Bibleman

U.N.I.C.E.:
[With UNICE's help, Bibleman has just disintegrated two laser-wielding villains]... That was exciting. We should do things like this more often. It was fun!

Bibleman:
No, UNICE. Our only concern should be doing God's will. Violence is never fun. Although I must admit it *would* make a perfect example for our comic book.

Prince of Pride:
I'm the Admiral of Arrogance, the Dean of Disdain, the Sultan of Smudge! I'm just too cool for my own good, baby!

Narrator:
[Opening Credits Prelude #1] Miles Peterson... A man who had it all: wealth, status, success. But still, something was lacking. Miserable, alone, his spirit beaten, Miles Peterson gave up. Then, in his darkest hour, the words of a single book began to change his life. At last, Miles Peterson felt the burning desire to know God. Inspired by the Word of God, and equipped with unyielding faith, Miles pledged to fight evil in the name of God... as BIBLEMAN!

[Opening Credits Prelude #2]

This is the story of Miles Peterson, who had everything:
money, power, fame...until he lost it. And just when he had nothing to live for, he found the Power of God!

Prince of Pride:
I'm supposed to make people think about themselves instead of God. But that won't leave me any time to think about ME, and make myself look good.

Prince of Pride:
[on the Bibleman TV series] That's the most hysterical thing about this whole show: We villains *never win!* We spend all that money on these costumes and this makeup, and Bibleman always beats us every single time!

Cypher:
[on Bibleman's new comic book] Man, you look larger than life!

Bibleman:
Yeah, I know. But that's the problem. These sketches draw attention to me instead of focusing on God. They should draw attention to Him. If I look too good, then that's bad, because people might get the wrong idea and think that I think I'm more important or something. I want to stay humble through this whole thing.

Prince of Pride:
[during a Spirit-Sword battle]... You've got to be kidding!

Bibleman:
I'm a man in spandex. Do I *look* like I'm kidding?

Cypher:
...I can't believe I missed *another* fight scene!

Ludicrous (Bret Harrison):
Oh, something smells, your dude-ness!

Prince of Pride:
Gee, Ludicrous, maybe it's because we live in a sewer. [To computer monitor] Give it up, you big Bible-baffoon! He can't help it! And neither can that giga-pest of yours. She'll never figure out what I'm up to!

Ludicrous (Brett Harrison):
Dude, you're so full of yourself!

Prince of Pride:
Thank you! But I'm never wrong.

L.U.C.I.:
Uh-oh. I smell a music video coming on!

Prince of Pride:
...If it's worth doing, it's worth OVER-doing!

Bibleman:
...You've just been voted "Villain Least Likely To Succeed!"

Cypher:
...The Prince of Pride hit you with an ego-stimulating, heat-radonic seismo-ray...!

Bibleman:
...Creating an egoplasmic distortionary electro-field, which caused me to focus on myself instead of God! *Insidious!*

Cypher:
INSIDIOUS...? That's a big word.

Bibleman:
You can't defeat God. You'll only defeat yourself in the process.

Prince of Pride:
[while being electrocuted by Bibleman]... This almost feels good! [he explodes]

Bibleman:
Pride and destruction go together like liver and onions, or toenails and cheese... like Sonny and Cher or Donny and Marie... like finding a band-aid in your salad, or drinking goat's milk with a head-cold.

Cypher:
...So, got any faults you wanna showcase in next week's issue of our comic book? Wrath? Envy? Lust? Gluttony? Avarice? Sloth?

Bibleman:
Oh, I wouldn't want to draw all the attention to myself. I think we should probably focus on *your* faults.

Cypher:
No. We gotta give UNICE her due. UNICE... you wanna check your database for any spiritual deficiencies?

U.N.I.C.E.:
That will not compute. I'm too tired. Think I'll go crash.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
[to the camera]... Do you remember this guy? He used to be, like, a different villain. But he wasn't really good as a bad guy, so he's gotta do it all over. [He laughs, then Dr. Fear grabs his collar and sends him away flying]

Dr. Fear:
Ludicrous, that's not it at all! I've simply graduated to a higher degree of evil. Just call me...Dr. Fear!

Dr. Fear:
They talk big now, but they won't be so brave when I start pushing their buttons!

