Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule

Dr. Steve Brule:
What kind of animal do you want to be, dingus?

Crash:
Probably a dog.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Nope.

Crash:
No?

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's not it. You'd be a dangatang (Orangutan).

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's what you look like.

Sean Roach:
Ever had a lizard kiss you?

Dr. Steve Brule:
No.

Sean Roach:
Would you like to have a lizard kiss you?

Dr. Steve Brule:
No.

Sean Roach:
Do you love lizard kisses?

Dr. Steve Brule:
No.

Sean Roach:
We're going to give you a little lizard kiss here.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Life is about having a good time and having candy, not putting *roaches* in your hair!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Is there a doctor in the house? We need a doctor! Call 999!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Tastes like a cow bathroom.

[repeated line]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Feels like my a**hole's on fire!

[last lines]

Dr. Steve Brule:
We forgot to do rockets.

[knocks over model of the solar system]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know...am I a rabbit?

Dr. Steve Brule:
"Candy cane, hamburgers, little muffin pies. All these things from your mouth to you eyes. They'll fill up your gullet and make you feel...in a good mood. Easily...buy yourself enough food".

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's a poem I made up about food.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hi. I'm Dr. Steve Brule. Food. It's as simple as that. Try going a day without it. You'll miss it, Charlie. Yes, you will. I-It's just as important as food and water and gas.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Did you get the pan?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Toad's Restaurant is -- Is like stumbling into a cave of food. It's not just the same old doldrums at home. Ham, ham, turkey, bacon -- Yes, I do. Yes, I have bacon.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hello? Miss?

Sunshine:
Hi. My name is Sunshine. I'll be your waitress.

[Dr. Brule stares at her, happily]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Like the sun?

Sunshine:
Like the sun and the shine behind it. Are you ready to order?

Dr. Steve Brule:
We're kind of hitting it off.

Sunshine:
Okay.

Dr. Steve Brule:
But what are the specials of the day that aren't just sitting around stale?

Sunshine:
The specials of the day...are chicken cordon bleu, peppercorn steak and mashed potatoes, filet of sole with...

Dr. Steve Brule:
[thinking] I couldn't hear a word she was saying. I was in a lover's trance. Could this be the one?

[as Dr. Brule tries every food from the restaurant]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I was in hog heaven. There was so many different kind of food, I could just have whatever I want, so I kept ordering and ordering and ordering.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Here's a little tip. You can cool down your pasta.

[Dr. Steve drinks milk and spits it on his pasta]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Whatever works!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Ooh, meatloaf! Man, meatloaf is good for your bones. This turkey's too hot. I have to cool it off.

[does the same technique what he did to the pasta, last]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Easy.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Sunshine] What do you think I am, some kind of rabbit?

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't think I can eat much more, Denny.

Dr. Steve Brule:
--Thing keeps getting caught on the chair, too.

Dr. Steve Brule:
In all this joshing around, I realize I don't even know your name. [chuckles] I just know you as Sunshine.

Susan:
My real name is Susan.

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's a beautiful name.

Susan:
Thank you.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's your last name?

Susan Brule:
My last name is Brule. Susan Brule.

[Dr. Brule takes off his glasses for a dramatic effect while being cross-eyed]

Susan Brule:
What?

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're Uncle Gary's girl? I'm Stevie Brule!

Dr. Steve Brule:
My guest today has been Susan Brule. She's my Uncle Gary's little girl. She's my cousin. Who cares? That's -- That's it for the show. That's it for food. Who -- Who cares? [leaves] Cut it, Denny.

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
Good morning. This is a Channel 5 News Break. I'm Terry Bruge-Hiplo.

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
Somebody keeps vandalizing the back wall at Myer's Super Foods. Please, if you have any information on the criminal, call Sherrif Ramb with the details. And a personal message to the assailant -- My children can see the wall from my yard, and you are making large penises, and I am sick of explaining, "It's a whale throwing up".

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
Ho-- [cuts to the ending of Breaking News]

Dr. Steve Brule:
What about weird foods? Tha-- Foods you never had or thought you'd taste before?

[Dr. Brule trips on a cake to his face]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I-I wanted to try shushi, so I got...a shushi chef to show me how to eat shushi. It's a weird food. I never had it before.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Konichiwa.

Sushi Chef:
Konichiwa.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I brought a real sushi lady in to make real sushi sandwiches for us.

Sushi Chef:
[speaking Japanese]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hi.

Sushi Chef:
Hi.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hi.

Sushi Chef:
Hi.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[laughs] Hi. Hi. She's a friendly lady.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What do we have here? The building blocks of shushi. Shushi meat, peaches, and guacamole.

Sushi Chef:
Wasabi.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's up?

Sushi Chef:
Wasabi.

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's not that hard to let other people from other countries talk to you. If you have peaches and it's just all peaches and cream all the time, it'd just be a dessert, you dumbo!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Holy guacamole!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Whatever. Who ever heard of guacamole without chips? How come it tastes like fish?

Sushi Chef:
[speaking Japanese]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Fish, Denny?

Dr. Steve Brule:
What are you trying to feed me? What do I look like? A kitty cat?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Fish is for cats. For your health.

Dr. Steve Brule:
My next guest is Dr. Jimmy Brungus. He's a nutritionist.

Johnny Boden:
It's actually Dr. Johnny Boden.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Dr. Gungy Brogan.

Dr. Steve Brule:
This is the part of the show we call "Doctor to -- [cuts off to the opening of Doctor to Doctor]

Dr. Steve Brule:
So what happens to different foods in your body?

Johnny Boden:
Well, they break down. Proteins break down into something called --

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know.

Johnny Boden:
The best diet consists of food that occurs the environment. It's natural food, doesn't have a bar code, doesn't have a lot of processing--

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know.

Johnny Boden:
...doesn't have a lot of ingredients you can't pronounce.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know.

Johnny Boden:
That's real food. Apples, berries, pears, watermelons.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Corn dogs.

