Charmed, Season 5

Piper:
Baby Book. My baby book. Oh, look how squishy I was!

Leo:
Hmm, you were so adorable.

Piper:
Leo, you can't even see the picture.

Leo:
I'm your whitelighter, I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.

Piper:
Uh huh. Yeh, see that's too creepy to think about.

Mylie:
You have a very big underwater fanbase.

Paige:
That's actually the most fun I've seen Phoebe have since Cole died.

Leo:
Which time?

Craig:
Who are you people?

Paige:
Witch.

Leo:
Angel.

Phoebe:
Mermaid.

Paige:
Don't you mean Witch?

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
Powers of the witches rise, Find a hag who speaks in lies, Balance chakras, focus chi, Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea.

Powers of the witches rise,

Find a hag who speaks in lies,

Balance chakras, focus chi,

Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea.

Piper:
Leo, she said Tidal Waves. How far do Tidal Waves travel!?

Leo:
Will you slow down on this magic kick. Look at your hair, it's still red from the potion you blew up last night.

Paige:
Do you have any idea how much this would cost in the salon?

Cole:
Too many people talking at once.

Phoebe:
You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers!

Cole:
Wait, before you say anything.

Paige:
Not to say, do, because I'm about to orb your family jewels far, far away.

Cole:
Yeah, that would hurt.

Piper:
Locked in, boxed in, full of fear, My panic grows manic 'til I can't hear, In need of reprieve so that I can breathe Remove my fear, please make it leave.

Locked in, boxed in, full of fear,

My panic grows manic 'til I can't hear,

In need of reprieve so that I can breathe

Remove my fear, please make it leave.

Phoebe:
Okay, how?

Piper:
I don't know! Get in touch with your inner fish!

Phoebe:
Ouch!

Leo:
Sorry I was a medic, not a vet.

Leo:
Yep, a demon chased her home.

Piper:
Well that was nice of him.

Phoebe:
Will someone please get me back to the ocean before i suffocate? i need the water!

Piper:
(About demon) Well,i have to thank him,then kill him.

Phoebe:
You are holding me hostage!

Paige:
Yep looks like it.

Phoebe:
Look I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea!

Paige:
Well the call of the common bathtub is just gonna have to do.

Piper:
Oh please, please. Somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold.

Paige:
Open Phoebe's heart to Cole, Reveal the secrets that it holds, Bring forth the passion of love's fire, That he may feel her true desire.

Open Phoebe's heart to Cole,

Reveal the secrets that it holds,

Bring forth the passion of love's fire,

That he may feel her true desire.

Piper:
Okay...I've had enough. Your treatment of me is shocking.

Piper:
Oh look out Phoebe, he's packing a seashell.

Paige:
Tide of evil, washed ashore, Bring it's darkness ever more, With all our strength we fight this fate, Make this evil obliterate.

Tide of evil, washed ashore,

Bring it's darkness ever more,

With all our strength we fight this fate,

Make this evil obliterate.

Piper:
Shh! Pheobe's doing a news report in there!

Paige:
In the bathroom?

Leo:
Like the power of two and a half

Paige:
Weve got to do something before she does something stupid like giving Nancy O'Dell a exclusive with Necktron.

Phoebe:
No,this is not happening. This goes way beyond stalking.

Piper:
I dont want my baby to turn into a guinea pig

Piper:
And besides, every other mother to be does not have to worry about her child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room.

Paige:
You want my advice?

Piper:
Not really.

Piper:
This is not raging hormones talking! This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now!

Grams:
Piper!

Piper:
Thank you.

Leo:
Don't thank me, I didn't do anything.

Grams:
What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot.

Piper:
What do you mean, didn't you come on your own power?

Grams:
Honey, I'm good, but I'm not that good!

Paige:
Oh, my goodness, don't tell me you're already interviewing nannies.

Grams:
Paige. You're even more beautiful than I imagined.

Paige:
And you are?

Grams:
Why, I'm your Grams of course. Come here.

Paige:
No offense, but, uh, aren't you supposed to be dead?

