Postal2007

Blither:
[Dude has just seen the decapitated heads on some spikes] I see you noticed the heads. Motivational. Those are every f***ing bastard I had to climb over to get this job.

Dude:
[Shocked] Jesus...

Blither:
[laughs] Foul. They're paper mache. Heh- [to Recorder] He thought they were real. [chuckles; then, to Dude] Sit down. [Dude sits down as he notices one of the 'fake heads' bleeding] Let's get started. Now, I hope you don't mind the recording. We're gonna use it as training later. [Dude is struggling to sit straight on a seemingly broken chair as Blither is telling him this] What the f*** is wrong with you?

Dude:
Uh, it's, uh, the chair is...

Blither:
[Interrupting] Alright, we're on a time clock. So let's get started, alright?

Dude:
Alright. Well... so, uh, I'm here for the job, sir.

Blither:
[looking through Dude's resume] Right, you're a factory worker.

Dude:
I WAS a factory worker, but the factory got closed down. So, I got laid off.

Blither:
I have interviewed fifteen other people for this job. What makes you think you're better than them?

Dude:
Well, I don't know if I am better than them...

Blither:
Well, god damn it, pal! If you want this job, you better reach out and grab it! You better put those f***ing heads on the wall! [pause] You know what? F*** it, let's go to questions.

Recorder:
What is your greatest strength?

Dude:
Uh... I'm a really good team player.

Recorder:
Wrong. [Types for a while] What is your greatest weakness?

Dude:
Uh, I'd say I work too hard. [chuckles]

Recorder:
Wrong. [Types again] How would you move a mountain using only a spoon?

Dude:
A spoon?

Recorder:
If you were in a box, how would you think outside it? [Dude starts to think of an answer] Wrong. [Types again] Last question: What is the difference between a duck?

Dude:
[Long awkward pause] And... [Another pause; Dude is waiting for more to the question, but nothing. Then, Dude stands up in frustration] What the hell is wrong with you people? A wha- a duck? I don- I came here for a job! A JOB! As far as I know, that job has nothing to do with a cocksucking, motherf***ing DUCK!

Blither:
[after a long pause] Congratulations, pal. You're our leading candidate. How does it feel?

Dude:
[Surprised] It feels good?

Blither:
No, no, no. How does it feel, huh? How does it feel? I mean, how does it feel to put f***ing fifteen heads on that wall? I'll tell you how it feels! It feels f***ing great, doesn't it? It feels f***ing great. [Starts making pelvic thrusts]

Dude:
[Excited] So, I got it! I got the job!

Blither:
Oh, hell no. No, no, no, this is just a getting-to-know-you interview. We still have some more, uh, one hundred and twenty? Yeah, some more candidates, but hell of a start, though.