Disneyland

Disneyland



Year:
1954
839 Views

Corwin Davis:
[entering the General Store] Helloooo? Mr. Lynch? Hey, we brought you a poster.

Tom Lynch:
So?

Aurie Davis:
Hey, Corwin! Look at this! [goes over to several barrels of old, broken toys] See? There's dribble glasses, and buzzers...

Corwin Davis:
And spiders! [picks up a rubber spider out of the barrel, the legs fall off]

Jennifer Davis:
Aw, yuck!

Corwin Davis:
What's wrong with these things?

Tom Lynch:
What's wrong with it? I'll tell you what's wrong with it! Bad little boys and girls who like to touch and BREAK things!

Aurie Davis:
We didn't break anything!

Corwin Davis:
Yeah! It's already broken! It's all old stuff!

Tom Lynch:
Well, it can't be all new stuff like your father has! See, this works! [picks up a kaleidascope] All you have to do is... [he takes it away from his face, the kaleidascope has left a black ring around his eye. The kids snicker] Well, it just needs a slight adjustment, is all.

Jennifer Davis:
You know, you might have more people in here if you weren't so mean.

Tom Lynch:
Oh, is that right? Well, we all can't be as popular as your father is! We don't want your kind here in Lucifer Falls! And we certaintly don't need another joke store, we've got all the jokes this town can handle, right here!

Jennifer Davis:
But this is a hardware store.

Tom Lynch:
Oh, is that so? Well it just so happens, this is a *General Store* little Miss Know It All!

Jennifer Davis:
[Jennifer spots Lynch's cloak and brimmed hat on the hat stand and is reminded of seeing Mr. Boogedy in the woods]

Tom Lynch:
[looks over to the hat rack, then back to Jennifer] What are you looking at?

Jennifer Davis:
Nothing.

Tom Lynch:
Did your father send you here to spy on me?

Jennifer Davis:
*Spy* on you?

Aurie Davis:
[picks up the poster and tears it in half] Hey! What'd you do that for?

Tom Lynch:
I don't like posters!

Corwin Davis:
So? You didn't have to tear it up!

Tom Lynch:
I don't like carnivals! And I don't like kids! So, go on, get out of here! Beat it! [shoos the kids out of the store] Go on! You should have got out of that house when you had the chance! [the kids leave] Heh Heh Heh Heh! So, tried to pull a fast one on me, huh Davis? Well, when I get through with you... [sighs] , you'll be sorry you ever moved to Lucifer Falls. [picks up the kaleidascope again, which still doesn't work, not knowing the gag has left another black circle under his other eye. He puts it back in the barrel] Hmmph. Junk.

Corwin Davis:
[a dark figure comes up the hallway in the wax musuem, his face masked in the cloak. He stretches out his arm and green lightning shoots out] It's him! [back at the graveyard the split statue of William Hanover begins to bubble between the halves]

Jennifer Davis:
It's Mr. Boogedy! [the figure steps closer and removes the hood] Mr. Lynch!

Tom Lynch:
It's mine now!

Corwin Davis:
You stole it from us!

Tom Lynch:
You people think you're so smart! Fooling everyone into liking you! Making believe you're stupid!

Eloise Davis:
Why would we make believe?

Carleton Davis:
Mr. Lynch, we don't have to fight! We can be friends!

Tom Lynch:
Ha! That's rich!

Eloise Davis:
You don't need a magic cloak to make friends!

Tom Lynch:
Easy for you to say! After you humiliate me in public, and steal the carnival right out from under me!

Eloise Davis:
Mr. Lynch, that cloak is *evil*.

Tom Lynch:
Yeah, sure it is. So evil, I should just take it off and give it over to you? [Lynch moves over to the wax figure over the pot and waves his hand so the figure looks at him] Very clever Davis, very clever. See, you use this cloak so you can weasel your way into Lucifer Falls [he waves his hand and the statue's head faces forward]... and become mayor of Lucifest.

Carleton Davis:
No, no, that's not true. People would like to get to know you, if you gave them a chance...

Jennifer Davis:
Stop being so mean.

Carleton Davis:
Mr. Lynch, we'll be your friends.

Tom Lynch:
[motions to the kids] What about them?

Jennifer Davis, Corwin Davis:
[the kids nod their heads] Mmm hmm.

Tom Lynch:
No, it's a trick! Yeah, one of your stupid little *gags* isn't it, Davis? [turns to leave]

Carleton Davis, Eloise Davis:
No, No! [motion for him to come back]

William Hanover:
[a smokey, bubbling cloud apparition appears before Lynch] Lynch! The Cloak! Bring me The Cloak!

Carleton Davis:
No, Mr. Lynch! Don't give it to him! Bring it to us!

William Hanover:
Now, Lynch, Now! I want that cloak! Now! [the smokey, bubbling apparition envelops Lynch, energizing him with the spirit of Mr. Boogedy. Lynch's hair stands on end and he begins to spin]

Carleton Davis:
Oh, great!

Eloise Davis:
Mr. Lynch has been Boogedyized!

Tom Lynch:
[now posessed by the spirit of Mr. Boogedy, Lynch reaches out to Eloise and speaks in Mr. Boogedy's ghostly voice] Marian!

Miss Piggy:
I wish I could be Cinderella. [Gonzo suddenly appears, dressed as a fairy]

The Great Gonzo:
Whoa! Sorry, landings aren't my specialty.

Miss Piggy:
Who are you?

The Great Gonzo:
Why, I am your fairy god... er, thing, and I am here to grant you three wishes. [Miss Piggy gasps; to camera] I hope you people are getting the "Pigarella" story structure here.

Miss Piggy:
Oh, Fairy God... er, thing, I want to be Cinderella and be admired for my great beauty.

The Great Gonzo:
Are you serious? Don't you know you're a pig?

Miss Piggy:
[offended] Hey! Listen, buzzard beak!

The Great Gonzo:
Leave my nose out of this!

Miss Piggy:
Oh, I wish your nose would just blow up! [suddenly, Gonzo's long nose explodes]

The Great Gonzo:
Wow, look what you did!

Miss Piggy:
Oh, I'm so sorry! I wish I haven't had said that! [suddenly, Gonzo's nose is back to normal]

The Great Gonzo:
Aw, gee, I kinda liked my nose like that. Well, you have one more wish left. Why don't you wish my other nose back? I think it gave me class.