Johnny Boden:
...Well, not really corn dogs, because that's not really a food. It's a food product.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Well, it's made of c-corn and dogs.

Johnny Boden:
Right...

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm a doctor, too.

Johnny Boden:
Yes, I know.

Dr. Steve Brule:
There's sugar, salt, nachos, hot dogs, corn dogs, all the dog foods. And, uh, whi -- White foods. Milk, rice...

Johnny Boden:
I have a PhD in nutrition, a masters in psychology, and certification from the American Board of Certifying Specialists.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[surprised] Oh...

[Dr. Brule takes a moment to process that]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Food is bad for your health if you eat too many kinds of food at once. Can't say I learned so very much.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Cold milk cools the hot food.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Sunshine Brule is my cousin. Who cares?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Shushi meat's a big ripoff. It's just cat scraps.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm a doctor, too, you dingus.

Security Guy:
Hello?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hello?

Security Guy:
Hello? Anybody here?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Yes, we're making a show.

Security Guy:
Can you please go?

Dr. Steve Brule:
What?

Dr. Steve Brule:
"Watch the cupids fly above, two hearts so sweet in love. If the arrow strikes upon, then there shall fly a turtledove".

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's a poem by Dr. Dan Dringle (Daniel Lindon).

Dr. Steve Brule:
Today's show is about healthy relationships. Did you ever have a soul partner? Did you ever have a love? Did you ever lose one or wondered how to keep it alive when it got old and brown? If your body's lonesome, it's gonna get sick, probably.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Well, that's enough of this drivle-draffle. Let's find out what we want to KNOW about. Let's check it out. Let's check it out.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Cue music. Cue music.

[when Dr. Brule begins to talk about relationships]

Dr. Steve Brule:
When two hearts beat -- W-When two hearts beat as one, that is called being married.

Dr. Steve Brule:
For my first segment, I found a couple who are very in love and who very good friends of mine. Jan and Wayne Skylar are a Married News Team from Channel 5, who live a public and private paradise of a life. They sat down with me to show what it's like when two hearts beat as one.

Some Guy in the Back:
[to Dr. Brule] "Let's check it out".

Dr. Steve Brule:
Let's check it ou-- [music cue interrupts]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm Dr. Steve Brule, and I'm joined today by Jan and Wayne Skylar.

Jan Skylar:
Which is my camera? Is this my camera here? Or are we over...

Wayne Skylar:
Mic.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Do we got the technicals figured out? Denny?

Wayne Skylar:
I'll just take a camera, and I put it right here.

[Wayne touches Jan's private area, and Jan slaps it away from him]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Today's subject is to talk about being married. H-How come i-it's so hard to be married?

Wayne Skylar:
A healthy marriage is both having outside hobbies. For example, Jan does a lot of gardening. She's in the thicket patch and the briar bush, and I find them all throughout my, um, underwear drawer, and it hurts me very much, and it's hard to get to her.

Dr. Steve Brule:
So that makes it a challenge?

Jan Skylar:
It's more of a deterrent for Wayne -- To keep him out of my business. The other way to keep him off my nipples is I put -- He hates those, uh, red-pepper flakes that they put on pizza. I just put a little bit of, uh, wood glue on my nipples and put those red-pepper flakes on there. He -- He does not react well to those. [giggles]

Dr. Steve Brule:
If you can ask for extra packets of those, and then they give them to you for free at the pizza restaurant.

Wayne Skylar:
Another technique Jan uses sometimes is she eats a lot of shawarma before I come home, and that gasses up her spaghetti house and makes a sewage stink all in the bedroom.

Jan Skylar:
I find if I eat a lot of shawarma, I get enough gas that he won't to get near me, and I don't have to worry about being penetrated. But it is -- It is always changing for me, because there are men I am attracted to. For instance...somebody on this couch.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[chuckles]

Jan Skylar:
I'm not gonna say who.

[Dr. Brule touches Jan's cheeks]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pretty cheeks.

Jan Skylar:
[giggles]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I get a lot of letters on "Check it Out" saying, "What does Janey smell like? What does Janey feel like"? And the viewers really want to know what it's like to be near you, to smell you, to touch you. Wayne what do you think? Why don't you let me do it for the viewers?

Wayne Skylar:
I don't think so, Steve. She's all for me.

Jan Skylar:
I think it will be fine. Let me just clear it with Wayne.

Jan Skylar:
[to Wayne] We've been through this, okay?

Wayne Skylar:
Is this just for the show?

Jan Skylar:
This is just for the show.

Jan and Wayne Skylar:
I will never hurt you. I will never leave you. You are the love of my life.

Jan Skylar:
I will try to be a faithful wife to you when I can.

Wayne Skylar:
I will not be disgusted by the shawarma gas coming out of the spaghetti house.

Jan and Wayne Skylar:
Amen.

[Dr. Brule gets to touch Jan Skylar]

Jan Skylar:
So, what should we start with -- Down here?

Dr. Steve Brule:
No, I was just gonna feel your body.

Jan Skylar:
You can kiss 'em, or you can play with 'em. You can do whatever you want.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Well, there's two boobies, and they have big napples the size of a quarter. And they feel like...feel like roast beef.

Wayne Skylar:
ENOUGH!

Dr. Steve Brule:
"Check it Out" is sponsored by Myer's Super Foods. This week, Toad Detergent -- $1.99. Potato chips -- Krinkly or otherwise -- $1.99. All kinds of stinky fish for your cat -- $1.99. Chocolate Ice Cream -- $1.99. Vanilla Ice Cream -- $1.99. S--

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't wanna say Strawberry Ice Cream. I don't like it.

[the sponsor skips to the next scene of this ad]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[distorted] Brrrrican cheese -- 2 cents a slice.

Dr. Steve Brule:
All kinds of jellies all on sale 10% off. Prices so low, you'd be a dungus not to check out that store. Tell them Steve sent ya.