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Uh, Dr. Fear? Pushing buttons isn't how you scare humans. What you need is, like, cutting-edge terror technology! You should watch some of their old sitcoms. There's like this one creepy one about this college guy, who's really a nanny for these kids, and then, he's got this stupid side-kick who's even more scary! Here, it's on right now.

["Charles In Charge" theme plays; Doc Fear switches it off]

Dr. Fear:
Ludicrous, give me that! *I'll* pick the program; *you* make the popcorn!

Coats (Marc Wayne):
[at the Schatzville High "Clean Is Cool" Swing Dance]... Too bad Miles has to miss all the fun.

[winks at Bibleman]

Coats (Marc Wayne):
Sure you guys couldn't pull off a quick switch in the phone booth?

Bibleman:
Get thee behind me, Coats. I'm not Superman, you know. But at least kryptonite won't faze me.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Uh, Dr. Fear, why do you call that thing a "panic button?" Cause, I mean, it's not really scary. And where'd you get it, Radio Barn?

Dr. Fear:
What do you mean, "not scary?" This isn't some cheap video prop. This is a state-of-the-art sinister device! And, if you must know, I got it from the *lowest* authority.

L.U.C.I.:
I am the Link to Underhanded Computer Influences. Or, "L.U.C.I.," for short. And for your information, "dooficus," *I* am only a DIGITAL link; whereas *you* are the MISSING Link!

Ludicrous:
(Andrew Hicks): You think you're so smart, dude! My name's not "dooficus," it's *Ludicrous!*

Dr. Fear:
Stop it, you two! You're cutting into my screen time.

Dr. Fear:
[winking at the camera]... Okay, it's time for our gratuitous explanation. Wanna tell the audience how this works?

[repeated line]

Bibleman:
...Ready the chamber; it's time for Bibleman!

Dr. Fear:
[on the "Bibleman" TV series]... Personally, I'd rather watch Barney.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Whoa, tragedy! Brand-new, state-of-the-art underworld equipment. And it's already on the fritz! They just don't make sinister devices like they used to.

Doctor Fear:
...Presenting the Battle of the Ages! Brought to you by the Undisputed King of Evil! In this corner, wearing those tacky purple tights, our lightweight: Bibleman! *Let's get ready to RUMBLE!*

Bibleman:
...Hey, you used to be another villain - didn't you?

Doctor Fear:
Yes, but I'm trying something new.

Bibleman:
...For a guy who just reinvented himself, you sure don't fight any better.

Doctor Fear:
Hey, *you* used to be on other shows; nobody's making fun of YOU!

Bibleman:
That's because those shows were *network;* this is HOMEVIDEO. [winks at the camera]

Bibleman:
[voice-over narration] I've been fighting my most difficult spiritual battle... I'm speaking softly, because it's much more dramatic... I'm supposed to be a leader, and yet I continue to... Wow, I guess I really *do* need prayer.

Bibleman:
...I think that you're being attacked by fear, and I'm not surprised - because you're a leader, and the enemy wants to stop you. But you don't have to listen to them.

U.N.I.C.E.:
You have trouble giving credit where it's due! Your mouth is bigger than your head.

Coats:
Oh, now wait a minute! That's not fair. My head is *way* bigger!

U.N.I.C.E.:
I concur.

Coats:
[realizes he's been tricked] No, wait a minute! I DON'T MEAN THAT! I...!

Ludicrous (Steve Weatherford):
[the Shadow of Doubt breaks through a brick wall] Uh, excuse me, Mr. Shadow? Uh, you don't really need this because it's just a video prop. And those bricks aren't real. So you don't have to break through; you can probably just walk around.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
I know what it is, Ludicrous. I do it for effect, to be more scary!

Ludicrous (Steve Weatherford):
Oh, because it really wasn't that scary... [Shadow glares at him]... You want me to hush up now, right?

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
Ludicrous! Get in here! [He does] Get off my toe.

