah!

Bobby:
You're bickering like an old married couple.

Dean:
No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, Siamese twins.

Sam:
[angry] It's conjoined twins.

Dean:
See what I mean?

Trickster:
Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.

Sam:
Dude... were you on my computer?

Dean:
...no...

Sam:
Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now, on...uh bustyasianbeauties.com?

Sam:
Dean! Would you just -- don't touch my stuff anymore, okay?

Dean:
Why don't you control your OCD?

Dean:
You've gotta give those Purple Nurples a shot!

Curtis:
They did tests on me, and um…[he takes a shot] -- they, uh…they probed me. [Dean and Sam try not to laugh.]

Dean:
They probed you?

Curtis:
Yeah. They probed me. Again and again and again and -- [takes a shot] -- and again and again and again and then one more time.

Dean:
[deadpan] Yikes.

Curtis:
And that's not even the worst of it.

Dean:
How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch!

Curtis:
They… they made me…slow dance!

Sam:
I'm telling you, Dean. This was made by some kind of jet engine.

Dean:
What? You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?

Sam:
Look, man, I know this all has to be so hard.

Frat Boy:
Um, not so much...

Sam:
But I want you to know…I'm here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C'mere… [hugs frat boy] You're too precious for this world!

(cuts back to Sam and Dean telling the story to Bobby)

Sam:
I never said that!

Dean:
You're always saying pansy stuff like that.

Dean:
These punishments, they're almost poetic. Well, actually they'd be more like a limerick, but still…

Dean:
Why would I take your computer?

Sam:
Because no one else could have, Dean. We keep the door locked, we never let any maids in.

Dean:
[smirking] Looks like you lost it, Poindexter.

Sam:
Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.

Dean:
What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around!

Sam:
Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink? Your food in the fridge?

Dean:
What's wrong with my food?

Sam:
It's not food any more, Dean! It's Darwinism!

Dean:
[to himself] I like it.

Sam:
How would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?

Dean:
It'd be the last thing you ever did.

Bobby:
Did you take his computer?

Dean:
It serves him right, but no.

Sam:
Well, I didn't lose it. 'Cause I don't lose things.

Dean:
Oh, that's right. Yeah, 'cause he's Mister Perfect.

Dean:
This couldn't get any weirder.

Sam:
Yeah, maybe we should get some help. I'll call Bobby. Maybe he's run into something like this before.

Dean:
Oh, I'm sure he has. It's just your typical haunted campus, alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it's simple.

Sam:
Hey, give me back my money.

Dean:
Oh, no. No. Consider it reparations for emotional trauma.

Sam:
Yeah, very funny. Now give it back. [He tries to grab it, but Dean swipes it away.]

Dean:
No.

Sam:
Dean, I have had it up to here with you.

Dean:
Yeah, right back at ya.

[Sam tries again to grab the money, but Dean keeps it out of reach. Sam keeps grabbing until they both fall onto the bed, wrestling for the money.]

Dean:
Get off me!

Sam:
Give it back!

Bobby:
I'm surprised at you two. I really am. Sam, first off -- Dean did not steal your computer.

Sam:
But I-

Bobby:
Shh! And Dean, Sam did not touch your car.

Sam:
Yeah!

Bobby:
And if you two bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it all would've been pretty clear.

Dean:
What?

Bobby:
What you're dealing with.

Sam:
Uh…

Dean:
I've got nothing.

Sam:
Me neither.

Bobby:
You've got a Trickster on your hands.

Dean:
[snapping his fingers] That's what I thought.

Sam:
What? No, you didn't!

Dean:
Look man, I gotta tell you, I dig your style, Alright. I mean, I do. I mean… phew! And the, uh, the slow dancing alien...

Trickster:
One of my personal favorites.

Sam:
Look, Dean, um, I just wanna say, that I'm, uh...um...

Dean:
Hey... me too.

Bobby:
You guys are breaking my heart. Can we please just leave?!

Molly:
Isn't this argument a little archaic? Men can ask directions these days.

David:
No we can't. It's against our genetic code.

Dean:
Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?

Molly:
How did you know that?

Dean:
Lucky guess.

Sam:
It wasn't a coincidence that we found you, all right.

Molly:
What are you talking about?

Dean:
We weren't just cruisin' for chicks when we ran into you, sister, we were already out here... hunting.

Molly:
Hunting for what?

Dean:
(pauses) Ghosts.

Sam:
(sarcastically) Don't sugarcoat it for her.

Dean:
Follow the creepy brick road.

Dean:
You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house.

Molly:
I don't understand how a guy like this can turn into that monster.

Sam:
Well, spirits like Greely are like wounded animals. Lost... in so much pain they... that they lash out.

Molly:
Why? Why are they here?

Sam:
There's some part of them that... that's keeping them here. Like their remains, or unfinished business.

