Humpday

Ben:
What a wild life you live, my friend.

Andrew:
Enh. You always have the option of doing what I'm doing, and I don't know that I so much have the option of doing what you're doing.

Ben:
Ah, it's easy. You just go to a grocery store, you find someone with long hair that's a girl, start kissing her, one thing leads to another. Then you buy her a ring, you get married, you buy a house. And soon enough you're converting your upstairs office into a potential baby room.

Andrew:
Are you f***ing serious?

Ben:
Not yet, but we're on the path. We've officially removed the goalie, and now we're just doing free kicks.

Andrew:
That's the tricky thing. It's the difference between this and bungee jumping, is that bungee jumping, you just walk to the edge and jump...

Ben:
...and the whole thing takes care of you...

Andrew:
...and you don't have to have a hard-on to bungee jump.

Andrew:
I'm going to count to five and we're going to f***in' *kiss* and we're just going to do it. Alright.

Ben:
You ready?

Andrew:
You ready?

Ben:
Yup!

Andrew:
You ready?

Ben:
Ready.

Andrew:
Ready?

Ben:
Five... [in unison] four, three, two, one.

Andrew:
[jumps at Ben. They open-mouth "kiss", but without moving at all; and they hold this for at least ten seconds; then they release and stand back]

Ben:
[pauses, then sounds happily relieved] It wasn't that bad!

Andrew:
[laughing] No, it was just... it's weird, I've never kissed stubble before.

Ben:
Wasn't that bad!

Andrew:
It wasn't *terrible*.

Ben:
It wasn't terrible, no, it wasn't terrible.

Andrew:
[long pause] Yeah, that was awful.

Ben:
Dude, that was awful. [pause] Okay...

Andrew:
Uhhhhh...

Ben:
This is gonna be hard.

Andrew:
Yeah, that puts a little wrench in the works, doesn't it?