Supernatural, Season 7

Castiel:
Once you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me.

Sam:
What new boss?

Crowley:
Castiel, you giraffe.

Bobby:
Is your boss?

Crowley:
He's everybody's boss! What do you think he's going to do when he finds out we've been conspiring? You do... want to conspire, don't you?

Bobby:
No, we want you to just stand there and look pretty.

Dean:
Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

Death:
Please, Cas. I know God, and you, sir, are no God.

Death:
(to Cas) Stupid little soldier you are.

Death:
Annoying little Protozoa, aren't they?

Dean:
That's 12 hours straight. I'm calling that rested. Here - hydrate and, um, protein-ate.

Sam:
Breakfast in bed.

Dean:
Don't get used to it.

Dean:
Well now wait, I got it. Why would the Devil holodeck you a whole new life when he could just kick your ass all over the Cage?

Sam:
'Cause, as he puts it...

Sam and Hallucifer Together:
You can't torture someone who has nothing left for you to take away.

Hallucifer :
Very good, Sam.

Dean :
Okay, fine. But this Malibu dream mansion that he, he, he makes for you to take away is this post-apocalyptic mess?

Hallucifer :
It had to be a mess, Sam, or you wouldn't believe it was your life.

Dean :
Wait. Are you seeing him right now?

Dean :
You know that he's not real. Right?

Sam:
He says the same thing about you.

Bobby:
Course. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother's in the bell jar, and purgatory's most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but you know, yeah, I get it. You're fine.

Mrs Hackett:
Did you know a study showed that 3/4 of doctors cheat on their exams? He might not know your appendix from your vagina.

Dean:
If you think I'm leaving you here alone...

Bobby:
Hey, what am I, chopped brains on toast?

Bobby:
Either Sheriff Mills is having an ObamaCare insured opium dream, or something's eating folks down at Sioux Falls General Hospital.

Edgar:
Why can't they scream?

Dr Gaines:
Oh, I severed their vocal chords, of course. It was a delicate procedure, but very doable.

Sheriff Jodie Mills:
Bobby Singer - my hero!

Bobby:
That's the roofies talking

Dean:
I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. Believe in that. Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You've gotta make it stone number one and build on it.

Dean:
You cannot be in that crater back there. I can't… If you're gone, I swear I am gonna strap my Beautiful Mind brother into the car and I'm gonna drive us off the pier.

Dean:
Where's the pie?

Sam:
You got cake. That's close enough, right?

Young Amy:
All the coolest people are freaks.

Dean:
(after punching Sam for taking the Impala) New rule, you steal my baby, you get punched! What the hell were you thinking Sam! Running off like that! For all I know Satan could've been callin' your plays.

Young Sam:
We're always on the road...I've seen the world's biggest Ball of Twine twice.

Young Amy:
Three times! Not that big.

Young Sam:
Right?

Young Sam:
That's my dad and brother in the Impala. You're a monster.

Young Amy:
You're a hunter. So you're supposed to kill me? And I'm supposed to kill you?

Leviathan:
Plain old people taste fine, but everything is better with cheese.

Sam:
Look I see the way you look at me Dean - like I'm a grenade and you're waiting for me to go off.

Dean:
Sam...

Sam:
I'm not going off. Look I might be a freak but that's not the same as dangerous.

Sam:
(about the EMF meter) It's going crazy. Some kind of ghost maybe?

Dean:
With a license? A license to kill!

Sam:
Objection!

Osiris:
Grounds?

Sam:
Witnesses being called without prior notice.

Dean:
Good one!

Sam:
I saw it on The Good Wife

Dean:
Wait a second, do dogs even have ghosts?

Osiris:
Don't you think that your brother dragged you back into that catastrophic mess because he'd rather damn you with him than be alone?

Jo:
He was right about one thing, you know.

Dean:
What, your massive crush on me?

Jo:
(smiling) Shut up. You carry all kinds of crap you don't have to Dean. Kind of gets clearer when you're dead.

Dean:
Well in that case you should able to see I am 90% crap. I get rid of that, what then?

Jo:
You really want to die not knowing?

Jo:
You know, I'd never do this.

Dean:
I know.

Jo:
I guess it's his thing. Some kind of twisted eye for an eye.

Dean:
Its okay.

Jo:
No, it's not. You deserved better.

Dean:
No, you did. You deserved better Jo.

Jo:
Dean, my life was good. Really.

Dean:
He was right you know, that dick judge - about me.

Jo:
No, he wasn't.

Dean:
You were a kid.

Jo:
Not true.

Dean:
You and Sam. And I just, you know... Hunters are never kids. I never was. I didn't stop to think about it.

Jo:
It's not your fault. It wasn't on you.

Dean:
No, but I didn't want to do it alone. Who does? The right thing would have been to send your ass back home to your mom.

Dean:
You might see things different now, call it a runner's high or something. But that doesn't mean something is going on with me. Okay?

Sam:
Yeah, okay.

Dean:
No, don't say 'yeah, okay', like [mocks him] 'Yeah, okay'.

Sam:
Yeah, okay.

Dean:
It's kind of like Bewitched. Don's Darrin, doesn't even know it, lots of laughs until you cheat on your wife

Sam:
A Bewitched reference. Really?

Dean:
Hey, Nicole Kidman was in the remake. Redhead, hello!

Dean:
That means we've got not just one pissed off witch, but two. It's full on War of the Roses.

Don Stark:
Does 1492 ring any bells?

Maggie Stark:
The man was about to set sail! He could possibly fall of the edge of the Earth! I took pity. So?

Don:
I told you! Nothing happened with the Medici chick!

Frank Devereaux:
Well I'll be darned. Psycho Butch and Sundance.

Dean:
Nobody puts baby in a corner!

Sam:
You know that's a line from...

Dean:
Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!

Leviathan Dean:
(talking about a burger) You know, he has one of these every day? And in his heart, he thinks they're almost as good as sex. This? (gesturing with the burger) Is disgusting.

Leviathan Sam:
(pushing away his own plate) Dead plants with creamy goo. It's like eating self-righteousness.

Leviathan Sam:
You know I had a brother with this many issues once.

Leviathan Dean:
Yeah?

Leviathan Sam:
You know what I did?

Leviathan Dean:
Mmm?

Leviathan Sam:
I ate him.

Leviathan Dean:
Of course you did.

Leviathan Sam:
Idea: you want to trade? I mean, I'll take "Chuckles" over "Schizo".

Leviathan Dean:
No, I like this one's hair better. You can stay in the big one.

Waiter:
(to Dean) You're a virile manifestation of the divine.

Sam:
He broke my spoon.

Museum Curator:
I'm sorry I don't normally do this during business hours, but do you know an Eleanor or an Ellen? She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you, pardon me, if you don't tell someone how bad it really is? She'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to trust someone again, eventually

Garth:
He said you'd be all surly and premenstrual working with me.

Crowley:
I have one rule: make a deal, keep it.

Guy:
Well technically, I didn't...

Crowley:
There's a reason we don't call our chips in early: consumer confidence. This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity. If this gets out, who'll deal with us? Nobody! Then, where are we?

Guy:
I don't know.

Crowley:
That's right, you don't, because you're a stupid, short-sighted little prat. Now, hand the jackass over, I'll cancel every deal he's made.

Dean:
What are you going to do with him?

Crowley:
Make an example of him.

Brandon:
Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird. TDK Slammer to Ken Doll. And a little Heart Smart for Creepy Uncle.

Bobby:
You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother.

Dean:
I think you pissed off my sandwich.

Dean:
Remember when Crowley kept going on about hating Dick? *brief pause* well, I thought he was just being general.

Sam:
Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a Pumpkinhead...and is currently turning Dean into an idiot.

Dean:
I'm right here, right here

Sam:
So you think [Dean]'s okay?

Bobby:
Yeah, he's alright

Sam:
Good. So... you don't worry about him?

Bobby:
You mean before the turducken?

Sam:
Yeah. I kinda mean, well, like ever since my head broke, and we lost Cas. You ever feel like he's going through the same motions but he's not the same Dean, ya know?

Bobby:
How could he be?

Bobby's Mom:
Why do you always provoke him?

Bobby's Dad:
Because he's a bad kid, that's why.

Bobby:
Well, that's a load of crap! Who the hell were you to say?

Bobby's Dad:
I'm your father, and you show your father respect.

Bobby:
The day he deserves it, you drunken bully! Punching women and kids, is that what they called "fatherhood" in your day?!

Bobby's Dad:
You deserved it, believe me, you were nothing but ungrateful.

Bobby:
I was a kid! Kids ain't supposed to be grateful! They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, you selfish dick! You died, and I was still so afraid I'd turn into you, I never even had kids of my own!

Bobby's Dad:
Good. You break everything you touch.

Bobby:
... uh-huh; well, as fate would have it, I adopted two boys and they grew up great. They grew up heroes! So you can go to hell!

Karen:
You were expecting Farrah Fawcett?

Bobby:
No, she always calls first.

Sam:
*two dvds, one of Chuck Norris and Jet Li come into focus* I'm just saying, look, you can't really compare.

Dean:
I don't even know you right now. There's not even a contest.

Sam:
It depends on the criteria.

Dean:
Survival is the only criteria. All right, and when the crap hits the fan, it's not about who has skill. It's about who's the bigger bad ass. *looks over at Bobby* Bobby, will you please tell Sam that Chuck Norris could kick Jet Li's ass. *continues to look at Bobby, who is still not with it, Sam looks on as well* *to Bobby, like nothing's wrong* Could you grab me a beer while you're in there?

Reaper:
Bobby... you've helped. You got handed a small, unremarkable life, and you did something with it. Most men like you die of liver disease, watching Barney Miller reruns. You've done enough. Believe me.

Bobby:
I don't care.

Reaper:
Why?

Bobby:
Because they're my boys.

Reaper:
This is your last chance to come with me, and move on. For your own good, Bobby, let go... they'll be okay without you.

Bobby:
Last memory, huh? Glad I saved the best for last.

Dean:
Alright scoot, jerkface, show your elders some respect.

Sam:
You scoot, asshat. *tosses popcorn at Dean*

Dean:
Did we get licorice?

Sam:
No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.

Dean:
I'm sorry, I-I didn't quite understand that, uh Mr. Peanut Butter-and-Banana-Sandwiches?

Sam:
You know what, I stand by that sandwich! Nobody likes licorice, it-it's made of dirt!

Dean:
It is a classic movie food! It's right up there with popcorn!

Sam:
Popcorn, really?

Dean:
Yes!

Sam:
You're outta your mind!

Dean:
What, it's like little chewy pieces of heaven!

Sam:
Chewy pieces of heaven if you're a girl!

Bobby:
[watches as Dean and Sam fade away]

Reaper:
Well, Bobby? Stay or go, what's it gonna be?

Frank:
Sure you're not a Leviathan. Dick Roman's not a Leviathan. Gwyneth Paltrow's not a Leviathan...

Frank:
You think it's this easy to see inside what's real, and also be bi-polar with delusional ideation. There's no pill for my situation sweetie-pop, so yeah the big mouths are onto me. Next question!

Dean:
What was she doing?

Frank:
Being a naughty, bossy little girl.

Dean:
I'd hate to ask for that in the non-porno version.

Dean:
I'm not gonna quit. That's not even an option. I'm not gonna walk out on my brother.

Frank:
Okay then, fine. Do what I did.

Dean:
What - go native? Stock up on C-rations?

Frank:
No, cupcake. What I did when I was 26 and came home to find my wife and two kids gutted on the floor. Decide to be fine til the end of the week. Make yourself smile because you're alive and that's your job. And do it again the next week.

Dean:
So, fake it?

Frank:
I call it being professional. Do it right, with a smile, or don't do it.

Frank:
Did I mention you look awful?

Dean:
Yes, maybe because someone I cared about just got shot in the head. And this is like shoving a rock up a hill. And...screw you.

Dean:
You could too, you know. Go to college. Be a hunter slash pediatrician.

Krissy:
What century is this? No one fist bumps anymore.

Dean:
C'mon. Give it up!

Krissy:
You're a dweeb

Lee:
Ever know anyone who left the life?

Dean:
No - they all get killed first.

Sam:
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I hope you're watching cartoon smut, because reading Dick Roman crap over and over again is just self punishment.

Dean:
It's called anime. And it's an art form.

Sam:
What, you going to look at more anime or are you strictly into Dick now?

Dean:
Does this mean that I'm an Untouchable now?

Sam:
What's the plan here?

Dean:
Don't die.

Dean:
How does paper beat a rock? It's stupid.

Eliot:
Why do you think I went after Capone in the first place? Guy made the best hooch in Chicago.

Eliot:
Let's go kill that bastard. Because that...

Dean:
(Imitating Sean Connery) Is the Chicago way.

Ezra:
Chicago way?

Eliot:
Who the hell talks like that?

Dean:
Sean Connery.

Ezra:
So what bucket of syrup did you two idjits step into?

Eliot:
Boo hoo, cry me a river, ya nancy! Tell me, are all hunters as soft as you in the future?

Eliot:
So enjoy it while it lasts, kid, 'cause hunting's the only clarity you're gonna find in this life. And that makes you luckier than most.

