The L Word, Season 5

Dusty:
[They start to have sex in the prison cell, though Helena looks still a little frightened by Dusty] I haven't killed anyone!

Helena:
You didn't?

Dusty:
It was tax fraud!

Tina:
Speaking of freakish, look at Jenny's new assistant.

Alice:
Well, you kind of have to admire her a little bit.

Tina:
It's gross! There's something wrong with that girl!

Alice:
Why is my life supposed to stop because you want to live in a fucking closet? I did not sign up for that bullshit. You did. I am allowed to say what I want, and do what I want, and fucking out who I want... and love who I want because I live in the goddamn U.S. of fucking A.

Tasha:
And I'm the one out there fighting for your right to be ignorant.

Nikki:
We're gonna fuck in a closet?

Jenny:
The irony hasn't escaped me.

Alice:
[on national TV] Listen! Gay people are being bashed, harassed, and killed every day, and then you've got this guy who's gay himself, and he's saying this garbage? It's disgusting! I totally respect someone's choice to stay in the closet, I do. If that's what they want to do, I get it. But I don't think it's OK to kiss your boyfriend one day and then go out and trash gay people the next! Especially if you're a public figure and you have people looking up to you. No, I don't feel bad. I do not feel bad about what I did.

Shane:
[sitting on counter] Hey you want one?

Cammie:
Oh no I'm good thanks.

Shane:
Hey listen they're not gay I promise.

Alice:
Oh my God! What if they were gay? What if the brownies were gay?

Shane:
[laughing] They're all fucking each other.

Alice:
[in brownie voice] You're hot.

Jenny:
So this is what I want you to do. Ok, so you're going to look at her and you're going to take her and you're gonna throw her against the sink - BAM! And you're gonna look at her with PASSION and then you - don't worry I won't kiss you - you're gonna take her and you're gonna kiss her with tongue. And then I want you to reach down and then I want you to fingerfuck her... and give her the best fucking orgasm ever. Go for it!

Isabella:
OH, you mean with my hand?

Jenny:
Yeah. Unless you have some other apparati I don't know about.

Isabella:
[as Bev] - 'How exciting... You're ovulating. Let's make a baby!'...

Jenny:
Passion! That's okay. Okay, wauw, it looks like you guys are sort of doing a dance.

Isabella:
Do you want to see my hand?

Jenny:
I'd like to. Might be nice for you to look like you're actually giving her pleasure rather than moving furniture. You know, that looks like you're sewing up a hole in her jeans. You guys really don't know how to fuck women, do you?

Alice:
Fuck you, Denbo! AND your dumb lover. You're a ratfuck!

Shane:
BYE CINDI!

Bette:
I don't know what to do.

Tina:
You're in love with Jodi, right?

Bette:
I adore her. And I respect and admire her. But...

Tina:
But what?

Bette:
It doesn't really compare.

Alice:
Are you gonna dance in your black bra?

Shane:
You know, I was thinking about it, but I just don't need one. Thank god.

Bette:
So which side of the bed is Nina's?

Tina:
I don't know. Um. [gets up and stands next to the left side of the bed] Maybe this side? [lays down] Yeah, that feels right.

Bette:
So maybe this side would be Bev's side? [lays down on the right side of the bed]

Tina:
Yeah.

Bette:
Do you have any hard rock candy?

Tina:
No. But I have some pot.

[Bette and Tina both giggle]

Shane:
If you want to stick around a little longer and then I could take you out.

Molly:
[sarcastic] Sure.

Shane:
What?

Molly:
My mother told me all about your little game. You're like the Fonz, or something, for lesbians.

Shane:
Bullshit. The Fonz?

Molly:
Yeah, Happy Days.

Shane:
No, I'm not the Fonz. I'm not Happy Days. It's just a... [beat] Alright, I give it to you. You're sassy.

Molly:
I'm not sassy, I'm bored. But not bored enough to sleep with you.

Jodi:
Maybe she's a spaghetti girl. Straight until wet.

Bette Porter:
[Talking to Jodi, but facing away so Jodi cannot read her lips] I'm in love with Tina...

Molly:
[about the terrible sex Shane said she had] No, it was great for me! You don't just get on a bike and know how to ride it, same with riding a girl. So I freaked out! Big deal! You've just been with so many girls, you don't remember your first time! Well, guess what, it was my first time! And it was great! It was better than with Richard, than with guys and with anybody and I'm really into you. And I swear next time I will SO go down on you!

Molly:
[to Shane] I've never flown to the Pacific North-West to chase a girl I barely know, and I'm here, and I'm really crazy about you. And I need you to give me another chance, even if I'm AWFUL in bed. I know that I'm still Gay 101, but I'm a really fast learner, and before you know it I'm going to be Advanced Placement Gay, and Graduate Level Gay. And fuck Law School, I'll get my Doctorate in fucking Gay.

Jenny:
[to Shane] You know what? It's the ultimate betrayal. You've broken my heart.