Beware the Batman

Bruce Wayne:
What's wrong?

Alfred Pennyworth:
It took you five moves to subdue me. It should only have taken you three. Your reaction to me at the foot of your bed was sloppy at best. If I hadn't purposely...

Bruce Wayne:
Do we need to do this now?

Bruce Wayne:
We've had this conversation. Your job is to protect Bruce Wayne, not Batman.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Are they not the same?

Bruce Wayne:
No!

Bruce Wayne:
What's this?

Alfred Pennyworth:
It appears to have occurred last night. Perhaps if you hadn't slept most of the day. Then again, bats are nocturnal creatures.

Professor Pyg:
Welcome to the hunt, Gotham City.

Professor Pyg:
Poor Simon Stagg, sure likes to brag. And covet his millions all day. But he's not the last with stolen keys to the past, who learn in the jungle...

Mister Toad:
Everyone pays.

(Toad and Pyg are being pursued by Batman)

Mister Toad:
Boss, it's the bat-guy!

Professor Pyg:
It's BatMAN, Toad. Respect our enemies.

Professor Pyg:
I say, this isn't Bruce Wayne. I believe you've sacked the butler.

Mister Toad:
I was sure that was Wayne.

Professor Pyg:
I told you to get your eyes checked! Retinal deterioration is the number one cause of blindness in amphibians!

Alfred Pennyworth:
Stop! My ankle's broken.

Professor Pyg:
Perhaps I have a bandage for that. Sorry, old chap, fresh out. (Rumbles through medical bag) Sorry chap, fresh out. (Pulls out a hand-saw) Looks like that leg is going to have to come off!

Batman:
(sees Mister Toad) How "Wind in the Willows".

Tatsu Yamashiro:
So why are you snooping around this Stagg guy's financials? I thought you were retired.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Being retired and being out of the game are two very different things, my dear. But I don't need to tell you that.

(Batman faces Magpie. When she is about to escape, Batman kicks her and she flies onto a crate)

Magpie:
Hey, you just hit a girl!

Batman:
No, I just hit a criminal. You've given me quite a run. Six warehouses, stolen high-tech electronics worth millions.

Magpie:
Really? Millions? I just like the way they sparkle. Mr...?

Batman:
Batman.

Magpie:
Magpie. (Seeing Batman's utility belt) Ooh, nice belt. Shiny, shiny. Can I have it?

Batman:
I'm using it right now. How about a shiny pair of handcuffs instead? (Holds up the handcuffs)

[repeated line]

Magpie:
Shiny, shiny.

Barbara Gordon:
So, what perp are you after today?

Lt. Gordon:
First, it's "dad", not "lieutenant". Second, "perp"?

Barbara Gordon:
Yeah, perp. Bad guy.

Lt. Gordon:
I know what perp means, Barbara.

Bruce Wayne:
I don't like secrets, Alfred.

Alfred Pennyworth:
You are the very definition of a secret, Bruce.

Magpie:
You know, after I last met, I couldn't help wondering what makes someone put on a bat costume. Something to hide?

Batman:
Who said this was a costume?

Magpie:
Umm, I like that.

(Magpie had taken Doctor Ravencroft hostage, Batman comes in, and uses a batarang to knock off Magpie's wig, to reveal Ravencroft's secretary. Magpie notices this in the mirror, and is confused.)

Magpie:
What is this? Whose face is that?

Batman:
You don't know. Two personalities in one body, unaware of each other.

Magpie:
What're you talking about?

Batman:
Margaret Sorrow was part of an experiment Braxton and Ravencroft were conducting. For your participation, you received early released.

Magpie:
No! They took my memories! THEY STOLE THEM FROM ME!

Batman:
I'm sorry, but you did this to yourself. Margaret Sorrow volunteered. The experiment was meant to strip the bad out of criminals, and in your case it worked. For a while anyway. (Magpie looks at herself in the mirror) They gave you a new name, a new face, a new life. But sometimes the bad is just too strong. It has a way of coming back.

Magpie:
No! Lies! (She punches the mirror) I want to know who I am, and she can give that back to me! (Magpie extends her fingernails into claws, about to kill Ravencroft, when Gordon shots her nails off.)

Lt. Gordon:
Don't move, Batman. You either... bird-girl.

Magpie:
(She picks up the shot-off nails) Shiny, shiny. (She throws her nails at Gordon. One of them cuts his arm and it makes him cry in pain. Magpie then jumps up, knocks Gordon down and runs off. Batman follows her, but is stopped by Gordon's gunshot.)

Lt. Gordon:
You're not going anywhere.

Batman:
We don't have time for this, Lieutenant. Help the doctor, I'll stop Magpie. (He goes after Magpie)

Batman:
(After defeating Magpie) No more shiny shiny. (He takes his utility belt from Magpie and puts it back on his waist) Is the doctor safe Lieutenant? (He turns around to see Lieutenant Gordon pointing his gun at him.)

Lt. Gordon:
Shaken up but fine. She had no idea that Cassie was once Margaret Sorrow.

