The Steve Harvey Show

Steven "Steve" Hightower:
  [opening line]  High school.  I'm Steve Hightower.  I used to have this old group, Steve Hightower and the High Tops.  Back in the day, we were the bomb, ridin' in limos, women jumping up all on the stage, so much money, we'd write a cheque and the bank would bounce.  But times change and suddenly we were out.  It's been tough these past few years.  I'm so broke, they cut off my refrigerator light.

Stanley "Bullethead" Kuznocki:
  Hey, Mister Hightower, how's it goin'?  My name's Stanley—Stanley Kuznocki.  They call me Bullethead, y'see, 'cause I got a bullet in my head; so, that's why they call me that.  If you need anything, I could hook you up, y'know, pencils, pushpins, erasers…

Steve Hightower:
  Hey, let's go back to the part where you said, "I got a bullet in my head."

Steve Hightower:
  This guy walking next to me is Cedric Robinson.  He used to hang with me when me and my band, the High Tops, performed for the queen of England.  And let me tell you, the queen can do the hustle like a sister.  She can suck a neck-bone dry.  I guess it's safe to say that Cedric is one of my best buddies, even if he did set me up with this job as a teacher.  I'd probably do anything for this guy—except live with him.  Somethin' tells me he ain't too pleased.

Cedric Jackie Robinson:
  They either cuddlin' on the couch watchin' Matlock or laughin' 'bout how they got they dentures mixed up in the water glasses.

Principal Regina Grier-Maddox:
  So who did you open for, Madalyn Coleslaw and the Four Chops?

Steve Hightower:
  You know, this 'teacher' thing is starting to grow on me, 'cept for the hours.  Shoot, last time I was up this early, there were only three networks, two Wayans brothers, and O. J. was up for an Image Award.  And then there're the students—y'know, I finally think I'm starting to reach 'em.  They may not always like the way I do things, but at least I know I finally gained their respect.

Steve Hightower:
  What is this world coming to?  I pay my bills on time, I can't even get a thank-you card.