The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Season 2

Jimmy:
Sorry, ladies, but I needed test subjects for my new Quantum Replay 9000.

Hugh Neutron:
(low growling) (slurping) Oh, Sam. I could eat your ice cream all day long. So I think I will. (rewinding)

All:
Ew! That's disgusting! Horrible! Gross!

Sam:
You've been re-eating the same ice cream for hours! It's disgusting-- you're out of here!

Hugh:
(gasp) You're right Sam. Mustn't overdo a good thing. Well, I'll just be going. Just let me finish my Purple Flurp. (belching) (belching repeating)

All:
Gross. Stop.

Hugh:
(belching) (belching repeating)

Sam:
Sweet mercy. (Sam faint)

Hugh:
(crowd shouting) Hi, Puffmomma. Remember how I promised I'd never be brought home by an angry mob again?

Sam:
He disgusted all my customers, yeah.

Libby:
He gave us brain freeze.

Woman:
He made me experience the miracle of birth again and again and again. [crying]

Sam:
Yeah, yeah, birth. (mob yelling)

Judy:
All right, everyone. I'll handle things from here.

Sam:
Somebody give me a ride home now.

Hugh:
Now, Sugarbooger, I know it looks like I may have misused the power to control time and space for my own advantage, but on the positive side...

Judy:
Mm-hmm.

Hugh:
Ow! Honey, that's my ear. I use it to listen with. Ow!

Store Clerk:
Doom Bringer II is for mature players only due to Violence, Exaggerated Mayhem, and Old Lady Kicking.

Sheen:
(after being kicked out of the store): How dare he throw your father out of the store?!

(Jimmy screams in the mirror after seeing he's old)

(Goddard screams like a teen girl after seeing Jimmy old)

Old Carl:
Jimmy, is that you way over there?

Old Jimmy:
Guys! Something went horribly wrong!

Old Sheen:
Oh, gee you think? And another thing: kids today wear their pants too low! They're down under their stomachs, for cryin' out loud!

Old Sheen:
Hey! I know what you're doing! You're trying to take me to the nursing home! (pounds on the car's window) Let me out! Let me out!

Old Carl:
Sheen, careful! This car's going an excess of 7 miles.

(Old Sheen pants, checks his pulse, and faints)

Old Sheen:
You know, when I was a kid, the sky was bluer! And a quarter would buy you groceries for a week!

Old Jimmy:
Gas planet. Does anyone remember what we drove down here to get?

Sam:
Hey, Oldilocks, what's the big idea, you and your bingo buddy takin' all the rice pudding from the buffet?

Old Sheen:
It says "Seniors Eat Dessert Free"!

Sam:
You're supposed to buy an entree first!

Old Carl:
We did. I had a hamburger in here yesterday.

(Carl and Sheen laughing)

Old Carl:
Oh, my spleen.

Old Jimmy:
Now, what was it I wanted? Something starting with a "T." Tostadas, turpentine?

Hugh:
Well, hey, old-timer. I like the way you're wearing your pants. I've been thinking of wearing mine more like that, maybe growing out my nose hair a little bit. You look familiar.

Old Jimmy:
Oh, no, I'm just a strange old man, not your son after screwing up an experiment.

Hugh:
(chuckles) I know. You remind me of my father, except you're not always saying, "Huey, I told you, toothpaste isn't food."

Old Jimmy:
Not possible. I don't have any family.

Hugh:
What? Oh, well, that's terrible. Come on. Come with me, I'll get you a nice home-cooked meal.

Old Jimmy:
B-but I can't.

Hugh:
I have to buy something with a "T." I'll get you a nice cup of tea.

Old Jimmy:
Let go!

Hugh:
Come on.

Old Jimmy:
I said, let me go!

Judy:
Here's your dinner. I put it in the blender first so the chewing doesn't tire you out.

Hugh:
So what did you do before you retired, old-timer?

Old Jimmy:
I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing now, but I think it's real important.

Hugh:
Well, you know, maybe if we guess, it'll jog your memory. Let's see. Did it involve swinging heavy things?

Old Jimmy:
N-No, I don't think so.

Carl:
[singing] Oh, Judy, will you came and you make me some cookies? Will you- (sees Hugh is walking out.) (gasp) Let me have is beautiful you can't destroy it.

Hugh:
Alrighty then.

(Carl dings the triangle 6 times.)

Britney & Libby:
Ahh!

Jimmy:
I can't talk, I can't think. Everywhere I go, you're there!

Cindy:
What kind of sick joke is this?

Jimmy:
Oh, you're gonna make me say it, aren't you? Alright then, I'll say it.....I love you Cindy Vortex! (echoing Vortex. (2x)

Cindy:
(Gasp.)

Britney & Libby:
(Gasp.)

All:
(gasping and laughing.) (Cindy splats ice cream in Jimmy's face.)

All:
(Laughs)

[Sam stops laughing and mad walks to Jimmy.]

Jimmy:
Mmm... pecan ripple your favorite.

Sam:
You messy little hooligan. I was clean that floor 8 months ago. You're out of here! Yeah, yeah.

Jimmy:
Today is the single greatest day in the history of the universe. Pluto is aligning with Neptune causing space snow flurries to create galactic ice crystals which keep ice cream at the perfect eating temperature! Yes.

Goddard:
[Barks]

Jimmy:
Cold enough to never melt but not so cold you get brain freeze. This alignment only happens every 2,000 years. Commence countdown: 5...4..3...2...1---

Judy:
James Isaac Neutron!(inflates)

Jimmy:
[Groans]

Judy:
Where do you think you're going, young man? Here's your list of Saturday chores.

Jimmy:
"Mail letter at post office. Sit with Grandma in the park. Pick up Dad's badmintion shoes. Drop off a pie at school" and "Take a book to Cindy Vortex's mother"?! But, Mom, I can't do that! I have to get into space now!

Judy:
Chores first, space travel later.

Jimmy:
Goddard, options. "Hire Temporary Help to do Chores at $15.75/hour"? Too expensive. "Use Boyish Charm to outwit Parental Unit"? I don't have time. "Clone Thyself"? Yes! We'll have to do it mega-fast.

Jimmy:
No time to set specifics. Commence cloning at super speed.

Happy Jimmy:
Hi, everybody. Isn't it a super, amazing, great day?

Depressed Jimmy:
[Whining] You call this a great day? I should have stayed in bed.

French Jimmy:
[In a French accent] Ah, but romance is in ze air, eh? It is a beautiful day to fall in love, n'est-ce pas?

Comedy Jimmy:
[Laughing] Hey, everybody, it's great to be here! Hey, have you seen that Cindy Vortex? Talk about the Wicked Witch of the Elementary! Hey, these are the jokes, folks-come on, laugh with me!

[Goddard playing laugh track]

Cool Jimmy:
Hey, who's up for some football, huh?

Evil Jimmy:
[Sinisterly] Nice place, kid. You know, I could have some serious fun with this stuff.

Jimmy:
Hmm, the speed of the cloning gave each of them a solitary, distinct personality. I should probably do a risk assessment. Nah-I've got galactic ice crystals to get. Here's the list of chores, gentlemen.

[All clones watch Jimmy blast off outside]

Evil Jimmy:
Hey, you heard the man-do your chores, boys.

Depressed Jimmy:
But I've never mailed a letter. What if I get my hand stuck in the box?

Happy Jimmy:
Hey, turn that frown upside down, Mr. Gloomy Gus. Everything's going to be terrific!

French Jimmy:
Mais oui! Love is all around us.

Cool Jimmy:
'Ey! Let's do it to it.

Comedy Jimmy:
And awaaay we go!

Happy Jimmy:
Hello, Grandmother, dear.

Grandmother:
Where have you been? This bench is too hard. These birds are getting too close. The sun hurts my eyes.

Happy Jimmy:
Isn't it a beautiful day? Aren't these birds absolutely amazing? Isn't it great to be alive?!

Depressed Jimmy:
Ow...

Carl:
Oh, hi, Jimmy. I have to do a report on snails or Napoleon. Can you help me?

