Batman, Season 2

Batman:
He's from Philadelphia.

Dick Clark:
How did you know?

Batman:
You dipped your dipthong. People from Philadelphia are known for that.

Alan A. Dale:
I like that cape, Batman. Very chic.

Batman:
Remember the Boy Scouts' motto.

Robin:
'Be prepared'.

Batman:
It would do well to keep that in mind at all times.

Catwoman:
I'm not just pussyfooting around this time, Batman!

Robin:
Holy oleo!

Catwoman:
I didn't know you could yodel.

Robin:
Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!

Batman:
I wasn't scared in the least.

Robin:
Not at all?

Batman:
Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?

Robin:
Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!

Batman:
I like to think it's because our hearts are pure.

Robin:
You can't get away from Batman that easy!

Batman:
Easily.

Robin:
Easily.

Batman:
Good grammar is essential, Robin.

Robin:
Thank you.

Batman:
You're welcome.

Catwoman:
Batman, you saved my life!

Batman:
It was the least I could do.

Catwoman:
How can I ever combat you again after all you've done for me?

Batman:
Let's hope it never comes to that, Catwoman, because, in the end, veracity and rectitude always triumph.

Catwoman:
Batman...are you spoken for?

Batman:
Huh?

Catwoman:
Married, engaged, or going steady?

Batman:
My crime fighting leaves me little time for social engagements.

Catwoman:
Boy...have I got a girl for you!

Robin [as he and Batman are spun around on the rotating spit]:
Is this it, Batman? Is this the end??

Batman:
If it is...let's not lose our dignity!

Robin:
But what is it?

Batman:
Saribus Sacer. A species of ancient Egyptian beetle, sacred to the Sun God, Hymeopolos. And from which the term scarab is derived. But, you should know that, Robin, if you are up on your studies of Egyptology.

Robin:
You're right.

Batman:
I know. Hieroglyphics self-taught are a chore, Robin; but, it is a surefire way to unravel the secrets of the ancient mystics.

Batman:
Experience teaches slowly, Robin. And at a cost of many mistakes.

[Chief O'Hara leads away King Tut, who is back in his persona of Professor McElroy]

King Tut:
I'm a professor at Yale! You can't-! The PTA shall hear of this!....

Batman:
Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys.

Robin:
Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's.

Batman:
You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised.

Dick:
Gosh Bruce, Greek is still Greek to me.

Aunt Harriet:
It's Greek to a lot of Greeks too. It's one of the world's oldest, most important, most beautiful languages.

Dick:
It may be, Aunt Harriet, but can't we take a breather and work out in the gym for a while?

Aunt Harriet:
But the mind needs exercise too, Dick.

Dick:
Well, my mind is getting muscle-bound.

Bruce:
Ahhh, there is an old saying, Dick. A sound mind and a sound body. A worthy goal.

Clock King:
Some people kill time, but this time, time is going to kill you!

Robin:
I AM a little hungry.

Batman:
Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat. And especially you. You're a growing boy and you need your nutrition.

Henchman:
You've done what nobody else could have done. You've finished off Batman and Robin. [followed by applause]

Clock King:
Thank you. I deserve it, of course, but I thank you.

Clock King:
No! It can't be true! You're dead! You have to be dead!

Robin:
Maybe we're living on borrowed time!

Batman:
But now, it's round-up time!

Robin:
Prepare yourself for an eggs-peditious defeat!

Batman:
Very apt, Robin.

Robin:
Oh. Glad you liked it.

Robin:
"Ghoti" is "fish"?

Batman:
See here. English phonetics. GH becomes F, as in "tough" or "laugh". O becomes I as in "women". TI becomes SH as in "ration" or the word "nation".

Robin:
Holy semantics, Batman. You never cease to amaze me!

Batman:
No time for compliments, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!

Batman:
This is one time where Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson can do more good than Batman and Robin.

Egghead:
Woe is me. My criminal career is now eggstinct!

Batman:
Foolish, evil man!

Robin:
You're going to go where all the broken eggshells end up: in the garbage!

Gordon:
Switchboard, Commissioner Gordon here. Plug me in at once into the Hotline Batphone circuit.

Alfred:
I regret to say, sir, Batman and Robin are not at present available.

