WWE SmackDown!, 2004

Dawn Marie:
Paul, when are you gonna give me the cover of SmackDown! Magazine like you promised? [door opens]

Paul Heyman:
Dawn, take a walk, now! [Chris Benoit has entered Heyman's office, laughing] I uh, I suppose you're proud of yourself, huh?

Chris Benoit:
Well, for someone who wasn't even supposed to be in the Royal Rumble, you may be looking at the next winner of the Royal Rumble. No, no in fact, you're looking at the next WWE Champion.

Heyman:
Is that a fact?

Benoit:
That's a fact.

Heyman:
See, Chris, I think this, this is the time that you and I should have a man-to-man talk.

Benoit:
Man-to-man?

Heyman:
Because you see, there is a difference between me and everybody that comes to see SmackDown! live.

Benoit:
Right. Yeah.

Heyman:
They're working grunts. Me, I'm management. You have nothing, nothing that differs you between you and everybody that comes to SmackDown! because you're just like everybody else, Chris. You're a working stiff. You're a common working man. You're a working grunt for management like me. See Chris, people like you, they get stopped dead in their tracks by people like me. Sometimes you get stopped because of injury. Sometimes you get stopped because of fate. Well, my friend, at the Royal Rumble, you get stopped by management. Oh you can scratch, and you can claw, and you can work your way to the top, like everybody out there pursuing the American Dream, but you know what happens, Chris? People like me stop people like you! You give up time with your family, you take time away from your wife and your children to be number one. Well, Chris, I'm gonna make you number one! But not the number one at being the WWE Champion, no my friend. I'm gonna make you number one, 'cause you are the number one entrant into the Royal Rumble! You're number one! You're the first guy that will be in the Royal Rumble! 29 OTHER PEOPLE COME AFTER YOUR ASS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! [Benoit grabs Heyman's hand]

Benoit:
DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?! DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?!

Heyman:
You're breaking--

Benoit:
MY WIFE, MY KIDS, MY SACRIFICES? You understand me, I will win the Royal Rumble, I will be the next WWE Champion, and you won't, you'll never, break my will!

Josh Mathews:
Mr. Heyman, now with all due respect, how did you feel last week --

Paul Heyman:
Respect? Respect?! There is no more respect, Josh! There's no respect for authority! There's no respect for the English language! There's no more respect for the general manager of SmackDown!, Paul Heyman! Now is there?! And that's all thanks to that thug, John Cena and Chris Benoit. That all changes tonight, 'cause tonight is the start of a whole new SmackDown!. And I'll tell you why, Josh. I look at the leadership of Vince McMahon, who took this industry out of the dirty, smoking bingo hall and brought sports entertainment to beautiful brand new arenas. John Cena and Chris Benoit have ruined SmackDown!. They appeal to the lowest common denominator, and I'm gonna upgrade the demographic here. I am gonna present SmackDown! to first-class high society, an all-American network presentation, under the leadership of Paul Heyman. You know and I know that this industry was founded on the puritanical values, the morals of the United States of America! The same morals, the same values that John Cena and Chris Benoit violate with their thuggery and their hip-hop, and their rap, so tonight, we're gonna change all that. Because tonight, Chris Benoit and John Cena will compete in that very ring against the team of Rhyno, and Matt Morgan, and The Big Show, the United States Heavyweight Champion, and Brock Lesnar, the WWE Champion! And I'm gonna be there ringside to watch these four men decimate John Cena and Chris Benoit and show the world that the very last person you ever wanna mess with is named Paul Heyman.

Paul Heyman:
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Paul Heyman's SmackDown!. [crowd boos] Tonight, on my show -- [Mr. McMahon's music hits]

Tazz:
What the hell?

Michael Cole:
Well we didn't expect Mr. McMahon here tonight. And he does not look happy.

Tazz:
Cole, can you believe the mood is about to change. The chairman of the board is power walking his way to the ring.

Cole:
Look at Mr., Mr. Heyman's expression. Paul Heyman looks shocked to see the, the owner of the company here!

Mr. McMahon:
Well Mr. Heyman. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration. Tonight was to have been a night to have seen the winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble match walk down that aisle into this ring. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration for Chris Benoit in front of this crowd here in Washington, DC! [crowd cheers] That's not gonna happen, is it? That's not gonna happen, and why isn't is Chris Benoit gonna be here tonight? Unless my eyes clearly deceive me, I saw Chris Benoit being welcomed to Raw by Stone Cold Steve Austin last Monday night. Unless my eyes deceive me, I clearly saw Chris Benoit look into the eyes of Triple H and challenge him for the World title at WrestleMania. You see Mr. Heyman, what's happened is because of you. Because of you, Chris Benoit has jumped through what we call a legal loophole. You see, it says clearly the winner of the Royal Rumble will face the champion at WrestleMania, but it doesn't say which champion now, does it? And since you've made Benoit's life a living hell here on SmackDown!, Benoit chose to jump through that legal loophole and is now the sole property of Raw. And that's because of you, Mr. Heyman. So now, I would at least expect some sort of explanation for the SmackDown! audience. I would expect you, I would expect you to at least apologize to the SmackDown! audience. I'm sure you have something to day, don't you? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?!