Miss Piggy:
Oh, I wish you'd be more serious! [suddenly, Gonzo's fairy costume turns into that of a businessman]

The Great Gonzo:
That was your third wish. Here is your receipt. Goodbye!

Miss Piggy:
[grabbing Gonzo by the neck] Hold it, beaky-brain! You are going to get me one more wish so I can Cinderella! Comprende?

The Great Gonzo:
[gasping for breath] I can't give you any more wishes! It's the rule! Besides, you broke my wand.

Miss Piggy:
All right! We'll do this my way, but you are going to help! Come on!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Then you've known all along, about Captain Forbes, and Lani Miyori.

Adm. Beasley:
And regretted it, Jonathan. When serving the greater good, sacrifices are unfortunate, but they are inevitable and they must always, always be made. I tried to explain this to Captain Forbes. He never understood. But you do.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Admiral, I do NOT understand.

Adm. Beasley:
Remember the mission Jonathan. To ensure the survival of the species. To ensure the survival of those fools back on Earth? No! We go on, to Demeter. We establish ourselves in the highest manner possible. It is our obligation.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
And where does the OTZ fit into all of this?

Adm. Beasley:
A small workforce will be needed to ensure the overall success of the project. We use the tools that come to hand. You've learned that as Captain, haven't you?

Capt Jonathan Hays:
And now you want Earth Star Voyager to join those ships.

Adm. Beasley:
Voyager has the tools, the resources, the Baumann drive, yes I need those to get to Demeter. But most importantly, I need you. All of you.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
No.

Adm. Beasley:
You refuse? Perhaps I should address the rest of your crew. You think they will ALL refuse?

Jake:
Why Admiral Beasley, you sound like you're planning a mutiny.

Adm. Beasley:
Hm Hm Hm. Jake Brown. Forever turning up where you're not wanted."

Jake:
It's a TALENT I have.

Adm. Beasley:
[looks back to Jonathan]

Adm. Beasley:
Permission to address your entire crew.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[whispering, in a low voice]

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
Jonathan, get his attention.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[pauses, then looks back to the screen]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Permission granted.

Trigger:
[Beginning Scene: A field of stars is shown, with the caption: Outer Space, 2082. The Vanguard Explorer looms into view, severely disabled from a space battle, a large hole blasted in the side. The scene shifts to the pilot, Trigger; he is pinned at the helm by circuitry and structural pylons. He catches a glimpse of Jake Brown coming to render aid] Captain?

Jake:
[sees Trigger pinned under the rubble and rushes to help him out]

Jake:
Let's get you out of here Trigger.

Jake:
[grunts as he struggles to lift Trigger from the rubble]

Jake:
Come on!

Jake, Trigger:
[Jake and Trigger move to the escape pod launcher, Trigger has sustained a leg injury and unable to walk unassisted. Jake has his arm around Trigger's waist, helping him]

Trigger:
We gonna make it out of here, Sir?

Jake:
[out of breath] You bet we are!

Jake, Trigger:
[Jake and Trigger reach the escape pod landing, Jake helps Trigger into the pod]

Jake:
See you planetside, partner! [Jake pushes a button and Trigger's escape pod is launched]

Vance Arthur:
[Lt. Vance Arthur approaches the pod landing with an armed escort]

Jake:
[Jake turns to face Vance]

Vance Arthur:
[looks over his shoulder to his soldiers] Check forward command.

Soldier:
Yes sir.

Vance Arthur:
You weren't trying to save Trigger, were you Sir? There's not an outpost close enough for him to reach.

Vance Arthur:
[he steps to the platform where Jake is standing]

Vance Arthur:
I want you to address the crew. Tell them I'm in command of the ship.

Jake:
Sure you want her, Vance? Kinda messed her up.

Vance Arthur:
[Vance draws his weapon and motions for Jake to come with him]

Jake:
[Jake slowly steps down, glares as he walks past Vance, then catches Vance off guard with a round house kick, knocking Vance's weapon away and Vance down] Yaaaaahhh!

Vance Arthur:
Uhhhhhhhhh.

Jake:
[Jake rushes back up to the pod platform, quickly sets the controls and enters the pod, escaping]

Vance Arthur:
[wearily comes to stand up, his attack force coming up behind him]

Vance Arthur:
Rest in peace, Jacob Brown.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan walks towards the airlock where Jake's rail gun is located. He sees a hulky figure who has his back to the airlock door, using a cutting tool to cut some wires on top of the rail gun. As Jonathan steps into the airlock and approaches, the figure stops his sabotage and slowly turns partially around. It's Brody, the personal trainer for the ship]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Why? Why Brody?

Brody:
You weren't in the plan, Captain. Just Forbes, and Loni.

Brody:
[Jonathan tries to make a run for the airlock door, but Brody slams his head into the bulkhead and throws him back into the room and seals the door with both of them inside]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan gets up and stands behind the rail gun, putting it between him and Brody]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Plan? Come on Brody, you're not smart enough to think of a plan all by yourself!

Brody:
Don't be too sure of that.

Brody, Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan throws and lands a couple of good punches to Brody, but the punching match is unevenly matched given Brody's muscular size. Jonathan begins to slowly circle the rail gun, trying to make it for the airlock door] .

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Come on! Come on Brody!

Brody:
[Brody begins to countercircle the rail gun, hoping to get the drop on Jonathan]

Brody, Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan makes a mad dash to airlock panel, but is not fast enough. Brody grabs him by the collar, slams him back and forth against the airlock door facing, temporarily stunning Jonathan, and throws him face first to the airlock floor]

Brody, Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Brody opens the airlock and steps out into the hallway, then changes his mind and decides to egress Jonathan out into space. Jonathan, realizing his intention, quickly rushes Brody and takes out his legs as the airlock door slams shut and the outer door to space opens up, sucking out Brody]

Brody:
No!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[From the inner airlock door window, Jonathan watches Brody's fate. He stares out with disgust and regret... another crew member lost to the vastness of space]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[after Brody's death, Jonathan sits on one of the crew lounge sofas, blankly staring out, trying to figure out what to do next]

Jake:
[Jake walks up and sits on the couch adjacent to Jonathan]

Jake:
Oh, here you are. You alright?

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Yeah. Sure. Great. I've got two dead crewman floating out in deep space, another one in cryostasis for who knows how long, and it's sheer dumb luck we haven't lost any more.