Batman:
Makes sense. Different face, different memories. My guess: Magpie subconsciously drove her here for revenge.

Lt. Gordon:
Well, now Margaret, Cassie, Magpie, whatever-her-name goes back to jail.

Batman:
Put her back in the hole that created her. Is that justice?

Lt. Gordon:
That's the law.

Batman:
Will I be getting the same justice?

Lt. Gordon:
Yes, but not tonight. Just so we're clear, nothing has changed between us. (As he talks, he puts handcuffs on the unconscious Magpie) We aren't friends. You helped me tonight, so I owe you. But the next time we cross paths... (He turns around to see that Batman has disappeared)

Daedalus:
Down with creative oppression! This is justice.

Batman:
No. I am justice.

(Batman has subdued and cuffed two vandals and leaves)

Daedalus:
Dang, the cops are totally gonna jack us for this.

Anarky:
(talking form the shadows) They certainly would,...IF they catch you.

Junkyard Dog:
Look man, Batman already worked us. Go do your hero thing on someone else.

Anarky:
Oh, I'm no hero. (Emerges from the shadows, revealing a hooded figure in a white suit and cape. His chest has a circle surrounding an A.) I'm a fan. I've been watching you for sometime. Daedalus, your authority challenging street art shows enormous promise.

Daedalus:
It does?... I mean, yeah, duh.

Anarky:
And you, Junkyard Dog, your knack for sculptural destruction I find... inspiring. (he frees them both from the handcuffs) I see genius in you both. I wish to be your patron. (Gives them high-tech weaponry and power tools) Consider this my first... "donation" to your art.

Junkyard Dog:
Dude, who are you?

Anarky:
Call me... Anarky.

(Bruce beats Alfred at chess)

Alfred Pennyworth:
I don't know why we bother playing this game - You never lose!

Alfred Pennyworth:
The Batmobile is prepped and ready for you, sir.

Bruce Wayne:
...Change of plans, Alfred. Tonight, you drive. (Alfred looks surprised, mostly because he has a broken leg in a cast)

Anarky:
Welcome, Gotham City, to the art of destruction.

Batman:
Get this analyzed. Probably came off their shoes. Might give us something.

Alfred Pennyworth:
From Cold War warrior to analyzer of sneaker goo. I've never been prouder.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
(about Bruce) A secret elevator to a private library. Not only does this guy have too much time and too much money, he's a geek, too.

Alfred Pennyworth:
(controlling the batmobile from the Bat-Cave with a video-game like remote control to confront Daedalus and Junkyard Dog) And I actually thought he was going to let me REALLY drive for once.

(Anarky and Batman are in mid-battle, when Anarky kicks Batman to a lower level)

Anarky:
Well done. I'm so gratified that you understand the game.

Batman:
This isn't a game. In that gear, those two are dangerous. It's a miracle bystanders weren't hurt.

Anarky:
Oh, I would've been fine with that. (slides down to Batman's level) It's the sort of random action that makes ME the better player. You, the black king, representing order, and me, the white king... well, I'm Anarky.

(Anarky and Batman have continued their fight.)

Batman:
I not gonna play your game, Anarky.

Anarky:
Oh, but you must. I've waited so long for a worthy opponent. One day, they'll write songs about our struggles. You fighting for order and peace. Me for chaos and destruction. (An explosion goes off near one of the nearby sky-lifts. Nobody is hurt.) That was just to get your attention. The real bombs...

Batman:
Are on the gondolas, set to explode as they cross one another.

Anarky:
How did you know?

Batman:
It's the obvious move.

Anarky:
Ouch. Regardless, there's only time enough for you to deactivate ONE of the bombs before they cross. Those poor people on the other tram... (makes a ticking noise. Batman attempts to stop the trams by shutting off the main power, until Anarky kicks him out of the way) NO! Stop them from moving... (Shows a detonator in his hand) ...Instant detonation.

Batman:
A dead man switch.

Anarky:
Oh course. I let go, BOOM! (Daedalus and Junkyard Dog appear, running and panicked)

Daedalus:
Boss, Batman is right behind us, he's... (They see Batman)

Junkyard Dog:
Oh, dang!

Anarky:
These two will stay and slow you down even more. I know you love a challenge. Not such an obvious move now, is it?! I'll be watching, Batman. I hope you can do it. I've wanted a worthy opponent for so long. (He leaves)

Daedalus:
(Surrendering) We were just trying to express ourselves.

Batman:
So am I. (Knocks out both with one punch each.)

(Batman works to disarm the bombs, when Anarky ambushes him, and the two fight until Anarky pulls out the dead man switch.)

Anarky:
Congratulations, you countered my move. You passed the test.

Batman:
It wasn't much of a test.

Anarky:
You have no idea what a honor it is to be chosen as my enemy... It's a really big deal!

Batman:
I thought I'd found an opponent to match wits with, but you're just another lunatic in a costume.

Anarky:
Madness is the more interesting choice. Logic and order are so... predictable.

Batman:
Unless, I make a logical choice to do something insane. (Batman grabs the dead man switch, punches Anarky, who drops the switch, and nothing happens to the skylifts.)

Anarky:
WHAT?! Why didn't they explode?!

Batman:
Frequency jamming disk. Unpredictable enough for you?!

Tatsu Yamashiro:
One got away.

Batman:
That happens. It doesn't justify murder.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
I didn't have a choice.

Batman:
You always have a choice. You can save lives or take them.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
I don't need an ethics lesson from a nut dressed up like a bat.

Batman:
Too bad. You just got one.

Batman:
[Batman stops Tatsu Yamashiro from murdering] Once you cross that line, you can't go back.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
You're never completely safe.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Get back? Where are you going?

Bruce Wayne:
Hot date. Well, as hot as a date can be at a museum reception.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
What about Dr. Burr?

Bruce Wayne:
He's not my type. Don't wait up.

Alfred Pennyworth:
A shirt that expensive, I'm surprised the cuffs don't link themselves.

Bruce Wayne:
I need to find out who's after Burr.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Perhaps you should search Dr. Burr's lab.

Bruce Wayne:
Thank you, Alfred. You know I've done this before, right?

Alfred Pennyworth:
And you're getting better at it every day.

Alfred Pennyworth:
The ones that can dodge bullets are always a bother.

Batman:
[Tatsu Yamashiro has been injured in a fight] How bad are you?

Tatsu Yamashiro:
I'm alive.

Batman:
Good. Stay that way.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Careful. I'm starting to think I was wrong about you.

Batman:
You wouldn't be the first.

(Gordon and a small police squad has discovered a person alive in a statue-like toy soldier)

Lt. Gordon:
Somebody get the Jaws of Life. Let's cut that guy out.

(Gordon and the bomb squad has the status-suit hostage in the blast bunker of GCPD headquarters. Gordon's phone rings.)

Lt. Gordon:
Hello?... How did you get this number? And how did you reach me? We're 300 feet underground.

Batman:
Hacked your phone and modified your SIM chip. Gotham PD should get better security for their equipment.

Lt. Gordon:
I'll stick that in the suggestion box when I get a chance.

Batman:
The man in the suit...

Lt. Gordon:
Joseph Krimple, AKA Icepick Joe.

Icepick Joe:
What? Who are you talking to? Where am I? Get me out of this thing!

Lt. Gordon:
What's your point?

Batman:
Icepick is one of Tobias Whale's hit-squad goons.

Lt. Gordon:
Stay away from Whale, Batman.

Batman:
Not an option. Just thought you deserved a courtesy call. (Hangs up)

Lt. Gordon:
(Dials phone) Rodriquez, it's Gordon. I need you to assemble a... (Dial tone) Hello? Hello? (Looks at phone, says 'No Service' on screen) Batman can get reception, but not me.

Batman:
Someone is sending Gotham a message, Lieutenant.

Lt. Gordon:
How did you get in here? Why do I even ask?

Tobias Whale:
(to Batman) Joe didn't show up for work a few nights back. I assumed You happened to him.

Tobias Whale:
Escort Mr. Bat out of here boys. Feet first.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Oh, sorry, my dear. Rule of thumb. Never sneak up on an old spy while he's making a sandwich.

Batman:
Computer: last known address of Humpty Dumpty.

Batcomputer:
A wall.

Batman:
I'll rephrase.

Barbara Gordon:
Hey, Dad. I got us that low-fat low-salt corn-beef hash you like.

Lt. Gordon:
Barb, you know I happen to like the one with extra fat and extra salt.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Is this a good idea? Are you sure Mr. Wayne is out of town on business?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Oh, Mr. Wayne is almost always out on some kind of business. Best to make the most of it.

(Batman chases Humpty Dumpty through his castle after he rescued Gordon and Whale.)

Humpty Dumpty:
I never wanted this, I never wanted to hurt anyone. But they dragged me into the middle of their war. Lieutenant Gordon, Tobias Whale, THEIR war. I just wanna go back to play with my numbers and my toys, but I can't. I can't go back.

Batman:
Humpty... Humpfrey, we can sort this out. (Humpty Dumpty has disappeared, and climbed to the tower) You're right, they dragged you into their war, but that's still not justification for what you've done.

Humpty Dumpty:
You're a lot of fun. You're the best fun I've had in years. (Laughs) All the kings horses, and all the king's men can't put Humpfrey Dumpler back together again. (Humpty falls off the tower, and Batman fails to grab him. He falls to the ground, and breaks into a thousand pieces, being a decoy of plaster. Batman is shown holding a disconnected arm.)

Policeman on phone:
Lieutenant Gordon, come in.

Lt. Gordon:
Go ahead.

Policeman on phone:
All the bomb statue-suits down here suddenly deactivated. We can cut them out safely now.

Lt. Gordon:
Why would Humpty Dumpty do that? Just let them all go like that?

Batman:
Humpty's broken, but that doesn't make him pure evil.

Lt. Gordon:
Lovely. Did you get that from your costumed vigilante book of proverbs?