Heyman:
Well, I say SCREW CHRIS BENOIT! [crowd boos] Uh, I uh, yeah, I say screw Chris Benoit, and the reason why I say that Vince, is because it's exactly the same thing that Vincent Kennedy McMahon would say. When, when, when Nash and Hall left your company when you needed them most, did you just cry about it? No, you said SCREW NASH AND HALL! I'll give someone else the opportunity! When, when the almighty God himself, Hulk Hogan left your company, did you just curl up in a fetal position and die? No, Vincent Kennedy McMahon said SCREW HULK HOGAN! I'll give someone else the chance. When Bret Hart left your company, did you just cry over spilled milk? No, you said screw Bret Hart, and you did screw Bret Hart, didn't you Vince?

McMahon:
Yes I did.

Heyman:
And you screwed Bret Hart by giving someone else the opportunity to become the main event. The big star all the way to WrestleMania.

McMahon:
Where, where's all this going? Come on, let's get to the point.

Heyman:
Tonight, in our nation's capital, in the finest tradition of the United States, and in the finest tradition of your World Wrestling Entertainment, we are gonna give someone the opportunity, because tonight, for the first time ever on network television, right here in Washington, DC, [crowd cheers] Paul Heyman's SmackDown! will present the Royal Rumble!

Cole:
What?!

Tazz:
Whoa.

Cole:
The Royal Rumble?!

Tazz:
What's he talking about?

Heyman:
Fifteen SmackDown!, no I'm, I'm I'm very much intact, Vince, fifteen SmackDown! superstars will come down that aisle, and only one man will emerge victorious. And Vince, that man won't have to wait until WrestleMania to face Brock Lesnar for the WWE title. No no no. The winner tonight will go on to face Brock Lesnar for the WWE title in less than three weeks at No Way Out. Now just so you know that I'm all business about this, Vince. Matt Morgan was in the Royal Rumble this past Sunday, you know that now he's on the injured list. Matt Morgan will be replaced tonight, his opportunity goes to a man that I don't like, Hardcore Holly.

Cole:
Wow.

Heyman:
Chris Benoit, remember? Screw Chris Benoit? Give his opportunity to somebody else? Tonight, Chris Benoit's opportunity goes to Eddie Guerrero!

Cole:
Oh my!

Tazz:
Wow!

Heyman:
And Vince, look. Look Vince, I did my homework, I'm prepared. The way you like your executives to be. A professional man. Those two men, Hardcore Holly and Eddie Guerrero, will join in this very ring, your very ring, Vince. John Cena, The Cat, The A-Train, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Nunzio, Kurt Angle, Bradshaw, Rhyno, Billy Gunn, Rikishi, Tajiri, and the seven-foot tall, 500 pound monster that dominated the Royal Rumble, like no man before him, tonight in this very ring, The Big Show! Now Vince, hey, this is your company. You're the chairman of the board, you're the majority stockholder. And you have every right to come out here and say, screw Paul Heyman! I'll give someone else the opportunity. Or you can share this vision, Vince. This is, this is after all just, just coming out of your vision. And you can see this, Vince. We can make history together tonight, Vince. Network television history right here in Washington, DC, we can do it all over again, and tonight in your very ring, and present a Royal Rumble! It's up to you Vince. What do you say?

McMahon:
I say SmackDown! has a Royal Rumble!

Cole:
All right!

Tazz:
Yeah!

Brock Lesnar:
I'm not even supposed to be here tonight. Paul Heyman told me that I could have the night off, but I just couldn't stay home. I have too much pride. That WWE Championship meant too much to me, I can't stay home. That championship was my life. Unlike Eddie Guerrero, who doesn't appreciate the damn thing at all. Eddie's probably, Eddie's probably gonna go out and, Eddie's probably gonna go out and pawn that thing off anyways. That's just how it is, and Eddie doesn't deserve that title. That title was everything to me. I mean, I'm an All-American kind of guy. I was a great WWE Champion and I don't understand why that you people can treat me like this. I can't believe it. I'm a great U.S. citizen. I'm an outstanding, I'm an outstanding guy. I'm an NCAA champion. I was, in my heart, I believe, the greatest WWE Champion in history. I mean, Eddie Guerrero, Eddie Guerrero is a lying, cheating, champion. That's exactly how Eddie won my title! Eddie Guerrero capitalized on Bill Goldberg! Eddie Guerrero STOLE MY TITLE! Eddie Guerrero might be the champion, but I guarantee it Eddie, your day will come and Brock Lesnar will become the WWE Champion once again. But, Bill Goldberg, I got a score to settle with you! It was because of you, Bill, is why I lost my WWE title! Because of you, Bill, my life hasn't been the same! Because of you, Bill, I can't sleep at night! Bill Goldberg, you're gonna feel the pain! Bill Goldberg, I'm gonna break you in half! That's what I'm gonna do to you Bill! So Vince, Mr. McMahon, I know you're listening to me right now, and I know you're gonna see this, I don't care, I don't care what Stone Cold Steve Austin thinks. I don't care what Paul Heyman thinks. I don't care what Eric Bischoff thinks. Mr. McMahon, I'm begging you. I am begging you, Mr. McMahon. No wait, [Lesnar hesitates, then gets on his knees] Mr. McMahon, I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, please, please at WrestleMania XX, I'm begging you, at WrestleMania XX, give me Brock Lesnar versus Goldberg!

John Cena:
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! Damn y'all are alive tonight! [crowd chants "Cena"] This is my home. This is where I'm from. Y'all are my peoples. Hell, I used to buy tickets for the old Boston Garden. I could only afford the cheap ones where I was sitting right behind the pole. But that's real, and we gotta kick this off real. Now is Beantown here to represent?

