Bones, Season 10

Hodgins:
It is nice talking conspiracy without being called uno.

Aubrey:
[in Booth's home, sees Christine on the couch] Aww, that is adorable. I gotta get one of those.

Caroline Julian:
Move fast, cher. This is a Cinderella warrant. When Sanderson's attorneys find out about it, it'll turn into a pumpkin.

Sweets:
Great, finally get to use my siren.

Cam:
So the first sample came back negative for drugs, alcohol, no poisons...

Rodolfo Fuentes:
Look at his cortisol level.

Cam:
That can't be right. When someone's attacked, their cortisol levels spike. It's a direct response to stress.

Rodolfo:
And his oxytocin levels are up. It's like he was enjoying being murdered.

Aubrey:
[discussing a suspect] He does have a record though. Two DUI's. One arrest for hunting deer without a license while intoxicated.

Booth:
Great. So drunk, armed and dangerous.

Brennan:
We're positing torture, but look at the damage to the radius.

Rodolfo:
Mmm. I see what you mean. Compared to what I've seen in Cuba, the damage is relatively slight.

Cam:
So we're looking for a compassionate torturer?

[Booth and Brennan enter a room full of S&M paraphernalia.]

Booth:
Whoa, look at this place. You could perform Cirque Du Soleil in here.

Brennan:
There are many possible murder weapons. Whips, chains, nipple clamps, Luna beads...

Booth:
Ah, you sound excited there, Bones.

Brennan:
I'm fascinated, as a scientist.

Booth:
You know, I can probably get to two shades of Grey but I'm not gonna be making fifty.

Brennan:
Using your guts in the field is one thing but there's absolutely no room for guts in my lab.

Cam:
[holding the victim's intestines for Brennan to see] [deadpan] Then...what do I, uh, do with these?

Booth:
Never ever underestimate a squint. I've seen them solve a crime with two fingers and a bottle cap.

Aubrey:
[to himself] And I thought I was smart. [looks at Booth] I mean, I am but not that way.

[Booth and Aubrey are discussing the case]

Booth:
Aubrey, what do you remember about your kindergarten experience?

Aubrey:
[stunned with Booth's sudden change of topic] Woah, woah, you really don't trust me if my background check's going that far...

[Aubrey and Booth visit a video game design studio.]

Aubrey:
This is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life––

Booth:
[glares at Aubrey] Aubrey.

Aubrey:
[sheepishly] But it does not compare with my daily service to my country.

Hodgins:
[pleading with Angela to let him to do an experiment] My sweet wife, please let a man have his toys.

Brennan:
I hated it. I had no consistency. I had to make a way for myself when I was too young to do it. I want to give Christine more. I want her to have a better life than I did growing up.

Jessica Warren:
Change is the one reality that we can count on. Trying to hang on to our expectation, that is death.

Booth:
[flashes badge] FBI! Take a break, huh?

Suspect:
I don't care who you are. We're in the middle of something here. Get off my stage.

Aubrey:
[shakes head] I don't think he understands.

Booth:
[smirks] He doesn't understand.

Aubrey:
Ok. [snaps fingers] Hi, we're from the FBI.

Suspect:
Oh, you're from some sort of cop game? [Booth and Aubrey look at each in bemusement] Then you should know about ruining an entire sequence. Now get off my stage before I make you.

Booth:
Ok, you just need to relax there, Mr. Light-Bright, ok? We have permission to be here...ok? I'm Special Agent Booth.

Suspect:
Now watch it...

[Suspect attempts to swing a punch at Booth, who quickly and easily brushes him aside]

Booth:
[looks at Aubrey] He doesn't understand!

Suspect:
That was a big mistake buddy.

[Suspect tries to punch Booth again and Booth flips him over]

Booth:
Ok...that was a bigger mistake. [stretches shoulder] Shoulders hurt...the rotator cuff. [to Aubrey] You wanna get this one?

Aubrey:
Sure!

[Suspect charges at Aubrey and Aubrey singlehandedly subdues him]

Booth:
Look at that, we restrained a manotaur.

Aubrey:
Minotaur.

Booth:
Whatever.

Aubrey:
[to reporters gathered outside the room (crime scene)] All right everybody, listen up! I know these are all forensic super experts but today you have to stay on the other side of the yellow tape!

Booth:
You still love being the G-Man?

Aubrey:
[sighs in frustration] It's like security at a Beyoncé concert!

Aubrey:
We have to look at you just like we would any other person of interest.

Hodgins:
This is unbelievable. This is the third time I've been a murder suspect! It makes me wanna kill someone so you won't waste your time.

[Booth stares at Hodgins and looks at an equally stunned Aubrey.]

Hodgins:
[realizes what he said] It's a joke. I was joking.

Booth:
I'll bet you a hundred bucks they'll be even more jealous when it's done.

Brennan:
Booth, you're in Gamblers Anonymous. You shouldn't be betting.

