Private Parts1997

Caller:
I was calling because I have a really big problem.

Howard:
What's your problem?

Caller:
Well, every morning I lie in bed, and the only thing I can do is think of you.

Howard:
Oh, really? Well, let's see if we can't help you with your problem. What do you look like?

Caller:
Well, I've got blond hair, and I've got blue eyes, and my measurements are about 38-24-34. Some people tell me I look a lot like Farrah Fawcett.

Howard:
I can help you. Robin, I can help this girl.

Robin:
You know, we have the most beautiful audience.

Howard:
We certainly do. We're very fortunate that way. You know what we're gonna do to solve your problem? I'm gonna have sex with you right now over the radio.

Robin:
How are we gonna do that?

Howard:
Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin. First of all, what kind of radio are you listening to us on? You have a transistor radio, or you have one of those big sound systems?

Caller:
I have one of those big sound systems.

Howard:
Good. OK. Could you turn the treble all the way down and put the bass all the way up?

Caller:
OK. The treble's down, and the bass is up.

Howard:
Take your speaker...You got a big speaker?

Caller:
Yes, I do.

Howard:
Lay it flat on the floor. And I want you to sort of straddle the speaker.

Robin:
Howard!

Caller:
Do what?

Robin:
A woman cannot be aroused in that way.

Howard:
No. This is really wrong, Robin. You're absolutely wrong. In fact, my father was a radio engineer, and he proved this theory years ago. You've got to believe. Now, what I need you to do is put your private area over the woofer.

Caller:
I can't believe you're really making me to do this.

Howard:
Come on, do it. Right up against it so you can feel me.

Caller:
I'm on.

Robin:
Oh, I have to ask her a question. What kind of a woman are you to have sex this way on the radio?

Howard:
Don't answer that question. Bad question. You're gonna ruin this woman's mood. She might start second-guessing. Are you ready to have sex?

Caller:
[Giggling] Oh, my God.

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Ooh!

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Oohh! Ooh. It kinda tingles.

Howard:
See? It tingles. She likes it.

Robin:
Yeah, sure.

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Ohh! Oh...

Robin:
She's full of it.

Caller:
Aahh! Ohh! Oh, God! Oh!

Howard:
Listen to her. She's going wild.

Robin:
You got me moaning.

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Ohhhhhhhh! Oh, my goodness. Ohhh!

Howard:
[laughs] This is the best sex I ever had.