Crowd:
Hell yes!

Cena:
So let me hear the whole building make some noise! [crowd cheers] You see, uh, at WrestleMania, Big Show didn't think I was a fighter. I put him on an FU diet. He came out ten pounds lighter. The SmackDown! video games are only way he could me. I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady. But there's some people out there, that think I disgraced this title's heritage. [crowd boos] That's 'cause your boy's causing more controversies than gay marriages. Cole, Cole, no offense bro, we still cool right? [Tazz laughs]

Michael Cole:
What?

Cena:
All right bro. All right. Plus, the FCC is crackin' down on me too. [crowd boos] Man, those people suck! Just like the Yankees do. [crowd cheers, then chants "Yankees suck"] But I'm still throwin' the W up, changing the whole industry, I'm like the big dick bro. Nobody can finish me.

Cole:
John Cena all fired up tonight.

Tony Chimel:
And his opponent,

Cole:
His first U.S. title defense, [Paul Heyman's music hits]

Tazz:
Oh whoa whoa!

Cole:
Wait a minute, that's not Cena's opponent.

Tazz:
The hell? [Paul Heyman comes out]

Cole:
That's our general manager, Paul Heyman. Leave it to Heyman to ruin a great homecoming.

Paul Heyman:
Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. [crowd boos] The rumors are true. Brock Lesnar is no longer with Paul Heyman's SmackDown!. Brock Lesnar has left World Wrestling Entertainment. But for you John, that could be good news, because now that Brock Lesnar's gone, there's a whole world of opportunity for any SmackDown! superstar that wants to grab it. Which means you John, could be the new face of SmackDown!. But it doesn't have to be that way. You see, this coming Monday, live in Detroit, Michigan, every ungrateful member of that Paul Heyman's SmackDown! locker room will be at Monday Night Raw, including you John. And by order of the chairman of the board, Mr. McMahon, the representative of Raw is gonna pick out names. And if a member of the SmackDown! locker room happens to be one of those names, then that member of SmackDown! goes to Raw. And if I, John, happen to pick out a name of a Raw superstar, then that Raw superstar gets drafted to Paul Heyman's brand new SmackDown!. You see John, if I were one of the superstars, if I were in that locker room tonight, I would get down on my hands and my knees and I would pray to God that I get drafted to Monday Night Raw because those that get left behind are going to incur the wrath of Paul Heyman. So let me spell this out for you so that even you can understand it John. I'm very stressed out. I got stunned by Stone Cold because of that locker room, AND I WANT EVERY MEMBER OF MY LOCKER ROOM GONE! I WANT YOU OFF OF MY SHOW! YOU CONTEMPTIBLE PIECE OF BOSTON CRAP! [slaps Cena]

Cole:
Oh ho!

Tazz:
Man.

Heyman:
DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I'M FINISHED WITH YOU! I'm, I'm gonna -- [tries to hit Cena but Cena blocks]

Tazz:
Uh-oh! [Cena knocks out Heyman]

Cole:
And a right hand to the jaw of Heyman!

John "Bradshaw" Layfield:
If you'll listen, I'll explain to you what happened last week. Because I really feel that I was horribly, horribly misunderstood. [crowd boos] Oh come on. If you'll just listen to me, you'll understand and you'll appreciate the fact that what I did was the right thing. You see, Ron Simmons, you don't understand, he's my best friend. He always has been. We've drank more beer, and we've been up more roads than most of you people ever imagine. So when Paul Heyman quit Monday night on Raw, I knew this was my chance. I knew this was my chance to get Ron's job back. I knew this was my chance to make sure that the APA stayed in business. [crowd cheers] But I'm not gonna do that. [crowd boos] Listen, I'm explaining, please! I've got a lot more than just wrestling going on. I appreciate everything that Ron Simmons has done for me. I appreciate years and years of friendship. But I've got a portfolio that has beat the stock market seven out of the last seven years! That is phenomenal. I've got a financial book by Simon & Schuster out, and I'm writing another book right now on keeping America strong. I've got a radio show that starts May 1, we're gonna talk about politics. We're gonna talk about finances. You people are gonna love this radio show. I have become the top financial analyst on network TV. Fox News loves to have me on. I could not, I simply could not walk away from all that I've got.

You people - get off your high horse! - you people would have done the exact same thing that I did, given the opportunity. If you'd have been in my shoes, which you're not, you people would have done the same thing. You see, it's time that you people quit listening to your little Sunday school fairy tales. It's time you start listening to a guy like Prince Machiavelli, who will tell you that there is no wrong and there is no right in society, that people do things because they want something back. There is simple cause and effect. You see, I understand that.

That is why people like me are people that run businesses. People like me are people that run industries. People like me are people that run governments. I have - the only thing I sold was stock about two weeks ago before terrorism scared the market, and I made a hell of a lot of money, so you can stop the "you sold out" chants right now. I have always been smarter, I have always been better, and I have always worked harder than anybody else around me. That is why I have always been considered an impact player. My picture hangs in my old high school. My picture hangs in my old college. Look it up, it's a matter of history. I don't have to pad my résumé. Normal people are astounded by my résumé because normal people never let their dreams get beyond their front door because they are scared of failure. I have never been scared of failure, and I have never failed. I have succeeded in everything but one thing and that is wrestling. Because I thought it was more important to have a good time. To drink beer, to play cards, to visit our troops. What I wanna tell you something, that's good and fine, but that ain't got me jack. So something speaks to happen around here. You're fixing to see an impact. And if you know anything about history you know this:
what I say I do, and what I do, I do very, very well. So get ready for the impact that's coming. Buckle your seats, boys and girls. Business is about to pick up.

