Arthur, Season 2 (1997-98)

Mr. Rogers:
You don't want them to think you're a little kid anymore.

Arthur:
Yeah... I mean, no offense.

Mr. Rogers:
Sometimes you feel like you're too old for certain things.

Arthur:
I just don't want people to make fun of me.

Mr. Rogers:
Real friends don't make fun of real friends. And your friends seem like real friends. They all seem to be concerned about you.

Mrs. MacGrady:
Tissues to your left, dear. I see one more thing. Oh, yes, here's a cartoon of you as green gloop. (clears throat) I said there's a cartoon of you as green gloop! (Mrs MacGrady turns her head to where the students are hiding) Green gloop! (the students pauses for a one little bit; Buster, haves his hands on the rope, quietly let it go; the students feel guilty and decide to stops causes their friend further humiliation and do nothing happens)

Francine:
(blows her nose) I just wish they'd stop.

Arthur:
What's in the pencil?!

D.W.:
Cucumbers: yucky. Mushrooms: yucky. Onions: yucky and smelly. Hey, this isn't lettuce. What kind of a salad is this?

Arthur:
Uh-oh! She's gonna pop!

D.W.:
This is spinach.

Waiter:
Is something the matter?

D.W.:
This is spinach, and I...HATE...SPINACH!! Uh-oh!

Waiter:
[furiously] That's it! I quit.

Jane:
[sternly quiet] DORA WINIFRED READ.

[cut in the Arthur's House in Grandma Thora and Baby Kate]

Grandma Thora:
Back so soon? Did you have a good time?

Arthur:
D.W. punched her salad and it exploded! [pauses] All over the waiter, and everyone was staring at us.

D.W.:
They were NOT! Everybody's making this into such a big deal!

Jane:
No more restaurants for you, young lady, until you can behave and learn to eat what's placed in front of you. Now, go to your room.

Arthur:
What about Grandma Thora's birthday at the Once Upon a Restaurant next week?

Jane:
D.W. will not be joining us.

Arthur:
Wow, too bad. [sighs] Dinner without D.W. I guess we'll just have to suffer through it without her.

Grandma Thora:
If D.W. can't come to the restaurant, I'd be just as happy coming over here for dinner.

Arthur:
What? And miss Once Upon a Restaurant?

Grandma Thora:
It just wouldn't be a happy birthday if D.W. wasn't there!

Arthur:
But that's the best restaurant ever! This isn't fair! Am I supposed to do everything with D.W.?

[Arthur watches Francine feed Kate spinach]

Francine:
Baby Kate is such a big girl! She loves her spinach. Yes, she does. Don't you, Katie-watie?

D.W.:
[runs inside] Kate, stop! It's a trick! Don't eat it!

Arthur:
No, no, no. Kate is a big girl. Not like some sisters who throw their food and have tantrums like a baby.

D.W.:
I'm not a baby!

Arthur:
Are, too!

D.W.:
Am not!

Arthur:
Are too!

Francine:
QUIET! If you're not a baby, prove it. [she hands D.W. a spoonful of spinach; D.W. is about to take a bite when Kate spits up her spinach and smiles]

D.W.:
Well, looks like I'm not the only one with good taste around here. I don't hate spinach.

[Arthur stages a phone conversation at home with D.W. listening]

Arthur:
Oh, Grandma! I'm so glad you changed your mind. I can't believe we're going to the restaurant after all.

D.W.:
Hey, what are you telling Grandma?!

Arthur:
Nothing, D.W., leave me alone! What's that, Grandma! Oh, yes, I think it'll be just as much fun without her.

D.W.:
Without who?! Let me talk to her! [tries to take the phone]

Arthur:
D.W., isn't there some dancing vegetable on T.V.?

D.W.:
Give me the phone!! I can go wherever I want!!

Arthur:
But you said you didn't want to go to restaurants, remember? And this one might have spinach. And... [holds the phone out of D.W.'s reach]

D.W.:
Grandma, I'm coming to your party, and I'm gonna be lots of fun! Ha, so there! You're not the boss of me, Arthur Read!

Arthur:
Well, Grandma, I guess there's nothing I can do. We're just going to have to take D.W. with us.

