Ed Wood1994

Weiss:
So what was the important news you couldn't tell me on the phone, again?

Ed Wood:
Well, I started thinking about how you said your movies needed to make a profit. Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?

George Weiss:
Tits.

Ed:
No, better than that. A star!

Weiss:
Kid, you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures, I make crap.

Ed:
Yes — but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something!

Weiss:
Yeah. Crap with a star.

Ed:
No, something better! Something impressive. Maybe the biggest money maker you've ever had.

Weiss:
Fine, alright. You maybe right, but it doesn't frickin' matter! I can't afford a star, so what are we even talking about?

Ed:
Alright, what if I told you you could have a star for $1000?

Weiss:
Who?

[Ed holds up a photo of [Bela Lugosi]

Weiss:
Lugosi?

Ed:
Yes, Lugosi!

Weiss:
Isn't he dead?

Ed:
No, he's not dead! He lives in Baldwin Hills. I met him recently, and he really wants to be in our movie.

Weiss:
Why would Lugosi wanna do a sex-change flick?

Ed:
Because he's my friend!

Weiss:
All right, fine! You can direct it. I want a script in three days. We start shooting a week from Monday.

Ed:
Oh... oh, Mister Weiss, thank you so much! You won't regret it! I won't let you down!