Gordon:
What? Surely, you, you must be jesting.

Alfred:
Alas, sir, I am not. Batman is enjoying one of his infrequent vacations.

Gordon:
Ohh! Catastrophic! Unprecedented! Batman and Robin not available! You know what this means, don't you?

O'Hara:
If you're thinking what I'm afraid you're thinking.

Gordon:
Precisely, Chief O'Hara. The moment we've dreaded for years has arrived. This time, we're going to have to solve a case ourselves.

Batman:
Who attacked you?

Chandell:
I've covered for the fiend long enough. It was my criminal twin brother--Harry

Robin:
Holy fratricide! Any idea where he hangs out?

Chandell:
As a matter of fact, yes. His lair is an abandoned music roll factory. 20 B Front Street. Zip code, 9999979.

Robin:
Holy Metronome! What a fate--punched into player-piano rolls!

Batman:
True, Robin, scarcely an end I'd rather anticipate! Life--a cupful of surprises to the last drop!

Robin:
Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!

Batman:
All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that's why they're virtues.

Penguin:
[to his election crew] Plenty of girls and bands and slogans and lots of hoopla, but remember, no politics. Issues confuse people!

Penguin:
That Batman won't garner enough votes to become elected dogcatcher!

Robin:
[to Batman, after falling in, but surviving, the sulphuric acid deathtrap] Good thing we just got these new acid-proof suits, Batman!

Batman:
[to an offer from the Democratic National Committee] But I thought you already had a candidate for 1968.

Robin:
Gosh Batman, dig those flavors; Lemon-Lime, Orange, Raspberry, Pineapple...

Mr. Freeze:
Pick your choice, Boy Wonder!

Mr. Freeze [recurring line]:
Wild!

Batman:
Tarnished reputations are unfortunate, Robin. We can live with those. However, a threat to all of Gotham City is something else.

Batman:
We have tickets for tonight's finals in the Gotham City Miss Galaxy contest. I know Robin is a little young for this sort of thing, but...

Robin:
I'm not gonna be young all my life, Batman, and besides beauty contests are practically an American institution.

Batman:
You see, gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable.

Cornelia:
It's a cool pad, Joker.

Joker:
Huh, all you've seen of this cool pad, Cornelia, is that mirror. Vanity is a waste of time. I never look at myself.

Cornelia:
Well I'm younger, Joker, and a girl; and it is a cool pad.

Joker:
Well, it will do for the purpose.

Sam Stone:
Your daily workout, Batman?

Batman:
Yes, crimefighters have to stay in shape, but you know that.

Sam Stone:
Well, my job's a little easier. Sometimes, a fast gun has the edge on a fast batrope. I'm not invading your territory, I'm just tracking down a clue incognito.

Batman:
Welcome, and good luck. If you need help, you can always locate us through Commissioner Gordon's office.

Robin:
The Batphone number's is unlisted.

Sam Stone:
Smart thinking. Don't slip.

Robin:
And if you want to pollute any more water, you'll find plenty where you're going -- up the river!!

Latch:
This joke of the Joker's don't strike me as being too funny. What if we get caught?

Bolt:
We won't Latch. Think of all we owe the Joker. The fine things he's done for us: Sneaking those files into the prison; dumping our parole officer in the Gotham River; kidnapping that entire jury, and holding the judge's wife as hostage. He's been a real friend.

Latch:
You're right, Bolt. There should be more fine, upstanding men like the Joker.

Narrator:
Watch out, Batman! The powers of darkness lurk in this room!

Robin:
[to Marsha] Batman's never rude to a lady. But you're no lady.

Minister:
Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?

Batman:
It, um, slipped my mind?

Minister:
Slipped your mind indeed. I am not in the habit of marrying bigamists.

Marsha:
[after scanning the marriage certificate] Why you two-timing Bat-fink!

Batman:
An older head can't be put on younger shoulders.

Shame:
I'll tell the world you died with your Bat-boots on! [laughs maniacally]

Batman:
Shame on you, Shame!

Robin:
But he knows that we know about his hideout there!

Batman:
Correct! However, knowing that, he'd think that we'd think he would not return there, therefore he did and so will we!

Robin:
Holy Bat Logic.

Shame:
I knew he'd think I'd think he'd think I'd think he'd come back here.