Depressed Jimmy:
What's the point of doing homework? We do it and then what? Poof-we're gone. Nothingness, emptiness. We're all just dust in the wind.

Carl:
Okay, I..I don't want to be dust in the wind.

Gangster Jimmy:
He shoots, he scores. Neutron is definitely on. Lookin' good. You the man, you the man. 'Ey, it's the Nicksta.

Nick:
Neutron? What are you doing?!

Cool Jimmy:
I'm walkin' here! You got a problem wit' dat, Skateboard Boy?

Nick:
Uh, "Skateboard Boy"? [Gangster Jimmy skates on Nick's skate board] Whoa, check it out-Neutron has the moves.

[Crunching] [Skateboard breaks in two]

Cool Jimmy:
Well, how 'bout next time you get a board that can handle the Neutron style? Later, Nick-O-Rama.

Jimmy:
Good boy, Goddard. Galatic ice crystal harvesting proceeding as planned. And down on Earth, the clones are performing my chores. Retroville, we have no problems.

Sheen:
"I am Ultra Lord, and I will swing my mighty bat of combat!" "You can't catch me!" "Yes, I can!" Hey, Jimmy, want to see my new action figure?

Comedy Jimmy:
Do I? Come on, does Robin Hood wear a pantyhose? Hey, why did Ultra Lord cover himself with mayonnaise? He wanted to make a hero sandwich! [laughs] Hello! [knocking on Sheen's head] Anybody in there? Paging Mr. Sheen. The village called. They want their idiot back.

Sheen:
Are you okay, Jimmy? 'Cause you seem really weird.

Comedy Jimmy:
I'm weird?! [laughing] Come o-o-o-o-on! You should see Ultra Lord's uncle Morris!

Cindy:
[sighs] Whad'ya want, Neutron?

French Jimmy:
To return a book and to drink in your beauty, Miss Vortex.

Cindy:
Very funny.

French Jimmy:
I jest not. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No-even Shakespeare seems inadequate to describe your perfection!

Cindy:
Cut it out, Neutron, before I barf!

French Jimmy:
Ah, ah, ah-but before zat, would you favor me wiz a kiss?

Cindy:
Is he for real? And what's with the bad French accent?

French Jimmy:
[Guitar playing] [singing] Oh, Cindy, I love you, more than Albert Einstein's theory of relativity. Oh, Cindy, ma cherie, oh, my little Cindy. Would you please come and kiss me? [Cindy faints to French Jimmy's surprise] Wait, why are you sleeping?

Evil Jimmy:
Hey, buddy, want a pie?

Man:
Yeah!

Evil Jimmy:
[Splats pie in the man's face] [snickers] You can't beat the classics!

Man:
Mmm... I'll say.

Jimmy:
Mission accomplished: space crystals acquired. Clones should be arriving in "T" minus one minute. Everything going exactly as--- What?!

[People talking excitedly]

Hugh:
Calm down, folks. Now, just tell me, what did the Jimster do?

Nick:
He busted my skateboard, dude!

Carl:
He said I was gonna to be "dust in the wind".

Grandmother:
He made me smile and my dentures fell out.

Sheen:
He mocked Ultra Lord's family.

Cindy:
He made my heart sing and--- I mean, he said things to me so vile and despicable I cannot repeat them in mixed company.

Man:
And... he threw a pie in my face!

Hugh:
[Chuckles] You can't beat the classics.

Man:
[Growling]

Hugh:
I'm sure Jimmy had a good reason for doing all these admittedly strange, bizarre things, so...who wants pie?

[All growling]

Man:
[Spits] I'm good.

Jimmy:
Oh, no, it was the clones. I got to find them so I can explain everything. Goddard, locate clones.

Happy Jimmy:
I had the most scrumptious day with my most wonderful Grandmama.

French Jimmy:
I fell in love with a beautiful mademoiselle.

Cool Jimmy:
I did some cool moves on a dude's skateboard, but it couldn't take my awesome power, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Jimmy:
There you are.

Jimmy's Clones:
Hi, Jimmy.

Jimmy:
Follow me back to my house so I can explain to everybody--- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... We're short one clone. We've got to find him, now!

Comedy Jimmy:
It's that evil one. He's so bad he makes Attila The Hun look like Bambi!

Depressed Jimmy:
We'll never find him-we're doomed!

Cool Jimmy:
'Ey, I'll find 'im and take 'im down all by myself wit' my bare hands-look out!

Carl:
There he is!

Sheen:
Get him!

Cindy:
Let's teach him a lesson!

Nick:
I'll hold him down, man!

Carl:
Yeah! Come on!

Man:
Hmm, genetic replicants manifesting mutant side effects, eh?

Cindy:
As long as you got rid of all the clones. One Jimmy Neutron in the world is bad enough, but six is blech!

Nick:
Uh, dude, you did catch all of them, didn't you?

Jimmy:
Uh... who would like some pie at my house?

Carl:
Uh, okay.

Evil Jimmy:
Here's Jimmy! (laughs evilly)

All:
Neutron!

Jimmy:
So, uh, I take it that means no pie. (yells)

Man:
Get him!

Cindy & Sheen:
Yeah, get him!

Granny Neutron:
Rip off his head!

All:
After them!

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Hey, Neutron. Just trimming the old hedges before they start throwing off pollens for us.

Hugh Neutron:
Wheezer, I'm going to need my Lawnlopper back.

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Well, Gee, Neutron. I gave that thing back weeks ago. You must have forgot.

Hugh Neutron:
Forgot about my Lawnlopper 300 Pro-Deluxe as seen on TV?! I don't think so.

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Well, It's probably in your garage. Why don't you check?

Hugh Neutron:
It's probably in your garage. I'll just go get it.

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Hey! I already told you, I gave it back, you wingding.

Hugh Neutron:
And I'm telling you you didn't, toolhog.

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Cheese-brain!

Hugh Neutron:
Sneeze-jockey!

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Noodlehead!

Hugh Neutron:
Just because my lawn is lush and silky while yours is limp and hard to manage...

Ebenezer Wheezer:
What?! There's nothing wrong with my lawn.

Hugh Neutron:
Oh, please! Dandelions, gopher holes, and these tacky ceramic lawn kitties-- please!

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Oh, yeah?! Well, what about your stupid lawn ducks? They're the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood.

Hugh Neutron:
No, you put that down right now!

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Hey, look at me-- quack, quack, quack. I'm a stupid lawn duck-- quack, quack... whoops.

Hugh Neutron:
Sir Quacksalot! (smash) (screams)

Ebenezer Wheezer:
Oopsy.

Sheen:
You mean this is all a crazy dream? All right! Bring on the dancing tubas!

Skeet:
Picture of money... picture of money... Ha! Got you! Big McThankies from McSpanky's. Hey, dude, you missed a spot.

Skeet:
You're quitting?! But dude, you're the first guy who fit in the costume.

Jimmy:
I'm not quitting-- quite the opposite. I intend to show you all what I am capable of.

Carl:
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Neutron.

Judy:
My goodness! You boys have turned this place into quite the hot spot.

Carl:
Yup-- hope you enjoy it. Um... hold up, Mr. Neutron.

Hugh:
What... I'm with her.

Carl:
Whoa, whoa, whoa-- back it up, chief. Hmm... yeah... nope, sorry, not feeling it.

Hugh:
What do you mean?

Carl:
Don't make me spell it out, Mr. N., but your outfit just isn't saying McSpanky's to me.

Hugh:
Oh, really? Well, maybe because it's too busy saying, "Step aside, Mr... Sassymouth before I tell your parents!"

Carl:
Go ahead-- I turned them away two hours ago.

Hugh:
That's just terrible. How could you... Hey, look, a famous movie star!

Carl:
Where? Where?

Hugh:
(snickers) Sucker.

Carl:
What, I don't see anybody... Oh, I see him! Hi! No, that's not him.

Jimmy:
Oh, sorry, Carl. I couldn't bring your goldfish back to life.

Carl:
[sniffles sadly] Goodbye, Swimmy. I'll miss you, boy.

Sheen:
Why must the good die young?!

Jimmy:
Now I thought re-stimulating his brain waves with my new Electro-Life device would bring him back. But I guess not.

Sheen:
Jimmy, we might have a pop quiz today. Can I stimulate my brain?

Jimmy:
No.

Sheen:
It's the circle of life, Carl. Everything dies… except Ultra Lord! He shall never die! He lives forever! Nothing can kill him!

Miss Fowl:
Today, we will watch part one of Ken Burns' 97-hour documentary on the history of mummies.

Cindy:
Yawn. I'd rather chew off my own foot.

Libby:
[whispering] No, I wanna check this out. My family tree goes back to Egypt. Mummies are cool.

Miss Fowl:
[inserts the tape in the VCR] Butch, would you get the lights?

Butch:
Sure thing, teach. [pulls out a slingshot and shatters the lights off]

Miss Fowl:
[hand in face] Thank you.

Jimmy:
I don't wanna see videos of mummies. I wanna see real mummies!

Carl:
Oh, I don't. They might rise from the dead and attack us!

[Miss Fowl presses a button on the remote, turning on the TV; As the documentary starts, she and all her other students quickly start to fall asleep]

Narrator:
"Dear Ahmadiyya, today I moved a one-ton boulder across the broiling desert sands. Then I had lunch. Then they cut my tongue out.

Jimmy:
[looks at a colored drawing of Egypt] What am I doing sitting here? I'm a science genius. [turns around to his friends] Who's up for a quick trip to Egypt?

Cindy:
What could be more boring than going with you to Egypt?

Narrator:
"Tonight I will tell stories around the fire. This will be difficult without my tongue."

Cindy:
[makes up her mind] Let's roll.

[The kids tip-toe quietly out of the classroom and into the hallway]

Jimmy:
[quietly] I'll go home and get my hover car and meet you guys in back of the school.

Carl:
But, what if we get caught?

Sheen:
We're not gonna get caught.

Carl:
Guys, we can't leave school! It's ditching, and it'll go on our permanent record!

Sheen:
Carl, how many times do I have to tell you? Your permanent record is just a myth. Like the Loch Ness Monster or North Dakota.

Jimmy:
[arrives in his hover car] All aboard for Egypt!

Libby:
Did you guys know I'm related to Cleopatra?

Cindy:
No. Why don't you tell us a fact for the ten-millionth time?

Sheen:
I'm related to the guy that invented baseball.

Libby:
What?

Carl:
Wow.

Cindy:
Really?

Sheen:
Oh, wait, did I say baseball? I meant spray-on-eyebrows.

Jimmy:
Light speed to Egypt!

Cindy:
This better not be like the time you took us to the center of the earth and all we found was a bunch of hot dirt.

Jimmy:
Oh, come on, guys. This is going to be a great adventure. We're going to find the lost tomb of Queen Hazabataslapya.

Carl:
Jimmy…I've been saying, "Toot Van Halen" for 3 hours. Can I stop now?

Cindy:
Way to go, Neutron. You haven't found anything. I'd rather be in school.

Jimmy:
[disappointed] I don't understand it. I can't seem to find the lost tomb.

Cindy:
Duh! That's why the call it the "lost tomb," not the, here-it-is tomb: "come inside and have a milkshake."

Carl:
Oh, Swimmy loved milkshakes.

Libby:
Let's go home. I need to apply some emergency skincare products.

Cindy:
And so ends another chapter of the boring and stupid adventures of Jimmy Neutron.

Jimmy:
But, guys, we're here in an exotic, distant, foreign land. We might as well have some fun.

Cindy:
Fun? Yeah, right. Let's have a party in this beautiful spot.

Jimmy:
Party?

Sheen:
Uh, Jimmy? Where's the bathroom? All I see is sand, and I'm not a cat.

Jimmy:
Sand? Yeah!

Jimmy:
Let's have an Egyptian Beach Party!

Sheen:
I'm in.

Carl:
All my life I wanted to go an authentic Egyptian Beach Party!

Libby:
Jimmy, what's happening?

Jimmy:
The increased air friction has created a high-intensity displacement of the ground covering…

Cindy:
Cut to the chase.

Jimmy:
SANDSTORM!

Cindy:
Okay, Neutron, once again you blew it, big time… [Jimmy gasps in surprise at something with his jaw dropped] Hey, Jumblehead, I'm yelling at you. [snaps her fingers] Pay attention. What are you looking at?

Jimmy:
[turns her head] The entrance to the lost tomb of the Queen Hazabataslapya.

Sheen:
You think there's a bathroom in there?

Jimmy:
[pushing the tomb's doors open] We shall now enter the lost tomb and see what has been unseen for 3,000 years.

Cindy:
Shouldn't we like, call National Geographic or Harvard?

Libby:
Or Harrison Ford?

Carl:
Okay, are things gonna like, jump out at us and scare us?

Sheen:
[jumps out of nowhere, scaring him] No, Carl. Everything here is dead.

Carl:
Oh, that's good, 'cause… Dead things?! [points to a skeleton] Uh, I'm allergic to dead things!

Jimmy:
Don't worry, Carl. Nothing's going to hurt you.

[The kids turn around and gasp in surprise when they see something shocking on the wall]

Cindy:
I don't believe it.

Sheen:
It can't be.

Jimmy:
But it is.

Carl:
IT'S…

[The wall shows a hieroglyphic image of Queen Hazabataslapya, who looks similar to Libby as Jimmy and Sheen turn to her before cutting to commercial break; cut back to the kids in the tomb]

Jimmy:
It's Queen Hazabataslapya!

Sheen:
Smokin'. I'd be her king in a Retroville minute.

Cindy:
She looks just like… [points to Libby]

Carl:
Me?

Libby:
No. Me.

Sheen:
Wow, Libby. Maybe she's your great-great-great-great-great… [as time passes by] great-great-great grandmother!

Libby:
I'm royalty.

Cindy:
Oh, boy, here we go. Queen Libby is in the house.

Libby:
Hey. Maybe this whole place belongs to me. I can turn it into a hot little dance club/restaurant/boutique/water park/…

Carl:
Hey, Jimmy. [pointing to the hieroglyphics on the wall] Somebody wrote on the walls. [gasps] They're gonna get in trouble.

Jimmy:
No, no, Carl. Those are hieroglyphics. The ancient Egyptian art of picture writing.

Sheen:
Hey, I saw this in "Ultra Lord vs. the Mutant Pus-Spitting Mummy." I can read this stuff.

Cindy:
Yeah, right.

Sheen:
"The queen flew on the wings of an eagle. She had a VCR, but wanted a DVD, and the gods sent munchkins to hypnotize her water-skis. So she took her peanut butter sandwich for a walk." The end.

Carl:
Wow, Sheen, that was amazing!

Cindy and Libby:
Oh, boys.

Jimmy:
Excuse me. My watch has a Sanskrit-to-English translator with a Rosetta stone upgrade. [activates his watch and scans the hieroglyphics on the wall as they're translated in English on the bottom of the screen] The queen was only 18 when she died.

Sheen:
Why must the good die young?!

Jimmy:
"Whosoever disturbs my resting place, shall endure eternal punishment, and pain shall erupt from every poor, and their screams shall be heard down the centuries and—"

Cindy:
[interrupting] Get to the point, Doofus of Arabia.

Jimmy:
It's just a silly curse. And there's no such thing as curses.

Carl:
Oh, so they're like the Loch Ness Monster and North Dakota.

Sheen:
Hey, guys, I think I found the bathroom! It smells like a bathroom. I wish I had one of those deodorizer things you hang in the car from the rear-view mirror.

Carl:
Lemon or strawberry?

Sheen:
Thanks, Carl. Hey, why do you carry those around with you?

Carl:
…'Cause.

Jimmy:
Follow me.

Carl:
Oh, I bet something really bad's gonna happen.

Cindy:
With Nerdtron leading the way, it's a pretty safe bet.

[Meanwhile back in Retroville; In Principal Willoughby's office…]

Principal Willoughby:
[realizing] Hold on. We don't have a school tanning salon.

