Shrek 22004

[after escaping Fairy Godmother's potion factory]

Shrek:
[reading the potion bottle] "Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. "For you and your true love. "If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. "Happiness, comfort and beauty divine."

Donkey:
[confused] You both will be fine?

Shrek:
I guess it means it'll affect Fiona too. [opens the potion bottle]

Donkey:
Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. So why don't you just drop that jug o' voodoo, and let’s get out of here.

Shrek:
It says "beauty divine". How bad can it be? [sniffs the potion and sneezes]

Donkey:
A-ha! See, You're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again!

Puss:
Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion… allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you.

Donkey:
Oh, no, no. I don’t think so. If there’ll be any animal testing, I’ll do it. That’s the best friend’s job. Now give me that bottle. [Donkey snatches the potion bottle from Shrek's hands with his mouth, which starts drinking it, but Shrek snatches it back from Donkey.]

Shrek:
How do you feel?

Donkey:
I don't feel any different. Do I look any different?

Puss:
You still look like an ass to me.

Shrek:
Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. Well, here's to us, Fiona.

Donkey:
Shrek? You drink that, there's no going back.

Shrek:
I know.

Donkey:
No more wallowing in the mud?

Shrek:
I know.

Donkey:
No more itchy butt crack?

Shrek:
I know!

Donkey:
But you love being an ogre!

Shrek:
I know! [sighs] But I love Fiona more.

[Shrek starts chugging the potion]

Donkey:
Shrek, no! Wait! [Shrek swallows the potion, then feels his stomach gurglin'. Donkey and Puss hides behind the rock, then Shrek farts.] Got to be… I think you grabbed the "Farty Ever After" potion.

Puss:
Maybe is a dud.

Shrek:
Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.

[Dark storm clouds come above Shrek, Donkey and Puss]

Donkey:
Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die! [rain starts pouring, soaking the trio and getting them wet] Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy!? I'm melting! I'M MELTING!!

Shrek:
It's just the rain, Donkey. [Donkey chuckles, they head to a barn for some shade. The blue ooze from Shrek's sneeze reaction on the mushroom transforms into a rose.]