Robin:
It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme.

Batman:
Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's "terrific chow" is hardly within the budget of the average worker.

Robin:
Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children.

Batman:
Good thinking, Robin.

Chickadee [holding her umbrella-gun to Aunt Harriet's head]:
Batman! Stop or I blow the lady's brains out! Batman!

[Alfred pops out of the giant pie and tries to wrestle the gun out of Chickadee's hands. Harriet smashes a vase on Chickadee's head, knocking her out]

Alfred:
Well hit, madam!

[Harriet faints]

Dick:
Sorry, I'm not interested in dance lessons.

Bruce:
Wait a minute, Dick. The junior prom's coming up, isn't it?

Dick:
Yes, but...

Bruce:
Well, we don't want you to be a wallflower, do we? Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education.

Dick:
Gosh Bruce, you're right.

Dick Grayson:
[to Miss Klutz] Why, you're no dance teacher! You're Catwoman!

Batman:
[to Robin] When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species.

[Batman and Robin are untying each other after escaping the echo chamber]

Robin:
Wow! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!

Batman:
What?!!

Robin:
I said, WOW! I THINK I'LL BE HARD OF HEARING FOR A WHILE!

Batman:
You'll have to speak louder, Robin! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!

Puzzler:
When you reach 20,000 feet, an automatic mechanism will release the basket from the balloon, and you both will reaffirm Newton's law of universal gravitation - back down 20,000 feet!

Robin:
I'll bet even Shakespeare didn't have words for such villainy!

Ramjet [to Batman and Robin, who are in Puzzler's hot-air balloon trap]:
Hey, you guys want some gum?

Puzzler:
Really, Ramjet!

Ramjet:
That's what they give you in the airlines before you take off.

Batman:
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara didn't have much to offer.

Robin:
1) A Policewoman's vanished. 2) Catwoman and Sandman are apparently in cahoots. 3) A girl was abducted from a store window. 4) She turned up on television and 5) She disappeared. You're right, Batman. It's nothing.

Sandman:
It's naptime for both of you!

The Mad Hatter:
This phase of my career will never be over, until I have The Caped Crusader's cowl safely in my custody!

Mad Hatter:
Who made Batman and Robin famous crime fighters? Criminals, that's who. If you want to show a little respect to the departed, stay crooked! That's the least you can do.

Batman:
Right now, Robin and I are off to nail Mad Hatter.

Gordon:
The Mad Hatter? At a time like this? Who cares about that pipsqueak's inconsequential crimes?

Batman:
Any crime, no matter how large or small, Commissioner Gordon, is a violation of a public right and common law, and the criminal or criminals committing such an offense must be apprehended, for the sake of all human morality.

Venus:
What's inside, Joker? $2000 is a lot of money!

Joker:
Ah, this merchandise is WORTH $2000!

Penguin:
It's worth $200,000, you cheapskate! At least you could have sent me a plane ticket!

Robin:
Venus seemed like a nice girl in that costume.

Batman:
I suspect she is a nice girl down deep, but she's fallen in with bad companions. And who knows what her home life was like?

Joker:
Get Penguin's clothes for him! Hurry!

Penguin:
Get my clothes for me? I've got them on!

Joker:
Oh, so you do! For a minute, I thought those were prison issue!

Penguin:
Prison issue?! This sartorial triumph, a prison issue?!

Joker:
Well, sometime I'll give you the name of my tailor!

Penguin:
Sometime I'll give you a piece of my mind! Like right now!!

Batman:
Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent and egregious.

Catwoman:
A dealing with you is expanding my vocabulary... erm... a whole lot.

Catwoman:
Robin, get the money.

Batman:
[entering from behind a curtain] Don't do it Robin! She's got you under the influence of some sort of drug, Robin.

Robin:
Who's the character in the ridiculous costume?

Catwoman:
[laughs] That's Batman.

Batman:
You don't recognize me, Robin? What a dastardly turn of events this is.

Catwoman:
Robin?

Robin:
Yeah?

Catwoman:
Slay the blue dragon.

Robin:
Groovy.

Batman:
Oh, no.

Robin:
Oh, yes.

O'Hara:
What she (Pussycat) needs is a good slap on the wrist.