D.W.:
That's right. Mom, Dad! I wanna go to the restaurant! I'll try new food and eat it all! [runs to find her parents]

Arthur:
It worked, thanks!

Buster:
[at the other end, impersonating Grandma Thora] Glad I could help you, sonny!

D.W.:
Why is everyone looking at me? I love spinach! Everybody knows that. (Arthur rolls his eyes as D.W. sits back and smiles.)

Buster:
And then, the evil genius escapes in his supersonic jet to his other space station shaped which is shaped like a giant clam and...

Arthur:
Buster, snap out of it!

Francine:
Buster, there's no way we could do something that complicated.

Buster:
Huh?! Oh, you're right. Why even bother?

Brain:
Well, we could do a supersonic jet.

Buster:
Really?

Brain:
Paper. Marker. Spy-paint. Tah-da!

Buster:
Wow! It's just like I imagined! Better!

Prunella:
Wow! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it was nothing like the James Hound movie...

Arthur:
Oh yeah? Well, we tried but...

Prunella:
It was much better!

Arthur:
Really?

Muffy:
And the next one's going to be even better! Oops! [ejects the videotape]

D.W.:
(plays with dolls on the living room floor) This is Tiffany and this is her servant. And this is their lifeboat and these are the angry sharks... (Kate grabs Tiffany and D.W. gasps) No! I'll do the playing! You just watch me! (Both Kate and D.W. pull at the doll. The head falls off and D.W. gasps.) Aah! Look what you did!

Jane:
Play nicely, D.W.

D.W.:
But she killed Tiffany! [Kate giggles]

Mrs. Read:
Here. Give that to me. This looks easy to fix. Don't worry. (She gives D.W. the fixed doll back.) Ahh, there we go! Good as new! No need to get excited!

D.W.:
How come you're always on her side?!

Jane:
I am not on anyone's side, but Kate's a baby and, and you're a big girl.

D.W.:
[angrily] I am NOT a big girl, I'm a little girl! (Kate chuckles) Be quiet, you!

Jane:
D.W.

D.W.:
You sweet, little baby-wayby! (She sees Jane leaves the room) This is mine! You can only touch it when I say so.

Jane:
[sternly] D.W.!

D.W.:
Give that back, or I'll PINCH you!! [Jane grabs her] Augh!! [drops the Tiffany doll]

Jane:
[sternly] Dora Winifred Read, go to your room.

D.W.:
But what did I do?

D.W.:
What about my supper? How will I survive?!

Jane:
Supper's not till 6. You'll be out long before then.

D.W.:
But what if you forget about me? I could starve to death! Mommy! Mommy! (She clings to her mother’s leg. Mrs. Read looks annoyed. She sits D.W. down on the bed.)

Jane:
It's 4:30 now. When the clock says 4:40, you can come downstairs. And I'll set the alarm so you'll know when it's time.

D.W.:
(pretends to cry on her pillow) You don't love me! You only love Kate and Arthur and Daddy and Pal and... and Grandpa, and Aunt Lucy, and...and... (Jane has left the room and Nadine appears.) How long did she say?

Nadine:
10 minutes. When it says 4:31, that means one minute has gone by.

David:
[after D.W.'s fantasy] What are you doing?

D.W.:
The clock broke and time stopped and I was coming to warn you-

David:
[to DW] Nice try, D.W. Back to your room, now.

D.W.:
[goes backs upstairs to her room, grumpiest] Sheesh! You don't have to treat me like a criminal.

D.W.:
(sobs) And what about when Cousin Lucy got married? I had to stay at home and cook and clean while everyone else went to the wedding. (Imaginary flashback: D.W., in rags again, which are now completely tattered, cleans the fireplace and sneezes)

Jane:
[furious] AREN'T YOU DONE YET?! YOU STILL HAVE THE BEDS TO MAKE AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE BREAKFAST DISHES!!

D.W.:
[in tears] Can't I go to the wedding, please?!

Jane:
Weddings are NOT for little girls!

D.W.:
But what about Kate? She's going.

Jane:
(maniacally) Kate is a baby! Besides, we like her better than you! Ready, everyone? [they leave]

Arthur:
Don't forget to brush the dog. (D.W. brushes away her tears. She watches from the window as the family gets in the car and leaves. The flashback ends. D.W. sobs on her pillow.)

