Hoodwinked!

Hoodwinked!

Hoodwinked! is a 2005 film based on the Little Red Riding Hood folktale. Structurally, it borrows from the films Rashomon and The Usual Suspects, as well as frequently intertwining various plots, a method popularized by Quentin Tarantino's cult film Pulp Fiction.

Year:
2005
4,149 Views
Trouble In The Hood.
Armed And Dangerously Dumb.
A Granny Who Kicks Fanny.
Red Riding Hood, The Woodsman, Granny, The Wolf. Not Your Typical Crime. Not Your Usual Suspects.
Warriors wasted a 3-1 lead to the cavs

[first lines]

Narrator:
[voiceover] Red Riding Hood. You probably know the story. [cue the sound of a small girl screaming] But there's more to every tale than meets the eye. It's just like they always say: "You can't judge a book by its cover". If you want to know the truth, you've got to flip through the pages. [The book flips open to a popup map. The camera zooms in, flies through the trees, and comes to rest on the front door of a cottage in a meadow]

[A figure opens the front door]

Red Puckett:
Granny? [hearing nothing, she steps into the living room] It's me, Red. [looks around, uncertain] Is everything okay?

Wolf W. Wolf:
[falsetto voice] Oh, oh yeah. Sure thing. Come on in. [camera whip-pans to show the Wolf sitting up in Granny's bed, dressed in an apron and wearing a plastic face mask. Red cautiously approaches him]

Red:
What? Wh-- who are you?

Wolf:
I'm your grandma.

Red:
Your face looks really weird, Granny.

Wolf:
I've been sick, I... uh... [puts his hands over his chest]

Red:
Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.

Wolf:
[taps his mask] Oh, uh, plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done. Now come on over here. Let's have a look at you. [Red steps closer, warily]

Red:
So... what's going on, "grandma"?

Wolf:
Oh, this and that. Doing a lot of quilting. So, you got the loot? [Red notices his furry hands]

Red:
Whoa, what big hands you have!

Wolf:
Oh! All the better to scratch my back with! [does so]

Red:
And what big ears you have!

Wolf:
[becoming increasingly irritated] All the better to hear your... many criticisms! Old people just have big ears, dear.

Red:
[shakes her head in disbelief] And Granny... what big eyes you have!

Wolf:
[losing his temper] Are we just going to sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?! [leans in closer to Red] You came here for a reason, didn't ya? So tell ole Granny what you've got in the basket! [Red leans back, disgusted]

Red:
Ugh! Granny! What bad breath you have!

Wolf:
All right! [pulls off his mask; Red screams and takes a step back]

Red:
You again?! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?!

Wolf:
Settle down, little girl, I'm on to you!

Red:
HI-YAH! [Red positions her arms in a fighting stance]

Wolf:
Save it, Red fu! You've been dodging me all day, but now you might as well give up. [Grabs a fireplace poker; Red runs into the living room, where he manages to corner her]

Red:
Hi-yah! You crazy wolf! What have you done with Granny?!

Wolf:
[grabs her arm] I've taken Granny down and you're next! [Granny bursts out of the closet, bound and gagged]

Red:
Granny!

Wolf:
But, you, that's not... [Kirk bursts through the window, holding an axe] Whoa! Whoa!

[Chief Ted Grizzly meets Det. Bill Stork outside the cottage]

Chief Ted Grizzly:
Bill.

Det. Bill Stork:
[turns around, startled] Chief!

Chief Grizzly:
All right, uh, what have we got?

Det. Stork:
Ah, it's a domestic disturbance: breaking and entering, wielding an axe without a license, intent to eat...

Chief Grizzly:
I get the picture. Any connection with the recipe robberies?

Det. Stork:
You mean the Goodie Bandit? Could be. The house belongs to Granny Puckett.

Chief Grizzly:
The cookbook lady?

Det. Stork:
Yeah that's the one.

Chief Grizzly:
Hmm.

[opens the door; from left to right we see Wolf, Kirk, Granny, and Red sitting in chairs, handcuffed, around a smashed table as police radio chatter continues]

Det. Stork:
Okay, Paul Bunyan here [Kirk] was swinging the axe, and Wolfie was trying to eat Li'l Bit [Red].

Chief Grizzly:
All right, get a muzzle on that guy.

Wolf:
Hey, I can explain everything.

Chief Grizzly:
Well you can explain it to the judge. [turns to Red] Shouldn't you be in school?

Red:
Shouldn't I have a lawyer?

Chief Grizzly:
[is distracted by something] Wha-what are you doing?