[Cut back to the kids standing in the tomb's empty chamber]

Sheen:
I for one am deeply disappointed. It's just a big empty room!

Jimmy:
Well, the pyramid designers sometimes build hundreds of empty chambers, to confuse grave robbers. So they wander aimlessly for days until they…

Cindy:
[interrupting] You got 10 seconds to get outta here.

Jimmy:
Spice jars! If we can gather up enough kaffir lime leaves and dry mustard powder, I can ignite them and blow the door open!

Sheen:
Where do you learn all this stuff, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
That I learned at the library.

Sheen:
Ohh. And the library is a…?

Cindy:
Okay, this field trip is over. How are you gonna get us out of here, Mr. Tour Guide?

Jimmy:
[spooky] We don't want to get out of here.

Sheen:
Okay, Jimmy's lost it. I elect myself leader. Everybody start crying and yelling.

Jimmy:
[just before they do that] No, guys. Look. The queen's burial chamber. Get ready to see a real, live mummy.

Sheen:
Hey, Jimmy. Was the queen gonna have a garage sale?

Jimmy:
The Egyptians believed in an afterlife, so they preserve their bodies and buried them with their furniture, jewelry, pets…

Sheen:
[laughing] Man. Those Egyptians were a bunch of whack jobs. But just in case they're right, I'd like to be buried with my Ultra Lord collection.

Carl:
Well, guys, this was fun. [laughs nervously] Okay, let's all leave in a quite and orderly fashion before we see something really scary, like… [turns around to see…] MUMMIES! [runs and bumps into Jimmy, who drops the torch, and the light goes out]

Jimmy:
Everybody, shh! Stand still, I'll find my torch. [accidentally touches Cindy]

Cindy:
Ow! That's not your torch.

Jimmy:
Sorry.

Carl:
Hey, Jimmy, I still got your Electro-Life thingy that makes a light. [activates the Electro-Life, lighting up the room so Jimmy can find his torch, unaware as he accidentally brings the three mummies to life]

Jimmy:
Found it! [picks up the torch and lights it up] Now let's a take a look at those mummies.

[The mummies growl and start moving their bodies]

Carl:
[worriedly frightened] J-Jimmy, the mummies are looking at us.

Jimmy:
Impossible.

Libby:
They're moving.

Jimmy:
I did it! My Electro-Life works! I can bring the dead back to life!

Sheen:
All right! You trampled all over the laws of nature! Way to go!

Cindy:
Yeah, terrific. Now a bunch of dead guys wrapped in toilet paper are gonna kill us.

Carl:
Um, guys, I suggest we… RUN!

[The kids start running as the mummies chase them]

Sheen:
Jimmy, next time you invite me anywhere, remind me to say no.

Jimmy:
Let's hope there is a next time!

Libby:
[to the mummies] Hey, guys, I'm related to your queen.

Cindy:
So, this is how it ends. Playing hide and get killed in a tomb in Egypt.

Sheen:
Why must the good die young?!

Carl:
They're coming this way. [whispering] Everybody stay quiet.

Libby:
Uh, Jimmy, now would be a real good time for one of your brain blasts.

Jimmy:
Think, think… [pictures Libby looking like her ancestor; gets an idea] Brain blast! Libby, quick, I need you.

Libby:
Why, Jimmy, this is so sudden!

Cindy:
Hey, what's happening?

Sheen:
It's the desert love curse. Working its evil ways on Jimmy's heart.

Jimmy:
Libby, you look like the queen. If you pretend to be her, maybe the mummies will obey your command.

Libby:
[to the mummies] I order you mummies to start sleeping for 5…

Others:
10!

Libby:
15 trillion more years! [the mummies start falling asleep] Sleep tight, and don't let the scarab bugs bite.

Jimmy:
Carl, give me the Electro-Life.

Carl:
Why, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
Some things should not see the light of day, for who am I, a mere mortal to alter the very laws of mortality.

Cindy:
Good thing we're in a tomb 'cause you're boring us to death.

[Jimmy tosses the Electro-Life off aside]

Sheen:
Hey, guys! I finally found the bathroom! [Thump!] OW! Why must the good get hit on their heads again?!

[Outside the lost tomb, the gang are all in Jimmy's hover car, about to fly back home to Retroville]

Sheen:
Farewell, cruel desert!

Carl:
Don't forget to write!

Libby:
You know, I think I'm down with this new look. I'm gonna keep it.

Cindy:
[sarcastically] So, do we have to address you as Queen Libby from now on?

Libby:
[giggles] No. [jokingly] "Your Mighty Fine Royal Marvelousness" will do.

Jimmy:
Light speed back to Retroville!

Carl:
Miss Fowl, we're back!

Others:
[annoyed] Carl!

Miss Fowl:
[waking up along with Principal Willoughby] Where have you children been?! I want the truth!

Principal Willoughby:
And I'll have none of this whole "school tanning salon" mumbo-jumbo!

Sheen:
Uh, did I say we were going to the tanning salon? I meant, uh… the bathroom!

Principal Willoughby:
Oh. Well, all right, then.

Carl:
In Egypt. And Libby got to be a queen, and mummies chased us, and we discovered a lost tomb!

[Sheen catches a ball Jimmy threw]

Miss Fowl:
Ball 8!

Sheen:
Ball?! That was right down the middle. I've seen better calls at a square dance!

Miss Fowl:
Jimmy's throwing lollipops. The day he throws down Broadway is the day I dance on the moon!

Miss Fowl:
Play ball!

Butch:
All right, Neutron! It's "giving-up" time again!

Tremendous Jackson:
Somewhere in the Rytridian Galaxy, Ultralord weeps.

Sheen:
[upon seeing Bonzilla] That's Bonzilla!? What a ripoff! He's only ten inches tall! He's a pipsqueak! He can't even breath fire- [Bonzilla breathes fire at Sheen, causing him to scream in pain] Uh, Jimmy? What's the Japanese word for "ambulance"? [coughs and faints]

[Opening shot:
Iris into a close up of a purple-yellow monster, cut to a terrified Carl, then a frightened lady, followed by a terrified Sheen, it is revealed to be a poster at a video store visited by Jimmy, Carl and Sheen]

Jimmy:
I don't know, guys. $15 is a lot of money.

Carl:
Jimmy, what's Doombringer II?

Jimmy:
I don't know. It IS a lot of game.

Sheen:
Now, remember [he takes hand of the said game] it's for mature players only, so act even more maturer-er than we usually do. I'll try and grow a mustache. [tries to do so, only to realize nothing happens]

Jimmy:
My dad's over 18. I'll act like him. [cut to Doombringer II and three dollar bills and four grey coins being placed in the counter by Jimmy with Carl with ice cream in the background] Well, howdy there, Clerky Clerkotron.

Clerky Clerkotron:
[hands the objects back] Beat it kids, this game is for mature players only, due to violence, exaggerated mayhem and old lady kicking.

Sheen:
That's not fair! We're highly mature! [pounds fist] I demand my constipational rights! [Clerky kicks the boys out of the store; pointing his finger up] How dare he throw your father out of the store?!

Jimmy:
Come on guys, Let's go do something "age-appropriate."

[They leave the scene, except for Sheen who gets the rest of his body back to the scene. About to return to the store, with a grin on his face]

Sheen:
Hey you! Check it out! I'm staring at it with both eyes, and you can't stop me! [but the clerk throws the ice cream onto Sheen's eye] I stand corrected.

[Last lines]

Jimmy:
Carl, what are you eating?

Carl:
Just some prune whip from you lab.

Jimmy:
Carl, there wasn't any prune whip. That's my experimental truth telling serum!

Carl:
Oh, Jimmy that's ridic- [snaps to truth mode] I stole Jimmy's toast the other day. Sometimes, I dream about girls.

Jimmy:
Maybe we better go.

Carl:
I don't think Ultralord exists...

Sheen:
LALALALALA! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!

Carl:
My mom is really 42. I just ripped-

Sheen:
MAKE HIM STOP!

Jimmy:
Ms. Gorgeous...

