MASH1970

Trapper John:
Well, what's the matter with her today?

Hawkeye Pierce:
I don't know, I think it's one of those Ladies' things.

Trapper John:
It's not like her to act like this. She's a b*tch, look at my new flannel coat. She's going to have a nervous breakdown.

Hawkeye Pierce:
She can't even get out of the door, look.

Hawkeye Pierce:
Morning Frank. Heard from your wife? A bunch of the boys asked me to, uh, ask you, Frank, what Hot Lips was like in the sack. You know, was she...

Frank Burns:
Mind your own business.

Hawkeye Pierce:
No Frank, you know, is she better than self-abuse? Does that- does that big ass of hers move around a lot, Frank or does it sort of lie there flaccid? What would you say about that? Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank? Seriously Frank. I mean, does she go "ooooh" or does she lie there quiet and not do anything at all?

Frank Burns:
Keep your filthy mouth to yourself.

Hawkeye Pierce:
or does she go "uh-uh-uh"?

Hawkeye Pierce:
Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!

Duke Forrest:
What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?

Hawkeye Pierce:
Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for god's sake.

Trapper John:
Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac; I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye.