Some Like It Hot1959

Jerry:
Have I got things to tell you!

Joe:
What happened?

Jerry:
I'm engaged.

Joe:
Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?

Jerry:
I am!

Joe:
WHAT?!

Jerry:
Osgood proposed to me! We're planning a June wedding.

Joe:
What are you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.

Jerry:
Why, you think he's too old for me?

Joe:
Jerry, you can't be serious.

Jerry:
Why not? He keeps marrying girls all the time.

Joe:
But, you're not a girl! You're a guy, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?

Jerry:
For security! Look, I know there's a problem, Joe.

Joe:
I'll say there is.

Jerry:
His mother - we need her approval, but I'm not worried because I don't smoke.

Joe:
Jerry. There's another problem, like what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?

Jerry:
We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I'm kinda leaning toward Niagra Falls.

Joe:
My God.

Jerry:
I don't expect it to last Joe. I'll tell him when the time's right.

Joe:
Like when?

Jerry:
Like right after the ceremony. Then we get a quick annulment, he makes a nice little settlement on me and I keep getting those alimony checks every month.

Joe:
Jerry listen to me there are laws, conventions. It's just not been done.

Jerry:
Joe this may be my last chance to marry a millionaire.

Joe:
Oh, Jerry — Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.

Jerry:
I'm a boy.

Joe:
That's the boy.

Jerry:
I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?

Joe:
What engagement present?

Jerry:
Osgood gave me a bracelet.

Joe:
[examining it] Hey, these are real diamonds!

Jerry:
Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?