Boy Meets World, Season 3

[Cory and Shawn see Topanga walk by.]

Cory:
That's not the Topanga I've known. I mean, it's like she goes away for a summer and comes back a woman.

Shawn:
Yeah, so did Coach Franklin.

Eric:
My grades aren't good enough to get me into college?

Feeny:
Your grades, my friend, aren't good enough to get you a slurpee.

Feeny:
What are you two doing?

Joey:
Well, uh, this kid was choking on his lunch money, but luckily Frankie here knows the Floorlick maneuver. Ain't that right Frankie?

Frankie:
Stop, you're embarrassing me.

Feeny:
I'll see you two in detention.

Frankie:
Why, what did you do Mr. Feeny?

Feeny:
Something in my previous life, probably.

Shawn:
A 10:00 curfew? Cory, that means if I pick her up at eight, that only gives us... oh, that stinking metric system.

Shawn:
When adults talk, I hear this buzzing sound.

Turner:
George, even I gotta say, quit yankin' the guy.

Feeny:
I yank you not.

Eric:
Christy's gonna expect me to tell her that I love her. Aw, man, I gotta do something now. Think, you gotta think, Eric - OW!

Shawn:
Thinking cramp?

Eric:
Yeah.

Shawn:
I get those, too.

Eric:
[typing a college recommendation letter] "So, in conclusion, Eric Matthews is really really really smart, really really really nice, and really really really good for your school. Really. Sincerely, George...Mmmm Millhouse Feeny. Princip... uhh princip- princip...uhh... Head Guy."

Devon:
You know, in my house, growing up, all my parents ever talked about were the three M's: money, marriage and mortgage.

Shawn:
Yeah, my dad always talked about the three B's: babes, bucks and brewskies.

Shawn:
As some famous guy once said, "Let there be light."

Cory:
[looking at his chemistry paper] I got an A, Shawn.

Shawn:
[looking at his own paper] Wow, a D! I'm riding your coattails!

[After starting a fire in the chemistry lab]

Cory:
Shawn, this is bad. Chemicals explode.

Shawn:
Oh no, this is bad.

Cory:
We have to go stop the fire!

Shawn:
No, I ended my paper with "In conclusion, chemicals don't explode"!

Cory:
Shawn, I've been at this school for two years, and people still call me "Eric's brother," "Shawn's friend," or my favorite, "Hey kid, move!"

Cory:
I'm going to hell, and you know what the worst part is?

Shawn:
What?

Cory:
They're going to expect me to put out the fire.

Dr. Sorell:
[Gives Shawn his paper back] "D", chemicals do explode.

Eric:
All right, look, Mr. Feeny, I have a question that I'm going to need a yes or no answer to: how many people get into Yale every year?

Feeny:
[thinks it over] No.

Animal Control Man:
Let's save ourselves time, a lot of unpleasantries. You've got a pig. I want it.

Shawn:
This pig you speak of, could you describe him?

Animal Control Man:
It looks like... A GREAT BIG LION!

Shawn:
Oh, well, that's not our pig!

Cory:
'Cause, uh, we don't have one! So, Mr. Animal Control Man, kindly vacate my home at once or else I will be forced to call the Animal Control Control People. Yes, sir. Isn't that right, my dear Shawn?

Shawn:
It sure is, my little Cory. [the pig comes down the stairs] Okay, who shaved the dog?

Eric:
Wait, I know this song! Ba-de-de-de-de-dum, it's Bugs Bunny!

Feeny:
No, it's Wagner.

Eric:
Mr. Feeny, this is cartoons you are WAY over your head!

Animal Control Man:
Is this really your pig?

Turner:
No, I've got my ark parked outside and I'm one pig short.

Shawn:
Topanga, are you sweating?

Topanga:
I don't sweat, I glisten.

Shawn:
Yeah, well, you're glistening like a pig.

Janitor Bud:
Okay... I didn't want to use this, Feeny, but what about that time I saved your life?

Feeny:
Saved my life?

Janitor Bud:
You were walking down the hall when I noticed a patch of waxy build-up on the floor. You were maybe two, three steps away. There was no time to clean. I had no choice but to throw myself onto the wax.

Feeny:
I thought you were napping!

Janitor Bud:
Well... once I was down there...

Shawn:
You know, Mr. Feeny, just between you and me, it's stuff like this that really makes you unpopular.

Feeny:
Sure, and it's lonely at the top, but I save a lot of money on Call Waiting.

Cory:
Eric, how could you plan the rave on the same day as Mom and Dad's anniversary?

Eric:
Hey, you're lookin' at me like I'm inconsiderate. I had no idea when Mom and Dad's anniversary was, so there!

Feeny:
All right, Mr. Matthews, what was I saying?

Cory:
I was too busy absorbing to listen.

Feeny:
Very good. Mr. Hunter?

Shawn:
Franklin Roosevelt and the New Deal.

Feeny:
Dear Lord, he's right.

Shawn:
It's been my answer for two years, Mr. Feeny. Sooner or later it had to pay off.

Cory:
Well, I accidentally kissed Missy Robinson.

Topanga:
How do you accidentally kiss someone?

Cory:
Well, um...

Topanga:
I mean, did she trip on a rug and your lips broke her fall?

Eric:
Cory, if stupidity were in the Olympics, you'd win the Nobel Prize.

Shawn:
[to Feeny] You're asking us for money, aren't you?

Feeny:
Yes, I've hit rock bottom.

Shawn:
Welcome!

Cory:
All right, Shawn, not to put a damper on our plans or anything, but it occurred to me in a moment of clarity that we don't ski.