Jake:
Dumb luck's a good thing to have sometimes.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan, turns his back to Jake and stands, slumped against the doorway, arms crossed]

Jake:
I mean, look at the mess you're in. You're an inexperienced captain, commanding an inexperienced crew, you're in over your're head, why don't you just quit?

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan quickly turns back to face Jake, angry]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
I can't do that!

Jake:
There you go.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
I don't need this.

Jake:
[roughly puts his hand on Jonathan's shoulder]

Jake:
Look, kid...

Jake:
[notices Jonathan flinch at the word "kid". He corrects himself]

Jake:
Captain. You know you're responsible for every one on board this ship.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
I'm aware of that.

Jake:
But self pity doesn't go along with that! Sorry, but that's just not one of the Captain's luxuries.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[sarcastically] What kind of luxuries does the captain get?

Jake:
None that I can think of.

Huxley Welles:
[Huxley walks up]

Huxley Welles:
Jonathan, Beanie found something in the gym you need to take a look at.

Jake:
[not taking his eyes off of Jonathan]

Jake:
Captain will be right there, Huxley.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan stares back at Jake icily]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Captain's on his way.

Capt. Forbes:
[Captain Forbes has gone into Airlock 3 to inspect the repairs the maintenance team performed. He moves a few circuit boards on an open panel, then walks to the inner airlock door, which closes on him]

Capt. Forbes:
Ah, come on!

Computer Voice:
Egress in three minutes.

Capt. Forbes:
[Forbes looks out the window of the inner airlock door. The spacesuits are hanging on the wall on the other side of the door]

Capt. Forbes:
Bridge. Forbes to Bridge. Jonathan? Jonathan, can you hear me?

Capt Jonathan Hays, Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[Jonathan sits at his co-pilot station. Beanie walks up to stand next to him]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Beanie, I can't get a reading from number 3 airlock.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
But, they've completed repairs, they just reported in. [Beanie types a query command on Jonathan's terminal, which still doesn't show a fix] .

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Nice repair job. [He stands and walks towards the bridge airlock door, then looks over his shoulder to Beanie] . Beanie, I'm gonna want to talk to the maintenance team that worked on that airlock.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[Beanie sits down at the co-pilot terminal trying to figure out what went wrong]

Capt. Forbes:
[Captain Forbes continues to try to reach the bridge from inside the locked airlock]

Capt. Forbes:
Bridge. Forbes to Bridge. Captain Forbes calling the Bridge!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan walks up to the inner airlock door, which doesn't open. He presses a button on the console next to the airlock door, which doesn't respond, and starts to turn away]

Capt. Forbes:
[Captain Forbes face appears in the inner airlock door window] Jonathan!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[a shocked and scared look comes over Jonathan's face. He presses the intercom button on the inner airlock control panel] Airlock 3! Airlock 3! All Station alert! Airlock 3!

Computer Voice:
Egress in 30 seconds.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
What happened?

Capt. Forbes:
[his voice is somewhat drowned out due to the thickness of the airlock door, but can be heard] I don't know! Look Jonathan! Complete the mission! Keep going! Promise me!

Computer Voice:
Egress in 10 seconds.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Airlock 3! All Station alert! Terminate egress! [alert sirens blare]

Capt. Forbes:
You must keep going! Promise you will!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan frantically shakes his head no, and begins to try to ram the door with his body to no success]

Computer Voice:
Egress commencing.

Capt. Forbes:
Keep going! [the outer airlock door opens and Captain Forbes is sucked out into deep space, to his death]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Captain Forbes! [the computer announces the egress is completed. Jonathan, in shock, stares out the inner airlock window to where Captain Forbes stood moments ago. A worried look crosses his face] .

Jake:
[Jake is working out in the gym with the weight gravity devices, small suction cups that can be put anywhere on the body and can be programmed to simulate any weight]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
[Leland enters the gym]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
Do you have the, uh...

Jake:
Yeah, got it right here! [Jake bends down to grab the control device which allows the weight cups to be programmed. He sets the two on his outer wrists back to zero momentarily]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
[Dr. Eugene has already grabbed a couple of weight cups and put them on his inner wrists. He looks to Jake] Can you set me up for twenty pounds?

Jake:
[winded] Yeah, sure. [Jake inputs the weight for Dr. Eugene's weight cups, and Dr. Eugene begins performing slow, controlled curls]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
I guess it's a good thing you can't drop these things on your toes.

Jake:
That's funny! No, I mean it, I never thought I would laugh at anything you said. [Jake moves the weight cups on his inner wrists so he can do curls as well]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
That's pretty much the way every one feels about me.

Jake:
Well, you can lighten up a little.

Dr. Leland Eugene:
I know, that's just what I would recommend to someone like me.

Jake:
What else would you say?

Dr. Leland Eugene:
While you should try to get along with others, it's important to be aware of your own emotions.

Jake:
Emotions have their place. Sometimes they help you, and sometimes they just get in the way. Wouldn't you agree, Doctor?

Dr. Leland Eugene:
Well, yes. Tell me, Mr. Brown, did you ever think about going into Psychiatry?

Jake:
There are enough head shrinkers in the world without me adding to all that. [He bends down again and sets his weight devices to zero, afterwords, extending his hand to shake hands] And forget Mr. Brown, the name's Jake.

Dr. Leland Eugene:
Um... [Dr. Eugene looks to his weight cups, awkwardly]

Jake:
Oh! [Jake punches the button on the control device setting Dr. Eugene's weight cups to zero]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
[Dr. Eugene returns the handshake] Leland.

Jake:
Leland?

Dr. Leland Eugene:
As any good shrink would say, blame my parents.

Jake:
[Jake laughs]

Dr. Leland Eugene:
[Eugene smiles back]

Huxley Welles:
[Huxley is explaining the difficulties of creating a solar laser to destroy the OTZ Assembly. He presses a button on his console, which displays a 2-D image of twin suns] See these suns, Jake? Right now they are close to paragee, the closest spot in their orbits. If we are directly in that path, the greatest amount of energy can be directed along any given point. But, you have to be in the right spot at the right time, and not fry the disks. And even then...

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[interrupts] I don't think... I want to hear anymore.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
No, finish Hux.

Huxley Welles:
We get one shot.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[there is a long pause from everyone on the bridge. Jonathan, looks to Jake] Any ideas?

Jake:
Yeah, get out of their way.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
What?

