Trailer Park Boys, Season 7 (2007)

J-Roc:
What's crackin', yall? Let me be the first to officially welcome y'all ma-fuckas to my brand-new joint: Scrilla Villa! Aight dog, check it out. Let me explain somethin' to ya. Ya know'm sayin'? Me' n' T had to get somethin' set up with the babies on the way, know'm sayin', with the family, ya know'm mean, so we had to start workin'. That's when I realized the airport has some interesting job opportunities, dog.

Tyrone:
That's right. We had to seize the muthafucka!

J-Roc:
Carpe dizzem, ya know'm sayin'?

Tyrone:
That's right.

J-Roc:
That's why we started gankin' luggage.

J-Roc:
This is all the shit we ganked from overseas, ya know'm sayin'? It's all from Europe! It's tight! Ma-fuckas come back with some crazy-ass shit, dog. You want a box for ya bling? It's ten ma-fuckas! It's tight, cheap, and dope. I'm out.

J-Roc:
This here room is what I call "Liquors of the World", dog. You know'm sayin'? Look at all this shit that ma-fucks bring back. It's ya passport to gettin' drunk, you know'm sayin'? (picks up a bottle shaped like a guitar) Glug-glug, ting-ting-ting-ting-ting!

J-Roc:
(picks up a shoe) Real snake! What? Sayin'! We so busy now, ya know'm mean, I had to hire employees, ya know'm mean! That's Lucy right there. Lucy one of my employees. (points to her stomach) That li'l ma-fucka ain't, though! I ain't payin' for that ma-fucka!

Ricky:
Is there any way Lucy coulda got pregnant without my bird doin' stuff to her?

Ray:
(laughs) You're joking, right, Rick?

Ricky:
No, actually I'm pretty serious, Dad.

Ray:
Fuck, um...

Ricky:
There must be another way. We have done some stuff, but.. Me and Lucy haven't banged in 7 months and she's 6 months pregnant, so... Does that work out, or...

Ray:
Bubbles, answer that. I gotta rock a piss off, buddy.

[Randy rips his pants]

Randy:
Ah! MOOSE BALLS! My pants!

[Barb laughs]

Randy:
It's not funny, Barb! (punches the wall)

Jim:
Randy.

[Randy walks away and punches the wall again]

Barb:
Randy!

Randy:
BALLS! My best pants! (punches the wall again)

Lahey:
Randy!

Randy:
This is fuckin'! (punches the wall again)

Barb:
Randy!

Lahey:
Randy!

[Bubbles reads an ad out of a magazine]

Bubbles:
Decent! Julian, check this out!

Julian:
What?

Bubbles:
Look! "Tenth Annual Bangor International Model Train Convention"! Look who's hosting! Sebastian Bach, Skid Row! My God, "Trains from all over the world, this year featuring the Swayzie Express"!

Julian:
Swayzie Express? Patrick Swayze?

(voice over)

Bubbles:
Julian's always been really sensitive about the whole Patrick Swayze thing because, when we were kids in school the other kids used to tease him and call him "Patrick Swayze" but Julian was reeeeally into Dirty Dancing! I remember one time me and Ricky were coming over to get Julian to go ride bikes and we walked in the trailer and Julian was dressed up like him, pretending he was in the movie Dirty Dancing! Ricky told everyone at school and from then on they teased him, "Patrick Swayze"!

(voice over)

Julian:
Are you fucking with me here, Bubbs? 'Cause it's not funny, man.

Bubbles:
No, Julian! Not that Patrick Swayze, not the actor, Patrick Swayze. This is a different one.

[Lucy and Sarah are helping Randy try on new pants]

Lucy:
The navy's really good. I actually can't see your underwear for once.

Sarah:
Yeah, they look really good, Randy. They're a big improvement.

Randy:
They're so comfortable. My other ones were so tight!

[Randy rocks from side to side, stretching in the new pants as Sarah checks a cuff]

Sarah:
Yeah, they're only one size bigger, too.

[Randy's gut hits Sarah in the face]

Sarah:
Randy!

Randy:
Sorry, Sarah.

Ricky:
(from outside) Lucy, get the fuck out here and tell me what's going on! Nice pants, Randy! You still look fucking stupid! Lucy, I'm serious! Get out here and talk to me!

Barb:
So what do you wanna talk about, Randy, or do you need to be high first?

Randy:
There's no real easy way of saying this. I fucked up.

Barb:
What are you talking about?

Randy:
Basically, I banged Lucy and knocked her up...no big deal.

Barb:
Oh my God. That was you? Ugh, greasy. Do you know the whole park is talking about that?

Jim:
You cheated on me, Randy? You cheated on us? You cheated on us?!

Barb:
So that's $176.92, now would you like me to give it to you, or should I give it directly to your drug dealer?

Randy:
Look, you guys have a good time dancin'. And Barb, your scalloped potatoes are fucked.

Jim:
They're fantastic, Barb.

Jacob:
Baaaaaaaaaaam!!

Phil:
Peanut butter and jaaaaaaaaaaam!!!

Jim:
What the fuck are you doin', Phil?

Ray:
Fuck sakes, Phil.

Bubbles:
Ricky, I got onion ring fragments on me, get them off!

Ricky:
I'm not touching those onions.

Bubbles:
GET THEM OFF!

Phil:
I'm sorry, your honor.

Donny:
Have another drink, Ray!!

Bubbles:
They're ladies of the evening.

Ray:
Friends of the road, buddy.

Ricky:
Oh man, are they ever getting fucked over.

Ricky:
You're supposed to throw your dope away before you get to the border! Ya fucked up!!

Ricky:
[Barks like a dog to border patrol dogs] Shut the fuck up!!

Bubbles:
Oh, nice job there, son of the mustard tiger!

Thomas:
My dad is not a mustard tiger!

Bubbles:
Oh, OK!

Jim:
Barb, maybe you should lay off the alcohol just for a couple.

Barb:
Don't you think? Do you think, Jim? Because you know what? I'm gonna be totally honest with you and it's...it's a bit ironic, but since you stopped drinking you are not half as much fun!

Jim:
Barb...I'm doing my best here.

Barb:
Jim, I wish you'd start drinkin' again!

Lucy:
Oh Randy, are you OK?

Randy:
Ah, sweet and sour chicken balls! I think I sprained it, Luce!

Lucy:
Is it bad?

Randy:
Yeah, it hurts.

Lucy:
OK, well we'll put some...

Randy:
Ah, quarter horse cocks!

Lucy:
OK, well...you know, we'll go back to my place and put some ice on this. You are going to be fine.

Randy:
OK.

Lucy:
It's not a problem. A couple hours max...

Randy:
Alfred Hitchcock!

Lucy:
Randy, enough with the cocks!

Randy:
Ah! Sugarcocks!