Batman:
He lost the battle, and he's walking away honorably. But something tells me, the war is far from over.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Exactly what did we purchase in there?

Bruce Wayne:
Hormone-free bovine glands. I'm experimenting with my body's need for sleep. Currently it's four hours. I'd like to get it down to two. Certain glands are rich in adrenals.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Very good. I look forward to blending them up for you.

Bruce Wayne:
Don't say one word.

Alfred Pennyworth:
What, and make you even more flustered?

Bruce Wayne:
I'm not flustered. I'm not!

Alfred Pennyworth:
Don't worry. I'll keep your bovine glands on ice.

Bruce Wayne:
Please tell me you packed my Batsuit.

(Batman takes cover from Simon Stagg's shooting)

Simon Stagg:
You're trespassing!

Batman:
And you're going to jail Stagg. You didn't like your precious pampered daughter messing with the help. So you set Mason up for a little accident.

Simon Stagg:
Prove it.

Batman:
Give me time. Project Metamorpho, what is it?

Simon Stagg:
A game changer. Stagg Industries has found a way to weaponize genetic tissue. Imagine it: a soldier in battle. Impervious to weather, bullets, fire, anything elemental. But not just impervious, a Stagg branded Metamorpho can also manipulate these same elements, turning them against the attacker.

Batman:
It's going to kill Mason.

Simon Stagg:
We're still ironing out the kinks. The important thing is: he'll never have my daughter and you'll never tell anyone what you just saw.

(Two guards joined him in shooting Batman. Batman blows part of Stagg Industries and uses his grapnel hook to escape.)

Metamorpho:
Why can't you just leave us alone?

Simon Stagg:
How did you know? How did you know he'd come?

Batman:
There are two things in life everyone's powerless against. Love and revenge.

Silver Monkey:
Yield now, and I will grant you both quick deaths.

Batman:
Pass.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
What he said.

Dr. Bethany Ravencroft:
It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything. I don't need to know what happened to know you feel betrayed by those you trusted most.

Bruce Wayne:
Trust is overrated. I think I'm gonna give it a rest for awhile.

Bruce Wayne:
You know, I've always argued that no one needs therapy more than therapists, and now you're proving my theory.

Dr. Bethany Ravencroft:
A keen insight. It's a shame you have no one in your life to appreciate it.

Bruce Wayne:
Said the shrink with the crossbow and the ninja boyfriend.

Alfred Pennyworth:
One of these days, your luck will run out.

Bruce Wayne:
Just hope you're not there when it does.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Oh, I do, every day.

(Lady Shiva has Batman and Katana hostage and has subdued Silver Monkey. She approaches Dr. Ravencroft with the Soultaker Sword.)

Lady Shiva:
Oh, the flower you picked has lovely petals, Silver Monkey. I wonder if the same can be said of her soul.

Dr. Bethany Ravencroft:
Please, Lady Shiva, I never meant to betray you. It was Silver Monkey who...

Lady Shiva:
Shh, shh. Quiet now, my lotus blossom. (Lady Shiva recites an incantation and activates the sword)

Dr. Bethany Ravencroft:
What're you doing? No, wait! (The sword drains her soul, leaving her a colorless, skin-covered skeleton)

Lady Shiva:
Don't worry, she's not dead. Not yet, anyway. As for you, Silver Monkey, you won't be joining your flower in the sword. My plans for you are far for interesting, and... painful. (Two ninjas carry Silver Monkey away) I'm actually quite grateful to Silver Monkey. Yes, he betrayed me, but he also delivered two of my most troublesome adversaries. This is a most gracious windfall for me, and for the Sword.

Batman:
... You forgot one thing.

Lady Shiva:
Did I? And what is that?

Batman:
The rocket.

Lady Shiva:
What rocket? (a rocket bursts through the window, nearly hitting Lady Shiva, and blowing off the roof. Alfred is shown holding a smoking rocket launcher.)

Alfred Pennyworth:
... That rocket. (Batman breaks through his bonds, then frees Katana)

Tatsu Yamashiro:
... Glove saws?

Batman:
Acid capsules... but good idea.

Batman:
You're welcome.

Lt. Gordon:
What are you doing here? This is Gotham PD's collar.

Batman:
If that were true, you would have gotten here before me.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Tatsu, you must be patient.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
There's patient. And then there's spending weeks encasing me in one immoveable suit after another.

Katana:
I get it. We have different fighting styles. But our differences make us stronger. You know, like to-may-to to-mah-to.

Batman:
No. Those are the same things said differently.

Katana:
Exactly my point.

Batman:
Just... follow my lead.

Barbara Gordon:
Now you're in for it, secondary bad guy. Batman and...

Katana:
Katana.

Barbara Gordon:
Batman and Katana are going to tenderize you.

Phosphorus Rex:
I can do this all day, Batman!

Barbara Gordon:
Wow. Batman is so cool. And did you see? He works with a girl. I could totally be like her one day. When can I have a grapnel?

Lt. Gordon:
Not until you're old enough.

Barbara Gordon:
When will that be?

Lt. Gordon:
Never.

Alfred Pennyworth:
(bringing in protein shakes) Will it be one straw or two for dinner this evening?

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Sorry, Alfred. I kind of promised Jason I'd let him make dinner for me tonight. I just hope the nerd can cook.

Alfred Pennyworth:
You might consider taking it a little easier on her.

Bruce Wayne:
I might, but I won't.

Lt. Gordon:
Why don't you go get yourself a donut, Dombrowski?

Officer Dombrowski:
Nah, the wife says I got to cut back.

Lt. Gordon:
Then only get a half-dozen this time.

Officer Dombrowski:
Hey. Yeah!

(Batman appears next to Gordon, who flinches)

Lt. Gordon:
Even when I know you're coming, I still can't get used to that!

Tatsu Yamashiro:
It's kind of nice having someone cook for me. At least something that's not made in a blender.

Jason Burr:
Huh?

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Nothing. Cooking's just not really my strong suit.

Jason Burr:
Oh, no problem. I'm totally comfortable being the woman of the house. I mean, you know, the one who cooks.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
You should stop talking now.

Jason Burr:
Heard that. Yep!

Cypher:
Take out your handcuffs!

Batman:
Rail or pipe?

Cypher:
Surprise me.

Batman:
Autopilot.

Batcomputer:
Engaged. The probability of successfully accomplishing this mission is less than 8%, Batman.

Batman:
Then you'd better wish me luck.

Batcomputer:
Good luck, Batman.

Batman:
Thanks.

Lady Shiva:
You dare bargain with the League of Assassins? Are you mad?

Anarky:
Without question.

Anarky:
And who's this? A new pet?

Katana:
Why don't you come down here in person so we can meet foot to face?

Anarky:
I like her, Batman. She's like the pepper to your salt.

Professor Pyg:
Do you know how many birds had to lose their plumage so you could look atrocious? Do you?!?

Azura:
Six?

Professor Pyg:
Actually, it was a rhetorical question.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Ugh! What's that smell?

Bruce Wayne:
It's Parijat bark.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
How is that even on the menu?

Bruce Wayne:
I own this restaurant. Now let's get to your training.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Really? Now? Couldn't we wait until after the cheese course?

Bruce Wayne:
You need to train your mind to let your instincts tell you when something is wrong.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
When do you turn it off?

Bruce Wayne:
I don't. I can't.

Katana:
Exploding goo? Hmm. I think someone's got a bigger gadget budget than me.

Mr. Toad:
Batman. Welcome to our summer lair.

Professor Pyg:
Yes, we've been meaning to invite you over for tea and a good old-fashioned pummeling. Sadly, we're all out of tea.

Professor Pyg:
Oh, drat, the police. Gotham's killjoys. I believe we should make a hasty retreat.

Mr. Toad:
Oh, phooey and fiddlesticks.

Professor Pyg:
Language, Mr. Toad.

Katana:
Look who flew the coop.

Batman:
Magpie.

Batman:
Magpie, enough.

Magpie:
I just broke out of prison for you. A little appreciation would be nice.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Just out of curiosity, were you ever going to tell me you were visiting her at Blackgate? What happened to Margaret Sorrow--to Magpie--was not...

Batman:
My fault. Margaret Sorrow didn't understand the consequences of hiding who you are. I thought I could help.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Help who? Magpie... or yourself?

Katana:
You should have buried me deeper.

Magpie:
I'll remember that for next time.

Magpie:
You're only a pale imitation of me, sister. And you know it!

Katana:
You're just jealous because Batman rejected you. Probably because of your horrible fashion sense. I mean, really? Neck feathers with a bustier? Kinda trashy, right, Batman?

Ra's al Ghul:
Don't blame yourself, Agent Pennyworth. You came closer to finding me than any before you. But you never had a chance. You are just a man and I am Ra's al Ghul.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Good morning. Breakfast is ready. Can I interest you in some solid food today?

Batman:
The new carbon-nanotube cape frame is a significant upgrade. It's strong enough to keep an elephant in the air.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Handy... if you encounter a free-falling elephant. Liquid again. Your streak is intact.

Bruce Wayne:
We all have a hand in this. The moment we solve the world's energy crisis is something we all want to remember.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Careful, Bruce. The higher one aims, the further one can fall. Icarus learned that the hard way.

Bruce Wayne:
Icarus just needed better technology.

Bruce Wayne:
Once we step through this door, the world will never be the same.

Alfred Pennyworth:
At least you're maintaining perspective.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Yeah. Now it's official. There's no way this can live up to your hype.

Alfred Pennyworth:
This isn't your fault. No one can foresee everything. Not even you.

Batman:
You've been telling me that since I was a kid.

Alfred Pennyworth:
And it never quite sunk in.

Young Bruce Wayne:
I couldn't help my parents. But I helped you.

Alfred Pennyworth:
This time. But you must respect your limits.

Young Bruce Wayne:
Not if I don't have any.

Jason Burr:
When it does, I get my own island as promised, right?

Ra's al Ghul:
Succeed, and your reward will be whatever you wish. Fail, and you will suffer in ways you cannot imagine.

Jason Burr:
What does that mean?

Lady Shiva:
It means... don't fail.

Alfred Pennyworth:
You can do better than that, Master Wayne.

Young Bruce Wayne:
That wasn't fair.

Alfred Pennyworth:
That's why it's called an unfair advantage.

Ra's al Ghul:
For too long Gotham has held itself up as a symbol of hope to the world. A place of dreams, excess, and greed. No more. Tonight the League of Assassins will show the world Gotham's true face as it is reborn in darkness. And as with all births, there will be pain. The police cannot help you. Your elected officials cannot help you. Even your vigilante hero Batman cannot help you. Submit to my rule or become a remnant of history.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Ra's is trying to drive a wedge between us, nothing more. I am not your enemy.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
For your sake, I hope that is true.

Lt. Gordon:
So it's true. They have Batman. Half of Gotham is under siege. The other half is terrified and armed. Not a good cocktail.

Silver Monkey:
The hope of escape. Ruminations of an ill-informed mind.

Batman:
Then inform me.

Silver Monkey:
These cells extend three feet above and below, and are weighted beneath the cement. The bars themselves...

Batman:
Are made of triple-rolled steel. The distance between the bars is 11.43 centimeters, which means it would require roughly 150 lbs. of pressure to either side to pull them apart. The lock German, blast-proof, and pressurized to resist picking. Shall I go on?

Silver Monkey:
Apologies. Passing time until dinner.

Batman:
You? Why?

Silver Monkey:
Freedom has no meaning without honor. Even enemies must abide their debts. I believe you called it a paradox.

Lt. Gordon:
I thought you'd been captured.

Batman:
Early release for good behavior.

Ra's Al Ghul:
I have to say, Katana, I'm a bit disappointed. Alfred Pennyworth's still alive? Have you no honor?

Katana:
If you question my honor, let me prove it to you on the end of a sword.

Batman:
What did Ra's promise you? What am I worth?

Magpie:
The delicious Mr. Ghul is going to make me a queen. With my own piece of the city and all the shiny shiny I can steal. Isn't he a doll?

Magpie:
Back off, barbeque boy. He's mine.

Phosphorous Rex:
Hollow threat, coming from someone who's about to be a roast chicken.

Magpie:
I think it's time to slice up some fresh bacon!

Professor Pyg:
Give it your best shot, Tweety!

Lt. Gordon:
I am officially the worst father of the year for letting you do this.

Barbara Gordon:
Dad, I just have to hardwire my laptop into Fall Point's internal network. Once I'm in the kernel, I can destroy the Cortex. We'll be heroes.

Lt. Gordon:
We'll be dead! This place is crawling with ninjas.

Barbara Gordon:
They won't kill us, they'll just take us hostage. It's all good.

Ra's al Ghul:
Congratulations. I've always wondered what it felt like to lose.

Batman:
You were right. I can't beat you. Not one-on-one. But everyone has their weakness.

Ra's al Ghul:
And what is mine?

Batman:
The belief you don't have one.

Barbara Gordon:
So... I did good?

Lt. Gordon:
Yeah, kid, you did good. But let's keep it between us. Especially the part about stealing Gotham PD equipment.

Barbara Gordon:
You got it, Lieutenant.

Lt. Gordon:
Did you get all that?

Batman:
Harvey Dent doesn't like me.

Katana:
Maybe he just doesn't know you. You should grab a smoothie with him some time.

Harvey Dent:
You can't protect Batman forever.

Lt. Gordon:
Batman doesn't need my protection, Mr. Dent. But keep hounding him, and you might.

Harvey Dent:
Is that a threat?

Lt. Gordon:
No. Just the truth.

Anarky:
Batman is driving rather slowly for someone with such a fast car.

Katana:
The Batmobile's not as fast as it looks. Those rockets--just for show.

Anarky:
You are a pistol, aren't you?

Katana:
You have no idea.

Batman:
Until then, we're following Anarky's instructions because I believe the bomb is here.

Harvey Dent:
Wait. So you walked us into a blast zone on purpose?

Batman:
Yes. Someone has to disable the bomb.

Harvey Dent:
Right. The bomb squad.

Batman:
Anarky won't let that happen.

Harvey Dent:
How do you know all this?

Batman:
I'm Batman.

Harvey Dent:
Arrest Batman! And his girlfriend!

Katana:
Katana! One name is not that hard to remember.

Katana:
(to Batman) Why are we here? You're being ridiculously cryptic, even for you.

Katana:
Anything you like to tell me?

Batman:
You think I'm the Golem? Since Alfred left, you've gone with me on every patrol.

Katana:
Please, I still need to sleep. What are you down to, four, three hours a night?

Batman:
What's your point?

Katana:
I know you're patrolling without me. And when you're not, you spend more time training here and less time as Bruce Wayne. But it still wouldn't surprise me if the Batman turns out to be the Golem.

Batman:
Except he's not. So who is?

Metamorpho:
But I guess what doesn't kill you makes you... a freak.

