The Dick Van Dyke Show

Mel Cooley:
Rob, I did not come here to get insulted.

Buddy Sorrell:
Oh? Where do you usually go to get insulted? I'll go anyplace.

Rob Petrie:
Laura, there is no reason for your behavior!

Laura Petrie:
There is every reason for my behavior — I'm angry!

Rob Petrie:
Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer!

Laura Petrie:
For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me.

Rob Petrie:
Well, what are you angry with me for?

Laura Petrie:
I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you.

Rob Petrie:
Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse?

Laura Petrie:
Did you ever think of trying a kiss?

(Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck)

Laura Petrie:
Not on the neck.

(Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek)

Laura Petrie:
That's better.

(Rob kisses her lightly on the lips)

Laura Petrie:
Almost.

(smiles)

Laura Petrie:
(they embrace and kiss deeply) Oh, yes.

(they resume their kiss)

Rob Petrie:
Morning, honey.

[puckers his lips expecting a kiss]

Laura Petrie:
(in rapid-fire fashion) What do you mean by that? It may be a good morning for you, but it wasn't for me! You didn't have to clean up the mess that this one made when he decided to finger paint all over the bathroom mirror with the toothpaste. And you don't have to be concerned at all about the fact that the cleaning woman isn't coming today and you have five people coming over for lunch. Sure, go ahead, good morning! Why not?

Rob Petrie:
(recoiling) Honey, give me another chance. I'll go out and come in again. I won't say good morning. I'll just wave as I go by.