Xavier: Renegade Angel2007

[Kid Xavier finally becomes a guardian angel]

Xavier:
You've absorbed all of my knowledge, and thus you have earned my soul. [releases his mutated Xavier soul, pluses the squirrel's soul as well] Go on, boy -- Hop in!

Kid Xavier:
You've put your manhood in me. Fromst this henceforth, my vowluation is towardst protectorize mine mommy.

Xavier's Mom:
Who are you talking to?

Kid Xavier:
This visitor -- Right here.

Xavier's Mom:
You see someone? Is this place haunted?! You bring evil spirit, boy! I need a -- I haven't had a drink since the night you were conceived. Go get me some whiskey and some PILLS!

Xavier:
[to Kid Xavier] Say "Yes," then just give her apple juice and sugar pills. Protect her always.

Kid Xavier:
Yes, mama.

Xavier's Mom:
[eat pills and drinks apple juice] Sweet nectar! ARGH! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN! You scare me.

Xavier:
[to Kid Xavier] Don't worry -- She's not really intoxicated. It's all in her mind.

Kid Xavier:
Will this save mommy?

Xavier:
I think it worked out well. I remember time went by.

[Xavier remembers how it worked out a few years later with his idea showing a total pigsty]

Xavier's Mom:
[to Teen Xavier] Lady, get me more of these pills and whiskey, and I'll suck -- YOU'RE ADDICTED! I wish I wasn't addicted.

Xavier:
[to Teen Xavier] Go on-- Break her the good news about your decade of deception, your bout of epocock and bull, your wormhole whopper. Tell her about your period!

Teen Xavier:
Mother, you haven't taken any inebriants at all. I've been feeding you apple juice and sugar pills all these years. Aren't you proud of me, mother?

Xavier's Mom:
So it's all in my head? I don't know what's real! I can't trust anything! I'M LOSING MY MIND!

[cuts to the next scene where Xavier is talking to his younger-self but actually talking to a random table in the bar while being hallucinated the entire time when he met his younger-self in the first place]

Xavier:
Tell her, "Don't worry". It's all in her mind.

Big Papa Dick:
Who are you talking to?

Xavier:
I'm talking to this child here.

Pregnant Stripper #3:
He sees The Phantom Child!

Redneck #1:
The Phantom Child has returned to haunt us!

Random Pregnant Stripper:
GHOSTS!