Carol Krabit:
And now, Yesterday's Weather. Yesterday was very hot with lows in the 100s. Be sure to cover those meats and-- [says nothing else]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Today with Dr. Dan Dungus (Dr. Don Davis), who's a sexpert from U.C.L. of A. Welcome to the show, Dr. Don.

Dr. Don Davis:
It's my pleasure to be here.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Doctor to Doctor, what is sex?

Dr. Don Davis:
It's about two people having fun with their bodies.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Like tickling?

Dr. Don Davis:
Yes, yeah. Any type of touching can be part of it.

Dr. Steve Brule:
H-How do you make sex?

Dr. Don Davis:
Well, one of the ways is you can start to learn to touch yourself. You can start, you know, just from your face, you know, caressing your face, working down, you know, the front of your body -- Your nipples, especially. For some --

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pencil erasers. [laughs]

Dr. Don Davis:
That's how most people learn, both men and women. And that's what your learning.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What about your pennis? Let's not beat around the bushes. Are there any uses for a pennis besides pee or...sperms?

Dr. Don Davis:
That main use of the penis is intercourse.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[giggles[ H-H-How do you know if the lady wants a pennis in her vagina? [laughs]

Dr. Don Davis:
Well, you better be very sure about it before you put it in there.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know! [laughing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Where else could you put your prennis?

Dr. Don Davis:
The penis can also go in anally.

Dr. Steve Brule:
This makes farts. [chuckles] Well, you are a typical hunk who thinks you know everything about everything. Doctor to Doctor, appreciate it.

Dr. Don Davis:
You're welcome. Anytime.

Dr. Steve Brule:
For your health.

Dr. Steve Brule:
We're back with a very special segment on sleeping and how to share a bed. And with me, of course, is Jan Skylar. Jan, what's the most important thing for when you have to share a bed for sleeping?

Jan Skylar:
Well, it's very easy. The first things you do is you want to get into a very comfortable sleeping gown. This is my sleeping attire that -- I'm -- We'll be demonstrating with tonight.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I just have my underwears.

Jan Skylar:
Okay. That's fine. This is what I do every night. I get into bed, and I lure Wayney in. I lure him in like this. Sometimes it's nice to give a little reward.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[sees Jan's butt] And it's a nice view from here. Now what?

Jan Skylar:
Now you have to get into bed.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Okay.

Jan Skylar:
You got to get up in here.

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's wobbly.

Jan Skylar:
I always have a hard time falling asleep, but if I'm with someone I love, I usually have them bring their arm around like this, and they can put their hand wherever they want.

Dr. Steve Brule:
And it's right on your roast beef.

Jan Skylar:
Oops. [sniffs[ Ooh, that stickin' around like a potato-salad smell.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Yeah.

Jan Skylar:
It's in my tongue. And then we just give ourselves a kiss good night. We don't have to do that here.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Well, we could.

Jan Skylar:
Or we can give it a little...

Wayne Skylar:
Jan! [straining]

Jan Skylar:
Real close. And this is just for...for the viewers.

[Jan and Dr. Brule kissed in bed]

Jan Skylar:
And just like that.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Just a little peck.

Jan Skylar:
Try closing your eyes. That's what I always do. I'll just give you... [kisses Dr. Brule a couple times] right on the lips.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[smooching]

Jan Skylar:
And you can kiss me, too. Where would you want to kiss me if you could kiss anywhere?

[Dr. Brule kisses Jan's breasts]

Jan Skylar:
Oh. That's fine. That's fine.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Right on the roast beef.

Jan Skylar:
They deserve it.

Wayne Skylar:
[angrily exhales deeply]

Wayne Skylar:
NO!

[Wayne gets in bed with Jan and Dr. Steve Brule]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Don't squash me.

[Jan slaps Wayne's butt]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Is everything okay?

Wayne Skylar:
Everything's fine, Steve.

Jan Skylar:
Damn it, Wayne.

[Jan and Wayne both slaps butts at each other]

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're making the bed jiggle.

[then Dr. Brule gets in on the fun]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Shh! For your health.

[after the Relationships episode is ending]

Dr. Steve Brule:
We'll what have we learned today.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Shawarma gas keeps boys away.

Dr. Steve Brule:
If you wanna feel sexy, touch your face.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Sex is no laughing matter unless you get nervous and get the giggles.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Don't listen to hunks about sex. They think they know everything.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Boobies taste and feel like roast beef.

Some Guy in the Back:
[to Dr. Brule] Good night.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Have a great da-- [closing theme plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Promotional considerations for "Check it Out" provided by the -- The Troy Hotel. Why don't you stay there sometime? You have your own bed. You can pay for it and if you make a mess, the maid will clean it up. You can even go pee-pee in your bed. Doesn't matter. Just go stay at the Troy Hotel and lodge and inn, ya dungus. Tell 'em, Dr. Stevie Brule sent ya.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[burps] "My mother, my uncle -- Is that who made me? Am I just a piece of rotten fruit from my family tree? What will the future hold? Who knows? All I know is my family grows".

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's a poem by Stan Brule, my brother.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hi. I'm Dr. Steve Brule. Welcome back to "Check it out", the show that checks stuff out. Today's show is gonna be about [sighs] family.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Family. Where would you be without them?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Nowhere. That's where. We wouldn't be borned.

Dr. Steve Brule:
For my first segment about family, I interviewed a very important person in my life. Guess who. You still can't guess? It's my Mom -- [music cue plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
We're here with Dorris Pringle-Brule, who is an antique collector and who is my mommy.

[Dr. Brule kisses his Ma's hand]

Dr. Steve Brule:
What things do you like to collect?

Dorris Pringle-Brule:
Cigarette butts, newspapers.

Dr. Steve Brule:
There's a whole bunch of hair out back.

Dorris Pringle-Brule:
I made you a wig for your school picture.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I didn't want to wear it, but you said it looked better than my hair.