Shawn:
We don't learn, but we go to school, don't we?

Shawn:
There wasn't even any snow.

Cory:
Yeah, what about that, Shawn? You told me that the weather report said "snow in the mountains."

Shawn:
They did. They said the Rocky Mountains were blanketed with fresh powder.

Cory:
The Rockies? Shawn, we're in the Poconos! Two thousand miles away from the Rocky Mountains!

Shawn:
Oh, you mean that's a name? I thought it was a description. You know, like "chewy nougat."

Shawn:
I'm no rocket scientologist, but...

Cory:
The key is to be direct and vague, yet obvious and subtle.

Feeny:
Mr. Matthews, interesting essay on Joan of Arc.

Eric:
Thank you.

Feeny:
But I doubt that Arc meant that Joan was from Arkansas.

Eric:
It's a theory.

Feeny:
It's an F.

Shawn:
Come on, just relax and be myself.

Frankie:
I walk alone in this world, except for the grilled cheese sandwich in my pocket.

Turner:
You know those three little words that are very difficult to say to a woman unless you really mean them?

Shawn:
"Is Father home?"

Turner:
No! "I love you."

Shawn:
Oh, well you're just real vulnerable right now.

Morgan:
Cory has a date.

Eric:
So, who's the unlucky girl?

Amy:
Come on Morgan, let's go watch TV.

Morgan:
TV's not funny. Cory's life is funny.

Shawn:
If I'm late for class, fall asleep without me.

Cory:
I'm going out into the blizzard with just one mitten. Godspeed to me!

Turner:
What's her number?

Shawn:
1-800-TAKE-A-COLD-SHOWER.

Susan:
We have something to tell you.

Dana:
[fretfully] Oh, no.

Shawn:
[horrified] We're sisters!

Eric:
Just what you wanted. 20,000 words on the Civil War.

Feeny:
I said 2,000.

[Eric looks wide-eyed at his thick pile of papers for a moment, then tears off the top two pages and hands them to Feeny.]

Eric:
That oughta do it.

Feeny:
Come along, Mr. Matthews! Don't dawdle!

Eric:
I'm not dawdling. I'm just not wearing any underwear.

Feeny:
I was cleaning out the attic and found a trunk that belonged to my great-aunt Fanny.

Eric:
Fanny Feeny?

Feeny:
Don't go there.

Eric:
So I said to myself, "Kyle - "

Alan:
Kyle?

Eric:
That's what I call myself.

Feeny:
Let's not call it "detention." I prefer "Hooked on Feeny."

Feeny:
Well, Mr. Hunter! I see you do listen in class sometimes.

Shawn:
Well, some days you're talking so much I can't sleep.

Topanga:
Cory, don't even try to call me for the next two weeks. I will be incommunicado.

Shawn:
Wow, that's guts. We're studying and she's off to Mexico.

Topanga:
Tell me about the Great Gatsby.

Cory:
He was the greatest hockey player who ever lived.

Shawn:
This is our school. I'm not turning my back. I sleep here every day!

Cory:
Don't expect my paper on time, Mr. Feeny.

Feeny:
I never do.

50's Topanga:
The name's T.L.

Cory:
Stands for Topanga Lawrence.

50's Topanga:
Stands for "Tough Luck" for suckers who don't know better.

Topanga:
Why are you looking at me like that?

Cory:
I will always look at you like this.

Topanga:
Well, stop.

Cory:
Why?

Topanga:
Because you're giving me the heebie-jeebies.

Cory:
Good.

Cory:
Oh, didn't you hear? The school's all-American point guard is being tutored by the school's all-American cheesehead.

Cory:
There's no such thing as good news before I've had my Grape Nuts.

Chet:
Shawn, I'm gonna do something I haven't done since you were a very little boy.

Shawn:
Get a job?

[Chet is taking Turner's television]

Shawn:
Dad, that's Mr. Turner's TV.

Chet:
Well heck, you've been here for a year. Besides, teachers shouldn't be watching television anyway.

Cory:
I came here to woo her, and by gum, woo her I will.

Cory:
[talking to Amber the dolphin] So, Amber, you're separated from your mate, huh? I know how you feel. Not that Topanga's my mate or anything, I just believe she is. It's funny, though. People tell you to get on with your life, go date, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. Like I need to tell you! See, we know that once we've met that special person, it's hard to live knowing they're out there, and they're the only one you care about. All those things I did, I wasn't trying to impress her, I just didn't know how to express my feelings. Well, at least I tried, huh? And now I'm talking to a fish. [tosses a fish to Amber] See ya, Amber.

Alan (talking to Cory):
For starters, this house and school are the only two places you're gonna see for the next month.

Morgan:
A month? I got more the time I said [bleep]!

Amy and Alan (together):
Morgan!

Alan (talking to Morgan):
You... get up to your room there, you're grounded for... two months!

Morgan:
I gotta learn self-control.

Eric:
[about graduating] You know, I don't think I could have done this without everyone in this room believing in me. That's why this diploma, which signifies my intelligence, belongs as much to you as it does to I.

Feeny:
[correcting] Me.

Eric:
I included you.

Feeny:
Oh, dear.

Cory:
You know you guys never sent me to camp.

Alan:
Are you insane?

Amy:
We tried to send you to camp when you were eight, but we had to come and take you home.

Alan:
Everyday you sent us letters telling us they were conducting medical experiments on you.

Cory:
And they were!

Cory:
what about protecting your family?

Shawn:
I just did....You're my family

(The two side hug while exiting)