Booth:
[deadpan] Right, and you're a genius, all right? So don't say stupid things. [motions to his plate] Have some pie.

Wendell Bray:
[points to a pile of evidence] ...and two trays of stuff yet to be identified.

Hodgins:
Particulates. Don't say stuff. It's sacrilege.

Booth:
Listen, I know what it's like to be innocent and have a whole bunch of circumstantial evidence stacked against you.

Hodgins:
Thank you, Booth.

Aubrey:
[to Hodgins] I really do think you're a good guy.

Hodgins:
Yeah, great. [leaves]

Aubrey:
[calls after Hodgins] So please don't be the killer!

Edward Harkness:
Conventions usually devolve into carnivals of indiscretion anytime. The ringmaster fell victim to its hedonistic pleasures.

Aubrey:
So you cheated on your wife, now you've turned it into a poem. That's great.

Lee:
This is an old house. It creaks.

Aubrey:
Guess it's got a cough too.

Arastoo:
I remember the first morning I woke up as a citizen. It meant everything to me, but I never thought anything like this could happen here.

Brennan:
Anthropologically speaking, in any society, one group will always occupy a higher status and will exploit those who are more vulnerable.

Arastoo:
15,000 people a year are brought into this country to be slaves. Are we supposed to accept that?

Brennan:
No, Mr. Vaziri. We fight it. No matter what the anthropological reasons, we fight to make the world a better place.

Booth:
Andy Dolmar, you've gotta be kidding me. [glances at suspect, Andy's client] How's this low life before you?

Defense Attorney Andy Dolmar:
Sometimes I do pro bono work.

Booth:
I'm sure you do. During tax deduction time.

Aubrey:
One more thing, an apology... I guess. I was sort of ass-like.

Booth:
Because you were looking at other people's pain for what it could do for your own career.

Aubrey:
[nods] Yeah. [Booth looks at him pointedly] But once I saw those women, thought about Min-Yan's life and how she died...

Booth:
Ass.

Aubrey:
Yeah. Won't happen again.

Booth:
[sarcastically] Right. Yes, it will. But what you have here is a good start so, good boy. [smirks]

Aubrey:
Ok...it's gonna sound like you were treating me like a dog.

Booth:
Aubrey, I don't have a bone I could throw at the front door here so let's go. [leaves]

Aubrey:
That was very insulting, even to an ass.

[Aubrey and Alex Radziwill from the State Department observe Booth interviewing a migrant worker]

Aubrey:
[in shock] He was trafficked like she was!

Radziwill:
Welcome to hell, kid.

Brennan:
For me, I keep thinking about her trying to find Sung. I could've so easily been like her, just missing the opportunity to live my life with you. I would thank God, if I believed in one.

Booth:
[smiles] Then I'll do it for you.

Christine:
[to her stuffed bunny] The bubbles are pink, jackass.

Christine:
[after being told by Booth not to say "jackass"] But it's not my fault. Bunny is a jackass.

Cam:
What kind of person shoves a dead body under a piece of playground equipment?

Oliver Wells:
Fun-loving person.

Angela:
[watches Cam attempt to do a facial reconstruction using the corpse's face skin] Cam, you're either a genius or a deeply disturbed human being.

Cam:
Would you mind passing me the victim's nose?

Angela:
It's weird that that's not a weird question.

Hodgins:
Well, I also found traces of sulfuryl fluoride, also known as Vikane, Zythor or Master Fume.

Cam:
Those all sound like names of super villains.

Brennan:
Dr. Wells, I often find you to be a real pain in my ass!

[Oliver stares at Brennan in shock over her language]

Oliver:
[deadpan] Wow. If I wasn't so shocked I would be offended.

Brennan:
[collects herself] The occasional curse word can serve as a healthy form of non-violent retribution.

Oliver:
So you swore to stop yourself from hitting me?

Brennan:
Given your personality, I imagine you're quite used to that.

Hodgins:
It was the hooker in the bedroom with the candlestick. Tell me this case is not starting to sound like a game of Clue.

Hodgins:
Look, I like a good underdog story as much as the next guy, but my money's on Dr. B.

Oliver:
What the hell, Hodgins? I thought we were, y'know, "beard buddies".

Hodgins:
[smirks] Sorry, dude, but I've worked with this woman for over ten years and I have never, not once ever, seen anyone better. And as for the beards, when I look at you, I feel like I'm looking in the mirror when I have a hangover. You might wanna, you know, clean up a bit there.

Oliver:
[unimpressed] Hmm, I'm gonna remember this conversation when I'm the one running things and you are looking for a job.

Hodgins:
[deadpan] In a world where that scenario exists, I won't need a job because I will be a power forward for the Lakers.

Cam:
[to Daisy, about her unborn son] Wow, you are so much bigger than I expected. It looks like he might come out dressed and ready for school.

Brennan:
[regarding fracking] Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be as careless with my science as they are about theirs.

Hodgins:
We all change, all the time. That is science.