Dorris Pringle-Brule:
I-I name everything.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's this one? [holds a jug carton]

Dorris Pringle-Brule:
Dr. Curtis Reed.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[sniffs] [coughs] The doctor's rotten to the core. [chuckles]

Dr. Steve Brule:
You wanted to keep us close to home, didn't ya?

Dorris Pringle-Brule:
I put poison on your sandwiches when you weren't good so it'd slow you guys down a little bit. I was gonna mount your heads on the wall -- You and your Dad's. That way I could see you once in a while whenever I wanted to.

Dr. Steve Brule:
But we would be dead, mommy.

Dorris Pringle-Brule:
But you'd be here. I was gonna bury you underneath the house so you'd always be here.

Doug Prishpreed:
[out of character] You're waving your hands in all kinds of directions.

Eric Wareheim:
This is your close-up camera, and this is the wide shot, so just -- You can just remain here.

Doug Prishpreed:
What do you guys wa-- [breaking news plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
...segment for "Check it Out" with my Uncle Gary (Gary Brule). I'm happy that you're here 'cause you're the coolest unker anybody could have.

Gary Brule:
Wow. That sounds great.

Dr. Steve Brule:
He's been entertaining my family for Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving dinner...with amazing tricks a-and magic.

Dr. Steve Brule:
How di you get started making magic, Uncle Gary?

Gary Brule:
Well, my Dad, uh, was originally in Vaudeville. Now, when I was born and raised, it was Vaudeville long gone by that time, but he still had friends that would drop by. And one of those friends showed me a card trick. I was maybe 8 years old. I don't actually remember his real name, but he had a big name that was Vaudeville. And, uh, they would be traveling shows that would come in and do what they called variety acts. Now, that would be a tap dancer, a singer, a magician, anything -- An acrobat -- All of that. That was all Vaudeville.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[after getting bored] I know.

Gary Brule:
And Al Jolson was part of it. And so were some of the --

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know. Al Jolson was part of it.

Gary Brule:
Yeah.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You see, he was a famous, uh, Vaudeville.

Gary Brule:
He was certainly one of the biggest and one of the best and the most copied at the time. But there were big, uh, Houdini was part of Vaudeville at that time.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[snorts] It's been so nice having you here, Uncle Gary.

Gary Brule:
Well, thank-- [cuts off to the next scene]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Sometimes you have to have a heart-to-heart talk. And I really wanted to see my daddy, so I talked to him and said, "You're my best daddy. You're my best friend". My best daddy.

Dr. Steve Brule's Daddy:
[deep voice] Oh, boy.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Let's go to the park and just hang around and hold hands and have a picnic of cheese and grapes and some wines. Sweet sunset wine.

Dr. Steve Brule:
He left me when I was a little boy, so I really want to say, "How come you left"? [chuckles] That's cool, Dad! Never told me why. I guess he just wanted to focus on his work. He was a fry cook.

Dr. Steve Brule:
But you can't just give away a baby. You have to -- You have to stay with it and make it your baby son, not just like a dog that you just throw in the river.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Turns out this man wasn't my daddy, but he looked just like him. He was the same size.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to his fake daddy] Hold me like a daddy.

Dr. Steve Brule:
So I had a heart-to-heart with him. It was almost the same as Dad.

Dr. Steve Brule's Dad:
[grunts happily]

Dr. Steve Brule:
For your heart.

Doug Prishpreed:
Hello, sports fans. I'm Doug Prishpreed. Everyone loves a three-legged race, so sign up for the Annual Myer's Super Foods 3 Legs Crumbs disease charity run. I'm dumb for crumbs. Doug will be there. That's me. I need a partner.

Doug Prishpreed:
A lady partner, please.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Am I my brother's keeper? I don't know, but my brother is here as my next guest. His name is Stan Brule, and he's the coolest person of my whole world. Welcome to the programs, Stan. Good to be here.

Stan Brule:
Good to be here, Steven.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's it like being the coolest guy in town?

Stan Brule:
I have a lot of friends all over the world.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Really?

Stan Brule:
Yes.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Uh-huh.

Stan Brule:
[shrugs]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Does anyone ever call you "Stanley"?

Stan Brule:
I own my own pizza oven in my house. Could have as many extra ingredients as I want, and it doesn't cost me any extra.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Stan, tell out audience about your inventions. Did you ever invent a jet pack?

Stan Brule:
I invented, um....a jet pack. I was gonna invent a skrateboard, but I already have 5 hundred of them. So I was like, "Forget it, I'll just make a flying surfboard instead with a jet-ski engine on it".

Dr. Steve Brule:
[excited] Really?

Stan Brule:
I have about 150 jet skis.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[laughs] That's cool!

Stan Brule:
Just ride them around the ocean or in a pond.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Tell me, Stan -- What's your favorite food?

Stan Brule:
Prizza.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Uh-huh.

Stan Brule:
Or egg rolls. I was flying my own jet, and I was like, "I'm out of egg rolls. Where am I gonna go? I'll go to the Great Wall of China and see if they have egg rolls there", and they did.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Is that -- Is that right?

Stan Brule:
[nodding his head meaning "yes"]

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's been a pleasure talking with you 'cause you're my older brother and I really look up to you.

Stan Brule:
I know.

[Dr. Brule and Stan Brule shake hands in air style]

Stan Brule:
I know. It's good to see you, Steven. Stay cool.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to the crew] Does it look good? Does it looks real?

[sees Stan Brule was just a edited mirror reflection]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Just wanted to see what it would be like to have a brother. [chuckles] Gotcha. Check it out.

Dr. Steve Brule:
"Check it Out" is sponsored by Toad's Horse Shampoo. Make your horse shine like a stallion. Don't have a horse? That's okay. You could use it for washing you car. That's what I use it for. It's not made just for horses. It's made from a horse, you dingus.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Toad's Horse Shampoo -- Made with real horses' milk.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Well, that's my family. What did we learn?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Some sisters are buried under your house.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Poison slows you down.