Molly:
Unfinished business?

Sam:
Yeah. It could be revenge. It could be love, or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped. Caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over.

Molly:
You sound almost sorry for them.

Sam:
Well, they weren't evil people, you know. A lot of them were good, just something happened to them. Something they couldn't control.

Dean:
Sammy's always gettin' a little J. Love Hewitt when it comes to this. Me, I don't like 'em. And I'm sure as hell ain't makin' apologies for 'em.

Dean:
It smells like old lady in here.[after seeing the corpse] And that would explain why.

Sam:
It's an old country custom, Dean, planting a tree as a grave marker.

Dean:
[Pauses] You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.

Sam:
Yeah, I know.

Molly:
[after Dean saves her from Greely] Oh, thank God!

Dean:
Call me Dean.

Sam:
Dean, I don't think she knows she's dead.

Sam:
Look if you wanna go in there, we're not gonna stop you.

Dean:
Yeah, but you are gonna freak him right out.. for life.

Dean:
I guess she wasn't so bad. For a ghost. You think she's really going to a better place?

Sam:
I hope so.

Dean:
I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?

Sam:
It doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point.

Dean:
Well alright, Haley Joel, let's hit the road.

Dean:
And the lunar cycles?

Sam:
Uh-huh. Yeah, month after month all the murders happen in the week leading up to the full moon.

Dean:
Which is this week, right?

Sam:
Hence the lawyer.

Dean:
Awesome.

Sam:
Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?

Dean:
I'm sorry man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids.

Sam:
Okay, Sparky. And you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland!

[The Brothers are interviewing Madison about her boss]

Madison:
You got a few scotches in him and he started hitting on anyone in a five mile radius. You know the type.

Sam:
[glances at Dean] Yeah, I do.

[The Brothers are checking Madison's boyfriend's apartment]

Sam:
Anything?

Dean:
Nah, nothin' but leftovers and a six-pack.

Sam:
Check the freezer. Maybe there's some human hearts behind the Haagen Daz or something.

Dean:
You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick.

Sam:
Dude, why do you get always get to hang out with the girls?

Dean:
Because I'm older.

Sam:
No, screw that. We settle this the old fashion way. [They do rock, paper, scissors. Dean chooses scissors and loses.] Dean always with the scissors.

Dean:
Shut up, shut up. Two out of three! [They do rock paper scissors again and Dean chooses scissors and loses again.]

[Sam and Madison have just finished watching a few episodes of All My Children, which Sam seems to be enthralled with]

Sam:
Wait, so, so Kendall married Ethan's father just to get back at him?

Madison:
Yup and now she's set to inherit all the casinos that were supposed to go to Ethan.

Sam:
What a bitch!

[At a strip club]

Dean:
I found him.

Sam:
Good?! Don't take your eyes off of him.

[Dean takes a glance past the stripper whose dancing in front of him to Madison's ex-boyfriend. Then he looks back at the stripper.]

Dean:
Oh yeah, my eyes are glued.

Dean:
[Walks in and sees Madison tied to a chair.] How you doing? My head feels great, thanks.

Sam:
She says she has no idea what I'm talking about.

Dean:
She's lying.

Sam:
Or maybe she really doesn't know she's changing, you know? Maybe...maybe when the creature takes over, she blacks out.

Dean:
Like a really hot Incredible Hulk. Come on dude, she ganked her boss and her ex-boyfriend. That doesn't sound rash and unconscious.

Sam:
Yeah, but what if it was Dean? I mean, what if some animal part of her brain saw both of those guys as threats? Hell the cop, too.

Dean:
What are you the dog whisperer now?

Madison:
You know for a stake out, your car's a bit conspicuous. What are you still doing here?

Dean:
Honestly? Ah...We're pretty sure you're not gonna turn tonight, but we gotta be 100%. So...You know, we're...lurking.

Dean:
Sammy, check it out. It's Matt Damon.

Sam:
Yeah, pretty sure that's not Matt Damon.

Dean:
No, it is.

Sam:
Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.

Dean:
Yeah, well he's probably researching a role or something.

Sam:
They're saying the set's haunted.

Dean:
Like Poltergeist?

Sam:
It could be a poltergeist.

Dean:
No, no, no, the movie Poltergeist... You know nothing of your cultural heritage, do you?

Dean:
What's a PA?

Sam:
I think they're kinda like slaves.

McG:
Marty, what do you think?

Martin:
Not married to salt, what do you want? We still sticking with condiments?

McG:
Just sounds different, not better. What else would a ghost be scared of?

Walter Dixon:
Aww, ya gotta be kidding me.

Martin:
[Aside] What would a ghost be scared of?

Martin:
Maybe shotguns.

McG:
K, that makes even less sense than salt.

Dean:
This map is totally worth the five bucks. Hey, we gotta go check out Joey Ramone's grave when we're done.