Grams:
Oh, I'm over that.

Paige:
You expect me to believe that there are giant beanstalks and gingerbread houses that actually existed?

Phoebe:
Cole, these boots may be made for walking, but they're never walking back to you,buddy.

Piper:
Hear our call, For those who fall, Purge her to awaken, From this toxic taken.

Hear our call,

For those who fall,

Purge her to awaken,

From this toxic taken.

Phoebe:
Dead? What do you mean she's dead?

Leo:
Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.

Phoebe:
The dwarves?

Leo:
Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now.

Phoebe:
Snow White and the Little People?

Head Dwarf:
When's her prince getting here?

Piper:
She doesn't have a prince.

Head Dwarf:
No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?

Dwarf 1:
I'll do it.

Dwarf 2:
In your dreams Stinky. I'll do it.

Dwarf 1:
I told you not to call me that.

Head Dwarf:
People. A little professional decorum here please. Forgive them, it's been a while.

Cole:
Leo, he's evil.

Leo:
Really? And what are you?

Cole:
Keep your hands off my pumpkin.

Piper:
Ah, back off Grams. I just saved your ass.

Paige:
Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?

Grams:
You were dead, dear. But, on the bright side, at least now we have something in common.

Phoebe:
Hey, I'm walking here!

Car Driver:
Get out of the street!

Phoebe:
Death did us part, Cole. Just because you figured out a way to come back, doesn't mean that I didn't keep my end of the bargain.

Piper:
Paige, I don't wanna chat. I got problems here. Geez, you're like my husband with boobs.

Paige:
Oh my God, I can't believe he's doing the "look at at me I'm a good guy" routine on prime time. Phoebe must be thrilled.

Leo:
I'm sure that it's just all this arguing that's got the baby upset.

Piper:
Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy!

Piper:
Kiss this bitch. (She tries to blow her up, but her powers showered her with flowers) Ohh, bad baby.

Phoebe:
Woman to woman. Cole was the love of my life, and I'm finally learning to live my life without him. Calling him for a favor would open a can of worms that I've worked so hard to close.

Elise:
Woman to woman. If you're still describing this guy as the love of your life, then the can is open, the worms are out, and you may as well use them to go fishing.

Piper:
Okay, vanquish demon first, kill husband later.

Cole:
What? I knocked.

Piper:
Doors. People use doors.

(Leo burps and fizzy bubble floats out of his mouth.)

Cole:
Whoa, what was that?

Piper:
Hey, how did you do that?

Leo:
I don't know but I'm feeling really nauseous.

Piper:
Oh, god, and I'm not. Wait, how, why... Why does he have my pregnancy symptoms?

Cole:
Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?

Piper:
Well, I was. But, now I think Leo is.

Cole:
Huh?

Leo:
Hey, are your boobs always this sore?

(Piper gives a nervous smile.)

Cole:
Wait a minute, I'm confused…

Phoebe:
Cole, maybe you should leave.

Phoebe:
Okay, here are your crackers, here's a pad and a pen, we need a summoning spell.

Leo:
What, now I'm supposed to rhyme?

Phoebe:
Yeah, no rest for the whiny.

Phoebe:
Think what you what, I think my niece is a genius. She did what any good marriage consultant would've done.

Leo:
A good marriage consultant would've swapped our powers?

Phoebe:
No, she would've made you walk a mile in each other's shoes.

Leo:
You know, you're a pretty good whitelighter.

Piper:
I learned from the best.

Leo:
Hey I'm not nauseous anymore.

Piper:
Hey I am! Wait, that's not good news…

Leo:
What about your powers?

(Piper takes a doughnut, throws it up in the air, and blows it up.)

Piper:
Very nice!

Cole:
So, did you get my flowers?

Phoebe:
Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you." Probably not a card that the florist gets to write every day, huh?

Piper:
Maybe the baby thought that fireworks were prettier than demon guts.

Paige:
Abracadabra!

Phoebe:
Nice job!

Piper:
You did all that with abracadabra?

Paige:
Nah, I used a spell. I just always wanted to say that

Leo:
Oh God, not the crying thing.

Piper:
[tearfully] Leo, I have growing powers inside of me, powers that I do not understand and the only person who does understand never has time to talk, add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the crying thing.

Leo:
P3's still doing great.

Piper:
Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.

Leo:
Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.

Piper:
Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.

Leo:
Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?

Paige:
Having sex.

Piper:
Oh!

Paige:
See this is why I don't want to talk to you about this, it's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.

Piper:
Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant.

Paige:
Urgh, I don't want to know that either.

Paige:
I think I'm so busy protecting this big ol' secret of ours I guess I can't really let my guard down. How'd you do it?

Piper:
Marry an angel.

Piper:
I'm pregnant, not terminal.

Ramus:
Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some ass now and again.

Paige:
Well, maybe try a different yoga instructor.

Piper:
It wasn't the instructor, it was all those women showing off their sonogram pictures. And it was just working on my last nerve. Like 'look it's Jasper's first photo and it's gonna go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says Jasper's first photo!'

Leo:
Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax.

Paige:
I'm just a big, dumb, fat unemployed loser.

Piper:
No, Paige, you're a big, fat, dumb, unemployed loser who saves the world.

Leo:
Alright, you guys yell at her, I'm gonna go check with the Elders and see what they know.

Elise:
Dear Phoebe, my career is on the fast track, I'm wildly popular and the money's pretty damn good. What should I do?

Phoebe:
Stop whining.

Elise:
Damn, you are good.

Paige:
Uh gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?

Piper:
The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.

Piper:
Wow pre-natal yoga this morning and now you wanna crash a stranger's funeral. You really do need friends.

Paige:
You're mean.

Leo:
Well, what happens when they check the security camera to find out why the sonogram machine blew up like it did with Phoebe's baby?

Piper:
Phoebe's baby was a demon, ours is an angel for crying out loud.

Piper:
So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed.

Piper:
Hi! I am off to yoga and then to the salon for a manicure and pedicure. There's a cherry pie cooling on the counter and I will be on my cell.

Paige:
Uh uh. Prenatal police lady. Put the mug down, step away from the coffee.

Piper:
It's herbal tea. I'm on a natural high today.

Piper:
Ah, Jinxed! I should have know this was going to happen. It's the story of my life, when everything is going great something will inevitably happen that will ruin it.

Paige:
A little spider did all that to you?

Piper:
Oh, you just wait, you will see.

Cole:
Please, you've got to help me.

Piper:
See?

Miles:
Hey, how long were you married?

Phoebe:
Not long, but we were together for two years. The beginning was great it's just the end was, uh...hell.

Miles:
Yeah, I had the same experience with my ex.

Phoebe:
Uh, no, pretty sure you didn't. Well you know 'cause you know every situation is so different.

Cole:
I think somebody's trying to drive me crazy.

Phoebe:
Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

Piper:
Desperate demons call for desperate measures.

Paige:
What is wrong with you? Is this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Piper? Make up your mind, lady.

Piper:
We don't need to go looking for trouble. Trouble comes to find us anyway.

Leo:
As your whitelighter, I would say go with your instincts.

Paige:
Okay.

Leo:
But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters is pure suicide.

Paige:
Great. You really helped clarify this issue.

Paige:
What does this Barbas do? What's his thing?

Piper:
He brings really bad things to life.

Phoebe:
Okay people, time to get over our fears right now!!

Piper:
Easy for you to say. You're not facing killer spiders!

Phoebe:
Neither are you.

Piper:
Playing on an expectant mother's fears. That was a good one. But not that good.

Phoebe:
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Paige:
You're suffocating me.

Phoebe:
Oh, I'm sorry.

Phoebe:
Paige, orb the potion.

Paige:
It's in a puddle.

Piper:
You can do it, Prue did.

Barbas:
Ay, there's the rub. You're no Prue, are you?

Piper:
He works with numbers all day. You know how Phoebe is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common.

Leo:
You're right. We- we should just vanquish him.