Gordon:
That's enough. You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality.

Batman:
The green button will turn the car a la izquierda o a la derecha.

Robin:
To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?

Batman:
One should always keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin.

Batman:
Chief O'Hara, may I have the keys to your patrol car?

Chief O'Hara:
...are you insured?

Comissioner Gordon:
Give him the keys, O'Hara!

Chief O'Hara:
Yes, sir.

Batman:
[after cracking a safe] It's not difficult, if you have steady nerves and a good ear. Quality is destroyed by the tenor of criminal life.

Down:
[after successfully robbing a flooded band and escaping the dynamic duo] Worked like a charm, Riddler!

Riddler:
Why not? There's a difference between a batman and a frogman!! One quick stop and then lets go dry our money!!!

Batman:
Only The Riddler and his ilk would have such a flagrant disregard for private property! This door will have to be repaired.

Batman:
I always imagined it would end differently, but yet less ignominiously. To drown in my own anniversary cake!

Riddler:
How can you LAMEBRAINS play CARDS at a time like this?!!!

Dick:
Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject.

Bruce:
Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society.

Joker:
We who laugh and run away, live to laugh another day!

Robin:
[(After Bruce explains how his ventriloquism skills allowed Alfred to imitate his voice)] Gosh, yes, I should have thought of that.

Bruce:
Ah, don't blame yourself, Robin. It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're strapped to a printing press.

Bruce:
Don't dip your oar in this sordid sea, Dick. You might be besmirched.

Catwoman:
I could give you more happiness than anyone in the world.

Batman:
How do you propose to do that?

Catwoman:
By being your partner in life, I mean it's me and you against the world.

Batman:
What about Robin?

Catwoman:
Hmmm. . . I know. We'll kill him.

Robin:
[After Catwoman has just tried, unsuccessfully, to lure Batman with her feminine charms] Good job. That love stuff doesn't work on me - I'm way too young for that sort of thing!

Kato:
Kung fu is kung fu- it's not child's play.

Batman:
That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities.

Britt Reid:
[aka the Green Hornet, referring to Batman] I wouldn't be caught dead in that crazy cowl of his.

Kato:
I'm glad those guys are on our side even though they don't know it.

Robin:
Good thing those guys aren't here every week!

King Tut:
If the Caped Crumb is here, the cowled creep can't be far behind.

King Tut:
It isn't that I love you any less, Batman. Simply that I love me more.

King Tut:
When we get to the Royal Oil Boiling Room, be sure to prepare some real boiling royal boiling oil to boil the Boy Wonder in. Royally.

Lisa:
Would you like to come in for a glass of milk and cookies?

Bruce:
I'm afraid it's rather late. Why, it's 10:30!

Batman:
[to Black Widow] I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?

Robin:
[After the Black Widow has hypnotized Batman] Batman, I need you to sing a song! That way I can free you from the Black Widow's evil thrall!

Batman:
Very well, Robin. I think a little Gilbert & Sullivan... [Picks up flower] I'm called Little... Buttercup... Poor Little... Buttercup... Though I could... never tell... why...

Joker:
That's terrible. It looks like it was made by a 3-year old. Here. Let me show you.

Bruce Wayne:
(After Joker works with clay). Yes. I see what you mean. That looks very much like the work of a 3 year old.

Joker:
I'll do the jokes around here, Wayne!

Joker:
Where's Bruce Wayne?

Alfred:
Mr. Wayne is not at home, sir.

Joker:
Too bad. I'll get my revenge later. Right now, I'll settle for cash. Where's the safe?

Alfred:
My duties do not include aiding and abetting thievery.

Aunt Harriet:
Alfred, be careful. The Joker's an arch-criminal.

Alfred:
I know, madam, but a very poor fencer.

Joker:
You Anglo-fink. I'll smash you to smidgens.

Alfred:
May I point out that smidgens is a childish elocution that would have no place in even so poor a vocabulary as yours.

Batman:
In fact, Mr. Wayne is taking Mrs. Harriet Cooper, a devotee of Miss Glaze's, backstage before the performance to meet the dazzling star.

Robin:
While Dick Grayson, I suppose, stays home and works on his essay on glaciers?

Batman:
Right again, Robin.