Dr. Steve Brule:
My uncle wears a wig my Mommy made.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Some dads are not YOUR Dad.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Wish I had a brother.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Maybe I could be a part of a family own. Maybe I could be an uncle or an aunt...or a Dad.

Dr. Steve Brule:
That would involve me getting my dungus we--

Dr. Steve Brule:
"I stare in the water at my own sweet reflection. And I feel a feeling o warm sweet affection. Why doesn't my body do the things that I want? For lack of exercise is surely the cause".

Dr. Steve Brule:
By Beverly Dingus. A poem.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What if you're not born with that perfect button nose or those perfect chubby cheeks? Man has struggled with it for centuries, but every day, science comes closer to untangling this problem. To help me untangle it, I turn to one of the most delightful, bubbly, and special scientists I ever met.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Sanfia Dringus is a -- Is an official with the U.S. Department of Beauty, and she helped me find out-- [music cue plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Welcome. It's very nice to have you.

Cynthia Driscoll:
Thank you. Hi.

[as Dr. Brule was about to kiss Cynthia]

Cynthia Driscoll:
I'm not interested-- [music cue plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
My guest, Sanfia Dangus, is registered by the United States Department of Beauty for a beauty expert. Cynthia, how do I -- Can tell if I'm yugly or handsome?

Cynthia Driscoll:
What this computer does is scientifically determine whether you are handsome or ugly.

Dr. Steve Brule:
This little number.

Cynthia Driscoll:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's like an easter basket.

Dr. Steve Brule & Cynthia:
[both laugh]

Cynthia Driscoll:
But it's not. It's not an easter basket.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Could be. You could hide a chocolate egg in there. I don't know how you could get prettier. [starts to handshake Cynthia]

Cynthia Driscoll:
Uh, no!

Dr. Steve Brule:
[air smooches]

Cynthia Driscoll:
Uh, what we're gonna do is I'm gonna attach these to your trouble areas. I place these on --

Dr. Steve Brule:
Ooh! Oh. My skin's kind of oily.

Cynthia Driscoll:
Yeah.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I had too many potato chips for lunch.

Cynthia Driscoll:
God, I just -- It's hard to get in there, but...okay.

[as Cynthia managed to attach the circles on Dr. Brule, she turns on the Beauty Identifier to see the results for Dr. Brule's trouble areas]

Dr. Steve Brule:
If I -- If I end up being handsome --

[computer beeps]

Cynthia Driscoll:
Oh! [sad] Oh.

[the Beauty Identifier confirms him as ugly]

Cynthia Driscoll:
Okay. Uh...hmm.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What did it -- What are the results? [felt pain after taking off the things attached to him in a sec] What was the result?

Cynthia Driscoll:
The conclusion is that, uh...you're ugly.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Shoot. Darn it. Sanfia Dagless, what can a man like me do to help my ugliness?

Cynthia Driscoll:
So, if you look in the mirror and you think, "Oh, I look fat. I look -- [sees Dr. Brule coming close to her] NoOOOOOOOO!

Carol Krabit:
And now "Your Fortune", with Carol Krabit. Expect to feel several bone tremors and be perceived by all around you to b a disgrace. You will be in an accident involving a screen door and a Randyman.

Carol Krabit:
Good ni-- [music cues Your Fortune plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Today's Your Fortune is provided by Toad's Horse Yogurt. We milk the finest horses and make yogurt out of it. It's not just for horses. It's for people, too. It's good for your tum-tum. Let 'em eat the can! They're horses. They can eat whatever they want, like a goat. For your horse.

[Dr. Brule gets a new makeover]

Cynthia Driscoll:
Okay. Let's turn around and show them what we've, uh, accomplished.

[Dr. Brule turns around to the viewers and has a pretty makeup face which makes him slightly less ugly]

Cynthia Driscoll:
Um...it's, uh...

Dr. Steve Brule:
Am I handsome now?

Cynthia Driscoll:
And let's take these off. [takes off Dr. Brule's glasses]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Now I can't see at all without those. How do I look, Denny?

Denny:
...

Dr. Steve Brule:
Am I handsome now, Cynthia?

Cynthia Driscoll:
Uh...

Dr. Steve Brule:
On a scale of 1 to 10.

Cynthia Driscoll:
Okay. Uh... [chuckles nervously] but a...a 3 from a 1.

Dr. Steve Brule:
If 3 is the best. [chuckles] Well, it just goes to show ya, you don't always have to be ugly. For your health.

Dr. Steve Brule:
For the next part of the show, we're gonna talk about your health and how you can keep your health and now get it snatched away by obesity. And my guest right now is a young man named Jeffrey Krang, who is a quarterback at South Willio High School.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Welcome, Jeffrey. What happens when you got to parties with girls or you have a kregger?

Jeffrey Krang:
A kegger?

Dr. Steve Brule:
What happens at a kregger?

Jeffrey Krang:
Did you ever go to a kegger yourself?

Dr. Steve Brule:
I had to *buy* a kegger one time, but I didn't...

Jeffrey Krang:
No?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Didn't get to drink any of it.

[Dr. Brule still having an interview with Jeffrey Krang]

Dr. Steve Brule:
So, when you're scrambling around the field, are you thinking about your health?

Jeffrey Krang:
No.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Supposed to be good for your health. What is football?

Jeffrey Krang:
It is the sport of the pigskin. I just like the rush. I like hitting people and being hit. I like throwing footballs, and it's just a good sport.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Why is your jacket that color?

Jeffrey Krang:
It's the school colors. I'm on the team.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You look like a bumblebee.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You got some cool clothes on. Let's have a short fashion show. Stand up and turn around. You got a cool sports tie. He's got footballs on his tie. Sit down. Sit down. Alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nothing weird.