[Three pig cops Bruce, Timmy, and Tommy were standing around a wicker basket turn to him]

Pigs:
Oh, uh, hey, Chief.

Chief Grizzly:
Don't eat that! That's evidence!

Timmy:
Right.

[Another officer puts a muzzle over Wolf's mouth]

Chief Grizzly:
All right, so this looks pretty open-and-shut: Little Miss Rosycakes [Red] making covert deliveries to the goodie tycoon [Granny], Wolfie tries to eat 'em both, then crazy flannel pants [Kirk] with the axe here busts in swinging vigilante style. Take 'em downtown, boys!

Det. Stork:
Uh, it's the woods, Chief. We don't have a downtown.

Chief Grizzly:
You know what I mean! Just book 'em!

Nicky Flippers:
Not so fast, Grizzly. [Flippers enters through the back door] That's the problem with you bears: always growling up the wrong tree.

[Red is in a treehouse, reading a magazine; a woodpecker flies up]

Woodpecker:
Watchya readin', Red? [Sees the magazine cover] "Far Away Places"? Are you going somewhere far away?

Red:
No. The world is too dangerous for me! [Throws her arms up in exasperation, in the process throwing her magazine away. It lands spread-open on a passing car]

Driver:
[swerves and revs his engine] Aah! Can't see! Danger! Turn into the skid! [Cuts back to Red as we hear the sound of screeching tires, followed seconds later by a loud crash. Red gives a tense look to the camera] I'm okay! I'll walk it off! [Red relaxes]

Woodpecker:
You can't go away! Who's gonna ride the goody bike?

Red:
If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the way past that mountain [waves towards a snowcapped peak in the distance], and the next one and the next one.....but I can't. I'm just a kid.

Woodpecker:
I'm just a woodpecker. [Red hears the sound of glass being shattered and flinches] Uh-oh. [Red shimmies down the rope and runs over to Granny's store, nearby, and finds the front window shattered. She opens the door, picks up a rock on the floor, and finds the words "YOU'RE NEXT!" written on it]

Woodpecker:
[fluttering down and landing next to Red's feet] "You're next!"? What does it mean, "You're next!"? [Red hears a noise and sees the owner of the store next door tacking up a notice that reads "Out O' Business"]

Owner:
Ruined... [turns and trudges away, muttering to herself. Red looks back at the store safe]

Red:
It means someone wants our recipes....

[Red jogs up to Granny's house. She opens the front door and sticks her head in]

Red:
Granny? It's me, Red. Is everything okay?

Wolf:
Oh! Oh yeah, sure thing.

[Cuts to the present]

Flippers:
So this Wolf, he was dressed as your grandmother?

Red:
Yes.

Wolf (flashback):
I'm your grandma.

Flippers:
And you bought that?

Red:
No. Not really. (cuts flashback) Whoa, what big hands you have! [cut] And what big ears you have! [cut] What bad breath you have! [cut] What big eyes you have!

Wolf (flashback):
Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?!

Flippers:
Yes, yes, and then the fellow with the axe burst in? [In the flashback, Kirk bursts through the window. The scene plays out like the beginning for a few seconds until Red waves her hands in a "stop everything" gesture]

Red:
No! No! Not yet! [Everything on-screen except for Red freezes in time, and rewinds; Kirk flies back out the window and the window repairs itself] First, I was attacked by that crazy wolf! [Wolf corners Red in the living room with a fireplace poker] (in flashback) Hi-yah! You crazy wolf! Then my granny jumped out of the closet. [Granny bursts out of the closet and emits a battle cry] But she was tied up. [With an audible pop, Granny is instantly bound and gagged]

Flippers:
And then the Axeman Cometh? [snickers]

Red:
You got it.

[Kirk bursts back through the window]

Red:
Only, he was screaming.

Kirk:
[weakly] Aargh? [Red glares at him]

Red:
[angrily] Like a maniac!

[Kirk starts waving his axe wildly]

Chief Grizzly:
Wow!

Det. Stork:
Hmm.

Flippers:
Ah. So that was it?

Red:
That wolf was going to eat us all....

Chief Grizzly:
The guy's pawprints are all over the room. Book him-

Flippers:
Hold the phone, fuzzy-wuzzy. Let's hear it from the Wolf's mouth.

[Wolf has just finished following up a lead at a sandwich shop]

Wolf:
[on his tape recorder] No deserts. Waste of time.

