Horse Feathers1932

Wagstaff:
(enters a biology classroom) Have they started sawing a woman in half yet?

Biology professor:
Why, Mr. President, this is indeed an honor! What brings you here?

Wagstaff:
A bicycle, but I left it in the hallway. Do you have two empty dunce seats in here? 'Cause I got two empty-headed dunces in the hall. Come in, dunces! (Baravelli and Pinky enter) Here they are- ten cents a dunce. (Baravelli gives the professor an apple, Pinky gives him a watermelon) Now all you need is a bowl of cherries.

Biology teacher:
Er- find yourselves a couple of seats. (Pinky and Baravelli sit down, kiss the girls on either side of them, accidentally kiss each other, start a fight, then sit down again) Now, let us go on with our lecture.

Wagstaff:
I wish you'd go on without your lecture. (looking down a microscope)

Biology teacher:
... What do you think of that slide?

Wagstaff:
Well, I think he was safe at second, but it was very close.

Biology teacher:
Now, let us examine the circulatory system. Here is the liver.

Wagstaff:
What! No bacon! I'd send that back if I were you.

Biology teacher:
The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis. Of course, you are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis.

Baravelli:
Sure. So roses are red. So violets are blue. So sugar is sweet. So so are you.

Wagstaff:
I can't see him, but I bet I know who it is.

Biology teacher:
For the protection of the heart, or cardium, Mother Nature has provided a sac, called the pericardium. Any questions?

Baravelli:
Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open?

Wagstaff:
Is this stuff on the level or are you just making it up as you go along? My feet are getting tired from this walk.

Biology teacher:
Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest text book on anatomy. I'm sure my students will bear me out.

Baravelli:
(stands up) We'll bear you out!

[The teacher is borne out of the classroom into the corridor, literally, by Pinky and Baravelli, Pinky loudly honking his taxi horn]

Wagstaff:
(to the students) Let that be a lesson to all of you: this school was here before you came, and it'll be here before you go. And that goes for you too, ya numbskull! (swats at a skull sitting on the professor's desk)