Katana:
So what do I call you? You don't like Rex. You're not the Golem.

Metamorpho:
Why do you need to call me anything?

Katana:
At least a code name. We all have code names. How about "Muto"?

Metamorpho:
No.

Katana:
"Changeamarian"? "Mr. What Is That?" (Metamorpho glares) Okay, I'll keep working on it.

Metamorpho:
As Rex Mason, I never really helped anyone but myself. But as... Metamorpho I could do some real good for other people.

Batman:
But you can accomplish that without being a...

Metamorpho:
A monster? I thought I was a monster because of how I looked. But you're only a monster if you let yourself become one.

Katana:
Wise words.

(Batman pays a visit to Sapphire Stagg. He returns one of the robotic suits to her)

Batman:
I believe this belongs to you.

Sapphire Stagg:
Prove it.

Batman:
Like father, like daughter.

Sapphire Stagg:
Surprised?

Batman:
I gave up being surprised long ago. Occupational hazard.

Sapphire Stagg:
Well, my father will be surprised. He thinks I have no head for business.

Batman:
Is that what they call terrorizing a neighborhood these days, business? If so, your business failed.

Sapphire Stagg:
This time.

Batman:
Walk away Ms. Stagg. You do not want to become my enemy.

(Batman prepares to leave)

Sapphire Stagg:
Batman wait. That golem that fought beside you, I saw the television footage. And it look like...

Batman:
It wasn't. Rex Mason is dead, your father is in prison because of it and if you come near Old Gotham again, you'll rot in a cell right beside him. Count on it. (Batman leaps out of the building. Sapphire glares at where Batman left)

Commissioner Gordon:
Is Humpty secure?

Batman:
Yes. When Humpty Dumpty wakes up from that great fall, he'll be rotting in a cell at Blackgate.

Katana:
I just thought that what we do, we do for Gotham and its people. Their safety comes first. Even Bruce Wayne would agree with that.

Batman:
I'm not Bruce Wayne.

Harvey Dent:
By the way, which of these cells is the smallest?

Warden:
I'm not sure. Why?

Harvey Dent:
I want that one reserved for Batman.

Bruce Wayne:
I'm going to bed.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Bed? Now? Are you sick? Do you even get sick?

Harvey Dent:
I'm confused. Does he just look like a penguin, or is he an actual penguin?

Batman:
I thought you were the king.

Tobias Whale:
I am the king, baby. On the outside. In here, I'm just a VIP.

Killer Croc:
Call me Killer Croc. Got that name on account of my good looks.

Batman:
It fits.

Killer Croc:
Kind of you to say so.

Katana:
Are you sure I didn't overshoot it? It seems like I've gone too far.

Barbara Gordon:
Positive. It's just a little further. Unless the schematic is outdated.

Katana:
Wait, what?

Barbara Gordon:
Nothing. Keep going.

Tobias Whale:
Watch your back, baby. That Matatoa character thinks he's immortal. Something about stealing his foe's life force by eating his heart. Dude ain't right.

Batman:
Thanks for the tip.

Barbara Gordon:
You can't open that hatch without a blowtorch.

Katana:
No problem. The belt has one. Goggles, too. This belt's pretty handy. Maybe I should get one for myself.

Barbara Gordon:
Can I have one, too?

Barbara Gordon:
Are you okay?

Katana:
I'm a little busy, Barbara. But no.

Professor Pyg:
Poor dear. She's not as good as the Bat.

Mr. Toad:
I concur. But it's nice to have a woman around the house.

Harvey Dent:
Why do you think I brought the great Dane Lisslow, head of my Special Crimes Unit?

Dane Lisslow:
It's not great, just Dane.

Katana:
After the Blackgate incident and all the trouble with the Ion Cortex, Batman wants me to train you. Consider it payback.

Barbara Gordon:
Cool. Now can you let go of my neck?

Bruce Wayne:
Batman needs to get back out there, Alfred.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Given your current condition, are you sure that's wise?

Bruce Wayne:
No. But when has Batman ever listened to reason?

Mr. Toad:
Is that what I think it is?

Professor Pyg:
Batman. With a bat-man.

Mr. Toad:
How pathetically redundant.

Mr. Toad:
One of you lucky girls is going to have the honor of becoming Mrs. Toad.

Professor Pyg:
Now, Mister Toad, this is the most important decision of your life. Choose with your heart.

Mr. Toad:
Absolutely. Eenie... meenie... miney... moe! Would you do me the honor of making me the happiest manphibian on Earth? (the woman screams)

Professor Pyg:
That's frightened for "yes".

Professor Pyg:
That's rude. How do you expect us to create a race of human-animal soldiers if you insist on interrupting? Why don't we settle this like gentlemen?

Mr. Toad:
That would be dreadfully dull.

Professor Pyg:
Do you, Mister Toad, take this soon-to-be non-human to be your unlawfully wedded wife?

Mr. Toad:
I do.

Professor Pyg:
And do you, soon-to-be non-human, take Mister Toad to be your unlawfully wedded husband? (Katana moans)

Mr. Toad:
That means "I do", keep going.

