The A Team, Season 3

[A tree falls on Murdock.]

Murdock:
[sings in pain] I'm a lumberjack, I'm ok. I got no legs, but what the hey.

Hannibal:
How are you doing, Murdock?

Murdock:
I think there is a tree on my leg.

Murdock:
[sings] I'm a lumberjack, I'm ok. Sleep all night and then work all day. Wear my clothes just once a year. Smells real bad but I don't care. I'm a lumberjack, that's a fact.

Face:
I'm allergic to bullets. Especially those headed into my direction.

[Hannibal has directed the bad guys, Hoyt Plummer and Williams, into checking out "his old boss Crazy Willie Beano"]

Hannibal:
Face, there's been a change in plan, I'm staying here.

Face:
What did you tell them?

Hannibal:
What else, I've got a crazy boss.

Face:
Oh great, and you're not gonna be there to give the performance. Who are we gonna use?

Hannibal:
Well, I told them he was crazy.

[Cut to the fake store, where Murdock acts as the crazy boss]

Murdock:
I am Crazy Willie. Beano. Beano, y'know, rhymes with Dino? What's the matter, you don't understand English? Dino, everybody loves some... (Sees Williams trying to reach for a gun in his waistband) What's the matter, you think I'm wearing a piece? (Pats his underarms) I'm clean! I'm running a business here, not a shooting gallery!

Plummer:
Alright, we're gonna make this nice and simple: we either get our truck back or we bury you underneath the store!

Murdock:
Forgive me for not laughing, but I always find the baby's first step to be a very serious thing. Nobody comes in here and threatens me under my own roof. Especially when I'm eating a tuna-fish sandwich.

Williams:
Smith said this guy was looney-tunes.

Murdock:
Looney Tunes, huh? What other TV program do you watch regularly?

Plummer:
Alright, I don't know what your game is, but we want that truck back!

Murdock:
Hmph. The only thing that Crazy Willie ever gives back, is trouble. You mess around with one of my boys, I rip off one of your trucks. Fair is fair! (Knocks on the counter)

B.A.:
(Emerges from the back room with a rifle slung over his shoulder) Can I help you with anything?

Murdock:
This here's a friend of mine, we call him Mayhem.

Plummer:
Alright, you want a war? We'll give you a war!

Murdock:
(Takes out a deck of cards from his jacket) Alright, red and you're dead. Take one off the top! (Plummer takes a seven of spades) It's your lucky day! You don't even get to bleed on the carpeting. (Snatches the card back) Now you tell your friends I sell auto parts, and if they want some, they should come down here and see me. (Hands Plummer his plate and walks off) I'll provide the lunch.

Face:
You better watch my back.

Murdock:
Who's gonna watch mine?

[They walk across the room.]

Murdock:
Face, your back. It's looking good.

[B.A. and Murdock were attacked by one of Boyle's men]

Hannibal:
You're sure it was one of Boyle's men?

Murdock:
Absolutely. It was that guy, Lupis. He's about 6'3', built like a bathtub.

Face:
You want me to pick up WHO?

Hannibal:
Eh ... Lupis. He works for Boyle. We saw him yesterday.

Face:
Oh, yes. It's the big one, about 6'4', built like a chest of drawers?

Murdock:
Yeah, that's the guy, guy. And you be careful. He almost killed B.A. He's at least 6'5', 240.

Hannibal:
Now, I'm gonna check out his office. You check his house. If the guy Lupis shows, bag him.

Face:
Wait, the guy's 6'6', 250 pounds. He almost killed B.A., and you want ME to bag him?

Hannibal:
Sure.

[Final scene]

Face:
(Drops his badge on the table next to the other two) Ah, sheriffs of Rivertown, I'm gonna miss this job.

Nikki:
Hey, if it weren't for you guys, there wouldn't even be a Rivertown.

Craig:
There wouldn't be a Craig Monroe either.

Nikki:
So, if you ever come to Oklahoma, you should look us up. I'll fix you one of my special home-cooked meals. Just... do me a favor and promise not to make any fists?

Face:
Yeah, well actually, fighting's not really my strong suit, I'm much more adapted to romantic endeavors. (They kiss)

Hannibal:
If you don't wanna miss the plane, then you better get a move on.

Sonny:
Yeah. (Picks up the suitcases) You ready, sis?

Nikki:
Yeah.

Sonny:
Thanks again.

Hannibal:
Good luck.

Murdock:
Adios amigos. (The Monroes leave)

B.A.:
Speaking of planes, Hannibal. (Rises, grabs a stick; Hannibal, Face and Murdock back into a jail cell)

Murdock:
B.A., you're not mad just because we flew you down here, are you?

Face:
Now wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy, not to hurt other deputies?

B.A.:
I see three badges on the table, that mean you are civilians. I still got my badge. And as official law officer of Rivertown, I'm giving you guys two days in jail. (Locks the cell) I love it, when a plan comes together!

Face:
But Hannibal, rules are made to be broken!

Hannibal:
Noses are also made to be broken, right, Face?

Face:
The bigger they are, The harder they fall.

[B.A walks into the room]

B.A:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit!

[Murdock pretends to be a crazy painter and brought off a deal. His partner wants to shake hands]

Murdock:
Murdock does not shake hands, Murdock does not play sports, Murdock does not open canned food. Murdock paints.

...

Murdock:
[holds up a pizza] Let us break pizza to cement the bargain.

Shawn:
Mr. Murdock, welcome to your new studio.

Murdock:
I don't get it. I've already got a studio. My studio and I go back a long way. Long before home personal video cassette recorders.

Shawn:
While you're under contract with the gallery, this is your studio

Murdock:
You don't seem to understand! I need my studio! I trained inspiration to find me at that studio! Now, how is it going to find me?