Jake:
You got all of them in front of us, something behind us, and you got one shot. What else have you got?

Capt Jonathan Hays:
I guess we don't have any other choice. Huxley, prepare to lay in a new course away from the OTZ Assembly.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
Jonathan!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Jake's right, Beanie. Our mission is to Berensen's Star, not to fight a battle.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[Beanie has left his station to stand next to Jake and Jonathan, who is at his pilot station] So you're just gonna run from the OTZ?

Jake:
[crosses his arms, looking down] He's doing the right thing, Beanie.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[slams his hand down on the top of Jonathan's pilot control panel] NO HE'S NOT!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Come on Beanie! Think of something else RIGHT NOW and I'll do it! Come on!

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
I don't know, but *something*! Don't just run!

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[doesn't take his eyes off of Beanie] The coordinates, Hux.

Huxley Welles:
[enters in the new course around the OTZ Assembly] Course plotted in.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[Beanie, turns angrily away to walk back to his station]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
Come back here Beanie.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[Beanie turns back around to face Jonathan. His jaw is set in anger and frustration, and he is breathing heavily]

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[calmly] I'm sorry.

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
[sarcastically] It's not your fault, you did what you could.

Capt Jonathan Hays:
[Jonathan continues to stare at Beanie]

Jessie 'Beanie' Bienstock:
Excuse me, Captain, I have work to do. [turns around again and goes back to his station. He flops down in his chair and stares blankly at his console screen, frustrated]

Digger Reed:
[Ben has just successfully switched back the minds of Digger and Orville in their correct bodies. Digger, dazed, now is slowly re-orienting himself. The NASA men thinking he is still a threat, and throw a net over him, which he catches in mid-air] Hey! Don't throw that at me, partner!

General Presser:
[holding Ben] Watch him!

Digger Reed:
And let go of my son!

General Presser:
Watch him, he may be dangerous!

Digger Reed:
Yeah! Yeah! That's right! That's right, I may be dangerous unless you take your hands off my son, and get out of here!

Benjamin Reed:
You heard what my dad said, GET OUT OF HERE!

General Presser:
[to the men] We'll regroup on the lawn [they leave] .

Digger Reed:
[reaching to his wife] Aw honey, gimmie a hug!

Lisa Reed:
[embraces her husband] Oh! You're back!

Digger Reed:
[now outside to talk to the General and sees all the cars parked on the grass] Hey! Hey I'm gonna have to replant that! You know you guys could have parked on the street!

General Presser:
Coloniel! You're ordered for debriefing at 09:00 hours, and that's an order.

Digger Reed:
Well, I'll be glad to debrief with you, General. When I'm good and ready! After I've had some time with my wife and my son. [gives a thumb up]

General Presser:
[General Presser nods and walks away, irritated]

Digger Reed:
[puts an arm around his wife] You know something? I am hungry! I haven't had a good meal in weeks, so how about one of your famous breakfasts?

Lisa Reed:
Mmm hmm!

Digger Reed:
All right?

Lisa Reed:
Mmm hmm!

Digger Reed:
All right! Will you join us, Jessie? [Jessie nods] All right!

Ralph:
[rides up on Ben's bicycle] Did someone mention breakfast?

Digger Reed:
Hey hey hey! Ralph, we did it! [slaps his hand, Ralph slaps Ben's hand back]

Digger Reed:
Yeah, Ralph, I did it! Care to join us?

Ralph:
Aw, you bet Coloniel Reed!

Digger Reed:
Good.

Ralph:
It's good to see you up and around again.

Digger Reed:
[nods] Thanks, Ralph.

Orville:
[Orville turns on the nightstand light next to Ben's bed]

Benjamin Reed:
Orville? What are you doing here?

Orville:
[Orville picks up the picture on Ben's nightstand of Ben and Digger and begins speaking in chimpanese, pointing to himself]

Benjamin Reed:
Hey! That's my dad's picture! You leave that alone!

Orville:
[Orville scratches his head, puts the picture down, and walks over next to Ben's desk, where a large picture of Digger Reed in his flight suit hangs on the wall. Orville points to the picture and then back to himself screeching in chimpanese]

Benjamin Reed:
Yeah. I know you and my dad flew together, but what are you trying to tell me?

Orville:
[Orville takes the cover off Ben's computer and turns on the monitor]

Benjamin Reed:
Hey! Don't mess with that! [gets up and goes over to the desk]

Orville:
[reaches out, taking Ben by the hand and sits him down next to him at the desk. Orville begins to type ITS ME, DAD. YOU MUST GET HELP!]

Benjamin Reed:
[Ben reads the words Orville has typed. He stands up and slowly backs away from the desk, shaking his head no] . You can't be my father.

Orville:
[Orville, now shown to be Digger, taps the screen and back to himself, screeching wildly in chimpanese. He sees Ben not moving, stands up, and walking on the desk, reaches over to the bookshelf where Digger put the moon rock. He begins to bobble it in his hand, like Digger did, right before he gave it to Ben, then places the moon rock in Ben's hand] .

Benjamin Reed:
It is you! [camera pans back between Ben and Digger, Ben falls to his knees, looking at the monkey, his father, Digger]

Orville:
[Orville/Digger, sits down on the desk, resting his chin on his knees, looking at his son]

Benjamin Reed:
So, if I understand what you're telling me, the crystal switched both you and Orville's minds.

Orville:
[Orville/Digger, nods his head yes] .

Benjamin Reed:
So, there must be a way to reverse this.

Orville:
[Orville/Digger nods his head]

Benjamin Reed:
But we better move soon, because if we don't, there might not be a way to switch you back! [Orville/Digger claps his hands] That means, I'll have a monkey as a Dad, forever?

Orville:
[Orville/Digger nods his head]

Benjamin Reed:
Well, how long do we have to make this switch?

Orville:
[Orville/Digger, holds up two fingers]

Benjamin Reed:
Two days?

Orville:
[Orville/Digger holds up one finger]

Benjamin Reed:
Maybe only one? [Orville/Digger shrugs] This is terrible! We need help, I've gotta tell Mom. [Orville/Digger walks towards the bedroom door] Wait a minute, Dad! [Orville/Digger stops] I don't know how to break this to you, but... you're a monkey. You just hang out here, I'll explain everything, OK?

Benjamin Reed:
Mom! [running down the stairs] Mom! Mom! Ma... General Presser! I'm glad you're here, Dad's OK, we can straighten this whole mess out!