Chronos You want to know your future? I know your future. It's covered in thick black ooze. It's everywhere. They're everywhere. Enjoy oblivion.

Sheriff Mills:
Do I have to use my mom voice...(sleepy sam see his name in the wall)...Alright you asked for it Young Man

Dean:
Anyway, I--I left the flask over here the other night.

Lydia:
Yes, I found it. It was so beat up and old, I almost tossed it.

Dean:
Yeah, well, the guy it belonged to was beat-up and old, too. But I was very close with him and I'd hate to lose it.

Dean:
I'll admit, it could be in the general vicinity of the ballpark of our kind of thing.

Sam:
Yeah, uh, "didn't match anything human" usually seals the deal for me.

Dean:
I know Bobby's got a Grecian encyclopedia of weird in here. I saw it last time I was looking through this stupid... Would it kill him to have a system?

Sam:
He has a system. His files are set up like his brain.

Morrison:
Wherever did you get it?

Sam:
Uh, uh, uh crazy drunk old genius.

Morrison:
Yeah, they always have the good stuff.

Emma:
You're a good man. My mother told me that.

Dean:
I seriously doubt she said that. And if you knew me you would seriously doubt it's true.

Dean:
You're just as screwed up as I am, you're just...bigger.

Sam:
Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't -- don't get killed.

Dean:
I'll do what I can.

Sam:
So, we got dick on Dick?

Dean:
That's a vivid way of putting it.

Dean:
Hey, you spawn a monster baby and see how quick you want to dive back in the pool.

Dean:
So what are we looking for? Octovamp? Vamptopus?

Cliff:
If this is about the meth lab that fireballed up in Butte, it wasn't me. Okay, it was my brother, but, um, we got the same fingerprints.

[Sam pulls up to where Dean is waiting and gets out of the car, soaking wet and covered with glitter.]

Sam:
[trying to be nonchalant] Hey. We ready? [off Dean's look, he sighs and spreads his arms] Okay, just say it.

Dean:
[cracking up] I'm sorry, you look like you got attacked by some PCP-crazed strippers.

Dean:
[trying to contain his laughter] Sam, I'm sorry for psychologically scarring you.

Sam:
Which time?

Dean:
No, I mean it. Leaving you there on your own, that was a dick move.

Sam:
You know what? I actually feel pretty good about it. Getting my ass kicked by those juggalos was therapeutic.

Dean:
You faced your fears.

Sam:
And now what more could a clown possibly do to me?

Dean:
You scared of robots?

Tyler:
(points to his eyes) They have laser eyes!

Sam:
If it bleeds, you can kill it.

Dean:
You mainlined the Kool-Aid, huh?

Dean:
Shark week man. How do you not watch that? Whole week of sharks!

Dean's Voicemail:
Leave your name, number and nightmare at the tone.

Hallucifer:
Oh well, that's every cell phone Dean's got. One of them should have picked up, right. Big brother's probably dead.

Sam:
Shut up.

Hallucifer:
He said "shut up" to me.

Dean:
He was a psychopath, Sam. That's what they do all the time is act. Act like they're normal. Act like they're not balls to the wall crazy.

Hallucifer:
That's what I'm talking about, Sam! Real interaction again, I miss that! The rapier wit - the wittier rape - come on, I'll be good, I'll even help you solve your little Nancy Drew mystery or whatever.

Sam:
A demon summoning; why?

Hallucifer:
Why? To summon a demon, jackass.

Jeffrey:
I was a wreck, an emotional shell, a drunk. I was suicidal.

Dean:
I don't usually endorse suicide, but, man, what stopped you?

Hallucifer:
Come on Sam, say it with me now...goooood morning Vietnam!

Dean:
Dancers. They are toe shoes full of crazy.

Sam:
And you would know this how?

Dean:
I saw Black Swan. Twice. Hot tutu-on-tutu action. Come on, Sam, what's wrong with you?

Sam:
Wow. The depths of your...

Sam:
(about the ballet shoes) Do they... look like they're... your size?

Dean:
Shut up.

Sam:
Wait, a-are you -

Dean:
Getting the strong urge to Prince Siegfried myself into oblivion? Yes.

Sam:
You really did see "Black Swan."

Dean:
You know, I wonder how old porn kills you.

Sam:
Pretty sure you don't want to know.

Dean:
Frank, hey, I don't mean to double-dip in your crazy sauce. No offense.

Frank:
None taken, Fudge Pop.

Dean:
Think you can crack it?

Frank:
Can a dog play poker?