Piper:
What is this?! A brothel?

Piper:
Oh no, they're going upstairs! Should I stop them?

Paige:
No, only if you want to make a total ass of yourself - but that's up to you.

Phoebe:
Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.

Piper:
You guys are already getting freaky?

Miles:
You saved my life.

Phoebe:
Oh, it was nothing.

Miles:
It was my life.

Phoebe:
Yeah.

Miles:
I should be dead right now.

Phoebe:
Yeh, but you're not. That's good.

Miles:
You saved my life.

Phoebe:
I think we've been over that part.

Miles:
Did I thank you?

Piper:
Look warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we cannot. You gotta get out of here before she sees you.

Miles:
Your kisses kill me.

Phoebe:
Right back at ya.

Piper:
Too many spells and potions to remember, let alone defend against.

Phoebe:
We're dead.

Piper:
Again.

Paige:
And again.

Piper:
Honey?

Leo:
Yeah?

Piper:
Zip it.

Baccarra:
And then there were none.

Phoebe:
How long have you guys been standing there?

Paige:
Long enough to know you've got some serious 80's dance moves!

Piper:
Well...let's just say i had a little premonition of my own!

Piper:
I gotta go home 'cos I gotta interview magical nannies tomorrow and I gotta prepare.

Phoebe:
Magical nannies...you mean like Mary Poppins?

Leo:
You're getting your first charge.

Paige:
Are you serious?

Leo:
Yeah, well the Elders aren't exactly known for their sense of humor.

Paige:
That is so great. I am now Paige Matthews, whitelighter-witch... I'm a hyphenate.

Phoebe:
Last night two guys held up a bar and a vigilante killed them.

Paige:
That sounds more like you need an arrest warrant, not a potion

Phoebe:
Not when the vigilate is tall, dark and handsome and can send people flying with the wave of a hand.

Piper:
Well, that doens't mean it's Cole.

Phoebe:
Did I forget to mention the scorch marks?

Piper:
That means it's Cole!

Paige:
If this is where I was supposed to find my charge, you might have told me not to wear my Jimmy Choos.

Sam:
A little advice, you need to work up a cover. Didn't you read the whitelighter manual?

Paige:
There's a manual?

Piper:
Is that who I think it is?

Phoebe:
Mom's whitelighter.

Piper:
And Paige's father.

Paige:
The Elders sent me to protect someone without telling me who he was.

Piper:
I'd say that's a bit of an understatement.

Piper:
You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?!

Phoebe:
I want him dead. I want this over with. And if this doesn't work, we might not get a second chance.

Piper:
Got it. Kill him. Dead.

Piper:
Everything is so bright and cheery and ruffly.

Paige:
Your pants stopped fitting you.

Piper:
Well, I could have gone up a size or two. I don't have to resort to maternity clothes. I just feel so-

Saleslady:
Adorable! I think it's you.

Piper:
Obviously, you don't know me very well. Look, do you have anything that will go with combat boots? Ya know, something for the mom-to-be who kicks some ass upon occasion? You know something in black. Or gray.

Saleslady:
... I'll go check.

Piper:
Are you telling me she's going to evict somebody from their own body? That's rude!

Paige:
Scrying secrets come to me, Drop again so I might see.

Scrying secrets come to me,

Drop again so I might see.

Cole:
(makes guillotine appear) I can't wait to see how I survive this. Oh, can't you at least let me not die in peace?

Jeric:
Glad to see you're feeling so alive.

Isis:
(as Phoebe) It's this body. I've never felt so much power before, passion, desire.

Jeric:
Maybe I should leave you two alone.

Isis:
(as Phoebe) No. Just because the witch is in me doesn't mean there's not enough room for you too.

Piper:
So what? I'm unbreakable, dude.

Paige:
Dude, I'm not.

Piper:
I can't handle this right now.

Leo:
What? I told you I was going to have to break a few rules.

Piper:
No, no, no. You don't understand, this is the least of our problems. Which ought to give you and idea how bad our problems actually are!

Leo:
Come on, it can't be that bad.