D.W.:
[whines] It's so sad being me.

Nadine:
But you went to the wedding, D.W.

D.W.:
Whose side are you on, anyway?

D.W.:
Are you sure my clock is working? Maybe I've really been in here for hours.

Jane:
Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room.

D.W.:
That's it. I'm calling Grandma's. At least she likes me... (In her imagination, David picks up the phone in the kitchen. Grandma Thora is phoning from her kitchen with D.W. sitting next to her eating cookies.)

David:
Hello?

Thora:
Son, this is your mother. What do you mean by punishing poor little D.W.? (looks at D.W.) Eat up, lovey. You can have all the cookies you want. (returns to call) How could you?! Look at this little angel. This child is perfect. (A halo appears over D.W.'s head) Punish Arthur. He's the real troublemaker.

David:
Absolutely. Yes, of course, Mom. Arthur, go to your room and never come out!

Arthur:
[gulps]

Binky:
Come on, Arthur, to the kitchen.

Arthur:
D.W., I'm trying to do my homework! And there's no such word as "busalooney". If you don't stop, I'm gonna wreck that CD!

D.W.:
Mom!

Mr. Read:
I wouldn't have promised to bring the music to the party if I known I lost it.

Mrs. Read:
Found it!

Mr. Read:
Great!

D.W.:
Mom, Arthur's gonna wreck my Crazy Bus!

Mrs. Read:
Turn it off! I can't hear you!

Mr. Read:
Arthur?

D.W.:
Mom and Dad say if you touch it, then they'll adopt you to another country without TV.

Mrs. Read:
D.W., wash up for dinner.

D.W.:
What were they thinking when they invented brothers? What a dopey idea!

Mrs. Read:
D.W., are you alright?!

Mr. Read:
What's wrong?!

D.W. Crazy Bus is gone! I left it on the thing and it's gone!! GOOOOOOONE!!!!!!

Mr. Read:
Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.

D.W.:
I know! Arthur took it!

Arthur:
I didn't!

Mr. Read:
Honestly, Arthur?

Arthur:
I didn't take it, Dad, really!

D.W.:
Yeah, like you didn't take my snowball out of the freezer!

Arthur:
Let's not start that again!

D.W.:
Life is so unfair! Mommy, I can't sleep because I'm starting to forget how the song goes!

Francine:
She's giving me the creeps, Arthur. Why don't you just give her the CD back?

Arthur:
I don't have it! Don't you believe me?

Francine:
Mmm-mmm!

Burger Mom:
Put down my boy, you big bully!

D.W.:
Of course I can hear you. What did you say?

David:
We're deciding where to take a trip.

D.W.:
I vote for Ponyland! I have to go! It's like a dream come true! Please?

Arthur:
Remember the last time we went to a place D.W. saw on TV?

Arthur:
"Share a sundae with Santa and his friendly reindeer.”

Santa:
Ho ho ho!!! Didn't you bring me a sundae? How can you share a sundae with Santa if you don't bring a sundae to Santa?

D.W.:
Okay, so maybe it won't be as great as Santa's Igloo, but I must go to Ponyland!

David:
How would you feel about going to Washington D.C.?

D.W.:
Ponyland!

Jane:
There are lots of great things in Washington.

D.W.:
I don't see any ponies!

Arthur:
Washington is where the president lives!

D.W.:
I don't care about the president! I care about ponies!

David:
If you go where Arthur chose this time, you can plan our next trip, okay?

D.W.:
Promise?

David:
Promise.

D.W.:
Okay, okay, I'll go.

David:
It'll be fun.

D.W.:
Since I made such a sacrifice, maybe you’ll buy me a pony?

David:
No.

D.W.:
I could keep it in my room?

David:
No.

D.W.:
I wouldn’t ride it in the house?!

David:
NO!

D.W.:
Pony. Ponies. A lucky little girl who owns a pony.

David:
This is gonna be a long ride.

Jane:
Hey, D.W., let's play a game.

D.W.:
Okay, let's name the ponies we pass. Blaze, Scout, Jerry, Stumper, Dasher, Dancer, Lexi...

Arthur:
I'm Arthur Read. Mr. President?