Lisa Reed:
Slow down, Ben. Now what are you talking about?

General Presser:
Take it easy, son. You've been under a lot of strain lately.

Benjamin Reed:
No, no, you see? There was this mix-up in space. Dad's actually OK, it's just... he's... [Ben looks behind him and Orville/Digger walks down the stairs]

General Presser:
What's that monkey doing here? He could be contaminated! [puts his cloth hankerchief over his mouth and nose]

Benjamin Reed:
Now, I know this is going to be hard to believe... but this monkey... [looks down to Orville/Digger, who makes a motion with hand to go on and tell them then holds Ben's hand] , Sigh. This monkey, is Dad.

Lisa Reed:
Oh, Ben!

General Presser:
[stands] He needs professional help.

Benjamin Reed:
I'm telling you, this monkey is Dad! You know why Dad's been acting so dumb? Because he's Orville!

General Presser:
Sure, yeah sure, kid. I need to take that monkey back to NASA! I mean, if it's contaminated... we're all in serious trouble! Come here, Orville! I'm your friend! [moves closer to Orville/Digger, as Orville/Digger steps back] You're going home!

Benjamin Reed:
You leave him alone!

General Presser:
This is my monkey!

Benjamin Reed:
That's no monkey, that's my Dad!

General Presser:
Come here, you little creep! [grasps for Orville/Digger, who races back up the stairs] Get back here! [runs up the stairs after Orville/Digger]

Benjamin Reed:
[Orville/Digger begins to throw books, a ceramic vase, whatever, to keep Presser back] All right, Dad! [Presser gets to the top of the stairs, Orville/Digger jumps to the hand rail] Dad! The chandelier! [runs up the stairs and moves the hanging chandelier so it is within reach of Orville/Digger, who grabs it and swings over and down the stairs, then out the door]

General Presser:
Come back here Orville! [runs back down the stairs and runs into Ben, who grabs a jacket off the coat tree and puts it over Presser's head]

Lisa Reed:
Ben! What are you doing?

Benjamin Reed:
It's Dad, Mom! I gotta help him!

Lisa Reed:
No!

General Presser:
[takes coat off his head and speaks into his radio] Mayday, Mayday! All units!

Digger Reed:
[Digger and the rest of the flight crew have just been briefed by General Presser on the crystalline ring] Well, it doesn't sound dangerous to me, sounds like a lot of fun!

General Presser:
Fun? We're not talking about moon rocks here, this is dangerous! It's exactly that kind of carefree attitude that could seriously jeopardize the success of this mission.

Digger Reed:
You've been riding me pretty hard the last few years, trying to get me to retire, well tough luck Sir! You can't argue with my pilot ratings!

General Presser:
I can't? [slides Digger's latest test rating results across the desk] Your latest test ratings are down! You're losing your fabled edge!

NASA Flight Surgeon:
Digger's ratings may be down, but they're still excellent on any chart. He's still the best we have.

General Presser:
I'm putting you in charge of the mission, but I'm assigning the collection to someone else. Someone dependable, someone who won't give me any surprises.

Digger Reed:
Perhaps you'd like to share with all of us, who that someone might be.

General Presser:
I'm assigning, Orville.

Digger Reed:
[looks around at the flight crew, then back to Presser] Orville?

General Presser:
[leans back in his chair] That's right.

NASA Flight Surgeon:
Digger, you two always worked well together in training.

Digger Reed:
[closes his manilla folder with his notes] No. Orville's OK, Orville's not the problem. I just hate feeling like the hired help. [stands to leave]

General Presser:
Fine. I don't like your shananigans. Your test results are OK for now, but they won't be for long. And when they slip... [shrugs]

Digger Reed:
[stops in the doorway and looks back to Presser]

General Presser:
[grins]

Digger Reed:
[shakes his head and walks out]

NASA Flight Surgeon:
[looks over to Presser]

General Presser:
[puts his hands behind his head]

Digger Reed:
[walks in his house to Ben and Lisa in the kitchen, Ben at the table doing his homework and Lisa making dinner] Hey, hon. Hey, Junior.

Lisa Reed:
Hi, honey. How was your day?

Digger Reed:
Hmph. Presser, is threatening to clip my wings.

Lisa Reed:
Oh, come on! He's been making those threats for years!

Digger Reed:
[sits on the barstool] My test results, have started to slip. I don't know, I think he's gonna get me sooner or later. [nods] I think next Saturday could be my last blast off.

Lisa Reed:
Well, I think you have a few blast off's left.

Benjamin Reed:
Well, Dad. You do like being in the spotlight. And you do like to joke around a lot. Maybe he just doesn't understand.

Digger Reed:
[stands up, angry] You see? This is it! My own kid thinks I'm a glory hound! [roughly drops his keys on the bar] I'm gonna go get some air. [walks out into the backyard]

Benjamin Reed:
That's not what I meant! I was just trying to help!

Lisa Reed:
It's not your fault. He's just worried about those test results!

Benjamin Reed:
[nods, moving to look out the patio door]

Digger Reed:
[Digger, with his back to the house, looks to the sky. He stomps his foot, and looks down with his hands on his hips in frustration]

Digger Reed:
[comes down the stairs after packing for his flight to Lisa, who is still in the kitchen, cleaning up] I'm all set! [sets his bags down] So tomorrow, I fly to Cape Caniveral, and the day after... [looks up and makes a sound of rockets firing, taking the shuttle into space. He puts his arms around his wife and kisses her]

Lisa Reed:
Hm hm. [puts her arms around Digger] Well before you whoosh away, I think you ought to speak to your son. You know, he didn't mean to upset you. He hasn't gone to sleep yet.

Digger Reed:
[still holding his wife] Give me a kiss.

Lisa Reed:
[kisses Digger, smiling and chuckling]

Digger Reed:
OK.

Digger Reed:
[knocks on Ben's door, then walks in] Hey, Junior? Oh good, you're not asleep. Can I come in?

Benjamin Reed:
[laying in his bed reading, Ben looks at his Dad] Hi.

Digger Reed:
Hi. How ya doing?

Benjamin Reed:
Fine. I'm doing fine.

Digger Reed:
Good. I'm doing fine too.

Benjamin Reed:
You allright?

Digger Reed:
I wanted to apologize to you, I know I've been a little hard on you lately.

Benjamin Reed:
It's no big, deal.