Michael Cole:
Well ladies and gentlemen, as we promised, from New York City, John "Bradshaw" Layfield. [crowd boos]

John "Bradshaw" Layfield:
You hear that response, Michael Cole? Do you? It's like somehow for some reason, those people there in your live audience think in some way, somehow I was responsible for what happened to Eddie Guerrero's mother?

Cole:
Well Bradshaw, we have seen the footage. Let's just get right to the point. Why would you engage in such despicable actions on a night when Eddie Guerrero and his family were honoring the matriarch of the Guerrero family? What prompted you to commit such an act as to manhandle a woman of her age and cause her to have a heart attack?

JBL:
Whoa whoa whoa right there. Manhandle? Pick your words a little more carefully. The only person I manhandled was Eddie Guerrero. I quietly, simply, and politely asked the old lady Guer -- Mrs. Guerrero to leave the ring so that I could finish my business with her little baby boy, Eddie.

Cole:
Bradshaw, no disrespect, but "politely"? I didn't see anything polite about you causing a, a woman to have a heart attack.

JBL:
Causing a heart attack? Watch your accusations Michael Cole. Now these people may like having 18 to 20 of them living in the same house. And that may be fine with them. But that doesn't mean you bring your ever little snot-nosed kid and 100-year-old grandmother into the ring. That is my place of business. It was not bring your family to work day. Eddie Guerrero had no right, ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT, bringing his family to the ring.

Tazz:
Well I, John, Bradshaw, not for nothing I mean, don't you think you owe the Guerrero family an apology at the very least?

JBL:
An apology?!

Tazz:
Mrs. Guerrero, yeah.

JBL:
You've got to be kidding me, Tazz! To who? To Eddie? To some elderly lady who's already outlived her days here on this Earth? Eddie Guerrero put his family in harm's way. That's his business. But if he does that, then he has to take responsibility. Eddie has to take responsibility for the circumstances and what happens, the consequences.

Cole:
Well and Bradshaw, i - is that why you're not here tonight in Tucson? Because you don't wanna face the circumstances?

JBL:
You watch your mouth, Michael Cole. You hear me? There is a reason I'm in New York City. I am a businessman. I work for CNBC, the most respected financial news network in the world. That is why I'm in New York. You see if I was there, the hothead that Eddie Guerrero has proved that he is, would probably do something dumb. And he would get hurt. So what I'm doing is, I'm giving Eddie a reprieve. A gift. But next week I will be there. And May 16, at Judgment Day, Los Angeles, I damn sure will be there because that is the day, the very day, you mark it down, that John "Bradshaw" Layfield becomes the new WWE Champion. You know as a matter of fact Michael Cole, now that I think about it, I don't think the old lady had a heart attack at all. I think she faked every single bit of it.

Cole:
You gotta be kidding me. Faking it?

JBL:
Think about it Michael Cole, she's a Guerrero. She didn't teach her kid the ABC's. She taught him to lie, cheat, and steal. It was bred into him. A star was made into its purest form. I was bred for success. That's why you are interviewing me. I'm gonna come there and I can beat up Eddie Guerrero for free. But I'm gonna wait for the pay-per-view. You see, that's good business. That's smart business. My parents bred me for success. My people came to this country in a boat. Not an inner tube! Michael Cole, this interview, just like Eddie Guerrero's title reign, has ended.

[John "Bradshaw" Layfield is disgusted at the unkempt appearance of the Nassau Coliseum and wants his limo driver to drive him back to New York City]

John "Bradshaw" Layfield:
A rich man don't work when a rich man don't want to. Let's go driver. I look way too good not to be in New York City tonight. Let's go! [signals intercom] Hey, let's go! [no response] Idiot! Who hired these morons [tries again and opens partition] Hey, moron, I said let's go! Take me back to New York City now!

Driver:
New York City? [driver takes off his hat revealing it's Eddie Guerrero]

JBL:
Hey!! What are you..?

Eddie Guerrero:
Órale Holmes! We ain't going to New York City, but we are going for a ride. And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, órale Holmes - hey, does this, have any any hydraulics? [presses button and partition goes back up] Yeah, ha, vato loco.

JBL:
What do you mean hydraulics?!?! Get me out of here, idiot, you're stealing my... [tries to pound windows and open the door, but they're all locked]

Guerrero:
[as JBL jabbers at the back] It's time! [drives off]

Paul Heyman:
So, the Dudley Boyz are the new WWE Tag Team Champions, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is thanks to the motivational skills of Paul Heyman. Now you should be happy that you got to witness that piece of history tonight, because one man did not get to witness it. That man is Paul Bearer, because Paul Bearer is in, shall we say, protective custody, which means, Paul Bearer missed it when history took a major, major turn. [footage from the previous week's episode of SmackDown! is shown]

Michael Cole:
This was last week on SmackDown!, and I still cannot believe what happened. Paul Heyman gave The Undertaker a choice to make; join me or never see Paul Bearer again. And in my estimation, The Undertaker had no choice, but I still never thought I would see this.

Tazz:
I was shocked as you were Cole. Everybody in Long Island there at the Nassau Coliseum was shocked. Everyone home, the SmackDown! fans were shocked. Right there you see, Undertaker bowing to the urn, bowing to Paul Heyman?

