The Penguins of Madagascar, Season 1

[Maurice is making a sundae]

Maurice:
[singing] Making my ice cream, Oh, sprinkle it on, (Julien grabs the sundae while Maurice is not looking) Now we add a cherry on top! [Julien grabs the cherry] Owwwwwwww!

Julien:
Uh, less sprinkles next time, okay Maurice?

Maurice:
I just can't take this!

Julien:
Rule number one: Do not question the king. Rule number two-- (Camera falls into Maurice's arms; They begin to fight)

[Later...]

Julien:
I said gimme! What part of Give or Me do you not understand?

Maurice:
I understood the me part, like, this was caught by ME!

[last lines]

Skipper:
Looks like we have intruders, boys. Commence Operation: Hammer Head.

Julien:
Excuse me. Hammer whose head exactly?

[Rico coughs up a hammer in Skipper's flipper; Julien, Maurice and Mort run away screaming]

Maurice:
[Clearing his throat as the other animals gather at the lemur habitat] You’ve all been called here today to dig a royal proclamation from King Julien himself!

Marlene:
[To Burt the elephant] Thirty peanuts says this is about his feet.

Burt:
Make it forty.

Julien:
From this moment that is happening now and on, those who touch the king’s feet, which are mine, will be punished most savagely! [Unfurls a roll of parchment with a lemur foot in a “not allowed” sign] I drew that. Me. I did. [Everyone groans]

Mort:
No feet?!

Skipper:
Well, that’s five minutes of our lives not worth getting back!

Kowalski:
Until I get my time machine fully functioning. [Everyone leaves]

Julien:
Wait! This is a very serious proclamation that I am proclaiming! [Slaps the “No feet allowed” sign on the volcano] Look! It is posted right here on the plastic volcano! And ANYONE who dares to be touching my beautiful feets shall be banish-ed from my kingdom! FOREVER!!!!!!

Maurice:
[Pretending to echo] Ever! Ever. Ever…

Julien:
What are you doing?

Maurice:
Echoing your for dramatic effect!

Julien:
Oh, nice! I like it! Now go to rebuilding my super comfy pamper-time floaty throne! [Maurice leaves]

Mort:
[Sadly poking his head out from behind a rock, staring at Julien’s feet] Banished… forever?

Julien:
Forever!

Maurice:
Ever! Ever! Ever!

[The next morning, Mort, chained to the fake palm tree, wakes up by Julien’s feet. Julien wakes up and they both scream]

Julien:
What in the feets are you doing?!?

Mort:
I… I… I… You… You… You…

Julien:
You… You… You are hereby banish-ed from my kingdom FOREVER!!!! [Waits for Maurice to echo] Maurice!

Maurice:
[Late on the echo] Ever! Ever… Wait! You mean Mort’s exiled? For eternity?

Julien:
Forever or for eternity! I’m flexible, but the no-feet touching must be of zero tolerance!

Skipper:
Pop quiz, troops. What can't we trust?

Kowalski:
(flipping through his notebook) Three-day-old stir-fry mung beans.

Skipper:
Right. What else can't we trust?

Private:
(holding up a book on badgers) Badgers!

Skipper:
(gives Private a questionable look)

Private:
...Maybe that's just me.

Mort:
Ooooh, it smells like the circus!

Skipper:
Uh, do you mind? We're trying to help him.

Melman:
All right, Skipper. That's enough. It's my turn.

Skipper:
WHAT?!

Melman:
Okay, your stomach begins rumbling, it is on the verge of vomiting. Throw up!

Mort:
Weeheheheee!

Maurice:
Mort the bomb! Get rid of the bomb!

Mort:
I got the bomb, Mort is the best, I am the winner! Mort is so—owe!

Rico:
What happened?

Skipper:
Why, Melman, you won! And Rico’s talking now! Oh, Thank you, Doc.

Skipper:
(After the rat king jumps on Kowalski while playing hockey; concerned): Kowalski, speak to me, man!

Kowalski:
(lying on ground): Just a... knock on the old... (twitches) ...monkey bus.

Skipper:
(confused): Kowalski?

Kowalski:
(stumbling on ice): No need to paint. I'm as flopsy-faced as ever.

Skipper:
(after Kowalski gets up and picks up hockey stick): I...don't think you're fit for duty.