Digger Reed:
[goes over and sits on the edge of Ben's desk] Well, I got something for ya. Do you know where I was, on the day you were born?

Benjamin Reed:
On the moon, where else?

Digger Reed:
That's right! That's right, I was on the moon! I was standing on the lunar surface, looking up at the sky, back at the Earth. And Houston came over the radio, and told me you had been born. So, I reached down at my feet, and the first thing I picked up... [holds out a moon rock for Ben to see, then bobbles it in his hand and catches it] I was gonna wait until next month, 'till you turned 17 to give this to you, but you know, come on. What the heck. [hands the rock to Ben] I only want what's best for you.

Benjamin Reed:
I know that, Dad. [walks over to his nightstand and puts the moon rock in front of the picture of him and Digger, then sits down on the bed and smiles]

Digger Reed:
Now, come on! You can find a little better place to put it than that! [grabs the rock and starts looking around Ben's room]

Benjamin Reed:
I kinds of liked it where it was...

Digger Reed:
No, see right here! [moves some of Ben's trophy's and puts it on one of the shelves in Ben's bookcase. Ben flops down on the bed, unimpressed] There you go! Now see? You can see it from all angles, I mean, it really jumps out at ya' right there, don't you think?

Benjamin Reed:
[still lying on the bed] Thanks for the rock, Dad.

Digger Reed:
[reaches over and taps his son on the foot] All right! All right, good! I'm glad we got this settled now! OK, I'm gonna get rolling, and I'll see you in, uh... two weeks!

Benjamin Reed:
Keep 'em flying, Dad.

Digger Reed:
Ha Ha! [grins, gives Ben a thumb up and walks out, closing the door behind him]

Benjamin Reed:
[shakes his head and smiles]

Benjamin Reed:
[finds an empty science lab and enters it to a dark room with multiple stations of refracted light showing different colors. a noise in the corner of the room startles him] Oh! [a young brunette pops her head up from one of the stations] I thought I'd have this place... to myself.

Jessie:
Well you don't, sorry.

Benjamin Reed:
You're working on refracted light.

Jessie:
How'd you know? [Ben smiles and picks up a square with some tinfoil, refracting the light at his station further to shine on the girl. She smiles, and picks up another square with tinfoil, refracting the light back to shine on Ben] . I guess we're working on the same thing.

Benjamin Reed:
Guess so. [Jessie moves to turn on the lab lights which turns off the refracted light stations] .

Jessie:
I haven't seen you around here before.

Jessie:
Well, I haven't been here before. I just moved here from Boston.

Benjamin Reed:
Well, if you want to meet people you should be at the blast off boogey.

Jessie:
No thanks! Everybody here's astronuts! Who cares about space.

Benjamin Reed:
Not me.

Jessie:
You don't? Don't you feel a little left out?

Benjamin Reed:
Not really. All everyone ever cares about is does your father work for NASA.

Jessie:
My father does work for them.

Benjamin Reed:
Oh.

Jessie:
He's a physicist. What does your father do?

Benjamin Reed:
[surprised she asked] My father? Well, he's... a travelling man...

Jessie:
What does he travel for?

Benjamin Reed:
Well, uh, I'll tell you the truth. I'm a little embaressed. My father, drives a truck.

Jessie:
You don't have to be embaressed. There's nothing wrong with that. [Ben smiles. The two exit the lab and begin walking to their lockers] I didn't get your name. My name's Jessie. [extends her hand to shake]

Benjamin Reed:
I'm Benjamin [shakes her hand] .

Jessie:
Please to meet you, Benjamin. I was beginning to think there weren't any normal kids around here.

Benjamin Reed:
Well, I don't know how normal I am, but, uh... It was good to meet you too. [Jessie smiles, and walks towards her locker wing]

Lisa Reed:
[Lisa enters Ben's bedroom to wake him up for the broadcast of Digger's flight] Ben, wake up. Beeeennn, wake uuuupppp. [Ben pokes his head out from under the covers] It's showtime. [Lisa and Ben go into the living room and sit on the couch, Lisa turns on the TV] General Presser arranged this direct feed from NASA. Pretty good, huh?

Benjamin Reed:
Couldn't we have taped this?

Lisa Reed:
This is history, Ben. We have to watch this live.

Benjamin Reed:
How come Dad has to make history at 2 o'clock in the morning? [Lisa chuckles. We see Digger in his space suit coming out of the hatch on the shuttle]

Capcom:
Atlantis, Houston. Digger, how are you doing?

Digger Reed:
Terrific, Houston. I'll be ready to party just as soon as my buddy Orville gets out here.

General Presser:
Well, he's partying. He better enjoy it while he can, because this is his last flight.

Flight Surgeon:
You'll lose the best pilot you got.

Capcom:
5 seconds to sunrise.

Digger Reed:
[the sun rises over Shuttle Atlantis orbiting the Earth and illuminates the crystalline ring] Holy Toledo! Would you look at that!

Benjamin Reed, Lisa Reed, Capcom:
[Lisa and Ben look at each other and smile from home as they watch the feed] Whoa! Those are some pretty amazing images we're receiving here in Houston! Atlantis, Houston. Be advised, Orville should be clearing the hatch right about now... should be with you any second now. [Digger looks down and sees Orville floating up to where Digger floats over the lab/cargo section of the shuttle Atlantis. As Orville floats into view, we see his spacesuit reads - Lt. Starbright]

Digger Reed:
Welcome to space, Orville. You're about to go down in the history books like Batman and Robin, Anthony and Cleopatra, Abbott and Costello! So, how ya feelin', partner?

General Presser:
This is General Presser, lets's stop fooling around. Get on with it.

Capcom:
You may begin collection procedure.

Digger Reed:
OK, little guy. Just pretend like you're going after some intergalactic bananas! [gives a thumbs up sign to Orville and sends him to retrieve a crystal from the ring]

Capcom:
Orville's respiration rate is quickening, brain patterns fluctuating.

Digger Reed:
He's in big trouble, Houston. Do you want me to go and grab him? Houston, I repeat! Do you want me to go and grab him?

General Presser:
That's a negative, Colonial.

Flight Surgeon:
Pulse rate 105, 115, 120, heart rate accelearting [Orville is seen doing somersaults, screeching wildly]

Benjamin Reed:
[watching the feed] It's gotta be those crystals! Orville's right next to 'em!