Robin:
[to Carpet King] You must be that gentleman I've read about. Aren't you a king or something?

Batman:
Robin, England has no king now. England has a queen, and a great lady she is, too.

Robin:
To the batcave?

Batman:
And up the batpoles.

Robin:
The batpoles?

Batman:
Even crimefighters need their sleep, Robin.

Robin:
Picked up the seal pulsator yet, Batman?

Batman:
We're still over land, Robin, and a seal is an aquatic, marine mammal.

Robin:
Gosh, yes, Batman, I forgot.

Robin:
Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?

Batman:
The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin

Batman:
We've got your number, Archer.

The Archer:
Impossible, my dear Sheriff of Gothamham. My number's unlisted.

The Minstrel:
[strumming his lyre again, to the tune of "Rock-A-Bye Baby"]

Batman and Robin, rotate and revolve. As the heat mounts, you'll lose all resolve. In a few minutes, we will be prepared to leave you here cooking and exit this lair.

Robin:
We better hurry, Batman.

Batman:
Not too fast, Robin. In good bat-climbing, as in good driving, one must never sacrifice safety for speed.

Robin:
Right again, Batman.

Alfred:
[to Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara] My experience with women has been that they tend to believe what they want to believe. So, knowing you both to be conscientious gentlemen and faithful husbands, I'm sure that if you just tell both your wives that you were involved in some special and, uh, confidential assignment, that will suffice.

Commissioner Gordon:
Have you ever been married?

Alfred:
Eh -- Well, no, no.

Commissioner Gordon:
Alfred, at the risk of sounding pompous, experience with women and experience with wives are two vastly different things.

Chief O'Hara:
Amen.

Shame:
I'll bet you are probably wondering what all this is for.

Batman:
That thought did cross my mind.

Shame:
Pretty soon I'm gonna shoot this trusty six-shooter of mine. and when I do, a herd of cattle is gonna come stomping this way. in a mighty big hurry.

Robin:
Holy stampede!

Shame:
Now, those cows don't stop coming for no man. Not even you, Bat Fella. And when they get through stomping. There ain't gonna be enough of you left to put in a thimble.

Batman:
Shame on you, Shame!

Shame:
Watch your tongue. Hasta la vista, partners. I'll tell everybody you died with your Bat Boots on. [laughs maniacally]

Robin:
I always thought they [bulls] went for red capes, Batman.

Batman:
Merely an affectation, Robin. Something to make the corrida seem more colorful. Actually, bulls are color-blind. They react to movement, not to color.

Robin:
Holy toreador!

Batman:
The word is "matador", Robin. "Toreador" is a word of convenience used by Bizet in his classic opera Carmen.

Robin:
Holy matador, then!

Batman:
Very apt.

Robin:
I guess you can never trust a woman.

Batman:
You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into.

Catwoman:
Shall I steal your voice or end your life?

Batman:
Whichever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the wrong choice.

Santa Claus:
Ho Ho Ho!!!

Robin:
Say hi to those 8 tiny reindeer for us.

Santa:
I will!!

Batman and Robin:
Merry Christmas Santa.

Santa:
Merry Christmas everybody Ho Ho Ho!!!!

Batman:
If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust?

[After arriving back at the Batcave]

Robin:
That was a quick trip!

Batman:
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara didn't have much to offer.

Robin:
1) A Policewoman's vanished. 2) Catwoman and Sandman are apparently in cahoots. 3) A girl was abducted from a store window. 4) She turned up on television, and 5) She disappeared. You're right, Batman. It's nothing.

Batman:
Of course. As Commissioner Gordon says, it all could be building up to something. Let's try putting ourselves in Sandman's shoes. What would he be after?

Robin:
Money! Isn't that what we've always heard?

Batman:
Exactly, old chum. And into whose eyes would he sprinkle his sand to get that money?

Robin:
Someone very rich.

Batman:
And very likely, someone who has trouble sleeping. Oh — why the pointed plug on television for "Dr. Somnambula"?

Robin:
Holy alter ego! You think Sandman and Dr. Somnambula are one and the same?

Batman:
I do, Robin! And I also think that ersatz "Sleeping Beauty" is... Catwoman. And it's all some murky masquerade to hoodwink our hapless, sleepless money bags. Now, can you name some famous insomniacs?