Dean:
I don't...

Frank:
The answer is "yes."

Sam:
Hey, with enough curse mojo you can turn a freaking pencil into a weapon of mass destruction.

George:
How 'bout you make me a new one?

Barista:
How 'bout you eat me?

George:
Don't tempt me.

Frank:
Call me if you don't die.

Dean:
Could be a dead end.But I hear they have good coffee in Portland.

Sam:
Dude, that's Seattle.

Hallucifer:
Tell the nice tweaker you'd be sleeping right now if the devil would leave you alone...

Dean:
How are you feeling?

Sam:
(Chuckling) Maybe you should cancel my UFC fight.

Hallucifer:
Yeah. Keep that sense of humor, Sam. It'll get you through this.

Dean:
Sam, I'm gonna find you help.

Hallucifer:
(Scoffs lightly) Now, that sounded a little cynical.

Sam:
I don't think it's out there, Dean.

Dean:
We don't know that.

Sam:
We know better than most. It's all snake oil. Last faith healer we hooked up with had a reaper on a leash.Remember?

Dean:
(Sighs) Yeah…Sam, I remember.

Sam:
I'm just saying…

Dean:
What? That you don't want my help?

Sam:
No, I'm just saying (sighs) Don't do this to yourself.

Dean:
If I don't find something...

Sam:
Then I'll die.

Hallucifer:
Oh - you're upsetting me!

Sam:
Dean, we knew this was coming.

Dean:
No...

Sam:
When you shoved my soul back in, Cas warned you about all the crap it would...

Dean:
Screw Cass. Quit being Dalai-friggin-Yoda about this. Get pissed!

Sam:
I'm too tired.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
You're angry.

Dean:
Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?

Dean:
Yeah, well, he's gone.

Dean:
What Cass did…I just can't - I don't know why.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
Well, it doesn't matter why.

Dean:
Of course it matters.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
No. You're not a machine, Dean. You're human.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
Your friend's name was Cas? That's an odd name.

Marin:
I saw you yesterday, you didn't look too happy with your in flight meal.

Sam:
[to Marin; Lucifer blows through the salt circle] You're gonna have to do this on your own. It's okay. I'm okay. I'm just having a little...

Lucifer:
Brown acid moment.

Sam:
...dizzy thing. It'll pass.

Lucifer:
Definitely. When your heart stops.

Meg:
You're an angel.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
I'm sorry - is that a flirtation?

Meg:
He would know. You used to fight together. Bestest friends actually.

Emmanuel/Castiel:
We were friends? Am I Cass?

Dean:
This ain't going to go well.

Meg:
I dunno, I believe in the little tree topper.

Castiel:
I remember you. I remember everything. What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?

Dean:
Because Sam is dying in there.

Castiel:
Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here.

Castiel:
We didn't part friends, Dean.

Dean:
So what?

Castiel:
I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it…So why did I even walk out of that river?

Dean:
Maybe to fix it.

Castiel:
I should never have broken your wall, Sam. I'm here to make it right. (touches Sam's head, Sam groans in pain)

Sam:
(Looking at Castiel, while seeing him as a hallucination of Lucifer) You're not real.

Castiel:
I'm so sorry Sam.

Dean:
What the hell do you mean you can't?

Castiel:
I mean there's nothing left to rebuild.

Dean:
Why not?

Castiel:
Because it crumbled. The pieces got crushed to dust by whatever's happening inside his head right now.

Dean:
So you're saying there's nothing? That he's gonna be like this until his candle blows out?

Castiel:
I'm sorry. This isn't a problem I can make disappear. And you know that. But I may be able to shift it. Shift? Yeah, it would get Sam back on his feet. (Exhales sharply) It's better this way. I'll be fine.

Dean:
Wait, Cass, what are you doing?

Castiel:
Now, Sam… This may hurt. And if I can't tell you again… I'm sorry I ever did this to you.

Garth:
Alright Jenny G, your ganking days are over. You've been Garthed.

Garth:
No, how is that possible? I Garthed her!

Sam:
I wish I wasn't like the damn tape from The Ring; I wish I wasn't okay because I passed on the crazy.

Sam:
Have either of you ever heard of Thighslapper Ale?

Garth:
Is that a stripper or a beverage?

Garth:
Can I have some more Thighslapper?

Sam:
No!

Dean:
No - coffee for you Tara Reid.

Dean:
Wow, party on, Garth.

Garth:
I don't even usually drink beer. It messes with my depth perception - especially when I skinny dip.

