Wild, Wild West

Artemus:
[pointing to a young lady peddling toys for charity] Since when are you interested in, uh, toys?

Jim West:
Toys, no. Dolls, yes.

Artemus:
[dressed as a preacher] And now for a little song that I wrote myself, entitled, 'Never Make Friends With the Devil, Brother; His Pitchfork Will Get You in the End.'

Artemus:
What’s that, another gadget? What happens when you twist that?

[sound of chain being ripped from mortar]

Artemus:
I see... it comes out of the wall.

Artemus:
[when organizing a duel] If I may make a suggestion... You're a Count. So why don't you count?

Taney:
... The devil!

Artemus:
No, sir. Secret service.'

Count Manzeppi:
In the words of the great....That If you cant beat em...Kill them"

Artemus:
Every one towered over your father.

Migelalo Loveless Jr:
..That was only because he was short.