[Jeffrey Krang sits on Dr. Brule's lap]

Dr. Steve Brule:
You want to have a foot race?

Jeffrey Krang:
A foot ra-- [music cue plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
The Ancient Greeks invented sports for the olympics so you could test your body. That's why I went to the field of play -- To take down Krang!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Next up, we got Cynthia Dingus on a report of how to keep your body clean. Hup, hup, hike!

[cuts to the next scene where Cynthia Driscoll is sitting at her shop doing nothing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Tell us about spiritual healing.

Hippy Joel:
Um, spiritual healing is from the inside here, not what is up here. This is your destroyer.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Destroyer.

Hippy Joel:
Yes. I can probably give you a short prayer on that would help you. You can repeat it as I go.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Okay.

Hippy Joel:
Oh, ruler of the world...

Dr. Steve Brule:
Oh, ruler of the world...

Hippy Joel:
...be kind and gentle.

Dr. Steve Brule:
...be kind and gentle.

Hippy Joel:
[deeply] For I know not where to go.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[deeply] For I know not where to go.

Hippy Joel:
But if I go in the garden of love...

Dr. Steve Brule:
But if I go in garden of love...

Hippy Joel:
...seeketh not the love that grows in the garden...

Dr. Steve Brule:
...seeketh not the love that grows in the garden...

Hippy Joel:
...but seeketh the knowledge of thy will.

Dr. Steve Brule:
...but seeketh the knowledge of a frill.

Hippy Joel:
Amen.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[quickly] Amen.

[Dr. Brule does aerobics workout with his gang]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm joined with a bunch of my friends -- Nancy, Rita, Jim, Doug! Can I have a hunk?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Let's talk about your butt. Make it work! LET'S GET EXCITED!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Be like a tin soldier -- Serious, not goofing around. Don't half-ass it.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Doug] I want to be your friend. If you're such a hunk, then why are you in my class?

Narrator:
Discipline.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Doug] I KNOW THE RULES, HUNK!

Dr. Steve Brule:
Everybody! Punishment jumping jack! Go.

[Doug throws the ball to Dr. Brule]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I didn't say throw it back. Throw it back.

[Doug throws the ball to Dr. Brule again]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Little bit hard. Little bit hard.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Doug] Just 'cause you're a hunk and you think you don't have to exercise, you're gonna get an injury. You can stand up now. You're out of time-out.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Just take a pose. How does your body feel? Check in with it. Feels good. Salty. That's...your salt.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hunks are not good listeners. Sorry, Doug.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Well, there you have it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and sports are hard.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You don't have to be ugly.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Footballs aren't even shaped like a ball. Shaped like a egg with stitches.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Careful of prayers, they could be spells on you.

[after the ending of Health]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Ti...well...that's pretty much all I have to say about today's show. How much more time do we have, Denny? Okay, well, roll 'em. Roll 'em.

[Dr. Brule stands there waiting for the credits to toll]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Why -- Why -- Doesn't have to be the full length every time. Could be shorter.

Dr. Steve Brule:
A bumblebee's sting or a witch's snout or a public bathroom or a daddy's shout...these are the thing that some find scary. [inhales deeply] Awful scary. Yes, very.

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's a song by Diane Drangle (Diane Daniels).

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm a little bit scared of pruppets. Pluppets are little...people that can talk. And they are not nice.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm not scared of puppets, but they are put me a little on edge.

Bob Baker:
Well, don't be scared They're -- They're just made of wood.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Really?

Bob Baker:
Yeah, really.

Dr. Steve Brule:
They don't have puppet blood or guts inside of them?

Bob Baker:
No, no, no puppet blood -- Maybe a lot of glue.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] So, I had a nice slow walk around the puppet place with Brob Barker. There were all different kinds of puppets -- Puppets to put your hand in, puppets you hang from a string called Marinaras. The place was creepy.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] When I would try to talk to them, they'd pretend like they couldn't talk.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to a puppet] How are you?

Bob Baker:
Well, you can try talking to it, but I don't think he's gonna answer.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] Maybe he's right.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] Then I met this lady, Yarsula (Ursula Heinle), who makes puppets. I think she was a puppet.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Ursula] Brob told me that pruppets aren't real, but I know that you're real.

Ursula Heinle:
[laughs] I don't think so.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] She seemed nice enough. I couldn't find her strings. She seemed sweet as apple pie.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Maybe not all puppets are that bad. Some are sweet ladies.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Brob and Yarsula were really nice, but the real star of the show was the free show that I was gonna get. I was a little tired, but -- But I decided to just try to make it through and maybe rest while I watched the show. Hopefully, I wouldn't have a bad dream if I fall asleep.

[suddenly Dr. Brule wakes up into his bad dream]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Brob? Urlusa? Where am I? Where the heck are my dungus clothes?

Dr. Steve Brule:
For your pluppets.

Dr. Steve Brule:
BROO! Gotcha. Scared ya. [happily] Scared ya.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Wonder why I am so afraid of puppets.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't know. Just thinking it over.

[Dr. Brule talks to Puppet Jan Skylar and Wayne Skylar]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Hey, what have you guys been up to?

Puppet Jan Skylar:
Well, we were just talking about sharing and how amazing it is to share.

Puppet Wayne Skylar:
And how sharing is important to any friendship.

Puppet Jan Skylar:
You know, I share the candy in my candy box.

Dr. Steve Brule:
And what else can you share, Janey?

Puppet Wayne Skylar:
Well, Steve, I share my heart and my body to my loved ones, especially my wife.

[PWS starts to smother PJS]

Puppet Jan Skylar:
Mm, okay. No, we don't need that. We don't need it.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Aww, you two are always bickering. [chuckles]

Puppet Wayne Skylar:
I'd like to just take a ride through the tunnel sometimes before work. And Jan, says, "No, that tunnel is closed".

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't have to take the tunnel. I just use the expressway.

Puppet Wayne Skylar:
2 years, no access to the tunnel. That could make any man depressed.

