Bob's Burgers, Season 7

Bob:
You do not want that flu bug. I had it and it gave me weird fever dreams. I dreamt I was in a book club with my cousin Vanessa,

(Air horn blares)

Bob:
Tina, I thought we took the air horn away from you.

Tina:
Did you hide it in your underwear drawer?

Gene:
Yes.

Tina:
We know about the underwear drawer.

Gene:
And about your underwear. Not-so-tighty-not-so-whitey!

Bob:
[Linda's voice] So listen, none shall pass... gas, Oh, Just kidding.

Teddy :
You know that boat that I've been fixing up?

Louise :
Yoooou've mentioned it.

Teddy :
Well, I finally got her shipshape, and I thought it'd be fun to take you all out.

Louise :
Kill us?

Teddy:
No, take you out for a boat ride.

Mr. Ambrose:
Ugggh! You've been a witch for what? Two days? Take it down a notch! You're playing with powerful forces; this is not kids stuff.

Tina:
I am powerful forces.

Mr. Ambrose:
Witch, please!

Jimmy:
Notice anything different about me?

Tina:
No, thank you.

Jimmy:
Eh? Eh? I'm tan! Just got back from a week in the Bahamas. We had a blast. Except for Jimmy Jr. He forgot to put on sunblock. Now he looks like a dog's ding-dong.

Tina:
Aw!

(Doorbell buzzes)

Bob :
We should build a fort with the cushions.That way, even if he gets in, he won't see us.

Gerald the Accountant :
Okay, but I'm still sad, so I want my own room in the fort to reflect and figure out where to go from here.

Bob:
You absolutely deserve that.

Louise Belcher:
How you doing girl?

Tina Belcher:
Um, not great. I feel like my soul has diarrhea.

Bob:
Maybe we should just pack it in. Go home and drink the kind of hot coco

Mr. Frond:
They're looking for a student to participate in their Robotic Mobility Program. Or rump for short.

Tina:
Rump? I'm listening.

Jimmy Junior:
Tinabot, commence to the AV closet. I want to show you something. It's something I haven't shown anyone. Not even Zeke.

Tina:
Wow, a secret, and a zekeret.

Receptionist:
Sorry ballroom's been cancelled. The teacher just waltzed out of here. Get it? I'm kidding. She died.

Science Teacher:
Ok class, today we're going to dissect a banana. We only have 2, so get into groups of 13.

Louise:
Oh no, if I don't do something about this Regular Sized Rudy is getting big time screwdy.

Tina:
Maybe this is our wake-up call. We should stop eating cat food.

Gene:
I have been throwing up on the rug.

Tina:
So let's do it. We'll have a normal day where we don't think about cat food at all.

Gene:
Everyone ready to go to the cat food audition today?

Tina:
Oh damn it.

Louise:
Atta girl.

Bob:
And we can't forget the most important role of all

Tina:
With great jury comes great responsibility.

Gene (after eating new-style chocolate):
No, no, no, eh, eh, bleh! (falls on the floor). WHY?! Why, why, why, why, why?!

Tina:
So not great?

Gene:
Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! Bleh!

Tina:
So what's the verdict?

Clerk:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, kid, you got to pay for that.

Gene:
Why would they do this to me? Why would they change Chunky Blast Offs? And where's Ronnie? (grabs checkout desk). I want my usual convenience store checkout guy!

Clerk:
Ronnie joined the Peace Corps.

Gene:
NOOOOOO!

Tina:
I'm going to bed. I don't remember which room I'm in but I'm sure I'll recognize the door.

Gene:
She's going to be wandering around up there all night.

Louise:
Yup, she belongs to the hotel now.

Dillon:
I still can't believe your mom. Those were some crazy smother mother moves last night.

Tina:
Yeah. As Bernadette would say, give me some space.

Linda:
I like sandwiches.

Gene:
You smell like you do.

Linda:
You smell interesting too. You own a toothbrush, or are you still shopping around?

Henry:
Now we need to find some passion in your delivery. What really gets you going?

Tina:
You mean what makes me tick?

Henry:
What makes you tick-tick-tick explode? Think of things that get you mad. I think of when they canceled Firefly. You try.

Tina:
I guess it makes me mad that they call it your bottom when it's in the middle.

Henry:
Okay.

Tina:
Or why do horseshoes only come in one style? Why can't they have horse sandals?

Henry:
Find your Firefly, come on.

Tina:
I got a Canadian quarter in change. It's worthless unless I take a special trip to Canada to buy gum. [groans]

Henry:
You'll get there.

Bob:
It's the best movie of meat dancing and then its head falling off that I've ever seen. Since Magic Mike.

Sasha:
Tina, you seem to have noticed Duncan, our exchange student from somewhere.

Duncan:
New Zealand.

Sasha:
Right. It's so far away that Duncan went through puberty on the plane.

Duncan:
It's true. I got pit scrubbies and other scrubbies, a couple of chesties. Oh, a new one. Want one?

Tina:
Um, one of your chesties?

Duncan:
Yeah. They just twist off. Want me to twist you off a chestie?

Tina:
Yes? I-I mean no. No. No.

Duncan:
Sasha, you want one?

Sasha:
Yeah, I'll take one.

Duncan:
Buttle Rubbies.

Tina Belcher:
What are dinner dolls?

Gretchen:
You need a doll to eat here. Like some restaurants say jacket required, or ma'am that bathing suit needs a bottom.

Scalper:
On this paper, you'll find a phone number. It's the direct line to the concession stand inside. Call it, and when the guy picks up, give him the pass phrase.

Bob:
What's the pass phrase?

Scalper:
The pass phrase is (whispering, rattled coughing)

Bob:
Oh, God.

Scalper:
Word to the wise: two guys work at the concession stand. One is cool, the other is not.

Bob:
Okay. Um, what are their names?

Scalper:
They're both named Nick.

Bob:
Oh. Nice.

Scalper:
If the uncool Nick answers, hang up right away.

Bob:
How are we supposed to know which Nick we're talking to?

Scalper:
You'll know the cool Nick, 'cause, you know, he sounds cool.

Bob:
Okay.

Scalper:
Another word to the wise.

Bob:
Mm.

Scalper:
The uncool Nick knows we do this, so sometimes he tries to sound cool, and he's very good. It's almost impossible to tell the difference.

Bob:
Oh, my God.

Bob:
Wait, I know how we can get back in front of Pesto.

Gene:
Bob, it's not a race.

Bob:
That's right, it's not a race Lin. It's a war.

Gene:
It's a race war.

Bob:
Gene.

Austin:
Quick question: how big is your crotch?

Bob:
What?

Austin:
For your harness. You look like a medium, but I don't want to assume.