Absolutely Fabulous, Series 4 (2001)

[Eddy has started practising yoga]

Edina:
Couple of weeks and I'll be bending like Madonna, won't I darling? I'll be able to kiss my own arse from both directions!

Mother:
[Riding on Eddy's scooter] You used to have one of these when you were a girl!

Edina:
Yeah, but I was never allowed on it.

Mother:
No, you were too big for it, you wobbled.

Edina:
The scooter wobbled!

Mother:
If you say so..

Edina:
I have perfect balance, [to Saffy] sweetheart, look.

Mother:
Wheels don't buckle on their own.

[Edina and Patsy have just returned from a Marilyn Manson gig]

Patsy:
She tried to crowd surf and the tide went out!

Edina:
The sea just parted, darling. I don't know how it happened

Saffy:
They've probably never seen anything that old flying at them before

Edina:
Right, time for another little drinky before we go.

Saffy:
Where are you going?

Edina:
New York.

Saffy:
I didn't think they let people with drug convictions in.

Edina:
Darling, it's not a conviction.

Patsy:
Just a firm belief!

Edina:
[To Saffy] Why does everything you wear look like it's bearing a grudge, darling?

Patsy:
It's a good photo, isn't it? I think the photographer really caught something

Saffy:
Syphilis. [Patsy kicks Saffy in the shin]

Patsy:
Put that book down, you're not showing me up.

Saffy:
[To Edina] You see everything but yourself! You always have the best view in the room because you're not looking at you!

Patsy:
Eddy, y'know, your stomach's like a dog that doesn't know when it's gunna be fed next so it just hangs around until you wanna kick it.

Edina:
I'm a fat person, that's the end of it! Me! The woman who got stuck on an eating loop in Yo! Sushi! I mean, honestly, sweetheart! If they keep it coming round of course I'm gonna eat it, aren't I!?

Saffy:
You burnt and scarred my best friend!

Patsy:
Who??

Edina:
Titicaca.

Patsy:
Oh. [nods]

Saffy:
Her name is Sarah!

Edina:
Darling, she was standing with her little pigtails too close to a candle!

Patsy:
Act of God.

Saffy:
You were holding the candle!

Saffy:
My life is like a constant winter.

Edina:
Yeah, well she never thawed, did she?

Patsy:
Rigor mortis set into her in puberty

Edina:
She's so cold, I bet she has her period in cubes

Edina:
We've gotta kill this play! C'mon, how would I normally ensure a flop?

Bubble:
Promote it!

Katy:
All right, I know I'm late, so don't look at me like that. I've been up all night with the baby. I don't know why it cries so much. I've got friends who use exactly the same sperm bank and theirs is perfect!

Patsy:
I hate gynaecologists! A man who can always look you in the vagina but never in the eye!

Jobo:
[to the MO group members] Come on sisters. We're getting nowhere.

Jobo:
My name is Jobo, and I'm happy to be having the menopause.

Jobo:
I have hot flushes and memory loss, and sometimes when I sneeze, I pee.

Beth De Woodi:
[stands up] Beth De Woodi. The sands of time are trickling through my hour glass!

Patsy Stone:
[raising her hand] Patsy Stone. I hope you're wearing thick underpants!

Edina Monsoon:
[raising her hand] Edina Monsoon, STAND ON THE BLOODY BIN BAG!

Bo:
Marshall, Marshall. Where do the stars go to have the menopause?

Marshall:
Montana. And a small clinic in Arizona.

Bo:
Well...Hitch up the wagons. We're going West.

Edina:
The world has changed. I mean, there was a time I was out there. I was hip. I was dangerous. The Zeitgeist flew from me, sweetheart! I mean, I could pick up the lunch buzz at Momo and fly with it, darling, you know? The more money you spent, the more money you made; it was money on a loop. But not anymore, no. Not anymore, sweetheart--thanks to New Labour.

Saffy:
[rolling her eyes] Oh no...

Edina:
Oh yes, darling: the eternally-grinning funless world of New Labs, isn't it? All that hope, all that future, darling! But do you know something? Once the party's over, you look around, you're still standing in the shit! Nobody wants new things anymore, it's just, "Retro, retro, retro!" I mean, darling, we are skidding backwards into the 2000s on a slick of apology, and that's not a world that thinks I'm that great!