Livet är en schlager

Mona:
I'll go to bed now.

Bosse:
[keeps looking at the television]

Mona:
I'll go to bed now.

Bosse:
[still looking at TV]

Mona:
What if I go and cut my throat?

Bosse:
[laughs silently at the TV]

Mona:
Well, good night anyway!

Mona:
[before going to sleep] Was it really, really bad?

Bosse:
What?

Mona:
You know! That thing I sang!

Bosse:
No, it wasn't bad idea, not at all.

Bosse:
I think, that you are OK, as you are.

Mona:
What do you mean? What do you mean with that?

Bosse:
That you... you... you are you, this matters the most. The people have to be what they are. So, forget it. It's worthless dreaming about things you know, that will never come true

Mona:
Yeah... you're right.

Mona:
[after Mona feels something strange on her chair and sees that it's a CD] What is that?

Bosse:
You said you wanted to send it.

Mona:
You're nuts! You said, that I'm bad.

Bosse:
The disc is in the envelope, now you just put a stamp and throw it to the mailbox

Mona:
[laughs] You're damn nuts!

Candy Darling:
That's not true!

Mona:
It's true!

Candy Darling:
You're kidding!

Mona:
I'm not!

Candy Darling:
[singing] We will dance in the neon, on the journey trough the night... Champagne, we must toast this!

Mona:
Is it a real champagne?

Candy Darling:
Nah, just some Spanish crap, that I bought in the supermarket. Fake, fake, fake.That's my life's moto. AAAAH! I have tons of things-purple, gold, more purple, more gold... I'm gonna dress Schlager Queen for real. I see myself as the dresses's Picasso. This is my brush and you, you can I make into the biggest diva that will ever exist! Or something like that

Mona:
Well, that won't work.I read that Sabina will make a comeback.It's in all newspapers. Noone is gonna care anything about me.

Mona:
[telling to Candy about her meeting with the producer] And next week, I'm gonna be interviewed on TV. It's so amazing! It's just so amazing to die to!

Candy Darling:
Well, I'm gonna die anyway. Is it OK, if I lie down a bit?

Mona:
You know what happened today? I think I'm gonna go nuts!

Candy Darling:
What is it?

Mona:
Micke Biendelfeldt invited me to VIP party.

Candy Darling:
Wow! This is great! Congratulations!

Mona:
Great? For God's sake horrible! What am I gonna wear? Jeans and some old T-Shirt with the hospital banner on it?I'm so gonna make fool out of myself!

Candy Darling:
Well, that's no problem. Go to my closet and pick whatever you want. I'm not going anywhere anyway.

Mona:
[delighted] ooohhh, how lucky I am to have a brother who's a transvestite!

Mona:
I know, but don't thank me, thank God who made me like that!

Mona:
[sings the song, Candy Darling has tears in his eyes]

Carola:
Did you write it?

Mona:
Well what do you think?

Candy Darling:
It's just made to be a hit! It's fantastic! Send it somewhere, send it to Melodifestivalen, they're just looking for songs!

Bosse:
But to Melodifestivalen, come on! You're not serious!

Mona:
Exactly! And what a lyrics, I had an F in Swedish in school by the way.

Candy Darling:
Send it I said! But only if I make a dress.

Mona:
Of course you make it.

Candy Darling:
Oooohhhh, awesome! A lot of glitter, a lot of legs a lot of everything!

Bosse:
Well you can't be serious!

Mona:
Oh yeah, and why not?

Bosse:
Are you gonna make a fool out of yourself in front of the entire Swedish nation? You don't have a chance!

Mona:
Well I'm sorry to bother all of you. It was just some stupid idea, exactly what David said, it's OK...

Bosse:
Oh come on, I didn't mean to....

Mona:
[slaps his hand] It was exatcly what you meant! It's OK! Cofee anyone?

David:
So are we gonna win this vulgar, this shitty contest for people with amazingly bad taste?

Mona:
OK, well say what you want but don't be such a f***ing snob!

Mona:
[after a bad rehersal] Oh my god, that was just horrible!

Bosse:
Oh come on, it wasn't that bad!

Mona:
No it was horrible!

Bosse:
Come on honey! I think it was quite OK

Mona:
Well who the hell cares what do YOU think?! [goes off]

Sabina:
[watching Mona reherse] If she pukes on that mic, I'll go home!

Sabina:
[on the show] You probabbly don't know who I am.

Mona:
Of course I know we've been talking...

Sabina:
Whatever. I'm Sabina [audience claps]

Sabina:
I'm making a comeback [audience claps louder]

Sabina:
And you don't honestly think that some old fool is gonna come up against me?! [audience is shocked]

Kikki:
When is mum coming home?

Bosse:
I don't know right now.

Lena Ph:
I miss mum!

Anna Book:
Me too.

Kikki:
When is she coming home?

Bosse:
I told you I don't know...

Anna Book:
[shouts] I wanna see mum....[all others join]

Bosse:
[shouts back] Oh stop it! Do you wanna se mum, huh?

Anna Book:
[together with other girls] Mhm

Bosse:
[throws a gossip magazine] Here you go, enjoy! [goes off]

Mona:
[after trying on new clothes] No no no no! My brother is gonna make me a dress

Producer:
[laughs]

Mona:
Well I promised so.

Producer:
Hey, you are so sweet that I could eat you! [starts laughing out loud] Your brother! Hahahahaha

Nurse:
Long live schlager queen!

Mona:
[looking suprised]

Nurse:
Ohh ohhhh! Well we only could manage to collent for some flowers 'cause we just wanna say to you how proud we are!I mean we had no clue that you could write and sing songs it's just so amazing!

Mona:
Oh! Whatta nice flowers, I dunno what to say..

Nurse:
Long live schlager queen! [claps with other nurses]

Mona:
And do you know what happened today? A very nice guy called, his name was Leif and he's a producer

Nurse:
[makes a shocked look] What?!?

Mona:
And on the afternoon, he invited me on lunch to some very nice place...

Nurse:
Well he's buying, isn't he?

Mona:
Well I damn hope so! I don't have 2 bucks in the pocket!

Producer:
[anxiously] When is she coming back?

Bosse:
You think I know?

Producer:
[later on, furiously] This is gonna cost her a contract and she's gonna pay me big money for it!