Beautiful Gorgeous:
Please, call me "Beautiful".

Professor Calamitous:
How on earth did they escape?!

Beautiful Gorgeous:
Well, lets see... The kid got an I.Q of 210 and the other one is a top-spy. OH I WONDER?!

Professor Calamitous:
Don't you take that tone of voice with me, young lady!

Beautiful Gorgeous:
I'm over 18! I can do what I want! You not the boss of me!

Professor Calamitous:
You mind your father for once! AFTER THEM!

Jimmy:
This is my 27th greatest invention ever. Behold, the Neutronic Monster Maker!

Sheen:
Sweet name.

Jimmy:
Simply select a monster, step under the cone of creation, and it'll realign your molecules to make you look like that monster- down to each horrifying atom.

Carl:
Cool! But Sheen, you got to promise that when you're scary, you won't scare me.

Sheen:
My word is my bond.

Jimmy:
I've downloaded every monster imaginable. I have 102 different monsters to choose from. Here are your choices. [clears throat] A werewolf…

Sheen:
That's it- I want to be the wolf guy!

Jimmy:
Sheen, I have 101 other monsters.

Sheen:
I know, Jimmy, but it's been my lifelong dream to be covered in hair.

Jimmy:
All right, werewolf it is. What about you, Carl? The Hunchback of Notre Dame?

Carl:
Uh… too hunchy.

Jimmy:
The blob?

Carl:
Too blobby.

Jimmy:
The Phantom of the Opera?

Carl:
Too Opera-y.

Jimmy:
Frankenstein?

Sheen:
"Frahnkenshteen."

Carl:
No, I don't like his wardrobe. I'm more of a summer. [gasps] Who's the guy with the cape?

Jimmy:
Dracula.

Carl:
Yeah, he has a cape. I want to be Dracula!

Jimmy:
All right, Dracula and a werewolf it is.

Vampire Carl:
I want more! I need blood!

Sheen:
You need counseling.

Vampire Carl:
Must have blood! Listen to them, the children of the night. What music they make. I must join them! [changes into his bat form and flies away] Bye, you guys! See you later!

Sheen:
That was weird. But totally awesome! I wanna turn into a bat! I wanna fly! Make me a bat, Jimmy! Make me a bat!

Jimmy:
I didn't do that! Carl just changed into a vampire bat on his own.

Sheen:
But it's Halloween. What do you expect?

Jimmy:
The monster maker must've mutated Carl's molecular structure on a subatomic level, altering his DNA!

Sheen:
And now again in English.

Jimmy:
He's a real vampire!

Jimmy:
This is going to be a memorable Halloween, Goddard… if we survive.

Jimmy:
I can't believe Carl and Sheen turned into a real vampire and werewolf! I've got to capture them and turn them back. Goddard, access vampire data so I know what I'm dealing with. [Goddard does so] "Vampires feed on the blood of the living. They can turn their victims into vampires and are repelled by garlic. They can only be destroyed by a wooden stake driven into their heart." What have you got on werewolves?

Miss Fowl:
[dressed as a fortune teller; mysteriously] Even a man who is pure of heart, and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms, and the autumn moon is bright.

Jimmy:
Uh… hi, Miss Fowl. How do you know about werewolves?

Miss Fowl:
I was married to one, but that's a story for another day.

Jimmy:
Uh, anything else I should know?

Miss Fowl:
Well, they can turn other people into werewolves by biting them, and they can only be destroyed by a silver…

Jimmy:
Bullet?

Miss Fowl:
Cane, spoon, hairbrush- anything else silver. Okay, Happy Halloween. Don't forget to floss.

Vampire Carl:
Look into my eyes. I mean, if you don't mind.

Cindy:
Why the heck would…

Vampire Carl:
Look into my eyes!

Cindy:
[being hypnotized] Yes, master.

Vampire Carl:
What is your blood type?

Cindy:
A-positive, master.

Vampire Carl:
Mmm, how positively delicious. [hisses and bites her neck as she screams, turning her into a vampire]

Vampire Cindy:
Libby, did you do something to your hair?

Werewolf Libby:
No. Are you using teeth whitener?

Vampire Cindy:
Look into my eyes.

Werewolf Libby:
No way! You look into my eyes while I take a big old bite out of you!

Judy:
[whistles angrily, stopping the fighting] Stop fighting! You should be ashamed. Now you work this out among yourselves. I'm going home to hand out fruit snacks. I'll see you later, Hugh Neutron.

Sam:
Great flipping toadstools! Real monsters! We gotta destroy them! Quick go get some angry villagers, some torches, garlic, silver junk, and a beautiful red-headed woman named Tessie!

Miss Fowl:
We don't need a beautiful red-headed woman named Tessie.

Sam:
Speak for yourself.

Carl:
Hey, I don't want to drink blood anymore.

Cindy:
Yuck- me neither.

Sheen:
Huh. I've lost all desire to consume human flesh.

Hugh:
Hey, I can speak in complete sentences. Now, where's my scary little Sugarbooger?

Judy:
[holding a plate of banana balls and prune puffs] Right here, you monster. Who's up for banana balls and prune puffs?

[Everyone expresses in disgust]

Cindy:
We want candy.

Libby:
We never got to go trick-or-treating.

Sheen:
And we left behind all our candy when we changed into monsters.

Carl:
I bet it's gone by now.

Hugh:
No candy on Halloween? That is scary.

Octopus Man Jimmy:
Don't worry. I can fix that.

Cindy:
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, introducing… The Lake Monster!

Jimmy:
Carl, Sheen, to the lake! [cut to Carl screaming as they're at the lake] You gonna keep doing that?

Carl:
I'm sorry, Jim. I just have some bad associations with this lake.

Sheen:
Everyone has something they're afraid of Carl. For me, it's the crawl space under grandma's house. For you, it's a stupid lake!

Jimmy:
What happened here, Carl?

Carl:
Well, two years ago, I came here with my pet turtle, Snappy. He was my best friend, but I was allergic to him. So I had to release him right here on this beach. And ever since, the lake has filled me with feelings of nausea, blind terror, and then more nausea.

Carl:
AAAAAAHHHHH! [gets down on his knees to Miss Fowl] Cindy gave me a dollar to vote for Libby! Sheen was blackmailing me with a photo! Jimmy was playing the best friend card and using scantily clad women!

Miss Fowl:
[angrily glares at Jimmy, Sheen, Cindy, and Libby; The three whistle while Cindy checks her nails] It looks like some of our candidates have been found guilty of bribery, blackmail, and MURDER! [class screams] Sorry, not murder. I meant operating a zeppelin on school premises. Anyway, they're all illegal campaign activities, which means Jimmy, SHEEN and Libby are disqualified!

Yellow Nanobot:
Alert! Alert! You're all outta step!

Cindy:
[as Santa gives both her and Libby lumps of coal] A lump of coal?!

Libby:
Do me a favor- the next time I suggest we humiliate somebody, DON'T LISTEN!

Jimmy:
This is dumb. The only female I've ever been attracted to is Madame Curie, the mother of modern radiology- in a purely platonic way, of course.

[Episode starts with the school bell ringing and Miss Fowl's students exit her classroom after taking a history test]

Libby:
Ok, that history test was hard.

Butch:
Yeah, now I know how you guys feel when I beat on you.

Carl:
Four score and seven years ago... oxygen!

Sheen:
Hey, guys! Man, that test was cake! I didn't know whether to answer the questions to put frosting on 'em, am I right? Am I right?

Jimmy:
Actually, Sheen, I thought it was fairly challenging.

Sheen:
Challenging? My grandma's Chihuahua could've aced it. I've seen connect-the-dots drawings that were harder.

Miss Fowl:
[sticking out of the classroom door] SHEEN!

Sheen:
Exqueeze me, Miss Fowl probably wants to congratulate me on a job well done.

[Cut to Sheen's failed history test up-close, with every question answered in Ultra Lord themed topics]

Jimmy and Carl:
Quadruple F-minus?