Puppet Jan Skylar:
Well, there are certain people here in the studio's had plenty of access.

Puppet Wayne Skylar:
Are you letting people inside of this tunnel, in that clam house?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[happily] Is this still the show?

[Jan and Wayne Skylar gets done with their puppet acting when they started having an argument]

Wayne Skylar:
Are you letting people touch you here?

Jan Skylar:
Don't you touch me! Don't you touch me!

Wayne Skylar:
Let them touch you here? And they go in your tunnel here!

Jan Skylar:
Don't touch me! YOU DON'T TOUCH ME!

[then Wayne took off Jan's hair]

Jan Skylar:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

Dr. Steve Brule:
[crying]

Carol Krabit:
And now Yesterday's Weather. Yesterday was a cool and moist, high in the 90s. I had to clean Little Ritchie's teeth with some steel wool. He's been getting into the shed again and sipping on floor wax.

Carol Krabit:
I told him to stay out of that damn [bleep].

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm here with my guest, Dr. Daniel Jungle Hart (David Liebe Hart), who comes from the University of Puppetry.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'm afraid of puppets.

David Liebe Hart:
Well, you don't have to be afraid of them. My puppets are very well trained. They won't scare you.

Dr. Steve Brule:
No way, jose.

David Liebe Hart:
What if I had a beautiful woman puppet come at you? Ha! You wouldn't run or be afraid of her.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[giggles] That sounds alright. Let's...look at the puppets.

David Liebe Hart:
Sure I can.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[exhales deeply]

David Liebe Hart:
Got to open up the container.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't know. Denny, if I get too afraid of the puppets, I want to say, "Pineapple", and that mean "Cut and clear the puppets".

[David Liebe Hart brings out puppet]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[wails]

David Lieve Hart:
[imitating his puppet] I won't hurt you.

Dr. Steve Brule:
PINEAPAAA--

[while Dr. Brule is still afraid of David Liebe Hart's puppet]

David Liebe Hart:
[imitating his puppet] Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you.

Dr. Steve Brule:
How come your mouth moves when he talks?

David Liebe Hart:
[muffled] I am not afraid.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Denny] Do you see his mouth moving?

David Liebe Hart:
Hi, there. I'm -- I'm...

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're talking!

David Liebe Hart:
I'm just smiling. No, no, no. It's the puppets talking.

Dr. Steve Brule:
He's making into words.

David Liebe Hart:
You want to hold and touch me, coz? I don't bite. Go ahead. Don't be afraid.

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's not even soft. It's not even, like, a body. It's made of wood.

David Liebe Hart:
Yeah, it's make-believe. It's not real.

Dr. Steve Brule:
What do you do -- Press this button?

David Liebe Hart:
Yeah, that moves it up and do-- Moves up and down. And just move the wood inside. Makes the mouth, the big -- The big wood in there makes the mouth move up and down.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[imitating DLH's puppet] Hi. [laughs] I can do it. [imitating] I know. All I need I big -- [starts to get scared again] Uh, that's -- That's it. AAAAAAAA--

Dr. Steve Brule:
For this part of the show, we're gonna show you something that I'm not as scared of, which is jack o' lanterns. My guest, who's gonna show us how to make a jack o' lantern, is my first guest, Sandy Grungerson (Sandy Sanders).

Sandy Sanders:
Well, thank you very much. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Sandy, you look a little bit like a witch.

Sandy Sanders:
Uh, no, I'm not.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Do you have a black cat?

Sandy Sanders:
I do, as a matter of fact, yes -- Boots. But he has white...white boots on...paws.

Sandy Sanders:
So, the first thing is to get your knife.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I know how to do it.

Sandy Sanders:
Okay, well --

Dr. Steve Brule:
You already cut this part. [cuts the top off the pumpkin] It's easy. You already did it, so it's easy.

Sandy Sanders:
Yes. Taking out the seeds.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I'll just use my hands.

Sandy Sanders:
Okay. That's a good idea. You just reach in there, and you can put all the seeds into here.

[Dr. Brule felt disgusted when he puts all the seeds inside the pumpkin]

Sandy Sanders:
Yes, I know -- That's the part I usually have the kid do.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Feels yucky in there.

Sandy Sanders:
Some people draw--

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't have to draw it. I know how. You just make a nose hole. You just go like this.

[as Dr. Brule make a nose hole inside the pumpkin, he then accidentally cuts one of his fingers off inside the pumpkin]

Dr. Steve Brule:
DANG IT! For your finger.

[after the Fear episode is ending]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[after accidentally getting his finger cut off] That's my show. What did we learn today?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pruppets come from marinara.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pluppets aren't real, but they can come to life.

Dr. Steve Brule:
It helps to touch a friend's pruppet.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Prumpkins aren't pruppets, but they can cut your fingers off.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[to Denny] Where'd you put it? No. No, you dingus, not in the garbage can. I said put it in the sink with cold water. Get it out of the garbage.

Dr. Steve Brule:
"Knock-knock. Who's there? Your friend. But I don't have any friends".

Dr. Steve Brule:
That's a comedy joke by Dringus and Drumble Comedy Team.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Today's show is about friends. How come I don't have any friends. Anyways, let's check it out.

Guy:
Zoom.

[camera zooms on Dr. Brule's face]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Zoo-- [opening theme plays]

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's a friend? How do you get a friend? How do you keep a friend? How come I don't have a friend?

Dr. Steve Brule:
I was at a place where they have f-friends. It was a club of men -- [music cue plays]

[Dr. Steve Brule goes to Hollywood Men to meet friends]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I was just, uh...just trying to make friends, and somebody told me this is -- This is where the men hang out.

Men #1:
All the chicks come and see you and pay lots of money.

Dr. Steve Brule:
We don't have to let the girls into the club. It could just be for boys only. Or men.

