Law & Order: UK, Series 4

Shop Owner:
The bag should still be out there, the napkins should still be on the top.

DS Matt Devlin:
[Ronnie is eating chips and just looks at Matt] You enjoying those?

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Best breakfast I've had all day. Want one?

DS Matt Devlin:
No you're alright. [Sighs and pulls gloves out, going outside to the bin bags]

Suspect:
You don't want to mess these people about!!!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
And you don't want to mess US about! A high court judge has been shot for this car!

DI Natalie Chandler:
Ron? You think she knew her attacker?

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Her head was bashed in against her own car door, guv. I'd say that was personal.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Wanker? That's a bit harsh! I'm quite a nice bloke when you get to know me or so I've been told

DS Matt Devlin:
Impart some fatherly wisdom did you, Ron?

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Wouldn't be the first young tearaway I've had under my wing!

DS Matt Devlin:
This Saturday there's due to be 52 weddings.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
And now a funeral

DI Natalie Chandler:
Dust off your morning suit, Ron

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Not likely, guv. Last wife cut the arms off it.

Mike:
Have you ever heard of the Good Samaritan?

DS Matt Devlin:
Yeah, but the Good Samaritan was never done for assault though, was he?

DS Matt Devlin:
You don't just use three hours down the back of a sofa, Ron!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
I spent my early teens in that ring

DS Matt Devlin:
They had pie eating contests did they?

DS Matt Devlin:
You were a featherweight?

DS Ronnie Brooks:
I still am a featherweight! Just that my clothes got small.

DI Natalie Chandler:
[Carries a cup through after Ronnie had been held at gunpoint] Tea, four sugars.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
[as Matt shakily takes the cup] Get that down you.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
[leaves the room]You don't get rid of me that easy, sunshine.

Jason Peters:
I'm not a messenger boy, James. That's insulting of you.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
You should hear what I think of your client.

CPS Director George Castle:
Does this look like the face of an optimist? What national football team do I support?

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
Point taken.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
What do you suggest? Glasgow kiss? [A headbutt]

CPS Director George Castle:
Only as a last resort.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
Excuse me for thinking about his feelings, it'll never happen again!

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
You should have told me what you were doing.

CPS Prosecutor Alesha Phillips:
You'd only have tried to talk me out of it

DS Matt Devlin:
He's ordering a chinese.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
I wish I had chinese, that is horrible.

DS Matt Devlin:
[puts Ronnie's dinner in an evidence bag]

DS Ronnie Brooks:
What are you doing? That's my dinner

DS Matt Devlin:
Enough is enough!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
What do you mean enough is enough? That's my dinner! Have you nicked them crime scene bags from work?

DS Matt Devlin:
These bags are the only thing strong enough to deal with what you eat!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Matty, you're unbelievable, son!

DS Matt Devlin:
Thank god. I've put on a stone watching Ronnie eat!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
That street dance is it?

DS Matt Devlin:
Brucie here is more familiar with ballroom

DS Ronnie Brooks:
[about older people seeing porn magazines] Wouldn't want them choking on their Werthers."

DS Matt Devlin:
James Steel, I'm arresting you on suspicion of perverting the course of justice. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say will be given in evidence.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
Is it true you were having an affair with the defendant during that time?

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
How did you feel when it ended? Had you not told the defendant that you loved him? you planned a future together.

Claudia Martin:
You bastard.

Claudia Martin:
Betrayal is an interesting choice of word coming from a man who was cheating on his wife.

Claudia Martin:
You used me, you know... I'd have done anything for you

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
Anything... which is why the jury should see your evidence for what it is. The emotional backlash of a woman scorned.

CPS Prosecutor Alesha Phillips:
You really will do anything to win, won't you?

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
I had to discredit her.

CPS Prosecutor Alesha Phillips:
So she was just collateral damage.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
[harshly] Yeah.

Samuel Cain:
Do you know what your success rate is as a prosecutor?

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
No, I've no idea. I don't keep a record of it

Samuel Cain:
Let me tell you. It's 93%

Samuel Cain:
Are you proud of those results?

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
I'd be happier if it was 100.

Eli Smart:
It's a honor to meet you like this, Mr. Steel. You did a talk at my uni. 'Law Claims Against the State.' Very inspiring. You know, I loved that George Eliot quote you started your lecture with, "Falsehood is easy, truth so difficult." [to Alesha] 'Course he was on the right side back then. It was watching him in action that made me choose defense.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel:
Well, you can get my autograph later.

DS Matt Devlin:
The shop downstairs is another story, though. Owned by one Sanjit Chatterjee, currently under investigation for unpaid VAT, and selling alcohol without a license. He's already got one failed business under his belt. Declared bankruptcy at the tender age of twenty-five.

DI Natalie Chandler:
So not exactly young entrepreneur of the year.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
And he's got a stupid beard.

DI Natalie Chandler:
That's enough for me.