President:
The same Arthur Read who won the spelling bee and who played that great piano solo at the spring recital?

Mr. Read:
Hold it! Where are you taking the cereal?

D.W.:
Walter is hungry.

Mr. Read:
Slam on your brakes! Walter who?

D.W.:
Walter Deer!

Mr. Read:
Walter Deer? Whoa! D.W., our food isn't good for deer to eat.

D.W.:
Don't worry, Dad, I'm not gonna let him eat it. I'm just gonna get him to come close to me.

Mr. Read:
D.W., that's not safe, and it's not allowed. You can look at the deer.

D.W.:
But if all I had to do was look, then I might as well be at home watching TV.

Mr. Read:
This is the deer's home. You wouldn't like it if someone fed you strange food in your home.

D.W.:
I would, if it was a deer.

Fern:
What are you writing your book report on, Arthur?

Arthur:
I've read a lot of good books lately. I'm trying to choose between the two best.

Brain:
If you can't decide, I've read an exciting book about magnetic fields that I highly recommend.

[Arthur, Buster and Fern's mouths fall open]

Fern:
No thanks, it can't be as good as "The Case of the Creepy Shadow." [she pulls out that book.]

Brain:
What about you, Buster? [he pulls out a set of magnets sticking to one another] It's intriguing reading and comes with six free magnets.

Buster:
Um, sounds great, Brain, but I plan to do what I always do. Book reports are no sweat.

Arthur:
I thought he was my best friend, but he wants to go.

Sue Ellen:
I bet he doesn't want to go.

Arthur:
He could have stayed and lived in a pit, but he said no. What does that tell you?

Sue Ellen:
Try thinking how Buster will feel. You're losing one friend, but everything else stays the same for you.

Arthur:
Yeah? So?

Sue Ellen:
Buster's losing all his friends and going to a place where everything is new. It can be scary. I know. We moved a lot because of my father's job. It's hard.

Arthur:
Buster probably needs a best friend now more than ever.

Brain:
Yeah.

Binky:
You said it!

Arthur:
I've decided to stay around the house, help out with some chores and stuff.

Francine:
Huh? Why?

Arthur:
Oh, you know, I figured I violated my parents' trust by going to the dump. I should think about what I did and stuff.

Sue Ellen:
Well, Arthur, that's really adult of you.

[Arthur and D.W. sit at the breakfast table in their pajamas. Mrs. Read makes scrambled eggs on toast.]

Mrs. Read:
Planning a party is a lot of work, you know.

D.W.:
How hard can it be? You invite people and they come!

Mrs. Read:
Speaking of people, let's keep this small. Just Grandma Thora's closest friends, okay?

D.W.:
That's no fun! Can't we do stuff like rent an elephant or a zebra?

Mrs. Read:
No elephants, D.W., just a nice, small, quiet party. Are you listening, Arthur?

[Arthur goes on reading the cereal box without looking]

Arthur:
Yeah, Mom, a nice, small, quiet...

(She pulls Fern away. Fern gives Francine a reproving look. In Francine’s imagination she and Brain are standing in an old English courtroom wearing prisoner’s clothes. Arthur as prosecutor is questioning Fern. Mr. Ratburn is the judge.)

Arthur:
And before Muffy Crosswire hired you, you knew who wrote the note.

Fern:
I deduced immediately it was Brain and Francine. Of course I had to tell Muffy. My reputation was at stake.

Nigel Ratburn (Judge):
[bangs with the gavel] That's all the evidence I need to hear. Guilty as charged!

Francine:
[takes her to the locks in a jail cell with Brain] But it was just a joke... just a joke...just a joke...a joke...

Muffy:
They're here because of me.

Arthur:
But this is a race course.

D.W.:
[locks the Arthur and Brain in a jail cell] And obstructing justice?!

Arthur:
What do you mean you want me to take D.W. to the race?!

Mrs. Read:
We'll meet you guys down there. We have to drop Kate off at Grandma Thora's first.

Arthur:
Couldn't you get a babysitter or something? She's just gonna blow her whistle at everyone!

D.W.:
Am not! Not unless I see someone who's not being safe.

Mr. Read:
You have been getting a little carried away with your whistle, D.W.

D.W.:
But I'm just doing what Officer Safety said to do.

