Xavier: Renegade Angel2007

[Xavier trains his younger-self on how to be a guardian angel]

Xavier:
Guardianing isn't here. It's up here and here. You're just a dull lump of clay, and I must sculpt and mold and you into my hoMAGE -- The greatest minder known to man.

[zooms out the scene where they're at a golf course]

Golf Boy:
What are you doing on the putt-putt?!

Xavier:
LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

[cuts to the next scene where Kid Xavier is trying to balance on a boat]

Xavier:
Your mind and body must be quick. Keep trying to punch yourself. See how quick I am? [punches himself] Didn't even see me coming.

[cuts to the next scene where Kid Xavier is laying down on a bed full of nails with scorpions on his face]

Xavier:
This journey is devoted towards unteaching you to unlearn all you know. [quickly] Rather, this non-journey isn't revoted distwoards comegoing away, from, to, in, out, over, under formembergetting. [realizes] Whoa! What the hell happened to you?

Hardware Manager:
Hey! Get out of my store!

[Xavier teaches Kid Xavier to zen]

Xavier:
You have to be so zen, you can make weak minds crumble at your potent thoughts.

Kid Xavier:
How would someone do that?

[Xavier suddenly starts to get a seizure and pissed himself]

Xavier:
[struggled] You've got the gift.

[Xavier teaches Kid Xavier work up his muscles]

Xavier:
CONTEMPLATE EXISTENCE! PONDER INFINITY! PONDER HARDER! I'VE SEEN DEEPER REPOSE ON A DEAD DONKEY! I'm going to work you till your body is cut like an ox. Gonna be months of hard, grueling -- I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

Xavier:
Tell you what -- I'll just remember that I put you through the wringer.

[Xavier remembered Kid Xavier becoming strong by becoming a real thing]

Kid Xavier:
It hurts!

Xavier:
Acupuncture.

[Xavier pops Kid Xavier's muscular skin]

Kid Xavier:
What happened?

Xavier:
I stuck it in you, and you became a man.