Sam:
You wanna dig him up too?

Dean:
Bite your tongue, heathen.

Sam:
You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. 'Cause, I mean, it kinda does.

Martin:
(after Dean saves his life) You are one hell of a P.A.

Dean:
(Imitating John McClane) Come out to the coast. We'll get together. Have a few laughs.

Tara:
(after Dean leaves her trailer) You're one hell of a P.A.

Dean:
(Taking a mug shot photo) I call this one my Blue Steel.

Dean:
Well it's about time. I'll have a cheeseburger...extra onions.

Hendrickson:
You think you're funny.

Dean:
I think I'm adorable.

Dean:
(walking into the prison) Don't worry, Sam. I promise I won't trade you for smokes.

Sam:
(asking about Mark Moody, the guy Dean consider to be the ghost) You're sure it's him?

Dean:
Pretty sure.

Sam:
Dean, considering our circumstances I'm gonna need a little bit better than 'pretty sure'.

Dean:
Really pretty sure.

Criminal:
Are you talking to me? I said are you talking to me?

Dean:
Oh great, another guy who's seen Taxi Driver one to many times.

Dean:
I said I wish I had a baseball. You know, like Steve McQueen.

Lucas:
Yeah? Well, I wish I had a bat. So to bash your freaking head in.

Dean:
Yeah. So much for the bonding solitary moment.

Randall:
Why're you inside kid?

Sam:
Cause I got an idiot for a brother.

Randall:
That'll do it.

Dean:
(after winning a poker game and collecting the won cigarettes) It's like picking low hanging fruit.

Sam:
You don't even smoke.

Dean:
Are you kidding me? It's the currency of the realm.

Dean:
How we gonna get in?

Sam:
I got a plan.

Dean:
That's the Sammy I know. Come on, man, you're like Clint Eastwood from 'Escape from Alcatraz'.

Sam:
The problem is even if we do find something, how are we gonna burn it? We don't have any accelerant.

Dean:
It's a good thing I'm like James Garner from 'The Great Escape'. (continues collecting the cigarettes)

Dean:
(asking about Sam's distracting attention plan) Are you sure about this?

Sam:
"Pretty sure."

Dean:
"Considering the circumstances I'd like a little better than 'pretty sure'."

Sam:
"Okay... really pretty sure"

Dean:
(lining for noodles) I'd like mine al dente.

Dean:
Save room for dessert, Tiny, hehehe. Hey, I'd wanna ask you, 'cos I couldn't help but notice that you are two tons of fun. Just curious, is it like thyroid problem or is this some deep seeded self-esteem issue? 'Cause you know, they're just donuts, they're not love.

Dean:
(Talking about a guy who was killed) Poor Tiny, man. Poor giant Tiny.

(After Dean tells Sam that the ghost chased after him.)

Sam:
Dean, does it bother you at all how easily you seem to fit in here?

Dean:
No, not really.

Deacon:
(breaking up Sam and Dean's fight, grabs Dean) Alright, hard case, I see the usual methods ain't gonna work with you. (throws Dean at another guard who handcuffs him, grabs Sam by his collar) You too, sweetheart.

Dean:
(receiving letter from the lawyer) Would you look at that? I am freaking velvety smooth.

Sam:
You maybe wanna open it up after, you know, you're done slapping yourself on the back?

Dean:
(after finding Impala outside the prison) Oh man, are you a sight for sore eyes.

Sam:
I thought we were screwed before.

Dean:
Yeah, yeah, I know, we gotta go deep this time.

Sam:
Deep? Dean, we should go to Yemen!

Dean:
I'm not sure I'm ready to go that deep.

Sam:
Dean?

Dean:
Sam.

Sam:
What's going on?

Dean:
I don't know. I don't know where I am.

Sam:
What? What happened?

Dean:
The Djinn, it.. it attacked me.

Sam:
The Gin? You're drinking Gin?

Professor:
Well, I don't think I've seen you in my class before.

Dean:
Are you kiddn' me? I love your lectures. You... [thinks, grinning] ... you make learning fun.

[repeated line to Dean] Have you been drinking?

(Sam, his mother, Professor, Carmen)

Dean:
How did I end up with such a cool chick?

Carmen:
I just got low standards.

Dean:
We don't? Well, we should. I mean, you're my brother.

Sam:
You're my brother?

Dean:
Yeah!

Sam:
You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nayv.

Dean:
Who?

Sam:
Uh, my prom date. On prom night.

Dean:
[under his breath] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me.

Dean:
I'm dating a nurse. That is so...respectable.

Dean:
[to his Dad's grave] So go hunt the Djinn. It put you here, it could put you back. Your happiness for all these people's lives. No contest. Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married.. Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? It's [long pause] yeah.. [walks away]

Dean:
[Sam hears someone downstairs and goes looking with a baseball bat. Dean puts him down] That was so easy, I'm embarrassed for you.

