A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Series 2

[Dammit!]

Laurie:
A good wife, or a good business partner?

Fry:
Is there a difference, Peter?

Laurie:
I hope so, John.

Laurie:
[Examining a plate] See this? You could eat your dinner off this.

[Vox Pop]

Laurie:
[with an electronic organiser] Ask me anything, a telephone number, what time it is in Adelaide. Tell you what, I can tell you exactly what I'll be doing on the third of August 1997, say. Hang on... [presses a few buttons]. Nothing. See, it says. Nothing.

[Over To You]

Presenter:
Did your children see the...

Laurie:
No, they didn't. They didn't see it. But only thanks to the purest good fortune that they don't happen to have been born yet, otherwise I dread to think what damage may have been caused. It was simply disgusting.

[Dinner With Digby]

Laurie:
Our Venice is being taken away from us. It's heaving with Germans.

Leslie:
And Italians! The place is absolutely heaving with Italians.

Fry:
If I had my way with that Mervin Bragg...

Laurie:
..no one would be the least surprised.

Laurie:
You know what makes me REALLY mad? It's this new drug, ecstasy. Makes me MAD!

Laurie:
You know what makes me REALLY mad? It's this belief that I'm John the Baptist.

[Amputated Genitals]

Fry:
I appreciate that you're trying to help here, but I also used my genitals for, you know, expelling urine.

Laurie:
That's the beauty of the system. When people see you in a combat jacket and driving around in a white van with Killer in the back, the piss will be taken out of you constantly.

[Bomb in a Restaurant]

Laurie:
[nervously] Good evening. Table for bomb, please.

[Vox Pop]

Fry:
Well, I was born Mary Patterson, but then I married and naturally took my husband's name, so now I'm Neil Patterson.

Fry:
It's ludicrously easy to knock Mrs. Thatcher, isn't it? It's the simplest, easiest and most obvious thing in the world to remark that she's a shameful, putrid scab, an embarrassing, ludicrous monstrosity that makes one frankly ashamed to be British and that her ideas and standards are a stain on our national history. That's easy! Anyone can see that! Nothing difficult about that! But after tonight, no one will ever accuse us again with failing to come up with something to take her place. Hugh?

[Hugh Laurie pulls out a coat hanger]