Garth:
I'm concerned Bobby might be haunting you guys. I brought it up with Dean but he shot me down.

Dean:
Garth, leave it alone.

Sam:
It's okay.

Dean:
No, it's far from okay.

Sam:
I already tried contacting Bobby-when that beer disappeared, I took out a talking board.

Dean:
Without me?

Sam:
I figured why drag you in, when it was something I could just put to bed myself.

Dean:
And?

Sam:
And if he was there, I'd have told you.

Sam:
Can you even get drunk anymore? It's sort of like drinking a vitamin for you, right?

Dean:
Shut up.

Garth:
Come with me if you want to live.

Sam:
They see a face in the crowd, we see a book falling off the table-same thing, Dean. I did the talking board, I ran plenty of EMF. When that beer went poof, I went a little nuts.

Dean:
Yeah, why didn't you tell me?

Sam:
Like I said, a little nuts at the time.

Bobby:
I'm right here, ya idjit! Balls!

Garth:
Cause Mr. Fizzles thinks that you're (deep voice) lying!

Dean:
Put Mr. Fizzles away or Mr. Fizzles gonna go where the sun don't shine!

Tess:
(suddenly) I drank a grown up drink!

Dean:
What you mean like coffee?

Tess:
(shakes her head)

Dean:
(confused) Alcohol?

Tess:
(starts panicking) It was an accident! Help me Mr. Fizzles! Don't let them take me away!

Sam:
You know she and Bobby had a thing, right?

Dean:
Yeah, I knew that.....Really?

Sam:
Yeah, kind of a foxhole thing. Very Hemingway.

Dean:
Huh. She and I kinda went Hemingway this one time too.

Sam:
Alright...well, that happens...

Dean:
Wait, you too?

Sam:
It was a while back. We ended up on the same case. She was stressed and I ...didn't have a soul.

Dean:
That's a lot of foxholes.

Annie:
Wow. Dead. Ghost. Me. Three words you never want to use in a sentence.

Bobby:
All right now. I can kill werewolves, fix a Pinto and bake cornbread. I will be damned if I can't get Zen!

Dean:
I hate these indie films. Nothing ever happens.

Bobby:
Hi. I'm Bobby. I'm a ghost. Looking for a little ghost orientation here?

Dean:
Dick Roman is funding another archaeological dig. Guy moves more dirt than "The Drudge Report."

Bobby:
We've got work to do.

Bobby:
Hey boys.

Dean:
[hoarsely] Bobby?

Bobby:
[surprised] wait...you can see me?

Bobby:
Life wasn't comfy. Why should death be?

Sam:
So what do you think we should do?

Dean:
We did what we should do. Now, I don't know.

Sam:
I mean...do you think it's possible we can...I don't know, make it all work somehow?

Dean:
I have no idea. Maybe? I've never heard of it. But you know what I do know? It ain't the natural order of things. Everything is supposed to end. You know, he was supposed to...Now, what are the odds this ends well? What are the odds?

Bobby:
I got a glimpse at Dick's big plan, right before he Lincoln'ed me.

Bobby:
This is about those Levi's living here one percenter style

Computer:
How about a nice game of chess?

Charlie:
Seriously? Wargames?

Charlie:
Dick Roman gave me an assignment

Harry:
Is that good?

Charlie:
It means the Eye of Sauron is on me.

Harry:
Well, if you need anything I'll be back in the Shire.

Dean:
I'm going to walk you through this.

Charlie:
Okay.

Dean:
Let's start with a smile. Relax, Charlie, you just got home and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you.

Guard:
Can I help you, miss?

Charlie:
Hey...Bill. Charlie from IT.

Guard:
Oh, burning the midnight oil, huh?

Charlie:
Just like you. I mean, you're not at the gym. What do you...work out with all of your free time?

Guard:
I try to get to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to get back to my fightin' weight.

Dean:
[to Charlie] It shows, you look amazing. [to Sam] This never happened.

Charlie:
It shows, you look amazing.

Dean:
You ever do anything else with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink? [Sam laughs]

Dean:
[to Sam] Stop laughing, Sammy.

Charlie:
You ever do anything with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink? Stop laughing Sammy [realizes]...Um, you don't know that bar, 'Stop laughing Sammy'. That place is bringing sexy back. Which is easy because they kept the receipt...

Dean:
Stop talking, Charlie.

Charlie:
Stop talking Charlie...right.

Dean:
Perfect, it's in the middle of the Death Star.

Dean:
Charlie are you singing?