[He hears singing, and sees Red riding her bike nearby]

Wolf:
[narrating] The little delivery girl in the red hood. Always on the go. More goodies passed through her hands than anybody else in the whole forest. She seemed happy. A little too happy. [As he watches through some bushes, he sees some hummingbirds carry Red and her bike across a stream] Whoa! Creepy! [retreats behind the bushes] [continues narrating] I was starting to have my suspicions. [He takes out his tape recorder and presses the record button] Question: who does she move the goodies for? Where do they come from? Where are they going? And why the hood? [As he scratches his chin and ponders, Twitchy falls from the sky and lands on a tree stump next to him, causing him to jump] Ah! Twitchy, you scared me.

Twitchy:
[speaking very quickly] Hey boss, I called the taped-I beeped you on your beeper. Did you get my beep?

Wolf:
Twitchy, you've gotta calm down.

Twitchy:
I got up early and I got the gear. I was watching the girl like you told me to, the girl in the red hood.

Wolf:
Yeah, the girl in the red hood. Did you see where she went?

Twitchy:
[pantomiming] She went past the porcupines and the red bird's tree and the guy with the long beard and now she's up the creek and she sings everywhere she goes! She's like lalalalalalalalalala-

Wolf:
Yeah, yeah, I'm way ahead of you. We've gotta find out who she's working for. You got the camera?

Twitchy:
Got the 220x and a photo-grab with auto-focus. Ooo, look at that - comes with a 500 mm lens. You want the color or black and white?

Wolf:
Doesn't matter.

Twitchy:
I brought a flash! [immediately takes a picture in the Wolf's face, briefly blinding him]

Wolf:
Will you put that away?! It's covert. No flash!

Twitchy:
[takes the flash off] Undercover, got it! Mm-hmm! Nobody sees, nobody knows! Click-click, heh heh! [grins]

Wolf:
[stares at Twitchy] You ever thought about decaffeinated coffee?

Twitchy:
Oh, I don't drink coffee!

[Wolf looks away, unconvinced]

[Wolf and Twitchy are following the cable car up the mountain from the woods below]

Wolf:
Those sheep made me hungry. After this, we're grabbing a bite.

Twitchy:
Sounds good, sounds good.

[Wolf pulls out a radar gun, and starts scanning his surroundings. He picks up random wildlife noises - a bleating mountain goat, some croaking frogs, and also some German yodeling. Then...]

Voice 1:
I don't know what to do. I mean, should I call her? Should I-

Voice 2:
Well she's keeping her options open. Seeing other people probably, you should do the same.

Voice 1:
Shh. Up there.

[The camera angle changes to show the tip of the Wolf's dish hovering over two caterpillars on a leaf]

Caterpillar:
Do you mind?

Wolf:
[embarrassed] Ooh. Sorry. [He aims his radar gun back at the cable car's cabin and continues walking, eventually picking up voices]

Boingo's voice:
Hey, you deliver up this far?

Red's voice:
[unintelligible due to static] ...but I was thinking of.....the Muffin Man.....Granny's recipes.....an evil plan.....to shut down everyone in the forest. [Wolf lowers his radar]

Wolf:
I knew it. She's working for the old lady. Twitchy?

[Twitchy climbs onto a tree branch, at which point Red falls out of the car. He starts taking pictures of her up until she crashes through his branch, hits several more branches, and lands on the ground]

Wolf:
[deadpan, into tape recorder] Ouch. [As Red discovers a footprint, Twitchy swallows his camera. The extra weight causes him to fall from his branch and snap a through-the-mouth flash photo of Red]

Wolf:
[facepalms] Ugh. [Steps out from his hiding place. Red gasps] Afternoon.

Red:
Hello.

Wolf:
So, you're the little girl in the red hood? That was quite a bit of falling you did just now. [Twitchy hides behind his boss and coughs up his camera] Yep, gravity's working.....So what are you doing out here in the big bad forest? Are you taking the goodies to someone in particular? [Twitchy disassembles the camera and starts checking individual parts for damage]

Red:
Uhhh... my granny. [Twitchy sprays a small amount of cleaning solution under his armpits]

Wolf:
Ah, you don't have anything else in that basket?

Red:
You ask a lot of questions, mister! [Twitchy winds up the camera]

Wolf:
Well, I'm a curious guy. Let me have a look.

Red:
I'd rather you didn't. [At that precise moment, Wolf's tail gets caught in the camera and he screams in pain. Red screams and she runs away. He looks at his tail, embarrassed]

Wolf:
I mean, please! Come back here! [turns to Twitchy] What are you doing?!

Twitchy:
Sorry! I was just winding! I didn't- Your tail was-

Wolf:
Come on! We're gonna lose her!