Sheen:
Well, how was I supposed to know Ultra Lord wasn't the father of our country? That's what it says on the Ultra Lord website!

Jimmy:
Wait, didn't you write the Ultra Lord website?

Sheen:
Your point? [Jimmy rolls his eyes] Oh. Anyway, Miss Fowl said if I don't pass tomorrow's math final, I'm gonna be left back!

Jimmy:
Left back?! That's terrible!

Sheen:
Tell me about it! I can't be in a class with a bunch of babies who wet their pants and cry for their mommies!

Jimmy:
Well, technically they'd be the same age we are now and we don't wet our pants and cry for- [stops and sees Carl sucking his thumb and holding a llama plushie]

Carl:
What?!

[The Candy Bar; Sheen, with his head increased in size, is having an argument with Sam over a jar of jelly beans]

Sheen:
I said, give me my free sundae!

Sam:
And I said there's no way you could've known there were 12,082 beans in that jar without cheating, yeah!

Sheen:
I told you, I used a complex algorithm, based on the dimensions of the jar!

Sam:
Uh-huh. Yesterday you thought seashells were money. Today you're using algorithms?

Sheen:
Yesterday, I wasn't a genius! Now give me my ice cream, monkey boy! [grabs and pulls Sam by the shirt; turns around to Carl] I heard that, Carl!

Carl:
I didn't say anything.

Sheen:
I heard your thoughts! You think I'm being an annoying doofus?! [turns back around]

Jimmy:
[arrives with the Brain Drain helmet] Carl, I found the Brain Drain helmet and got here as fast as I… [notices Sheen's increased head] Leapin' leptons! What happened to Sheen's head?!

Cindy:
Neutron, this has your stink all over it!

Carl:
Jimmy, Sheen's brain is still growing! And he's also being an annoying doofus.

Sheen:
I knew it!

Jimmy:
Sheen, the math test is over, so it's time to turn you back to normal.

Sheen:
I don't want to go back! I'm seeing things clearly for the first time! Besides, everyone loves the new me!

Jimmy, Carl, Cindy, Libby, Nick, and Butch:
NO, WE DON'T!

Sheen:
SILENCE!

[All the lights in the Candy Bar go out]

Jimmy:
Trust me, Sheen. You don't want to be a genius, always having to help people with homework…

Libby:
Always endangering the town with your stupid inventions…

Cindy:
Always being a pain in the butt…

Jimmy:
Nobody asked you! [to Sheen] So I'm just gonna put this helmet back on your head, and-

Sheen:
Don't come any closer, Neutron!

Jimmy:
Butch, Nick, grab him!

[Butch and Nick grab hold of him]

Sheen:
[maliciously] You disappoint me, Jimmy. [pushes Jimmy backwards across the floor as it breaks up in a line and starts laughing evilly with an evil grin; after commercial break, telekinetically pushes out Butch and Nick]

Sam:
Hey, little big head! I just cleaned there!

Sheen:
[rising from his seat and into the air] My intelligence is wasted here! I should be building empires, commanding armies! Today Retroville, tomorrow, THE WORLD! [conjures up a ball of lighting in his hands, launches it at the ceiling, creating a big hole, and flies out of the Candy Bar at vast speed]

Libby:
Don't tell me that's just hormones.

Jimmy:
I don't understand it! I was only trying to boost his IQ so he'd pass the math test!

Cindy:
Oh! [gets in his face] Is that all? And what if we all went around freakishly enlarging our friends' heads, huh?!

Butch:
Ooh! Me first! Me first! [pause; confused] Was that a rhetorical question?

[Jimmy's lab]

Jimmy:
Vox, analyze Brain Gain helmet to determine maximum possible IQ increase.

Vox:
Analyzing…

[The Maximum IQ counter on the lower right begins to count rapidly as the model of Sheen's head starts increasing to bigger size; the counter stops displaying three infinity symbols]

Jimmy:
It's just like I feared! If left unchecked, Sheen's IQ will keep growing to infinity!

Carl:
Wow, he'll be really good at board games.

Jimmy:
No, Carl. You don't understand. Sheen's brain is programmed to keep growing. If we don't get that Brain Drain helmet on him soon, his head will explode.

Carl:
[screams terrifyingly] Ewwwwww.

Jimmy:
Hail, mighty overlord!

Sheen:
What the…?

Jimmy:
We have brought you a magnificent crown, crafted from the finest semiprecious metals, to celebrate your glorious reign.

Sheen:
Hmm… It is rather fetching. Bestow it on my head! Not you… [points at Carl] Carl.

Carl:
Baby llamas in the meadow. Baby llamas in the meadow. Oh no. One of them's escaping! He's heading towards town! "Town" rhymes with "crown"! JIMMY AND I DISGUISED THE BRAIN DRAIN HELMET AS A CROWN!

Sheen:
I heard that!

Jimmy:
Sheen, please, we're trying to help you! Your brain is growing at a dangerously fast pace!

Sheen:
Silence! You have plotted against the overlord! Your insolence has angered me!

Sheen:
I control the wind, and I shall rain fire down from the heavens! Goodbye, Sheen the overlord! Hello, Sheen THE GOD!

Sheen:
[in a loud, demonic booming voice] YOU DARE TO ORDER ME?! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BRAIN BOLT!

Judy:
Here are your dinners. [sets the plates down on the table, releasing the serving covers] A ham and macaroni choo-choo for Hugh with cauliflower chimney smoke. For Jimmy, scallopini pfeffernüsse with mashed potatoes in the shape of Einstein's hair. And for me, a sandwich.

Jimmy:
[as Judy enters the kitchen with her suitcase] Mom? Are you going on a trip?

Judy:
Oh, you noticed. Well, since you asked, I'm going to a spa for a week to be pampered unmercifully.

Hugh:
Hughsy-doodles is confused.

Judy:
I'm sick of being unappreciated and doing all the work around here. [takes out her long chores list and hands it to Jimmy] Here are the chores I do every week to keep this place up and running. You two are going to have to do every one of them while I'm gone. Good-bye. [slams the door and leaves]

Jimmy:
Whoa! No Mom for a week?

Hugh:
No one to tell us your bath is ready?

Jimmy:
Or make us change our clothes. Or make us leave the lab and come to dinner.

Hugh:
No one to tell us you can't have pizza for every meal, or say, "Hugh, put down that duck and talk to me for once."

Jimmy:
We're free man! Masters of our own destiny. We rule this house.

Hugh:
We, uh… well, once we finish the chores.

Jimmy:
Oh, yeah. What's the first one?

[Neutron dining room, evening]

Hugh:
So how's that week's worth of chores coming, Robo-booger?

MaternoTron:
All chores were completed at 1700 hours this evening.

Jimmy:
Good work, Materno-Tron. Assume Sleep Mode until the next mealtime.

MaternoTron:
Negative. A mother's work is never done. A mother must Protect and Pamper,

Jimmy:
Oh, yeah. [clears throat] Override Maternal chip directives until further notice.

MaternoTron:
Don't use that tone of voice with me, young man. Now eat! [releases the serving covers on Jimmy and Hugh's plates]

Jimmy:
[horrified] Leaping leptons! I said "water" the lawn, not "cook" it! What is this stuff?

MaternoTron:
Soy protein, kelp, talapala oil and spinach for flavor.

Hugh:
Sugarbooger's dinners never smelled quite so… how do I put it? Disgusting.

MaternoTron:
[scoops up the kelp with a ladle] This is the train and your mouth is the tunnel.

Hugh:
No thanks. See, my tunnel is temporarily closed for rep- [MaternoTron stuffs the ladle into his mouth]

Jimmy:
I must have set the autonomy parameter in the mothering chip too high. She really thinks she's Mom. [MaternoTron stuffs another ladle into his mouth]

MaternoTron:
And after dinner… [takes out a scrubbing brush with eyes glowing red] your baths. [Jimmy and Hugh react with horror; Later in the master bathroom, holding Hugh down while scrubbing him] HOLD STILL!

Hugh:
[screaming and moaning] Not the face!

MaternoTron:
Where you going?

Jimmy:
Oh. Um, well I left my homework in the lab.