Heyman:
Why? Why would The Undertaker bow down in servitude to a man like Paul Heyman? Because I control The Undertaker's conscience. I control the destiny of The Undertaker's conscience, and that conscience, ladies and gentlemen, is named Paul Bearer. [crowd chants "you suck"] It's not nice to antagonize a powerful man like me because you see, ladies and gentlemen, there will come a day where The Undertaker will realize that he should be loyal to me, simply based on my greatness. But in the meantime, I have to come to the realization that The Undertaker feels for Paul Bearer. The Undertaker cares for Paul Bearer. And that is a weakness of The Undertaker that I'm willing to exploit. Because ladies and gentlemen, even the big dog needs to be trained. So at The Great American Bash, I have arranged for The Undertaker to face, in a handicap match, the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Dudley Boyz.

Tazz:
What?

Heyman:
But, but there's so much more. Because at The Great American Bash, ladies and gentlemen, I promise you The Undertaker will do the right thing. The Undertaker will do the right thing or he'll find himself in a situation that for you, is a must-see situation. I like to call it live free or die. [removes a covering revealing a coffin] You see, at The Great American Bash, there is going to be a crypt, represented tonight by this coffin right here. [opens the coffin] And this coffin tonight represents the crypt that I will have at The Great American Bash, and in that crypt, will be The Undertaker's conscience, Paul Bearer. And also at The Great American Bash, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a cement truck. Coincidentally, just like the cement truck that you see right here tonight in Chicago, Illinois. The Undertaker, at The Great American Bash, will do the right thing, or at my command, the cement will flow, and Paul Bearer will find himself in a most terrible situation. [the cement truck pours cement into the coffin, filling it up] Now ladies and gentlemen, much like when you go to a car dealership, and you drive a demo car, this is just a mere demonstration. Because at The Great American Bash, I am having a monstrosity built. First time ever you've seen anything like this. There will be a crypt that will be made out of 3-inch thick glass, and it will be yay tall, and inside that crypt will be The Undertaker's conscience, Paul Bearer. Now the reason why the glass is 3 inches thick all the way around and all the way up tall is so that each and every one of you can see in, but no one can bust Paul Bearer out. Now I promise you, at The Great American Bash, The Undertaker will do the right thing, or I will give the word, and that crypt will start to flow in the cement, and the cement will rise above Paul Bearer's legs, the cement will rise above Paul Bearer's torso, the cement will go all the way up to Paul Bearer's chin, and at that moment, I will say "stop". Because at that point, I promise you, The Undertaker will do the right thing. 'Cause I'm gonna wanna look at the pained expression on The Undertaker's face. I'm gonna wanna see emotion from the Deadman, and if The Undertaker doesn't do the right thing, I will give the word and the cement will go over Paul Bearer's mouth, it will go over Paul Bearer's nose, it will engulf his eyes, it will engulf his head, and right before your very eyes, ladies and gentlemen, The Undertaker's conscience will be suffocated and will be no more. Now that's at The Great American Bash. I also have a demonstration for you live here tonight. Because live here tonight, in Chicago will be The Undertaker. [crowd cheers] Who will bow down at the feet of greatness of Paul Heyman.

John "Bradshaw" Layfield:
Thank you. Thank you very much. As our late great former President Ronald Reagan once said, it's morning again in America! It's the dawn of a new era. The John "Bradshaw" Layfield era. And I promise to this, to all of my fans. I will become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. I know, I know how America loves a winner. And America, I will give you that love back. I will shake hands with you, America. All of my fans. Of course I prefer a, nod of recognition for no other reasons than sanitary reasons of course, I mean, shaking hands, you can get germs, and honestly you don't want your champion getting sick now, do you? And for those of you who insist on shaking my hand, I want to tell you, don't be offended by the fact that I will take out a little hand sanitizer. [rubs his hands with hand sanitizer as the crowd chants "Eddie"]

Michael Cole:
The Eddie chants begin here in Fayetteville.

JBL:
Because I want you to know folks, it's not personal. It's just personal hygiene. Because I will kiss your babies. As long of course if, if they don't smell bad, they don't spit up or they don't have runny noses. And I want you fans to get to know me, okay? I prefer to be called Mr. Bradshaw. But if you wanna be familiar with me, you can call me Champion. Or Champ! Because I am the WWE Champion. You see, after Ronald Reagan passed away, and John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King were taken from us, at such an early age, what you need America, is a champion. I am proud, I am proud to be your champion. So I don't mind you saying it, you can say it now if you want. JBL. JBL. Come on. JBL. JBL. JBL. Because that will inspire me, that will inspire me to be the fighting champion that I will be, unlike Eddie Guerrero. You see, I went into Kurt Angle's office and I looked him in the eye, and I said, Mr. Angle, I want a fight tonight. I don't want to rest to my morals as champion. I want to defend this WWE Championship, and not just against anybody, but against somebody who was at The Great American Bash. And I plan on defending this tonight. Right here. Right here in, right here in, [walks over to a ringside technician] right here in Fayetteville, North Carolina! And Mr. Angle told me that I can choose the person that I want to defend my championship against. As long as that person was not Eddie Guerrero. Because, quite honestly, I feel like Eddie's fallen off the wagon. Right now, Eddie's not here. If he were here, he'd walk in this ring like a man, shake my hand, and tell me the better man won last Sunday. But he won't do that, because Eddie Guerrero, right now, I'm sad to say is probably knee deep in a bottle of pills, or knee deep in a bottle of vodka. And it hurts me very very badly. It pained me to know that you had a champion that you people were ashamed of. Be ashamed no more, because the era of John "Bradshaw" Layfield has arrived. And I promise you this, I vow, no wait, I guarantee, I guaranteed victory at Judgment Day, and I guaranteed I would be the new WWE Champion at The Great American Bash. So I now guarantee to you, my fellow Americans, that I will be a champion that you can be proud of. Thank you, and God bless America.