Charlie:
I sing when I'm nervous; don't judge me!

Dean:
Judgement free zone.

Sam:
Who's your favorite Harry Potter character?

Charlie:
Hermione.

Sam:
Hermione. Well did Hermione run when Sirius Black was in trouble? Or when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts?

Dean:
Seriously?

Sam:
Shut up.

Charlie:
No of course not.

Sam:
What did she do?

Charlie:
She kicked ass! She practically saves Harry in every book. And then she ends up with the wrong...

Sam:
Stay on track. She kicked ass, right? So what are you going to do?

Charlie:
Kick it in the ass!

Charlie:
If you can't score at a reproductive rights function, then you simply cannot score.

Dick:
You're kind of completing me right now Charlie. You have that thing, that spark that makes humans so special. Not everyone has it you know. Most people can be replaced, but people like you are impossible to copy.

Dick:
Bruce Springsteen, Eli Manning and our own little Charlie? You know what they are? Irreplaceable. You're more of a Tim Tebow, Joe Biden type. You got no spark. In fact there's nothing in you. Except Harold's dinner.

Charlie:
I'm going to die. [sigh] I should've taken that job at Google.

Charlie:
These things are going to eat everyone I know. What kind of docuhebag stands by for that.

Charlie:
Why didn't you kill him?

Sam:
Because we can't - yet.

Charlie:
The really evil ones always need a special sword.

Charlie:
I left your dumb flask in the back seat by the way, worst good luck charm ever!

Dean:
[hands her bag]Here you go.

Charlie:
Thanks.

Sam:
So listen, we can't thank you enough...

Charlie:
Actually you can. Never contact me again...like ever. Deal?

Sam:
Deal.

Dean:
Keep your head down there okay?

Charlie:
This ain't the first time I disappeared. [Sam and Dean give her a confused look]

Charlie:
You think my name is really Charlie Bradbury? Please. So...good luck saving the world. Peace out, Bitches. [leaves]

Dean:
She's kind of like the little sister I never wanted.

Sam:
We've got to talk.

Dean:
You mean before we get back to the car, and the flask?

Sam:
Exactly. So what the hell happened back in the lobby?

Dean:
Man, if I had a free shot, I would have bitch slapped the hell out of Dick.

Sam:
Yeah but, I mean, Charlie got her friggen arm broken.

Dean:
He didn't mean to do it.

Sam:
Exactly. He's not in control. Not about Dick. That was vengeful spirit crap.

Dean:
I know. But it's still Bobby.

Sam:
But if he goes there, he won't be anymore. And then we won't be able to pull him back. And then what are we suppose to do?

Dean:
I know... Let's just figure out what that thing we stole is...and then we'll figure out what the hell to do with Bobby.

Edgar:
[getting off the phone with Dick Roman] Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called "Dick?"

Meg:
He's been like the naked guy at the rave ever since he woke up. Totally useless.

Castiel:
Will you look at her? My caretaker. All of that thorny pain. So beautiful.

Meg:
We've been over this. I don't like poetry. Put up or shut up.

Castiel:
I don't fight any more. I watch the bees.

[Meg kills Hester as she tries to kill Castiel. Everyone stares at her]

Meg:
What? Someone had to.

Sam:
It says we need to start with the blood of a fallen angel.

Castiel:
Well, you know me. Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters. (fills up vial with his blood)

Castiel:
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact that females were not consulted about that.

Dean:
So - you can read the chicken scratch on the God rock? It's back in one piece I see. And you're saying there's a how to punch Dick recipe in there somewhere?

Kevin:
I don't know what you're saying, but it seems like a "in case of emergency" note.

Castiel:
We were assigned to watch the Earth. Often it was boring. Your wars were very boring. Sex... repetition.

Kevin:
This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?

Dean:
No this is not a sex torture dungeon...Get over here.

Castiel:
You seem troubled. Course that's a primary aspect of your personality so I sometimes ignore it.

Hester:
The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!

Castiel:
This is the handwriting of Metatron.

Sam:
Metatron?!? You're saying a Transformer wrote that?

Dean:
No, that's Megatron.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
The Transformer, it's Megatron.

Sam:
What?

Gloria Jane:
In this hour we'll go behind the scenes and answer the question everyone's been asking for months. What makes Dick so hard to beat?

Emily:
What's a Kardashian?

Dean:
Just another bloodsucker.

Dean:
I think anyway you slice it we've got Pac Man and True Blood in the same room.

Alpha Vampire:
We come from you.

Edgar:
Barely.

