ALF, Season 1

Lynn:
Where'd the roach go?

Willie:
It ran under the bag.

Kate:
Somebody step on it.

Brian:
There it goes. Look, it has blue eyes.

ALF:
Of course it does. It's a roach. Haven't you ever heard the expression, "her eyes were as blue as a roach's"?

Kate:
Would somebody just squash it!

Willie:
Wait a minute, Kate. This thing came all the way from Melmac. It's a unique specimen.

Kate:
We already have a unique specimen from Melmac.

ALF:
You're comparing me to a cockroach?

Kate:
I'm going to get the spray.

ALF:
Answer me!

Brian:
But, mom, wait. I want to take it to show and tell.

Kate:
It will be just as interesting dead.

Willie:
No, no, here's what we should do. We should catch it. I'll build a little box. We'll put a piece of doughnut right in the middle. Then you guys make sure ALF doesn't get the doughnut before the roach does. Then I'll-[Kate sprays the roach with insecticide]

Lynn:
Never mind the box.

ALF:
You mentioned something about a doughnut?

Lynn:
ALF, we are trying to figure out what to do with the roach.

ALF:
Why? It's gone.

Willie:
What?

Lynn:
Look, it's not there anymore.

Kate:
Where did it go?

Brian:
Maybe you didn't spray it enough.

Kate:
I used half a can.

ALF:
I'll be right back.

Lynn:
Where are you going?

ALF:
I'm going to call a doughnut place that delivers.

Kate:
Come on everybody. We are going to find that roach.

Willie:
Kate, calm down.

Kate:
Calm down? There is a space-roach loose in our house.

Lynn:
Well maybe it went somewhere to die with dignity.

ALF:
Psst. Willie.

Willie:
Yeah, all right, Alf, you can order the doughnuts.

ALF:
I already did. But that's not why I said, "psst."

Willie:
Why did you say, "psst"?

ALF:
Just come out here.

Willie:
What is all this secrecy about?

ALF:
I didn't want to upset Kate.

Willie:
What is it that would upset Kate?

ALF:
I believe a foot-long cockroach would upset Kate. [he points] Ol' blue eyes is back. [he screeches]