Kurt Angle:
There has been a lot of talk about my actions last week on SmackDown!. I have been called a liar, a con artist, and quite frankly, it hurts because you people have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I'm an extraordinary human being capable of doing extraordinary things. In case you forgot, I won an Olympic gold medal with a broken neck. And last week, when I saw Eddie Guerrero, who I despise, who brings shame and disgrace to this company, who was about to regain the WWE Championship, I sucked it up, set aside my pain, and did what I had to do to make sure it didn't happen. I did the impossible. Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. And sure, afterwards, I regressed, my doctors told me that my actions enabled me to further damage my knee. My therapists told me that I risked permanent paralysis. But it was worth it. It was worth it for the greater good, to maintain Kurt Angle's SmackDown!. Where men are rewarded by morality. Where men, like John Cena, are stripped of the U.S. Championship. Where men, like John "Bradshaw" Layfield, stand tall as the WWE Champion. A SmackDown! where Eddie Guerrero becomes obsolete. That's right, Eddie! [hears "Eddie" chants] You see, Eddie Guerrero, what he did was wrong. But I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give Eddie Guerrero a chance tonight to keep his job because what he did, I could fire Eddie on the spot. But I'm a decent man, so I'm not gonna do that. But, there's one thing that Eddie Guerrero has to do. He has to come out here and he has to convince me to keep his job, provided that he begs for it. If Eddie Guerrero gets on his knees and begs in front of me for his job back, I promise, as general manager of SmackDown!, I will let him keep his job. But it's got to be good and it's got to be sincere. And I'll show you what I'm talking about. [Turns to Tony Chimel] Tony, would you come in the ring? And bring your microphone.

[Tony Chimel enters the ring]

Kurt Angle:
In case you don't know who this man is, this is our ring announcer and Philadelphia's own, Tony Chimel. [audience cheers] Mr. Chimel is a great significance to me because he was the ring announcer at my last match, WrestleMania XX. The match where Eddie Guerrero cheated to win. And the last image that keeps going over and over and over and over again in my head is Tony Chimel, with a smile on his face, announcing, "And the winner is Eddie Guerrero!" Now, Mr. Chimel, in case you didn't know, when you cheat, you don't win which makes you a liar. And in my book, that's immediate grounds for dismissal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you saying I'm a liar? Is that what you're saying? No? I'll tell you what, Tony Chimel. I could fire you on the spot. But I'll tell you what. If you can convince me to keep your job, I'll let you have your job. Go ahead.

Tony Chimel:
Kurt, I...

Kurt Angle:
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Knees. On your knees.

Tony Chimel:
[getting on his knees] Mr. Angle, I sincerely apologize if I offended you in any way. Please, just let me keep my job. Please.

Kurt Angle:
Are you kidding me? You call that begging? Say it like you mean it!

Tony Chimel:
Mr. Angle, please. Please, I have a wife and three kids. I just... just wanna have my job, please.

Kurt Angle:
All right, all right, all right. That was good. Much better. Actually, that was really good, but not good enough. Tony Chimel, YOU'RE FIRED! [audience boos] NOW, GET OUT OF MY RING! GO, NOW!

[Tony Chimel leaves the ring]

Kurt Angle:
I'm sorry, but Tony Chimel's not a very good beggar. But don't worry, people, because someone will be begging for their job tonight. And that man is Eddie Guerrero.

Funaki:
This is Funaki, SmackDown! number one announcer! Tonight, I'm here Kurt Angle's office reporting on the very special announcement. Okay, Kurt.

Kurt Angle:
Excuse me, if you're done butchering my language, I brought you in here because finally, there's someone here on SmackDown!, a superstar that I can be proud of, and his name is Booker T. Booker, will you please join me? [Booker T enters] Now, Book, you're everything I want in a superstar here on SmackDown!. You're professional, you're a sharp dresser, and nothing would make me prouder than to present you with the United States Championship. [showing the United States Championship belt]

Tazz:
Wow.

Booker T:
You're kidding me, right?

Kurt Angle:
No. [lifting Funaki's arm]

Booker T:
You for real, dawg?

Kurt Angle:
Oh, yeah.

Booker T:
You talking about making me, Booker T, the United States Champion tonight? That's what you're saying, man.

[Booker T tries to take the belt]

Kurt Angle:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Yes and no. Now, now, listen, Book.

Booker T:
Come on, man.

Kurt Angle:
Technically, I can't do it just yet, but immediately after the show, I'm gonna have a meeting with the members of the board, and by next week, you'll be the new United States Champion. But tonight, just for old time sakes, I'm gonna let you hold the title.

Booker T:
You're letting me hold the title?

Kurt Angle:
Oh, it's true.

[Kurt Angle gives Booker T the United States Championship belt]

Booker T:
Hey, I appreciate that, Kurt Angle. [Kurt Angle applauds] Thank you, man.

[Booker T shakes Kurt Angle's hand]:

Kurt Angle:
You are welcome. You are welcome.

Booker T:
I'm outta here, dawg.

[Booker T leaves the office]

Funaki:
Hey, Mr. Angle, that's not fair! That's not fair!

Kurt Angle:
Not fair? You're telling me it's not fair? I'll tell you what's not fair. The fact that you're a broadcast journalist and you can't even say "broadcast journalist". Go ahead, try and say it.

Funaki:
I'm a SmackDown!...

Kurt Angle:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not number one announcer, say "broadcast journalist".

[Funaki struggles to say "broadcast journalist" then Kurt Angle grabs the microphone]

Kurt Angle:
You know what? You're a disgrace to this microphone. You're a disgrace to my SmackDown!. And, Funaki, I'll tell you what's fair, YOU'RE FIRED! [takes Funaki's microphone] Now, get out! What are you doing? Get out of my office!

[Funaki leaves the office]

Kurt Angle:
Unfair?

Kurt Angle:
Ladies, before you begin, there's something I need to say. Now, I've taken a heart, the fact that you feel overlooked and underutilized and I have to say there's been a major misunderstanding. See, you say that you've been underutilized. Well, I say that you're plain useless. I mean, what purpose do you serve? Wrestling in your lingerie? Nobody wants to see that! What was I thinking? So, ladies, I'm gonna spare you the indignity of wrestling in your underwear or begging for your jobs because, as of now, you no longer have jobs. Ladies, the four of you... ARE FIRED!

[as the lumberjack match between Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle has turned into a brawl involving all of the lumberjacks]

Michael Cole:
Hell has broken loose on SmackDown!.

Tazz:
It's breakin' down in Tulsa, baby!

[suddenly the pyro goes off and Big Show's music hits]

Michael:
Wait a minute!!

Tazz:
What the hell-?

[The Big Show arrives]

Michael:
Oh, my God! The Big Show??

Tazz:
Say it ain't so!

Michael:
He wasn't scheduled to be here for two weeks!

Tazz [as Big Show starts mowing down the lumberjacks outside of the ring]:
Oh my God! Oh!

Michael:
Big Show is on the scene! The 500-pounder is cleaning house!

Tazz:
What is Big Show - oh! - what's he doin' here?! [as Big Show lays out Scotty 2 Hotty with a punch to the head] Oh!

Michael:
What a right hand!

Tazz:
Bodies are just flyin' everywhere!

Michael [as Big Show enters the ring]:
Can you believe it?

Tazz:
I can see him, larger than life itself!

Michael:
[as Big Show grabs Hardcore Holly]: Look out, Hardcore!

Tazz:
Uh-oh! What goes up, Cole...

Michael:
Chokeslam!

Tazz:
...must come down!

Michael:
D-Von Dudley!

[Big Show throws D-Von out of the ring, then does the same to Bubba Ray Dudley]

Tazz:
SmackDown! superstars are falling hard!

Michael:
With one arm, Bubba tossed over the top rope!

[Spike Dudley then confronts Big Show]

Tazz:
The boss!

Michael:
Okay, that's right, Spike!

Tazz [as Big Show grabs Spike and lifts him over his head]:
Uh-oh! The boss met his match, I think!

Michael:
Uh, Spike!

Tazz:
Oh my God! Watch out!

[Big Show throws Spike right onto the other Dudleys outside the ring]

Michael:
Thanks for coming!

Tazz:
Oh, my God!

Michael:
The Big Show-

[Big Show then chokeslams John Cena]

Tazz:
Cena!

Michael:
John Cena must've been 10 feet in the air!

Tazz [as Big Show punches Rey Mysterio]:
Rey Myst - oh! - Rey Mysterio got smashed there!

Michael:
Can you believe Big Show is a one-man wrecking machine?

Tazz [as Big Show grabs Charlie Haas and gives him a chokeslam]:
Now, Haas! Oh, man!

Michael:
A chokeslam by the Big Show to Haas!

[Big Show then grabs Rob Van Dam]

Tazz:
Lookin' at Van Dam now!

Michael [as Big Show knocks Van Dam down with another punch]:
What a right hand!

Tazz:
The Big Show...

Michael:
Big Show has cleared out, all 20...

Tazz [as Big Show chokeslams Rene Dupree]:
Oh man!

Michael:
...lumberjacks!

Tazz:
I-I never saw nothin' like this - never seen anything like this before! This man is on a, a rage; he's in a rage. [Big Show grabs Nunzio and slaps him hard on the chest] My God!

Michael:
There's carnage everywhere!

Tazz [as Big Show punches Booker T]:
Look at this, look at this! I - [Nunzio leaps off the turnbuckle to Big Show, only for Big Show to catch him by the throat] - oh!

Michael:
Watch out, Nunzio!

Tazz:
Nunzio's done!

Michael [as Nunzio gets chokeslammed]:
Oh, my...the ring shaking!

Tazz:
Look at the Big Show!

Michael:
Oh, my - Eddie, Eddie...

[Big Show then grabs Eddie Guerrero by the throat]

Tazz:
Watch out!

Michael:
Eddie!...

Tazz:
Oh, no! Latino Heat! Oh, man!

[Big Show chokeslams Guerrero]

Michael:
Oh! Wreckage strewn throughout this arena!