[Wolf is drying off on a log when Twitchy hobbles up, panting, and collapses]

Twitchy:
So can we eat?

Wolf:
Sure! You hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? 'Cause that's what's for lunch.

Twitchy:
Well, what do we do?

Wolf:
We go right to the source. We've gotta get to Granny's before the kid does. [Boingo appears]

Boingo:
Is it a surprise?

Wolf:
Excuse me?

Boingo:
You're going over to Granny's house to surprise Red. I mean, is it her birthday, or what is it? Is there some kind of shim dig, 'cause I'm great at parties! Watch me pull myself out of a hat! [forcefully scratches his right ear against his head]

Wolf:
Yeah. Big surprise party. You know how to get there?

Boingo:
Oh, yeah! Yeah! In fact, I know a shortcut.

Wolf:
[to Twitchy, incredulous] You hear that? He knows a shortcut.

Boingo:
You go over the woods and through the river... no, you don't wanna go through the river. You'll get all wet.

Wolf:
You see, Twitchy, you get lemons, you make lemonade.

[Cuts to Wolf and Twitchy walking in ankle-deep water through a dark tunnel; Twitchy turns on his camera light]

Wolf:
And then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy.

Twitchy:
Sure thing, boss! Never trust a bunny!

Wolf:
Well the bright side is at least I finally dried off. [immediately falls into a small hole, soaking his hoodie and bringing the water up to his waist] Why couldn't I write movie reviews? We are in a pickle, and I blame myself. That bunny was worthless. Not to mention he wrote the directions on an Easter Egg... [holds up a brightly colored Easter Egg with illegible handwriting and a tiny map scribbled on the side] ...which is very hard to read.

Twitchy:
Oh, we're gonna die in here!

Wolf:
Come on, that's what they said at the Alamo!

[Wolf and Twitchy arrive at Granny's cottage]

Wolf:
[knocks on door] Hello! Paper boy. Publishers. Uh, candygram! [He opens the door, finding it unlocked]

Twitchy:
Huh, whadda we do, boss? [Wolf sees a cardboard cutout of Granny and is repulsed]

Wolf:
[narrating] Lucky for me, Granny keeps a lot of her merchandise around the cottage. Disguise was the only way of catching this girl in the act of smuggling. [He dons a plastic face mask and apron]

Wolf:
[falsetto voice] Sweetie pie. [Outtake beeps, cut to take 2] Sugar plum! [take 3] Uh, hug your granny, little puddin' pop!

Twitchy:
[bored] Oh....

Wolf:
[lifts up the mask] Ooh! Boy, that's hot. OK, change of plans, you can be Granny.

[There is a loud knock on the door]

Twitchy:
She's coming! [The Wolf throws him in a side closet, where Granny is bound and gagged]

Red's voice:
[coming from the foyer] Granny? It's me, Red. Is everything okay?

Wolf:
[pulls down the mask] Oh, oh, yeah, sure thing. Come on in.

Chief Grizzly:
Pretty thin, Wolf! [Cut back to the present day] You say the old lady was already tied up! How did that happen?!

Wolf:
I don't know, maybe to make herself look innocent. I just write the news, Chief! I don't make it.

Red:
For a reporter, you sure have a strange way of doing your job. [rolls her eyes]

Wolf:
: What can I say? I was raised by wolves. [Cuts to a picture of the Wolf's family portrait]

Chief Grizzly:
You got a way to back this up? [Twitchy appears]

Twitchy:
I got these pictures developed, Mr. Flippers!

Flippers:
That so? Let's have a look... [examines the photos] Hmmm... these are good... Ha... [shows picture of Wolf mounted in a fish costume] Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.

Twitchy:
I wanna do an expose' sometime; a gallery show. And maybe a coffee table book, 'course, I don't drink coffee. Maybe a chi tea/latte book.

Flippers:
Photos don't lie, Chief. [Grizzly growls in frustration]

Wolf:
Good work, Twitchy.


Share your thoughts on Hoodwinked!'s quotes with the community:

0 Comments

    Quote of the Day Today's Quote | Archive

    Would you like us to send you a FREE inspiring quote delivered to your inbox daily?

    Please enter your email address:

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this movie page to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Hoodwinked! Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Dec. 2024. <https://www.quotes.net/movies/hoodwinked!_quotes_13464>.

    Know another quote from Hoodwinked!?

    Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "Hoodwinked!" movie - add it here!

    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

    »
    Who said: "When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let it go."
    A Abraham Lincoln
    B Carol Burnett
    C C. S. Lewis
    D Tobias Wolff