Angela:
[about Daisy] Cut her some slack, Valentina. A human being is trying to escape from her vagina.

Brennan:
[takes Daisy's hand comfortingly] Perhaps I can walk with you and you can squeeze my hand. I did that when I was in labor and I took great comfort in knowing that Booth was in pain too.

Daisy:
[in labor] Who here has the balls to argue with the pregnant woman?!?!?!

Aubrey:
Uh, Angela sent over some help. See, by triangulating the locations of the body parts we already recovered, she was able to significantly narrow down the search area, which she then cross-referenced with the garbage truck pickup routes−−

Booth:
[interrupts] Enough, enough, enough with the squint talk. If I wanted to talk squint, I would go to, you know, Squint Land.

Aubrey:
[cringes at the foul-smelling corpse] Booth is a lucky man. Traffic school's looking pretty good right about now.

Brennan:
I don't think Booth is enjoying it at all. Has anyone ever told you you say some pretty bizarre things?

Elderly woman:
[sees Aubrey and Brennan looking around] What are you doing back there? We can call the police, you know.

Aubrey:
Oh, yeah, no. We are the police. Uh, well, sort of. FBI, actually, so we're sort of like the super police.

Aubrey:
[updating Booth on the case] The video was recorded as a part of an experiment.

Booth:
Well, what kind of experiment makes someone pretend they're being tortured?

Aubrey:
Well, we're about to find out.

Booth:
Nah-ha, you are about to find out. You see, I have a date with Officer Stop 'n Go.

Aubrey:
You know, between you and your wife, I'm starting to feel like I'm being rejected here.

Booth:
I thought you said you could handle her.

Aubrey:
You got a sadistic streak, you know that?

Brennan:
I'm a much better driver than you are.

Booth:
Says who?

Brennan:
The State of Virginia, for starters.

Booth:
So it's official. Okay, so if that's a challenge, I hope it ends in a super cool drag race.

Brennan:
Oh, that sounds dangerous.

Booth:
Well, it's not if you're behind the wheel. Instead of The Fast and the Furious, it'd be The Slow and the Serious.

Booth:
Bodies are so much bulkier than jewels.

Brennan:
And yet you seemed right at home. I guess once a thief, always a thief.

Aubrey:
[updating Booth about the suspect] The guy's name is Alex Dunaway, but for now I'm just calling him Leatherface.

Booth:
How about the Virginia Chain Saw Massacre?

Aubrey:
Interesting fact-- you know, before being called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the original title was Headcheese?

Booth:
[stares at Aubrey, unimpressed] What's wrong with you? [looks at a picture of the victim and crime scene] Oh. Wow.

Aubrey:
Looking like some head cheese if you ask me.

Booth:
You talk to Leatherface yet?

Aubrey:
Not yet. Guy was ranting and raving when he came in. I'm not exactly fluent in crazy. I got the shrink in there calming him down for me.

[Cam, Hodgins and Brennan examine the victim which was found inside a tree trunk]

Cam:
Adults don't go climbing inside trees alone.

Hodgins:
I do. That's where the really beautiful Hymenoptera are.

Cam:
Right. But unless by some chance the victim was not an obsessive entomologist, this is probably a body dump.

Brennan:
But why dump her inside of a tree?

Hodgins:
Body stew like this, I feel like one of the witches from Macbeth.

Angela:
You seriously don't believe Avalon?

Hodgins:
No. Psychics and fortune tellers represent man's basic need to make sense of the unknown, while rigorous evidence-based science is far more difficult than just believing in magic.

Angela:
[sarcastically] Oh, so you're saying I'm lazy and a fool?

Hodgins:
Oh, how did I not see that coming?

Angela:
[apologetically] I'm sorry that they don't believe, Avalon.

Avalon:
Oh, I'm used to it. Besides, other people's opinions don't make the truth any less true.

Aubrey:
Right, so why am I here exactly?

Angela:
Because you're interrogating the fraud, and Booth won't let Avalon into the FBI.

Aubrey:
So you want me to subvert protocol and risk my career by letting her what exactly?

Avalon:
Educate you.

Cam:
Avalon? I thought she was barred from the FBI.

Angela:
Well, yeah, but she can do her work anywhere. She's been trying to contact Justine.

Cam:
Oh, the dead person. Is that a local or a long-distance call? Oh, great.

Angela:
So you think I'm a loon now, too?

Cam:
But you're great with a computer. So what did you find?

Caroline:
What's happening, Cher? No way you take a step back on a Pelant case for no reason.

Booth:
I want to see how things go without me.

Caroline:
Without you?

Booth:
This is between you and me, for now, but, uh this is gonna be my last case.

Caroline:
Oh, my Lord. You can't be serious.

Booth:
Look, there are still a few places on me that haven't been shot or broken, and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as I can. There's a lot of good agents here. A lot better than me.

Caroline:
Oh you shut up, Seeley Booth. There is no one better than you.