[Big Show then turns his attention to Kurt Angle, who is still down from Guerrero putting him in the ankle lock earlier; Angle pleads as Big Show beckons him over]

Tazz:
God! Oh, my God!

Michael [as Angle slowly gets up]:
I have never seen one individual dominate like this!

Tazz:
I agree. And now...

Michael:
Everyone in the path of the Big Show has been destroyed! And now Kurt Angle trying to beg his way out of this.

Tazz:
Kurt Angle's begging off and...what's gonna happen?

[Big Show finally grabs Kurt Angle]

Michael:
He's not cuttin' him any slack!

Tazz:
Oh, I guess not! Oh, no, he's not!...

[Angle gets chokeslammed]

Michael:
A major chokeslam! An Olympic-sized chokeslam!

Tazz:
I am telling you the Big - [suddenly Luther Reigns strikes the Big Show from behind] - oh, what the hell was that?

Michael:
Look at Luther Reigns...

Tazz:
Oh, uh-oh...

Michael:
Luther Reigns from behind!

Tazz:
Oh man, Luther! [as Reigns starts landing more blows on Big Show] Look at Luther!

Michael:
Luther Reigns, trying to take it to the Big Show!

Tazz:
He's trying to knock him down!

Michael:
Luther Reigns with a, with another left hand!

[After a few more blows by Reigns, Big Show finally grabs him by the throat]

Tazz:
Ah, man! Oh, Luther Reigns!

[Big Show chokeslams Reigns]

Michael:
An accent from the Big Show! [Big Show yells at everyone in the ring as his music plays again, then raises his right hand in the air and screams] Big Show was scheduled to show up in two weeks' time! Obviously, he was in no mood for that! The largest athlete in the world is back, and more dominant than ever!

Tazz:
Cole, nobody is safe! Nobody is safe!

Michael:
Look at the wreckage! Look at the carnage! We didn't expect the Big Show for two weeks, but he's back! The Big Show is back!

[Big Show raises his right hand in the air and yells out again]

Tazz:
Nobody is safe. Oh, my God...

Kurt Angle:
In 1996, I promised to win an Olympic gold medal despite a broken neck. In 2000, I promised to win the WWE Championship in my first year of pro wrestling. And last week, I promised a SmackDown! moment, the likes of which has never been seen before. And just like every promise I've ever made in my life, I delivered. [clips from September 23 shown] You brought this on yourself, Show. At 7' tall, 500 pounds, you can throw most anyone off a balcony and get away with it, but I'm not just anybody. I'm Kurt Angle and you don't do what you did to Kurt Angle without there being some serious consequences. The second you threw me down to the ground, the second you threw me to the ground, and my legs snapped in two, I swore retribution. And last week, I got it. I humiliated you, Show. I knocked you out, I shaved your head, and as a bonus, I got a great photo to put on all my Christmas cards this year. Take a look. [picture showing Kurt Angle humiliating Big Show] I did what everyone here has dreamed about doing, I took the big bad bully who took out an entire roster and I humiliated him like he's never been humiliated before. And I look at this crowd, I see a lot of people here that seem like they were picked on in life. And to all of you that would like to take this time to express your admiration, please feel free to do so now. [audience boos] America's heartland, pure class. I don't expect you people to recognize greatness, but there are two people who do. Two men that I have personally selected to mold and groom into my image that will be standing in my corner at No Mercy when I end the Big Show once and for all, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.

John Cena:
The champ is back! [crowd cheers] And we right here in Dayton, Ohio! And tonight, your boy's gonna win back the United States title. Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito. He thinks he's the man, he got a little swagger, he got the walk, the talk, he's very cool. Thinks he's man enough to steal my chain. Sneak away with the title that y'all know means everything to me. Oh and check this one out! This dude's man enough to see that I'm taken care of at a nightclub. Taking this away from me. So tonight, Carlito, we gonna see if you man enough to go face to face with the franchise and still handle your business. [crowd chants "Cena"] You see, Carlito's been ducking me. But not as nowhere else to go boy. I'm about to put a whippin' on the Pillsbury fro boy. Walking out here talking like he's cool, but y'all people don't believe it yet. How is Carlito cool? He looks like a freakin' Chia pet. Hey you know what? I'm not cool. Because John Cena's on fire! A word of advice tonight before we fight, you should retire. The way he walks, the way he talks, [spits] spitting out his fruit and vegetables, I kick you so hard, you'll be chokin' on your testicles! And bring Jesus out with you! He's no bodyguard, he's fillin' space! He's so soft, he lost a fist fight to the dude from Will & Grace! You embarrass me once, now it's time for the tides to switch. 'Cause everybody here knows payback is a bitch.

[The Cabinet has found JBL's limo with no wheels and on blocks. JBL fumes at the sight and they are all stunned to see Eddie Guerrero on the ring with one wheel]

Eddie Guerrero:
JBL! JBL! Olare Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes,

JBL:
[overlap] That tire's mine, give it back!!!

Guerrero:
...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, olare!

JBL:
You have stolen my property [to Orlando Jordan] and that is thievery. That's a felony!

Orlando Jordan:
It's right! It's right!

Amy Weber:
Who takes wheels?!?

Guerrero:
It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal.

Jordan:
I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this.

JBL:
It's a felony!

Guerrero:
Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU, JBL!! 'Coz remember something, Holmes, you have something that belongs to me, Latino Heat and that's the WWE Championship. O Viva mi raza!

JBL:
[during Guerrero's last few words] This is mine, you will not get it from me!!!