MaternoTron:
Too many wires. You'll electrocute your eye out. Bedtime!

Jimmy:
What? But it's only 7:00!

MaternoTron:
March!

[Jimmy's bedroom; the time on his alarm clock switches from 7:
00 pm to one minute later]

Jimmy:
But I'm not tired!

MaternoTron:
Then I must rock you to sleep. [picks Jimmy up and rocks him at rapid speed] ♪ Rock-a-bye Jimmy on the treetop. Tomorrow more kelp till your pant buttons pop. ♪ Are you tired yet?

Jimmy:
[dizzy] And nauseous.

MaternoTron:
[to Jimmy and Hugh] Where do you think you're going?

Jimmy:
Outside?

MaternoTron:
Too dangerous! Outside is where the Civil War was held! [walks in front of the front door, blocking it] I'm placing you both on… [in malicous evil tone with red eyes] LOCKDOWN!

Carl:
[after circle fade-out] Uh, Sheen.

[Fades in to Carl and Sheen taking a survey near Jimmy's lab at night]

Carl:
What was the answer you chosen for question 319?

Sheen:
C.: Lure the tiger away from Jimmy by imitating a chicken strip.

Carl:
[smiles] Hmm! Works for me.

[Jimmy uses the ice crystals on the clones, freezing them]

Funny Jimmy:
That's all, folks!

Romantic Jimmy:
Adieu, mon ami! Parting is such sweet… Whoo, that is cold!

Cool Jimmy:
Yo, give me your best shot, punk!

Gloomy Jimmy:
Oh, this is how it ends… as ice cubes!

Happy Jimmy:
I've always wanted to be frozen! This is a dream come true!

Jimmy:
"7A". I said "7A".

Mrs. Wheezer:
You knew my husband was allergic to brambleberry pie! You're just a dupe for that hateful husband of yours!

Judy:
"Hateful"?! You take that back!

Mrs. Wheezer:
Never, allergy-hater!

Judy:
Venom-spitter!

Mrs. Wheezer:
She-woman!

Judy:
Hag-witch! [as she leaves, Mrs. Wheezer gasps in shock; walks up the back porch, to Jimmy] Jimmy, I don't want you ever to mention the word "Carl" again! [enters the house with a scoff and slams the door shut]

Jimmy:
Sheen, can you arrange a little get-together with Carl?

Sheen:
You're in luck, Jimmy. I'm having a special this month on super secret meetings. May I suggest a Mexican Bandito theme?

Mr. Wheezer:
Holly leaping catfish!

Hugh:
Great stinking bananas?! Oh, this is all your fault, Wheezer!

Mr. Wheezer:
Oh, no! The crabgrass started on your lawn, Neutron! I guess this neighborhood just can't have nice things!

Jimmy:
Carl, NO!

Carl:
We need more crabgrass… MORE!!

Mr. Wheezer:
Mother, I need aerosol spray!

Mrs. Wheezer:
Thank goodness you boys are alright.

Carl:
Mom, does this mean that this feud is finally over?

Jimmy:
And Carl and I can go back to being friends again?

Mrs. Wheezer:
Well, the Wheezers and the Neutrons may have their differences...

Judy:
But we'll just have to get over them for the sake of the children.

Mr. Wheezer:
You betcha!

Hugh:
I agree one hundred percen-- [realizes something] Just as soon as Wheezer admits that HE TOOK MY LAWNLOPPER! [crying loudly] Golly!

Mr. Wheezer:
I DID NOT!

Hugh:
Stupidhead!

Mr. Wheezer:
Moron face!

Hugh:
Mucus monkey!

Mr. Wheezer:
DUCK LOVER!!

Hugh:
"Duck lover"?!

[Judy and Mrs. Wheezer repeatedly hit their husbands with brooms to make them stop arguing]

Sheen:
I just remembered. Sam at the Candy Bar paid me to send a message to Mr. Neutron and he's chosen a festive polka theme. [sings the song about the LawnLopper] That'll be four bucks, please!

Jimmy, Carl, Judy, and Mrs. Wheezer:
[infuriated] Sheen...

Sheen:
We could discuss a preferred customer discount. [The Neutrons and the Wheezers start to advance on him]

Nick:
[screams as he flies through the air] DUDE! Oh, man, I broke my leg!

Sheen:
All right! That's good luck! Way to go, Nick!

Jimmy:
No, thank you. I QUIT!

[all the others boo at Jimmy]

Carl:
Uh, Jimmy, I thought we agreed that we didn't like girls.

Jimmy:
We don't. Betty is a woman.

Sheen:
Got it!

Mrs. Vortex:
My daughter, Cynthia is the star of the show.

Hugh:
She's Macbeth?

Mrs. Vortex:
No, she's a witch.

Judy:
[rolls her eyes] So I hear.

Hugh:
Can I have a mocha espresso with plenty of sugar?

Cindy:
Yeah, right.

Brobot:
[on screen; static] Jim… my. Jimmy, help!

Jimmy:
Uh… was that Brobot?

Carl:
You mean that annoying robot you made 'cause you wanted a little brother who drove you crazy, so you made robot parents and sent them off to the moon?

Brobot:
The Moony Men are attacking us! Help us, Jimmy!

Carl:
Yep, that was him.

Jimmy:
So, what's everyone want to drink? I got Classic Purple Flurp, Diet Purple Flurp, and new improved Purple Flurp with more purple.

Sheen:
Jimmy, aren't you gonna help Brobot?

Jimmy:
No, I'm not gonna help him. He was a major pain.

Carl:
But he's your brother!

Sheen:
Yeah, he's your own nuts and bolts and circuits!

Carl:
You gotta save him before the Moony Men rip him apart limb by limb!

Jimmy:
Brobot can take care of himself. I provided him with self-preservation circuitry.

Brobot:
Jimmy, I forgot to tell you- they've disabled my self-preservation circuitry.

Jimmy:
Oh. I guess we're going to the moon. [Carl and Sheen gasp] Come on, guys.

Carl:
What? I'm not going.

Sheen:
Yeah, what are you nuts?! There's Moony Men up there!

Jimmy:
Well, I'm not going alone, so we're just gonna sit here till you guys decide what you want to do.

Sheen:
And… KICK IT, HOMIE!

Sheen:
Hey, Jimmy, I've got something to ask you. How come whenever we're in outer space, we don't have to wear helmets?

Jimmy:
Good question, Sheen, and the answer is quite interesting. You see -

[He starts explaining, but Carl's singing drowns it out.]

Carl:
[singing over] Moon, moon, moon! Spoon, spoon, spoon! June, June, June! Spittoon, spittoon, spittoon!

Sheen:
Uh, really?

Jimmy:
Mm-hmm.

Sheen:
But how come we don't need oxygen tanks?

Jimmy:
Well -

Carl:
[singing over] ♪ Star, star, star! You're so far, far, far! Can't go by car, car, car! ♪

Sheen:
Fascinating. Thanks.

Jimmy:
Any other questions.

Sheen:
No, I kinda got a headache.

Sheen:
Uh, so, Jimmy, how come it takes astronauts days to go to and from the moon, when it only takes us a few minutes?

Jimmy:
That's another good question. You see, it all has to do -

Carl:
[singing over] Good-bye, Moon, I'll see you next June! Call the Milky for us soon, and -

Sheen:
CARL! Enough with the song!

Jimmy:
Brobot saved us, we save his parents.

Carl:
And-a I'm-a not-a the-a pig-a punisher-a.

Jimmy:
[annoyingly imitating Skeet] "No human brain can add three things, dude. Only the machine knows the tax, dude."

Jimmy:
Easy, Goddard. It's just a giant mechanical Scotsman's head. But by tomorrow, it's gonna be smarter than Skeet. Come to think it, it's smarter than Skeet now.

Jimmy:
I think McSpanky's is trying to destroy all its competition until it's the only restaurant in town!

Carl:
We've gotta stop it!

Sheen:
Yeah! Does that mean no more tips?

