China, Il2011

[Baby Cakes and Professor Cakes head to the Pet Adoption Center to find a magical pet]

Baby Cakes:
Dad, these animals are f***ing awful!

Professor Cakes:
That's not nice, son. They've been through a lot. We should give one a nice home. Oh, come on. Look at that cat.

Baby Cakes:
His sign says that he has cancer, lupis, and repressed memories.

Professor Cakes:
Oh, yeah, cancer. Sorry, I didn't see that. UH-OH! LOOK! This dog has an invisible leg! It's, uh, magic!

Dog Owner:
Oh, that dog bites anything that's warm, fyi.

Professor Cakes:
Oh, yeah. Right. Well. HO-HO! LOOK! A snake! Nothing is more magical than a snake!

Baby Cakes:
I hate snakes! They're always shushing me. Come on, just take me to a rainbow, maybe I can score an elf off an irishman.

Professor Cakes:
Look, son, there are no magic animals, okay? I-I have been playing ball all F***ING DAY!

[the adoption animals whimpers from his loud voice]

Professor Cakes:
I'm sorry. L-Listen to this, okay? GROW THE F*** UP! Yes?

Baby Cakes:
[sighs] I guess I needed to hear that. I am post-pubescent and all.

Professor Cakes:
Good. And, yes, we passed that milestone a while back. Barely.