Ludicrous (Steve Weatherford):
Um, excuse me, Mr. Shadow, um, you should consider making yourself into a hologram. Because, my friend Rick, he wrote this computer program about that. Uh, it's very feasible with today's computers.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
Look, you big oaf, I'm a villain! I don't need a computer hologram of myself. Example: sinister laugh. [He lets out a sinister laugh] There! [Hands him one of his doubt boxes] Now take this box, and put it over there where I told you to. And stay out of sight, or you'll ruin a good fight scene.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
Surprise, Bible-prune!

Bibleman:
I never was one for surprises, especially ones with rotten teeth. You really should floss, you know.

Shadow of Doubt:
The Bible says to be careful when entertaining strangers, for you might be entertaining angels without knowing it.

Bibleman:
Yes, but fallen angels are hardly entertaining.

Shadow of Doubt:
Are you sure about that Bibleman? Without a doubt?

Bibleman:
I believe the Bible with all my heart...and now a word from my sponsor.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
One day, your scripture will do you no good. I'd love to stay and play. I'll be back, but I doubt you'll keep focusing. Goodbye. Farewell. Parting is such a pain in the neck.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
...Just one last dose of my Doubt Toxins and B-B-Bibleman will be b-b-begging for mercy!

Ludicrous (Steve Weatherford):
[to the audience] You see, in all actuality, Mr. Shadow doesn't really talk like that, "B-B-Bibleman b-b-begging." It was supposed to be a joke, but it really wasn't that funny.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
Ludicrous, get out of the way! You're ruining the shot! Thank you! Excuse me... And now for my Acme "Instant Minions." Don't leave Hades without them! It's shake-up time! [A gratuitous dance number takes place. Bibleman enters the basement once over] Hi! May I help you? Today's special is Faith Fricassee, smothered in a lovely Cajun Doubt Sauce...!

Bibleman:
2 Timothy 2:19 says that God's truth stands firm like a great rock, and nothing can shake it. And guess what? That means you!

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
Missed me, missed me, now you gotta - never mind.

Miles Peterson:
What's the one common factor between Kyla and me?

Coats:
You're both short?

Miles Peterson:
Besides that. Think, Coates...Kyla said she didn't feel like God cared. And during my battles, I knew the right scriptures, but...I didn't feel like they were real.

Coats:
Feelings, you were focusing on your feelings.

Miles Peterson:
Exactly. UNICE, initialize Bibleman Study Rom and Bible Concordance.

UNICE:
Initializing Bibleman Study Rom.

Miles Peterson:
Coates, bible quiz: what Proverb tells us not to trust our feelings? (In unison with Coats) Proverbs 3:5.

UNICE:
Accessing Proverbs 3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him...(with Coats and Miles in Unison) and He will direct thy path.

Miles Peterson:
A very basic lesson, but a very important one. You see, if we trust our feelings at the moment, then we can be tricked. That's what happened to Kyla, and that's what happened to me.

Coats:
You know, sometimes, the best thing is to get back to basics. Let God be God.

Miles Peterson:
Couldn't have said it better myself. Ready the chamber, my friend. It's time for Bibleman.

Coats:
Where to now?

Miles Peterson:
First, we're gonna help Kyla through this challenge. And then, we're gonna teach that doubt character a Bible lesson of his own.

Coats:
*We?*

Miles Peterson:
Well, not unless you want me to have all the fun...

Coats:
*(Chuckles, lifts up a bazooka)* Oh yeah!

Ludicrous (Steve Weatherford):
(To the audience) You see, those bad guys, they didn't really have to go through all that smoke and sparks and stuff. They just did it because it looks cool in the video.

Coats:
[to the villains]... Don't you guys ever get tired of losing?

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
You'll never stop us! There will always be more to take our place! Your faith is futile!

Bibleman:
I doubt that. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8 that our faith is a gift from God. Did I mention I'm a big believer in gifts?

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
I'll say sorry if you do!

Bibleman:
Tell it to the judge.

Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons):
I'm so sure it's just a game, Bibleman!

Bibleman:
Oh, sure! It's all just fun and games until someone loses an eternity. And you're about to. And then we'll be "Without a Doubt!"

L.U.C.I.:
[Wacky Protester plans to infiltrate the nation's most popular children's TV show with his own live satellite feed] This is hilarious!