General Presser:
I'm ordering an abort. Atlantis, Houston. Cancel collection procedure. Return to the Atlantis.

Digger Reed:
What about Orville?

General Presser:
You have to leave him.

Digger Reed:
No way. I'm going after him!

General Presser:
Negative, Colonial! This is General Presser speaking! You're disobeying a direct order!

General Presser:
I'm ordering an abort. Abandon collection procedure. Return to the shuttle.

Lisa Reed:
[watching the feed] Go back Digger, please.

Digger Reed:
What about Orville?

General Presser:
You have to leave him.

Digger Reed:
No way! I'm going after him!

General Presser:
Negative, Colonial! This is General Presser speaking! Return to the shuttle! You're disobeying a direct order!

Digger Reed:
Chew on a desk, Sir!

Flight Surgeon:
Digger's pulse is 99, 104, 110, respiration quickening...

General Presser:
Return to the shuttle! I'm ordering you to return to the shuttle!

Digger Reed:
[floats towards Orville] Come here, Orville! Come here! Come on, little guy!

Flight Surgeon:
Digger's pulse 118, 125, heart rate accelerating...

Digger Reed:
[beginning stages of delirium] Wow, you should see these crystals! Unbelievable! [takes Orville by the hand] I have to go closer! I have to touch one of them! I have to bring it back!

Lisa Reed:
Digger, no!

Digger Reed:
I hear music! Sweet, glorious, music! LAAAAAAAAAAAHH! LA! LA! LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Flight Surgeon:
Abandon collection!

General Presser:
Return to the shuttle! RETURN TO THE SHUTTLE! Return to the shuttle!

Digger Reed:
[Digger reaches for one of the crystals. As his hand comes around it, the crystal begins to glow brightly. A bright flash is seen, blinding the screens in Houston. Digger and Orville, still holding hands and Digger holding the crystal in the other hand, begin to spin in a spiral effect] .

Flight Surgeon:
Atlantis? Bring them in.

Lisa Reed, Benjamin Reed:
[static now shows on the TV at the Reed house. Mother and son look at each other intently, then back to the TV, helpless]

Jeffrey Wilder:
Instantaneous Regeneration? You sure your lab boys haven't done one too many science experiments? Get out of here! [waves off lab techs who are trying to remove his readout leads]

Art Bogosian:
Please, please. Let us talk, please?

Jeffrey Wilder:
Can I go home now? I haven't seen my son in two days! He's probably worn out his welcome at the neighbors!

Art Bogosian:
Mr. Wilder, you must understand our concern.

Jeffrey Wilder:
Look! You can't keep me here! I have a life!

Art Bogosian:
How do you explain your miraculous escape from the fire?

Jeffrey Wilder:
How do I know? Luck! Look, people have been thrown clear of explosions before, it happens!

Art Bogosian:
And the shooting?

Jeffrey Wilder:
The bullet was probably a... a blank!

Art Bogosian:
It was real, Mr. Wilder! Very real! It was shown on your X-Ray when you were brought in the other day! [holds up an X-Ray] It clearly shows a bullet lodged in your abdomen! [holds up another X-Ray] This one! Was taken this morning! There is no trace of the bullet! Apparently, it was absorbed by your system!

Jeffrey Wilder:
This is crazy! I mean, what are you telling me? I'm just gonna keep on... regenerating? [lowers his voice] I'm never gonna die?

Art Bogosian:
That's difficult for us to believe too, but that does appear to be the fact!

Jeffrey Wilder:
So what do I do now? Cancel my life insurance?

Art Bogosian:
You can work for me.

Jeffrey Wilder:
The government?

Karen McCorder:
We'd be working together, Mr. Wilder.

Art Bogosian:
Mr. Wilder, we've given you every test known to medical science, there is no explanation for your condition. Think of what that would mean to someone in power! Groups, terrorist groups would court you! Or kidnap you! In the hopes of tapping into your new found ability! Think of the possibilities, Jeffrey! A man who cannot die! Nobody can stop! No army could kill! No, Jeffrey. You will never be the same, old Jeffrey Wilder again.

Jeffrey Wilder:
I don't know what's happened to me, or what's gonna happen, or what any of this means, but I do know I don't want to be your guinea pig. I pass, Mr. Bogosian. I'm sorry.

Karen McCorder:
Jeffrey, you don't have to give us your answer right now. Just, think about it.

Jeffrey Wilder:
No, no. I'm not interested. I'm a cab driver. That's all. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to go home. I got a kid to take care of, and a dog to find.

Neil Witherspoon:
[In the Historical Society, Neil is telling the story to the children of Lucifer Falls and how William Hanover became Mr. Boogedy. He moves over to two mannequins of William Hanover and Widow Marion] Hanover fell in love with Marion. In fact, he wanted to marry her.

Jennifer Davis:
She didn't, did she?

Neil Witherspoon:
Ah, ah ha ha ha! She turned him down!

[makes the Widow Marion mannequin put its arm over its face]

Neil Witherspoon:
But that wasn't the end of it! Not hardly! Hanover was ready to do anything, I mean anything, to win the hand of the Widow Marion. After all, he was a man of *great* power and authority! Used to having things his own way! Some people say, he sold his soul to the devil, that night! Sold his soul, for a magic cloak! He he he! A cloak so powerful, it would make him, invisible! A cloak so powerful, he hoped, it would even bring him the Widow Marion! More than anything in this world, he wanted Marion! So one day, when Marion's little boy Jonathan, had a terrile cold, and was on their to the doctor, who should JUMP out of the woods! In his brand new magic cloak!

R.E. Davis:
Mr. Boogedy?

Neil Witherspoon:
Right! And he, TOOK Jonathan! Back to his house! And then, he threatened Marion, that if she didn't marry him! If she didn't marry him that very night! She would never, ever see poor little Jonathan again! And just to make sure, that she went along with all this? Mr. Boogedy decided to, cast his very first spell! With the magic cloak! Heh Heh! But, uh, something happened.

Jennifer Davis:
What happened?

Neil Witherspoon:
Ah! He, blew up his own house! Heh Heh Heh!

Jennifer Davis:
He BLEW up his own house?

Corwin Davis:
What a dope!

Neil Witherspoon:
[snaps his finger] Just like magic! The whole house disappeared! And, every house that has been built on that site! Has been haunted!

R.E. Davis:
But, what happened to Mr. Boogedy?