Jimmy:
Well, that's the last fast food place in town. At least now it'll land and I can rip out it's programming. [looks at his GPS to see that McSpanky's is headed directly to the supermarket] Hey, what's it doing?!

Carl:
It's headed for the supermarket!

Jimmy:
Oh, no! It's not satisfied in destroying restaurants, it's gonna destroy any place that sells food!

Sheen:
A king Arthur with a hipper placement on a bed of coals?

Judy:
Now, Jimmy, I want you to behave yourself at the Wheezers' this weekend.

Jimmy:
Don't worry, Mom. Everything will be fine. I've been looking forward to this for weeks.

Carl:
It'll be just like having a brother who looks nothing like me and has a different last name.

Sheen:
[slightly annoyed] Man, you guys are so lucky! I have to stay home and loofah my grandma's cankles.

Sheen:
Bye, guys. Have fun while I'm cankling.

Mrs. Wheezer:
Sounds like my men are hungry!

Jimmy:
Uh… what is this, Mrs. Wheezer?

Mrs. Wheezer:
Fiber loaf à la king- a hypoallergenic protein substitute.

Mr. Wheezer:
You see, Jimmy, the Mrs. and I are allergic to most, meat, fish, grain, dairy, fruit, vegetable, and jalapeño-based food products.

Carl:
Eat it, Jimmy, before it gets damp.

Jimmy:
Well, mind if I add some salt?

Mr. Wheezer:
♪ Ohhhhhh...! ♪

Wheezers:
♪ Sitting and singing. Singing and sitting. Sitting -- ♪

Jimmy:
Don't you guys ever just watch TV?

Carl:
My mom says too much TV before bed causes brain lesions.

Mr. Wheezer:
Second verse!

Wheezers:
♪ Sitting and singing. Singing and sitting. ♪

Mrs. Wheezer:
You boys sleep tight, now.

Jimmy:
But it's only 7:30!

Mr. Wheezer:
Now, Jimmy, early to bed, early to rise makes a man less prone to bronchial infection.

Jimmy:
This is ridiculous. Allergies, germs, constricted nighttime airways… what's next?!

Carl:
[wiping his hand on Jimmy's face] Do not fear. Only I can tame Sancho the Wonder Llama.

Jimmy:
[losing it] That's it! [gets up and runs out] I can't take it anymore!

Jimmy:
[holding a caplet pill] Here we are, Goddard- total health-boost caplets. The Wheezers have sneezed their last sneeze… At least for the weekend.

Sheen:
Jimmy! I saw the whole thing! Carl and his folks have become Ultra-Wheezers! How cool is that?

Mr. Wheezer:
Come on, family! We're gonna climb Mt. Incredibly Unstable!

[Mrs. and Carl look scared.]

Carl:
No one's ever climbed Mt. Incredibly Unstable and lived! I'm in!

Mrs. Wheezer:
Me too.

[The Wheezers run off, shouting.]

Neutrons and Wheezers:
♪ Singing and standing. We're standing and singing. Burning and singing. Smoking and burning. Singing and standing, we're standing and singing, burning and singing… ♪

[After Jimmy wins the kite-flying competition]

Hugh:
Way to go, son! You made your ancestors proud.

Eustace:
Yes, well done, Jimmy. Well done indeed. Listen, why don't you and your "people" pop over to the compound for a celebratory Flurp and ice cream banquet?

Jimmy:
I think I'd rather gargle liquid Nitrogen!

Hugh:
Jimbo, that was rude. Now your ancestors are ashamed again.

[In the dining room, Eustace and the other kids are eating different flavors of ice cream]

Cindy:
[amazed] Eustace, this is incredible! There must be over 37 different flavors!

Jimmy:
Yeah, well, it's all right.

Eusatce:
Oh, don't be jealous, Jimmy. My ice cream is made from the purest ice-age snow gathered via time box.

Jimmy:
You got a working time box?

Eustace [to Jimmy]:
Make ready, Neutron: you're about to face the ultimate triumph in expensive robot technology. Blix!

[Blix lets a small, cat-like robot into the arena]

Carl:
Aw, it's adorable!

Sheen:
They just don't make crazed, berserk robots like they used to.

Eustace:
Let the game begin!

Jimmy:
People, people! I know what this rock is. Carl, Sheen, show the first slide.

Sheen:
[speaking into a megaphone] SLIDE!

Carl:
Ow, Sheen, I'm right next to you!

[The lights go out and a slideshow begins showing the rock's history]

Jimmy:
Since 1511, there have been reports of rocks with strange symbols falling from the daytime sky. In every case, these rocks were destroyed before scientists had a chance to study them. These are those rocks. Minsk, Russia, 1653: Rock pulverized by Imperial guards. Reykjavík, Iceland, 1810: Also crushed. Lima, Peru, 1880: Rock elected mayor, then overthrown by rebels.

Man:
Well, at least it wasn't crushed.

Jimmy:
Then crushed. Butte, Montana, 1957: Rock made into soup and eaten by prospectors.

[The slideshow shows a photo of Sheen in a bathroom toilet]

Sheen:
[screams] Carl!

Jimmy:
Ladies and gentlemen, the aliens that sent these message stones are today, giving Earth another chance. I implore you to let me take the rock to my lab for study!

Meldar:
Let's meet those life-forms now! Vandana?

Vandana:
[appearing] Thanks, Meldar! They're smart, they're sassy, and they've evolved to a nonskeletal form. Meet the Brains!

Kids:
[disgusted] Eww…

Vandana:
Next, they've been called the sharpest species in the galaxy. Say hello to the Needleheads!

Needleheads:
[repeatedly] Mib! Mib! Mib!

Sheen:
Oh, man, those voices are gonna get on my nerves!

Vandana:
And finally, they're a warmongering species from the Kondracke Belt, give it up for the Gorlocks!

Meldar:
Humans of Earth. Your planet is being connected to the Galactic Cable Network, with over nine billion channels of service.

Hugh:
[gasps] Free cable?! From space?!

Meldar:
Enjoy watching your fellow creatures play for their lives on this addition of "Intergalactic Showdown!"

Judy:
What did he mean, "play for their lives?"

Hugh:
I don't know. But nine billion channels!

Cindy:
I'm open, Neutron! Pass me the ball!

Jimmy:
I know I can beat him!

Meldar:
Each player will step forward and place their vote into the giant Head of Truth. First up, Jimmy.

Jimmy:
[gets up, walks to the table, and votes for Cindy] I tried to be your friend, but I have a planet to save.

Cindy:
[approaches the table and votes for Jimmy] Sorry, pally. The human race can't afford another slip-up.

Libby:
[also votes for Jimmy] Bye-bye, big-head.

Sheen:
Well, you know what they say, dude. You can fool all the people some other time, but you can't fool the time with the people that the, the… FORGET IT! Dang!

Carl:
I hope that once you get over the betrayal, you'll still come over for cookies.

Bolbi:
Bolbi not wearing underpants. [votes himself off]

Meldar:
Bolbi, your team has spoken. It's time for you to go.

[A dark hole opens under Bolbi and he falls in it]

Libby:
I don't think we're in Retroville anymore.

Jimmy:
This is all an illusion! The Brains have placed us under some sort of mass hypnosis.

Sheen:
What if they make us act like chickens?!

Carl:
What do we do, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
I don't know. Unless we can break their hold on us, we're completely at the Brains' mercy.

Jimmy:
That's it?! You kidnap us into space, threaten to blow up Earth, and you think you can make it right by giving us this stupid car?!

Carl:
Well, guys, we saved the Earth.

Sheen:
And more importantly, we won the car!

Jimmy:
This isn't right. We've gotta go back!

Cindy:
Neutron, what are you doing?

Jimmy:
I'm reprogramming the auto-pilot. I won't let all those planets be destroyed!

Libby:
Are you nuts?! But we barely got out of there alive!

Jimmy:
Meldar kept us weak by forcing us to compete. But together, Brain, Needlehead, Gorlock, and human, can team up to cancel his show permanently. Who's with me?

April:
I am with the Earth boy! Who's up for putting "Intergalactic Showdown" out of business?