Mr. Funky:
Good morning, good morning! It's Saturday morning! And you know what time it is. Time for MR. FUNKY'S WILD TIME! Rise and shine! Before we go and visit Schnooky and Bubbles, I want all you kids to... jump up and down, scream as loud as you can, and run around the TV. Do exactly as Schnooky and Bubbles do. [an animated bear and dog chase each other, and beat each other up]

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Oh, it is so clever!

L.U.C.I.:
It's the #1 children's show in the nation.

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Well, I'm not surprised. It's so influential, so powerful...! I just got a brilliant idea! I could make my own show. Or take over this one. By using my multi-digital 24-track plasma-digitizing set, with a side of bleu cheese, I could control what Mr. Funky says and does.

L.U.C.I.:
In other words, you're going to put words in Mr. Funky's mouth and nobody will know the difference?

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Exactly! *My* Mr. Funky is going to tell children that authority figures are nothing but a bunch of fuddy-duddies, who are out there just to make sure nobody has any fun.

L.U.C.I.:
Oh, this sounds good.

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Just imagine a nation of lying, self-willed, disobedient, rebellious, out-of-control brats! Not to mention their children.

L.U.C.I.:
This could get out of control.

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Bingo. That's the plan.

Biblegirl:
Maybe we need a lesson in Christianity 101.

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Look, they're having a spat. [Meaning Bibleman, Biblegirl and Company] This is the best reality television show that I've ever seen. You know what? I should air this.

L.U.C.I.:
Yeah, you'd get great ratings. We could call it BIBLE RIVALS.

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Or how about... CHRISTIAN CONFLICTS?

L.U.C.I.:
Or what about... SCHISM?

L.U.C.I.:
...I have an idea.

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Silence! I'm thinking.

L.U.C.I.:
I was just gonna suggest...

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
I don't need your suggestions right now.

L.U.C.I.:
Why don't you just infiltrate?

Wacky Protester (Jef Scott):
Wait, I told you... I don't... What... Wait. Hold on a second... Wait. Why don't I just infiltrate. Oh, I have such brilliant ideas!

L.U.C.I.:
Your brilliance puts me to shame.

Bibleman:
Biblegirl, I've made modifications to your weapon.

Biblegirl:
What are they?

Bibleman:
It's a molecular-ion/fusion-blaster.

Biblegirl:
Okay... What's it do?

Bibleman:
It blasts fused molecules. And remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an ion.

Biblegirl:
In other words, it blows things up. Cool.

Wacky Protestor:
It's time to use my spasmodic, wackyosonic, meteoronic Cloud of Darkness and Despair! If only I could find it in this pigsty. [combs for it in his cluttered laboratory]

Gianni Capponi:
[to Wacky Protestor] Okay, meatball, kneel and smack the ring. Now quit sucking up. I'm here to examine your plan. The big guy, His Supreme Evilness, wants me to make sure YOU don't fail AGAIN! So hip me to your groove... And cut the phony laugh, it's overused.

Bibleman:
If you share your problems with a friend, you cut them in half; if you share your joy, you double it.

Bibleman:
Psalm 92:9 says a lot about people like you. Look it up.

Wacky Protestor:
92:9? I love that radio station.

Biblegirl:
[Proverbs 21:9] It's better to live on the corner of a roof thant to share your house with a nagging wife. [Cypher and Bibleman stare incredulously at her] It's all I could come up with.

Biblegirl:
Excuse me, I have to go and sort my lint collection.

Miles Peterson:
Set up a rendezvous for tonight at the pizza parlor... around eight.

Cypher:
That's funny. I was thinking the exact same thing. Will eight be enough? [winks at the camera]

Miles Peterson:
Don't get cheeky.

Biblegirl:
...So our feelings of darkness and despair aren't real?

Bibleman:
Oh, they're real all right. Otherwise they wouldn't be so dangerous. Just don't give into them, that's all.

Cypher:
I always have to remember my experiences. That's why God gave us a memory.

Bibleman:
Anytime we hear God's Word, it's going to be powerful, no matter how it's presented.

Wacky Protestor:
I just got a brilliant idea! I could make my own show, and warp the mind of every child in the world. Hey, it worked for Larry Boy.

L.U.C.I.:
Who's Larry Boy?

Wacky Protestor:
Never mind.