Mrs. Read:
He didn't mean for you to be a tattletale, D.W. He just wants you to let people know when someone's doing something dangerous, okay?

D.W.:
I guess.

Mr. Read:
Good. Now, tomorrow, Arthur, you will take D.W. to the race. And, D.W., you will not bother Arthur.

Francine:
Wow! [flashback in the jungle and then Tarzan yells and falls off the vines] Uh! Ow!?

Jane:
D.W., one at a time!

D.W.:
You're always picking on me. You never pick on anyone else. Only me, me, ME!

Jane:
You know that's not true, D.W. Everybody has to eat politely and that includes you.

D.W.:
That does NOT include me! You never include me. You always make me stay home whenever there's anything fun. Only Arthur gets to have fun! Only Arthur...

Francine:
D.W., can I ask you a question?

D.W.:
Maybe.

Francine:
What's the matter with you?! [D.W. gasps and runs out of the room sobbing]

Arthur:
[sarcastic] That was great. You really solved the problem.

Francine:
I didn't think she'd get so upset.

David:
It's not your fault, Francine.

Francine:
May I be excused? [Francine walks up the stairs and into D.W.’s room where D.W. is sobs on her bed.]

D.W.:
(sobs)

Francine:
I'm sorry, D.W. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but you really are being a total doofus. If you know what I mean.

D.W.:
Who asked you? You don't even live here.

Francine:
Well, nobody asked me. But I'm Arthur's friend. When something's buggin' him, I wanna help.

D.W.:
You know what, Francine?!

Francine:
What?

D.W.:
Go... go... Oh, I'm too tired to think of any more mean things to say.

Brain:
So did Francine figure out what's wrong with D.W.?

Arthur:
No, it only made her worse. Last night she slammed so many doors I thought we'd get arrested.

Announcer:
Join us for another nerve-racking half hour of Temper Tantrum Patrol Squad!

All:
(Whining)

David:
Thank heavens you're here! Upstairs, and to the right.

Policeman:
You have the right to remain silent--

D.W.:
I WILL NOT BE SILENT! [stands up and crosses arms] I'LL BE AS LOUD AS I WANT! A-AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME! NO ONE CAN STOP ME! WHO MADE YOU THE BOSS OF THE WORLD?

Policeman:
We need back up, fast!

Binky:
Cool! When is that gonna be on?

Arthur:
She's eating her sandwich, she's making a face, she's spitting the baloney into her hand... She's throwing it into the bushes. Pal is eating the bal... Pal!! Put that down! [Pauses]

Francine:
Quiet! Spies don't yell.

Arthur:
Sorry. I couldn't help it. Seeing Pal eat spit-covered baloney, yuck!

Francine:
Give me those! Where'd she go? (D.W. appears right in front of her looking angrily.) Augh!

D.W.:
I know what you're doing and it won't work!

Arthur:
She's not saying anything. And it's 10 o’clock and I'm tired!

Arthur:
Great, we spent all that money, and we still don't know what's wrong with her, except she's driving me absolutely busalooney, and you know how much I hate that word!

Francine:
Arthur, D.W. and I are going to get some ice cream. Why don't you go home?

Arthur:
What?!

Francine:
I'm sorry, this is just for girls. See you later.

D.W.:
Mom! Arthur said my head looks like a watermelon except for the bad haircut!

Arthur:
She started it!

Catherine:
I can handle it. Have a good time!

David:
Thanks. Be good, kids!

Arthur:
She started it.

Catherine:
I have a lot of homework, so why don't you two go play quietly at opposite ends of the house?

D.W.:
I ditch my room!

Arthur:
I wouldn't want to go to your stupid messy girl-room anyway!

D.W.:
Clammy clam-face!

Arthur:
Turtle-breath!

Catherine:
Hey!!

D.W.:
I don't have turtle-breath! Smell!

Catherine:
What's going on here?

D.W.:
He called me turtle-breath!

Catherine:
Why are you in her room?

Arthur:
She took my red crayon.

D.W.:
I had to! It's a castle coloring book! There's a lot of bricks!

Catherine:
D.W., give him his crayon. Arthur, go back to the den.

D.W.:
This isn't working because Arthur knows more words than me.