Katana:
(to Batman) The police didn't find anything more than we did. Whoever fired those darts was as good at disappearing as well... you.

Ava Kirk:
I appreciate you going to all this trouble.

Bruce Wayne:
It's no trouble at all. I have plenty of... how many guest rooms do we have, Alfred? Seventeen?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Nineteen. We missed two on the last inventory.

Bruce Wayne:
See? Plenty.

Harvey Dent:
Surrender and you won't be harmed. Resist, and you will be tranquilized and netted like animals. Your call. You know which option I'd prefer.

Katana:
How does a guy named Deathstroke keep such a low profile?

Batman:
You hired Deathstroke, and he turned on you.

Anarky:
Psychopaths. You just can't trust them. You'd think I'd know that by now, but I'm a sucker for crazy.

Katana:
Whoa. Something stinks in here.

Batman:
They came up from the sewer. Appropriate.

Barbara Gordon:
That's right, Croc. You want some girl power, bringing the hammer down? Oh, you gonna cry? Well, you can wipe those eyes with my foot!

Commissioner Gordon:
Barbara! What's going on in there?

Barbara Gordon:
Dad, this is Creed. Creed, my dad.

Creed Courtman:
Nice to meet you, sir.

Commissioner Gordon:
Ever been arrested? Any history of insanity or homicidal thoughts?

Barbara Gordon:
Dad!

Commissioner Gordon:
And what kind of name is Creed? Are his parents cult members or hippies or something?

Barbara Gordon:
Stop! This is important to me. Turn off your... copness this once, okay?

Commissioner Gordon:
My "copness"?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Have you two been....?

Tatsu Yamashiro:
Yes.

Alfred Pennyworth:
I see. I'll make sure to have your suits deionized so that they're, uh, more palatable.

Waiter:
Shall I go over the specials again?

Creed Courtman:
No, that's okay. We'll have the lobster... and an order of fries.

Barbara Gordon:
French fries. And lots of ketchup.

Barbara Gordon:
Take me to the subway terminal on Ninth.

Creed Courtman:
The subway? Why?

Barbara Gordon:
Because subways are cool. I support public transport. Don't you support public transport?

Creed Courtman:
Yeah, sure, I like it. But I do have this... car.

Barbara Gordon:
Ninth Street Terminal. Step on it.

Katana:
What about Alfred?

Batman:
May not make it in time. My arm is loose. There are liquid nitrogen capsules on my belt. I can get to them, if I can chip away some of this stone.

Katana:
What good will that do?

Batman:
If heat hardens it, perhaps extreme cold will reverse the process.

Katana:
Really? That'll work?

Batman:
Could. Or maybe nothing happens. Or the reaction could cause the liquid stone to become so unstable it explodes.

Katana:
I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for Alfred.

Killer Croc:
Not a good place for a midnight stroll, old-timer.

Alfred Pennyworth:
I may be old, but I never stroll.

Barbara Gordon:
I mean, really, I may give up dating forever.

Creed Courtman:
Yeah. Tonight was pretty freaky.

Barbara Gordon:
Freaky good or freaky bad?

Creed Courtman:
I haven't figured that out yet. Never had my shoulder dislocated on a date before.

Tatsu Yamashiro:
I don't know what's worse. The hot air coming out of Dent, or the BO coming off this crowd.

Alfred Pennyworth:
A single twig breaks. But a bundle of twigs is strong. Bruce Wayne was not a man who accepted the help of others easily. yet he was surrounded by those who loved him. Our strength will keep the memory of his spirit alive.

Barbara Gordon:
Any leads? Anything I can help with?

Commissioner Gordon:
Sweetheart, I appreciate that. But for the next hour, all I care about is hot water on sore muscles. And yes, I know how girlie that sounds. And I don't care.

Jocelyn Kilroy:
Dent? Have you lost your mind?

Harvey Dent:
Lost it? On the contrary, I feel like I've finally found it.

David Hull:
Harvey, I... I can't do that.

Harvey Dent:
You can do it, and you will. I consider you a friend, David. Don't make me change my minds.

Harvey Dent:
People change, my friend. Take me. I'm a whole new man. And then some.

Batcomputer:
Hello, Batman. Your body mass index has changed. Are you retaining water?

Anarky:
Wake up, Harv. Wake up. Oh, goodie. You're not dead. That would have put such a damper on our victory.

Anarky:
I'm disappointed. I thought we were cohorts. Collaborators. Partners!

Harvey Dent:
Two's a partnership. Three's a liability.

Anarky:
"Three"? It appears we're not only parting ways, but minds as well.

Deathstroke:
Your sons have come home, Alfred. One a hero, one a villain. And tonight... you're going to watch a son die.

Deathstroke:
That detonator has a sixteen-digit kill code. Only I can stop the timer.

Batman:
Then I'll just have to convince you.

Metamorpho:
(in the Batcave) Nice pad.

Man-Bat:
This is my second time here.

Metamorpho:
Well, aren't you special.