The 40-Year-Old Virgin2005

Operator:
Hotline.

Andy:
Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours.

Operator:
How much of the medicine have you taken, sir?

Andy:
I haven't taken any, but your ad said that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call.

Operator:
You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine.

Andy:
Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part.

Operator:
Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call.

Andy:
Right. I'm sorry. Right. So, there's nothing you can do? I just don't wanna--

Operator:
There's nothing I can do. I'm in Bombay, India.

Andy:
Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want--I just don't want to have an erection anymore.

Operator:
You know, you could have sex.

Andy:
Okay. Yup.

Operator:
That's one thing people do when they have an erection.

Andy:
Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex.

Operator:
Okay, well, then you can masturbate.

Andy:
I'd rather not masturbate.

Operator:
If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match, blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. And that will focus the brain elsewhere, and you will lose your erection.

Andy:
Really? That'd work?

Operator:
Take your finger and flick your testicle, and if you do that till it hurts, your erection will go away.

Andy:
Okay, all right. It sounds unpleasant and it is.

Operator:
It is a trick we use in India.

Andy:
Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it.

Operator:
We appreciate your business--oh, no. We didn't get your business!

Andy:
No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you.