Men #1:
No, I don't think so.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I couldn't believe I stumbled into a whole group of the best friends I could ever have. Then we wrestled around a little bit. [chuckles] I dislocated my knee, but I didn't care.

Dr. Steve Brule:
So, they said, "Steve stick around. We're gonna put on an aerobics show". And I said, "Okay. I don't know the steps, but if you think I can do it, I'll try".

[Dr. Brule tries to dance with the men who impress women]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] Everything was moving so fast -- So many lights and smokes -- That I was having a hard time keeping up with the steps.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I just tried to keep up with the fellas. They were pretty good-natured. A couple guys shoved me.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] The ladies were screaming for me to show 'em my dingus. Then I thought we were all gonna go back to the clubhouse and josh around some more. But all they wanted to do was talk to these ladies that look like my aunt. Pretty disappointing. Made me sad.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're supposed to by my friends, though, huh?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I thought they were just cool guys that were gonna be lifelong friends, but they just turned out to be a bunch of hunks.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Turns out it's just hunks.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] Who wants to be a hunk?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pbbbbbt.

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
And now for tonight's movie resu-- Let's start again.

[cuts to the opening of Movie Reviews]

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
...night's movie review -- Dumpster's Children, directed by Rimm Hardigan. [reads the reviews] This is a hot, hot movie. I didn't see the ending because I was crying too much. I give it three hot, wet kisses.

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
This is Terry Bruge-Hiplo saying good day -- [cuts to the ending of Movie Reviews]

Dr. Steve Brule:
You know, not all friends and friendly and cuddly. Some are tough. Tough guys can be your friends, too. So I looked for the coolest guy in my neighborhood. His name is Mr. Steve Drambis (Steve Davis). Uh-huh. That's right. His first name -- It's the same as mine, Denny. [chuckles] It's spelled the same! [laughing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[still laughing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's exactly the same!

[Dr. Brule interviews Steve Davis]

Dr. Steve Brule:
You are a real tough guy. I don't know if you knew this, Steve, but I-I'm pretty cool, too. I have a leather jacket of my own.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't care.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're a pretty handsome fellow. You probably get a lot of attention from the ladies. Do you think of yourself as a hunk?

Steve Davis:
No. I like bears.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I like black bears.

Steve Davis:
Really?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[laughing] Yes! They like honey.

Steve Davis:
Very sweet.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Would it -- Would it be possible for you to take me for a ride on your mombercycle?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] So, this man called Steve who's not me took me out on his mombercycle. I could tell this Steve was gonna be my best friend forever. We had the same name, for Denny's sake!

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's funny to imagine bears riding motorcycles.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] He took me to the clubhouse of a mombercycle gang called "The Bears", with no girls allowed. At first I was scared, 'cause they looked a little rough. I thought they were gonna beat me up. But they took me in their arms and told me that I was a Bear too. It was the best night of my life.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] We drank rye whiskey. We were laughing, dancing, doing all the stuff that bears do. We even ate some honey. I don't...remember too much after this part.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I started to get a little bit dizzy from all the dancing. Oh, I got a little tipsy. I had to go to the bathroom.

[Dr. Brule starts to vomit on the toilet]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I had to go the bathroom at -- At both ends.

[Dr. Brule starts to poop while vomit in the bathroom]

Dr. Steve Brule:
The heck was in that whiskey? [vomits] STEVE!

[the next day, after Dr. Brule was sleeping in the Bears Clubhouse's restroom]

Dr. Steve Brule:
What the heck time is it?

[as Dr. Brule came out of the restroom, all of the Bears gang in the bar left except for the bartender]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I guess I really don't have any friends.

Bartender:
Need a ride?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[selfish] I'm gonna take the bus.

[Dr. Brule shoves his plants]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Maybe I'm depressed.

[Dr. Brule interviews Dr. Davis]

Dr. Steve Brule:
She's a s-- psycho-- psycholagicalist. How can you tell if a person is down in the dumps if you don't even know the person -- If you just met them?

Dr. Davis:
L-Let me -- Let me ask you some questions, okay, and see if you're depressed?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Okay.

Dr. Davis:
Willing to do that? Okay. Do you consider yourself a sad person?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Yes.

Dr. Davis:
And maybe lost interest in things you used to enjoy doing?

Dr. Steve Brule:
I-I don't care.

Dr. Davis:
And what about libido? Is your libido diminished at all?

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's -- What's "Libido"?

Dr. Davis:
Not as sexually active as you once were.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Beggars can't be choosers.

Dr. Davis:
If -- If a patient was telling me that, I'd say they're...showing some signs of depression -- Lack of energy.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pbhttt. Dang it!

Dr. Davis:
But, you know, there's hope for it. It's very important that you realize that if you're depressed, you can go on medication, you can see a therapist. This is not -- Doctor, this is not something that you should feel...

[Dr. Brule depressingly leaves the set]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Who -- Who even cares about this stupid show? It's just a bunch of punks watching us, anyway.

[Dr. Brule takes a walk at night]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Oh, great. Just great. Another hunk. It's stupid. Who cares. WHO CARES?! I don't care. No one cares about me. [sighs] Maybe I'll get an ice cream. Maybe that'll cheer me up. Nope. Nope. Let me try another one.

Dr. Steve Brule:
3 time's the charm. 3 time's the charm. I guess I'll have another one. Does feel a little bit better. Hair of the dog. Might as well have a four -- Number four. Oh, well. At least I feel better about ice cream. Pretty good. What the heck? Let's make it five. Who am I kidding? All the flavors of ice cream in the world wouldn't take the place of friends.

[Dr. Brule sees a saxophone guy playing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Look at that cool guy. Maybe this trumpet man will be my friend. I wish I could play the trumpet. Worth a try.

Saxophone Guy:
[thinking] Steve, don't let the turkeys get you down. You gotta fly like an eagle, not...be like a turkey.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Thanks, Trumpet Man.

Saxophone Guy:
Get over it. It's your health. For your health.