Dean:
Bitch.

Sam:
What are you calling me a bitch for?

Dean:
You're supposed to say Jerk.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
... never mind.

Sam:
I thought it was supposed to be this perfect fantasy.

Dean:
It wasn't. It was just a wish. I wished for Mom to live. Mom never died, we never went hunting and you and me just never... ya know.

Sam:
Well, I'm glad we do.

Dean:
Don't forget the extra onions this time!

Sam:
Dude, I'm the one who's gonna have to ride in the car with your extra onions.

Dean:
Hey, see if they've got any pie. Bring me some pie. Love me some pie.

Sam:
I have visions. I see things before they happen.

Ava:
Yeah. Me, too.

Andy:
Yeah, and I can put thoughts into people's heads. Like, make them do stuff. Oh, but don't worry, I don't think it works on you guys. Oh, but get this -- I've been practicing. Training my brain, like meditation. Right? So now, it's not just thoughts I can beam out, but images, too. Like, anything I want. It's just like: Bam! They see it. This one guy I know -- total dick, right? I used it on him: gay porn. All hours of the day. [laughs] It was just like...you should have seen the look on his face.

Jake:
Salt is a weapon?

Sam:
It's a brave new world.

Andy:
(reading Dean's receipt) D. Hasselhoff?

Sam:
Yeah. It's Dean's signature. It's hard to explain.

Dean:
(just had a vision) That was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels.

Sam:
I thought we were supposed to be...

Azazel:
Soldiers? In the coming war? That's true. You are. But here's the thing. I don't need soldiers. I need... soldier. I just need the one.

Azazel:
(To Sam) You're though, you're smart, you're well-trained; thanks to your daddy. Sam, Sammy, you're my favourite!"

Sam:
What about my mom?

Azazel:
That was bad luck.

Sam:
Bad luck?

Azazel:
She walked in... on us, wrong place wrong time.

Sam:
What does that mean?

Azazel:
It wasn't about her, it was about you, its always been about you.

Dean:
(to Sam as he's dying, seeing the wound) Look at me. It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? Sammy? Sam! Hey! Listen to me. We're going to patch you up, okay? You'll be as good as new. Huh? I'm gonna take care of you? I'm going to take care of you; I've got you, that's my job, right? Watch after my pain in the ass little brother. (realizes Sam is already dead) Sam? Sam? Sam?! Sammy?! No. No, no, no, no. Oh no come on. Oh God. (pulls Sam's body against his and yells) SAM!

Bobby:
I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down... End-of-the-world-big...

Dean:
[shouting] Well, then let it end!

Azazel:
Howdy, Jake.

Jake:
I - I'm dreaming, aren't I.

Azazel:
I got a genius on my hands. Well congratulations, Jake, you're it. Last man standing. The American Idol. I have to admit, you weren't the horse I was bettin' on. But still, I gotta give it to you.

Jake:
[scared] Go... to hell.

Azazel:
Been there. Done that.

Dean:
[to Sammy, before going to Crossroads] You know, when we were little, you couldn't have been more than five, you'd just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom; why do we always have to move around; where'd Dad go.. when he'd take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you, quit askin' Sammy, man, you don't wanna know. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. This was always my responsibility, you know. It's like, I had one job. I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down, and now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy... God... What am I supposed to do? [screams] What am I supposed to do?

Bobby:
(about Sam being alive) What did you do? [Dean doesn't answer, Bobby grabs and shakes him] What did you do? You made a deal for Sam didn't you? How long did they give you?

Dean:
Bobby...

Bobby:
How long!

Dean:
One year.

Bobby:
Damn it, Dean!

Dean:
Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. Its why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean,I got nothing to lose now, right?

Bobby:
[grabs Dean again] I could throttle you!

Dean:
What? And send me downstairs ahead of schedule?

Azazel:
[to Dean] How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that: "What's dead should stay dead."

Azazel:
[about to kill Dean with the Colt] I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family!

[The spirit of John Winchester appears and overpowers Azazel long enough for Dean to retrieve the Colt and kill him with it. Dean and Sam share an emotional moment with their father before he disappears]

Sam:
[Standing over Azazel's dead body] I kinda can't believe it Dean. I mean, our whole lives, everything, has been prepping for this. And now I...I kinda don't know what to say.

Dean:
I do. [to Azazel's body] That was for our ma, you son of a bitch!

Sam:
How long do you get?

Dean:
One year. I get one year.

Sam:
You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?

Dean:
Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to look out for you. That's my job!

Sam:
And what do you think my job is?

Dean:
What?

Sam:
You save my life! Over and over! Man, you sacrifice everything for me! Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

Dean:
[Drops the spent Colt in the trunk] We got work to do.

Dean [ Hey ]

Dean:
PUDDING!