Alpha Vampire:
I am the son of Eve!

Edgar:
A pathetic mutt! Hardly one of us. I knew Eve... and honestly, your mommy was a whore.

Alpha Vampire:
Right, right, your flesh is crawling. All you want to do is kill me now. You hate having to wait and come back, and try again...

Dean:
Pretty much. I wouldn't leave that head to close to that body for too long.

Alpha Vampire:
See you next season.

Dean:
Looking forward to it.

Dean:
A little FYI. Bobby's officing out of the john these days.

Sam:
Ahh - awkward.

Emily:
What is that?

Dean:
That - that is Sam's douche tracker.

Dean:
Alright Sam - tap the keg.

Sam:
Here?

Dean:
Yeah Sam, look around; it's freaking Woodstock, everyone's hopped up on the brown acid. We don't need the song and dance. Give him a little prick.

Sam:
Could've been a monastery. Monks get up at 4am to pray.

Dean:
Ohh - Can't get laid, can't sleep in. That's a freaking tragedy... Okay, so alpha's camping next to a monkey house

Edgar:
Mankind's a limited resource, after all.

Alpha Vampire:
There are seven billion of them.

Edgar:
Only seven.

Sam:
But Dean, we gave up all our Vamptonite.

Dean:
Okay man I have read this more times than the Playboy I found in Dad's duffle.

Sam:
Anna Nicole?

Dean:
Anna Nicole. Ah, the good they die young, huh?

Emily:
What now:

Dean:
We get you somewhere safe, circle back and ginsu these leeches.

Dean:
I can't do this. man I can't live on rabbit food. I'm a warrior!

Dean:
Wow you get a trophy in Stockholm Syndrome.

Sam:
We should call Castiel.

Dean:
Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.

Sam:
Yeah, I am not really sorry I missed that.

Meg:
[to Dean about Castiel] Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.

[Sam and Dean prepare to burn Bobby's flask to put him to rest]

Bobby:
Here's to running into you guys on the other side. Only... not too soon alright?

[Dean sadly throws the flask into a fire and he and Sam watch as Bobby burns up as the flask melts]

Dean:
[to Dick while waving the bone around] See here's the thing about dealing with Crowley: he will always find a way to bone you.

[Dean stabs Dick in the heart to no avail. Dick pulls out and breaks the bone]

Dick:
Did you really think you could trump me?

Dean:
Honestly? [pulls out other half of bone] No. [Castiel holds Dick's head in place from behind and Dean stabs him through the neck] Figured we'd have to catch you off-guard!

[as energy waves emerge from him, Dick starts laughing before finally exploding into black goo]

Crowley:
You know what I like about you?

Dick:
Lack of pretension?

Crowley:
You're smarter than you look.

Dick:
Oh now you're just flirting.

Dean:
Well, I guess if we can't find a righteous bone in a friggin' nunnery crypt.

Sam:
All right. Here - listen to this. Sister Mary Benedict, uh, taught the learning-impaired and died at age 23.

Dean:
Eh, it's a little young. Find someone who's had time to cook.

Sam:
Okay, well, there was, uh... here - Sister Mary Eunice. Uh, fed the poor, became Mother Superior at age 60.

Dean:
Sounds political. Power corrupts.

Sam:
Right. Um... listen to this - Sister Mary Constant, 83 years of quiet, humble nun-like goodness. What do you think?

Dean:
Wow. I want to be more righteous just reading this.

Sam:
Exactly.

Dean:
All right, well, I lay odds on her. Here we go. Well... let's bone this nun.

[Sam gives him a look]

Dean:
Sorry.

Dick:
We need America. They're so fat.

Dean:
So, Cas, what's, uh, what's, uh, what's the word?

Castiel:
Well, Dean, I've been thinking. Monkeys are so... clever, and they're sensible in that they leave the skins on the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?

Dean:
Not very. You want to come inside and, uh, tell us what's going on?

Castiel:
Now, you understand I don't participate in aggressive activity. [picks up bone and sniffs it] Mm. Sister Mary Constant. Good choice.

Dick:
Oh, eat up. The sushi's made of fresh orphan.

Castiel:
So, can I ask, the plan?

Dean:
Well, according to Crowley, Dick knows we're coming. So we're gonna announce ourselves, big.

[cut to the Impala crashing through SucroCorp's front gate and giant glass sign]

Meg:
There goes the Empire's last hope.

Slimer? Dean wonders if Slimmerfrom Ghostbusters sends the video camera aacross the floor ? Lol