Biblegirl:
...That's it! Wacky Protestor is sending lies through TV and leading children into division.

Bibleman:
Golly! Now *that's* deceitful!

Wacky Protestor:
This could possibly be the most villainous thing that's ever happened. The ramifications could cause rebellion lasting generations, maybe through all eternity! Oh, I love this stuff.

Wacky Protestor:
Why don't you ever mind your business, Bible-bum?

Bibleman:
Because you *are* my business.

L.U.C.I.:
[Wacky Protester plans to infiltrate the nation's most popular children's TV show with his own live satellite feed] This is hilarious!

Mr. Funky:
Good morning, good morning! It's Saturday morning! And you know what time it is. Time for MR. FUNKY'S WILD TIME! Rise and shine! Before we go and visit Schnooky and Bubbles, I want all you kids to... jump up and down, scream as loud as you can, and run around the TV. Do exactly as Schnooky and Bubbles do.

[an animated bear and dog chase each other, and beat each other up]

Wacky Protestor:
Oh, it is so clever!

L.U.C.I.:
It's the #1 children's show in the nation.

Wacky Protestor:
Well, I'm not surprised. It's so influential, so powerful...! I just got a brilliant idea! I could make my own show. Or take over this one. By using my multi-digital 24-track plasma-digitizing set, with a side of bleu cheese, I could control what Mr. Funky says and does.

L.U.C.I.:
In other words, you're going to put words in Mr. Funky's mouth and nobody will know the difference?

Wacky Protestor:
Exactly! *My* Mr. Funky is going to tell children that authority figures are nothing but a bunch of fuddy-duddies, who are out there just to make sure nobody has any fun.

L.U.C.I.:
Oh, this sounds good.

Wacky Protestor:
Just imagine a nation of lying, self-willed, disobedient, rebellious, out-of-control brats! Not to mention their children.

L.U.C.I.:
This could get out of control.

Wacky Protestor:
Bingo. That's the plan.

Wacky Protestor:
Look, they're having a spat.

[Meaning Bibleman, Biblegirl and Company]

Wacky Protestor:
This is the best reality television show that I've ever seen. You know what? I should air this.

L.U.C.I.:
Yeah, you'd get great ratings. We could call it BIBLE RIVALS.

Wacky Protestor:
Or how about... CHRISTIAN CONFLICTS?

L.U.C.I.:
Or what about... SCHISM?

L.U.C.I.:
...I have an idea.

Wacky Protestor:
Silence! I'm thinking.

L.U.C.I.:
I was just gonna suggest...

Wacky Protestor:
I don't need your suggestions right now.

L.U.C.I.:
Why don't you just infiltrate?

Wacky Protestor:
Wait, I told you... I don't... What... Wait. Hold on a second... Wait. Why don't I just infiltrate. Oh, I have such brilliant ideas!

L.U.C.I.:
Your brilliance puts me to shame.

Bibleman:
...Luxor Spawndroth is devious and famous for being cheap. A lot like our producer. [winks at the camera] That means he'll be someplace dark and stinky, where he can get free internet access.

Cypher:
Yeah, that IS like our producer. [winks at the camera]

Bibleman:
There are many forms of temptation. And sometimes, that temptation can look pretty good.

Biblegirl:
That's why it's tempting. If it didn't look so good, who'd go for it?

Cypher:
[He, Bibleman and Biblegirl are discussing Luxor Spawndroth's temptation-inducing new website, "www.hackemup.com"] I must've gone into some sort of trance, just like Riley.

Bibleman:
It's weird. Your stories are identical. It's almost as if...

All Three:
[they and Biblegirl turn and face the camera]... SOMEONE WROTE IT THAT WAY. [they turn back and face each other] Nahhh! Pure coincidence.

[first lines]

Gossip Queen:
So this is the infamous Bibleman... He's cute, in a *Christian* sort of way. [winces] Makes one ill just to say that word.

Miles Peterson:
An ounce of gossip is worth a pound of trouble.

Gossip Queen:
[during their climactic showdown]... You wouldn't dare! I'm a LADY.

Bibleman:
[Defeats her in with his Spirit-Sword, turns to the camera] Yes, but the Bible warns against ladies like her.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Uh, Mister of Misery, dude, sir, um, did you change your name again, cuz, like, you got fired again?

