Blue Heelers, Season 3 (1996)

Tom:
Tell me you didn't do that! There are people's lives at risk out there, and you're swallowing drawing pins!

Tom (to Nick):
Were you standing next to a burning marijuana plant?

Tom (to Nick):
What's it like out there?

Nick (to Tom):
It's like a bunch of headless chooks having a fun run.

Matt:
Power grows out of the barrel of a gun.

PJ:
Ah, I was dreaming about you, Doyle.

Maggie:
I should've known to leave a sleeping detective well alone.

Maggie:
PJ, I'm not the one you have to convince.

PJ:
Yes, you are. You're the only one that matters.

Maggie:
I've thought about this, and it wouldn't work.

PJ:
I don't believe that.

Maggie:
Yeah, you do...can we please keep this professional for both our sakes?

PJ:
Yeah, I thought with you prosecuting, Mags...he'd get life!

PJ:
Next thing you're going to tell us that you've been bonking in the cells.

Adam's girlfriend:
Oh no...we used your office.

Nick:
It's nice to know we've got law abiding drivers today.

Wayne:
Yeah, either that or some helpful citizen's put a sign up down the road.

Adam:
Ah, sounds like a job for the granny squad, Boss.

Tom:
That's not funny, Cooper.

Roz:
It was always police force first, me second.

Maggie:
Wayne...he put his arms around me and he took me to bed. But no, it wasn't like that. He was very warm and loving and so incredibly gentle. I fell for him in such a big way.

Tom:
Well, whatever else Wayne had going for him, he certainly had a fine bunch of workmates. Proud of you.

Roz:
I loved Wayne.

Nick:
Sure you did, that's why you shot through on him isn't it?

Roz:
It wasn't like that Nick. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be told your husband's been shot? To nurse him back to health only to see him strap on that bloody gun again, do you?

Nick:
Do you have any idea what it feels like to put the gun on and do the job? No, you've got no idea. You've got no idea because you shot through on him. He came back to us because he knew we'd back him up.Do you know what it's like for me, to hear from someone like you, that I can't go to my mates funeral?

Adam:
Shut up and blow!

PJ:
What is it today, Friday the 13th?

PJ:
Cooper, I love you.

Heelers (singing):
Why was she born so beautiful, why was she born at all? Because she had no say in it, no say in it at all.

Tom (to Digger):
Did you bark? If you didn't bark, you're going to the pound!

Nick (about Anna):
It's 350 degrees in the shade, she's four hundred years pregnant, we're gonna give her a lift.

PJ:
Well, women's bodies are not my expertise.

Adam:
Oh, that's not what I've heard!

Jack:
They expect us to fight against filth but they won't let us fight dirty.

Tom:
No, PJ, why don't you take all the credit?

Maggie:
Or, how about, "Big head finally cracks it"?

Maggie:
Yeah, that's a good idea, Adam. What's she like?

Adam:
She's got amazing eyes.

Maggie:
I'm Maggie Doyle.

Dash:
Dash McKinley.

Maggie:
Nice to meet you. You know, Adam's right. You do have very lovely eyes.

Maggie:
Hey, oh listen - just a word of warning. We, ah, don't mention the Boss' weight.

Nick:
Or his age.

Dash:
You mean I've got to make special allowances because my Sergeant's a fat guy with a complex about his age...why doesn't someone tell him to go on a diet or something? He can use my bike if he wants to get some exercise. And if he's still a Sergeant at his age, then that is his problem.

Dash:
Listen...I really don't think I can handle calling you Boss. And Sergeant Croydon sounds like you're up yourself...so I thought I'd just stick to calling you Tom. Night, Tom.

Tom:
Goodnight, Deidre. There are no secrets in the Victoria Police.

Maggie:
PJ, the only stress in your life is choosing what topping you're going to put on your pizza.

PJ:
Now, that's important.

Maggie (to PJ):
Sex may dominate your life, but it doesn't dominate mine. Now stay out of my way and stay out of my life!

Adam:
Dash, you're an absolute idiot.

Tom:
Leaving aside, McKinley, the stupidity of thinking you can get rich quick on the pokies, I am far from happy that one of my colleagues has got herself involved in a business deal with a complainant.

Adam:
Well, it would have been okay if she didn't gamble it all away.

Tom:
Well, that is totally obvious.

Tom (to Johnny):
I was suffering from the delusion that you might have enough sense to keep your pants on while you're on a case.

Nick:
Been having a roll in the hay? Half your luck.

Tom:
Cooper, you can go with Johnny...unless you have an urgent chore like cleaning the toilets.

PJ:
So, what's your favourite story?

Kanga:
Jack and the Beanstalk.

Maggie:
Mother wants son to sell the family cow, he exchanges it for beans, he climbs a beanstalk, he tackles a giant.

PJ:
Mate, um, yeah, there's this boy, right? And his name is Jack. Well, his mum wants him to get rid of this cow. She tells him to take the cow to this market. And when he goes to the market, he comes back, and he finds, he finds out that he's got beans in the bag! He's got plenty of beans, he's been conned!

Kanga:
What's conned?

PJ:
Well, it means that the beans are in the bag instead of the money. Now, anyway, Jack's got this girlfriend, this very, very pretty - well, pretty skinny girl, called Olive Oil. And, ah, Olive Oil is, well, she's got this big grumpy man called Brutus and he's a big giant.

Kanga:
That's not the story!

PJ:
Yeah, yeah, this is the story. That's the story I know. And now this Jack, you know, he's always, ah, eating this spinach because he's a friend of Popeye's. And, ah, and when he eats this spinach, he drops it down, really really big, swallows it down and after he does, he gets all this, he gets all this super human strength!

Maggie:
Don't even think about it!

Tom:
Oh, right. When Constables start reading your mind, I think it's time to quit!

PJ:
Oh, nag, nag, nag...you're worse than my mother!

PJ:
We wouldn't want to do anything we both regret...would we?

Dash:
Do you ever learn how to knock?

Nick:
No need to. I'm six foot four, 16 stone, and I'm a policeman.

Adam:
I wouldn't trust him to guide me through an adventure playground.

PJ:
Interviewing lawyers, it's like arm wrestling a sack full of eels.

Maggie:
I didn't want to think about what it would be like around here without you...I didn't want to lose you.