Robin:
Well, there was Olaf the Sad, of Norway.

Batman:
He's been dead for 800 years.

Robin:
And that famous Chinese historian, Fo Hap Chung!

Batman:
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Born with no eyelids.

Robin:
How about the French empress, whose head stayed awake even after she'd been guillotined?

Batman:
Poor creature. No! No, it must be someone here in Gotham City, right now. Let's give the Batcomputer a crack at it.

[They go to the terminal and enter it in. Suddenly, a clump of pink strings start oozing out of the punchcard slot.]

Robin:
Batman, LOOK! What skinny macaroni!

Batman:
No... It's spaghetti, Robin. A variety of alimentary paste; larger than vermicelli, but not as tubular as mac— [Bell dings] That's it. Spaghetti! J. PAULINE SPAGHETTI! One of the richest women in the world, who made a fortune in noodles — and who searched the world over for a solution to her sleeping problems.

Robin:
Is that the J. Pauline Spaghetti who owns the J. Pauline Spaghetti Hotel?

Batman:
One and the same. And she's right here, at that hotel, in Gotham City, now! There isn't a second to waste, Robin! [they race back to the Batmobile.]

Joker:
Oh, The caped crusaders don't know what's in store for them. At long last, I'll have them out of my way permanently.

Mercury:
That's a long time, Joker.

Joker:
The proceeds from my zodiac crimes will give me what I've always wanted. Complete control of Gotham City. Oh, yes. The caped crusaders are now solidly star-crossed. Venus. Venus, will you stop bouncing?

Venus:
Your orders, Joker. A larcenous mind in a limber body. we must stay trim.

Joker:
No.

Venus:
Batman's no fool.

Joker:
He's no match for me with the stars as my guide. Oh, get the door, Mercury.

Truck Driver:
Freight shipment. Collect. Two thousand four hundred fifty dollars.

Mercury:
What?

Joker:
Just pay him, Mercury. Quick, give me a hand with this. Ha-ha-ha! Careful now. Careful.

Venus:
What's inside, Joker? $2000 is a lot of money!

Joker:
Ah, this merchandise is WORTH $2000!

[Penguin pops out of the box.]

Penguin:
It's worth $200,000, you cheapskate! At least you could have sent me a plane ticket!

Joker:
We had to get you into Gotham City without anyone knowing about it, Pengy. Especially Batman.

Penguin:
You better have something good cooked up for that caped creep.

Joker:
Oh, don't you worry, Pengy. The pot's being put on the fire right now, and Batman's in it.

Penguin:
Oh, you are a man after my own heart, Joker.

Joker:
Black, eh?

Penguin:
Black as pitch.

Robin:
That's an impossible shot, Batman.

Batman:
That's a negative attitude, Robin.

Catwoman:
[after putting Batman & Robin under with a spray] Fools. Don't they know that tears are a woman's most effective weapon?

Batman:
So, you didn't tell the truth [about coming alone].

Catwoman:
Did you ever hear of a crook who did?

Batman:
The odds seem about right -- four against one.

Robin:
[appearing from behind some furniture] Four against two, Batman!

Batman:
Robin!

Robin:
I couldn't resist. [staying away] You were taken in by her [sniffs], but I'm too young for that sort of thing!

Batman:
Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders ofttimes come gems.

Joker:
Ewww. Well, that's terrible. Terrible, Wayne. Why, even a 3-year old could do better than that. Here, let me show you. [Joker works with the clay and ruins the sculpture.] Ah, there, that's more like it.

Bruce Wayne:
Yes. I see what you mean. That's about the level of a 3-year old.

Joker:
I do the jokes around here, Wayne!

Bruce Wayne:
I say that was one of your better ones.

[The Joker is helplessly stuck on the Bat-pole.]

Joker:
Alfred, old pal! Have pity! [whimpers]

Alfred:
We Anglo-finks have a long memory.

[Alfred sends Joker screaming back down the Bat-pole.]

Alfred:
[to himself] I really shouldn't take pleasure in another creature's misfortunes. But, uh, occasionally, one may be forgiven for a slight twinge of satisfaction.

Sandman:
To the medical eye such childish claptrap means just one thing, young man: You need some sleep.