Kowalski:
(continuing to stumble): Flibertigibit, man. I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger. (slips and falls on his belly)

Private (after he and Skipper also get hurt):
Skipper, maybe it's time to admit we've lost.

Kowalski (stumbling in the background):
The moo-cow may have a chocolate marshmallow.

(Julian wins the hockey game, defeating the sewer rats, Rico, Private and Skipper looked shocked; Kowalski stumbles past them)

Kowalski:
Well, I'll be a bicycle-cream-cone!

[Last lines]

Kowalski:
Well, nothing left to do but whip up another batch of antidote.

Private:
Actually, I don't think that won't be necessary. Private likes big.

Rico:
Oh, boy.

Julien:
And finally, it's the trampling by a thousand rhinos!

Rico (a rhino tramples him):
(yelps)

Julien:
Uh, slight glitch, though, we only have one rhino. So you have to do it a thousand times.

Rico:
(gets trampled by the rhino again)

(Some time later)

Julien:
Flightless bird, you have completed the three trials! By the way, sorry about the extra rhino tramplings. I lost count.

Rico:
(scatting)

Duck:
Look out! (lands on Rico's face with his rear)

Kowalski:
[goes up to Fred in the tree] You there. [Fred looks down at him and sees him holding up a drawing of King Julian and Marlene] Have you seen this Lemur and Otter?

Fred:
Which one of them is the Otter?

Kowalski:
[Looks at photo and points to Marlene] This one, obviously. Note the whiskers.

Fred:
No, I-I thought that was a Cat.

Kowalski:
Did I say "Have you seen this Lemur and Cat?"

Fred:
No, that's why I thought it was strange that you drew a Cat.

Kowalski:
It's not a Cat.

Fred:
Then why does it have whiskers?

Kowalski:
You know what, never mind the Otter.

Fred:
Cat.

Kowalski:
Whatever! [Holds the drawing up again] Have you seen the Lemur?

Fred:
What's a Lemur?

Kowalski:
[Turns around and walks away] I think we're done here.

Private:
(hears Skipper wheeze and cough, followed by a bucket being kicked) Skipper's... gone? It-it-it can't be! (jumps off) What'll we do?

Kowalski:
We'll honour him the way he would've wanted... by soldiering on like men. (salutes)

(Cut to all three bawling in HQ; Kowalski is hugging Private while Rico spits out a picture of Skipper)

Rico:
Why, why, WHYYYYYYY!?!?

Julien (after Dr. Blowhole and he stopped laughing maniacally):
Question: why are we laughing?

Dr. Blowhole:
Question: how did the prisoner escape?! (Julien leaps on him)

Julien:
Prisoner escaped?! Is he dangerous?

Dr. Blowhole (annoyed):
No, and apparently, he isn't very bright.

Dr Blowhole:
You'll appreciate this, Kowalski. I've installed a lair Theater System, High definition with surround sound. Exre-e-emely spendy.

Kowalski:
(slightly angry) Oh, why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?

Dr. Blowhole:
I am so glad you could all join me to witness history. I am, of course, especially pleased that my fli-i-i-ghtless foes graced us with their presence.

Skipper:
(annoyed): Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Private:
There's nothing good on Tely tonight anyway.

Dr. Blowhole:
(hovering over Private): Well, Private, here's a little show I whipped up. It's called:

Computer Voice:
Ring of Fire.

Dr. Blowhole:
It is fitting that I returned to the very aqua theater where I performed tricks for the duller humans. Oh, how it made me bitter.

Private:
Sorry. Did he say "bitter" or "better"?

Skipper:
Hard to say; the sound really bounces around in here.

Kowalski:
No, that would be the high ceilings.

Dr. Blowhole:
My humiliation in the Ring of Fire became my inspiration. In the Frozen North, we've constructed a vast circle of certainly surprising devices that tap into the heat of the Earth's core. (four drill-like devices break through the ice, glowing)

Skipper:
Oh, come on. (Dr. Blowhole zooms over to Skipper)

Dr. Blowhole:
Do you mind?! I'm just getting to the good part! It's re-e-ealy quite a shocker.

Skipper:
It's so obvious. Humiliated by the humans-

Private:
-activate the Ring of Fire-

Kowalski:
-melt the Arctic-

(Rico babbles)

Skipper:
Well, how did we do, punk?

Dr. Blowhole (slightly surprised):
You're... in the ball park.