Corwin Davis:
And Jonathan?

Jennifer Davis:
And Widow Marion?

Neil Witherspoon:
They all became ghosts, heh heh heh heh! And poor Marion! Is still trying to get her Jonathan back! In fact! Jonathan still has his cold!

Jennifer Davis:
That's why I heard sneezing!

Corwin Davis:
Yeah, long time to have a cold!

Neil Witherspoon:
Well, no one ever said being a ghost was easy!

Corwin Davis:
So, what are we gonna do?

Neil Witherspoon:
Well... if were me... I'd move.

Carleton Davis:
[the kids are trying to tell Carleton and Eloise about the house being haunted and Mr. Boogedy, but Carleton keeps joking around] OK. What is it?

Jennifer Davis:
OK. We went to the Historical Society...

Carleton Davis:
[interupts] No wait, wait, wait! You gotta see this! [pulls out a fake mummy] Isn't he great? [holds the mummy upright] Oh, gee wiz! I'm sad, because I lost my mummy! [Eloise laughs]

Ghost Voice:
[Evil cackle]

Carleton Davis:
Hey! Whoa, boy! What was that?

Jennifer Davis, Corwin Davis, R.E. Davis:
[all together] Ghosts!

Carleton Davis:
Oh, yeah, sure. So, uh, how'd you guys do that?

Jennifer Davis:
Daddy, please?

Corwin Davis:
Come on, Dad!

Carleton Davis:
No, it's great, really! I'm not mad, I just want to know how you did it.

Jennifer Davis:
Dad, the house is haunted!

Eloise Davis:
Hmm, hmm, hmm. Haunted?

R.E. Davis:
It's Mr. Boogedy!

Carleton Davis:
OK, I don't know how you guys are doing that, but one thing I do know, this house is not haunted!

Carleton Davis:
[Immediately, things in the room start going off. The organ plays by itself, the lights dim up and down, the fake mummy comes to life and begins dancing around to the organ music, ghost hands fill out the monster gloves and start to clap in mid-air. As the music reaches its peak, the mummy swings its arms around three times, then collapses in a heap, the room returning to normal. Carleton looks to Eloise] Hmm.

Eloise Davis:
Well, that's it! Time to call a realtor!

Carleton Davis:
Eloise, how can you say that?

Eloise Davis:
[points to her mouth] Time to call, a realtor!

Carleton Davis:
But you mean move!

Jennifer Davis:
I think we otta go, right now!

Carleton Davis:
No, no, it's late, the boys are tired...

Corwin Davis, R.E. Davis:
[together] We're not tired!

Jennifer Davis:
I'm not spending another night in this house, it's full of ghosts!

Carleton Davis:
Wait! Wait! Hold it, everybody! I got an idea, uh, sleeping bags! We have sleeping bags... uh, we'll camp out!

Eloise Davis:
[patting Jennifer's hand] Jennifer? Jennifer, honey, are you OK?Are you all right?

Jennifer Davis:
What happened?

Eloise Davis:
We found you lying here, honey. You were clicking your heels together and all you would say is, there's no place like home! There's no place like home!

Jennifer Davis:
I saw him! I saw him!

Carleton Davis:
Who?

Jennifer Davis:
The Boogedy Man! His face was all yucky! Like a grilled cheese sandwich, or something!

Carleton Davis:
Look, look! There's nobody here! What, what Boogedy Man?

Jennifer Davis:
[points to the wall] Look, it's his footprints!

Eloise Davis:
Oh, that is strange!

Corwin Davis:
Slimy footprints!

R.E. Davis:
Eeeewwwww!

Eloise Davis:
[Carleton walks up to the wall and examines the green footprints going up the wall to the ceiling] Careful, Carleton. You don't want to get that on your pajamas!

Carleton Davis:
Oh, boy! These are great! Look at this! [pulls a footprint off the wall] Ha ha! I can sell these! I can! I can sell these! Aren't they great? Look, they stick to things! [sticks the footprint back on the wall]

Jennifer Davis:
I don't believe this!

Eloise Davis:
Shhh, it's gonna be all right, darlin'...

Carleton Davis:
You know what? You know, I bet Neil Witherspoon set this up! Aw, man! Do you believe it? Is this a great gag?

Jennifer Davis:
No, Daddy! It wasn't Neil! It was the Boogedy Man!

Eloise Davis:
Maybe you had a nightmare, honey...

Jennifer Davis:
But I saw him, right here!

Corwin Davis:
Did he have big teeth!

R.E. Davis:
Was he gonna eat ya?

Corwin Davis:
Maybe he's gonna come back and get her after she goes to sleep! Wooo! Ha!

R.E. Davis:
Woooooo!

Eloise Davis:
All right boys, that's enough!

Corwin Davis:
[looking innocent] Mom, we're just trying to help.

Bart:
[learning to read, so going very slow] in... the... days... of... the... pioneers... the ma, ma, Mississippi, was... trav... eled... on by many steam, steam, steambaths!

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Steamboats for crying out loud!

Bart:
Oh yeah, steamboats! Thanks! Wait, who said that? [looks around, then back to the cat] . Mr. Leo?

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Yes, yes. In the days of the pioneers the Mississippi was traveled on by many steamBOATS!

Bart:
You can read!

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Of course I can read! And you could too, if you would only pay attention and learn to concentrate better!

Bart:
You can talk, but ah...!

Leo Kohlmeyer:
[interrupts] That's right! And I can see, and hear, and taste, and touch. Just like you! Correct that, better than you! Now bring that book over to the table before you drive me bananas!

Bart:
[Bart picks up the book and follows Leo]

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Now, sit down. We're going to go over a few simple, easy steps that will help you. Number 1. Put the book on the table, and sit facing it.

Bart:
[Bart is wriggling in his chair trying to get comfortable]

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Hey. Number 2. Stop wriggling around. [Bart sits still] . Number 3. Start off with a few words, read them slowly and sound them out, then move on.

Bart:
But that's so slow!

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Trust me, kid. If you practice, it will get faster. And Number 4. If you're stumped, ask for help. You must have known steambaths was the wrong word.

Bart:
Yeah, but sometimes these books are so weird, you can't even tell!

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Ask anyway.

Bart:
OK, should I start over?

Leo Kohlmeyer:
Yes. But later. Right now, you and I need to discuss something that we need to fix, right away! [Leo jumps off the table]


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