Master of Misery:
I wasn't fired, I was *downsized!* (to the audience) The producers gave this part to me because Carmen wasn't available.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Oh. Well, like, maybe they shoulda called you *and* William Shatner, cuz, like, he keeps doing parts, and nobody likes him either! (Laughs)

Master of Misery:
Ludicrous, you're interrupting! Never interrupt my evil speeches! This is exposition! *This is where I rant and rave about all the evil, vile stuff I'm gonna do!*

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Dude, you're like, *way* stressed out. Uh, I think you need to chill...

Master of Misery:
(Grabs Ludicrous by the collar, shakes him repeatedly) *I don't want to chill!* *Stress...makes...me...HAPPY!*

Miles Peterson:
I'm starved. How about something to eat?

Coats:
Hey, that sounds good to me. How about a liver and anchovy pizza?

Miles Peterson:
...you're in serious need of counseling.

Ludicrous (Les VanValkinburgh):
Ugh! Boss, when are we gonna move out of the sewer?

Luxor Spawndroth:
When we get a bigger budget.

Ludicrous (Les VanValkinburgh):
Good.

Luxor Spawndroth:
Besides, it's my...*sewer-cali-futuristic-science-laboratory!*

Ludicrous (Les VanValkinburgh):
Hey, isn't there a song that goes something like that?

Luxor Spawndroth:
Yeah, but we can't use it, or the mouse will sue.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Whoa dude, somebody's coming. What should we do?

Master of Misery (Brian Lemmons):
(To audience) It's like talking to phones. (To Ludicrous) You ask them how their day went.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
Oh.

Master of Misery (Brian Lemmons):
What do you think we do? We run! Get! Go!

Bibleman:
Michael, I've come to understand that you've been struggling some. And I wanted to tell you that, I've found that being happy isn't all about what goes right, it's how we handle things when they go wrong.

Michael:
Everything is going wrong. It's just, I know that everyone else's science project is better than mine.

Coats:
Hey, but you gave it your best shot though, right?

Michael:
I did. It was hard work, but I did.

Bibleman:
Well then, Michael, that's all a judge could ever ask for.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
I gotta hand it to you, dude, this is definitely the coolest hideout we've ever had. My voice even echoes! (Shouts into the distance) Echo! Echo! (His voice echoes throughout the lair) Falkor! (Echo plays back "Atreyu!" Both Ludicrous and Master of Misery look confused)

Master of Misery:
Would you be quiet? We've gotta give this thing more power! That whole God thing is hard to squash.

Ludicrous (Andrew Hicks):
I dunno, dude. What if Bible-Dude's right? What if God does have the power to turn sorrow into joy?

Master of Misery:
Joy-Schmoy! This world is full of depression! All you have to do is look around. And that is why, my friend, we will always be in business.

Bibleman:
I should be surprised to find you here. I understand that Carmen wasn't available. Still, they should have tried for William Shatner.

Master of Misery:
Stay out of my business, shiny-boy! Ludicrous, protect this with that rotten little life of yours! (He tosses Ludicrous his Anti-Joy Transmidifier to Ludicrous)

Bibleman:
Romans 12:21 says not to be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Master of Misery:
Don't be so sure!

Ludicrous:
Whoa! Hey gloomy guy, do you want me to use this anti-joy thing-a-ma-bob on him?

Master of Misery:
Of course, use it Ludicrous! Shoot him in the back! Shoot the bible-creep in the back! (To Bibleman) No more joy, joy, joy, down in your heart! Ha!

Bibleman:
James 1 verse 2 says that we should count all of our trials as joy!

Ludicrous:
Misery 1, Bible 0. And the fans are lovin' it!

Bibleman:
The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Master of Misery:
What joy? This life is full of suffering! Hope is always crushed by the facts of life!

Bibleman:
There may be a lot of things wrong in this world, but in John 16:33, Jesus said, "Take heart, for I have overcome the world." You forget who I work for.

Master of Misery:
You believe that?

Bibleman:
(To the audience) You bet.

Master of Misery:
Laugh while you can, Bible-Boy, but it'll be I who overcomes the world!