Piper:
Unless I am mistaken, Cole has teamed up with Jerich and tricked me into getting Paige possessed and Phoebe mummified.

Piper:
I'm not gonna leave my sisters in Egypt with two demonic perverts!

Piper:
How can you be so evil?

Cole:
It's a gift.

Piper:
Two warring souls not burn inside, Where only one can reside, I call upon the power of three, To save her body and set Paige free.

Two warring souls not burn inside,

Where only one can reside,

I call upon the power of three,

To save her body and set Paige free.

Paige:
We're just playing hookie.

Piper:
Well Paige, you can't play hookie, cos see, you're unemployed.

Piper:
What's the matter with your neck?

Paige:
It's this cramp, I've had it for a couple of days now.

Piper:
Well, why don't you get a massage?

(Piper looks through a rack of clothes.)

Paige:
Oh, yeah, I'll pencil that in. Right between vanquishing demons and training to be your midwife. (Piper holds up an ugly pale pink dress.) No.

(Piper puts the dress back.)

Piper:
Well, A, I don't need midwives because I'm delivering with a doctor not sisters. And B, you need to start taking care of yourself because you've actually been working harder than when you were working.

Paige:
Yeah, well, someone has to pick up the slack, especially with hermit lady just laying around the house.

Piper:
The hermit lady?

Paige:
Yeah, Phoebe? Have you noticed she hasn't left the house in weeks.

Piper:
What do you mean? She leaves the house every morning.

Paige:
No, she leaves the house to go to work. I can understand wanting a break from guys, but come on already, she's gonna wear out the batteries.

Piper:
Ah, Paige!

(Paige's phone rings, she answers it)

Paige:
Hi Phoebe. We were just talking about you.

Piper:
And your batteries.

Health Inspector:
Rats, too.

Piper:
No! No, we don't have rats! Wait, they don't live here! They're just...they're just trying to ruin my life!

(loudly barges in Cole's office)

Phoebe:
You slimy, son-of-a-bitch!

Cole:
Phoebe, is that you?

Phoebe:
What are you, evil and blind? Yeah, it's me! Look, why don't you just admit you're behind this? Admit it, so I can use magic to fight you!

Cole:
I don't know, uh, I don't know what you're talking about.

Phoebe:
Look, Cole, my career is the most important thing to me. Okay, so is that your plan? To take it away from me, so that I-I come running to you for comfort?

Cole:
Phoebe, I love you, and I don't know what's going on... but, maybe I can help... Would you like me to kill someone for you... your-your boss, perhaps?

(Phoebe angrily starts throwing the papers on his desks up.)

Cole:
Hey, hey, hey, hey! HEY!

Phoebe:
I might not be able to use magic, but...

Cole:
You're sexy when you're mad, you know. I can't wait until I get to kiss you again.

Phoebe:
Cole, I will never be with you again. I hate you. I - hate - you. Do you get that?

Cole:
Hate is good. It's passionate, intense. It's-it's... it's a breath away from love.

(Phoebe laughs and stops abruptly, quickly leaving the room.)

Cole:
Ahh... she's great.

Piper:
I say we go back in there and pull her out by her hair!

Paige:
No, no, we can't make a scene. We need a plan.

Piper:
Ok, here it is. We go home...we vomit...

Paige:
And?

Piper:
That's all I got so far.

Paige:
Leo, we saw Phoebe and Cole's tongues locked, hands groping all over each other.

Leo:
Ok, didn't need the visual.

Piper:
Okay, this just can not be happening, people. I mean, Phoebe would not do this to us. I mean, it cannot, cannot be happening.

Leo:
Okay, well, maybe she's under a spell... or-or maybe there were some information that she wanted and she was using sex as a tool?

Piper:
Okay, I like the sound of that. Sluttly and manipulative. That's better than evil any day.

Phoebe:
Alright, don't call me sweetie. You can't hold a person prisoner and then call them sweetie.

Piper:
This witches power cannot fight, The lure of evil's magic might, Before misuse lands her in hell, Remove the powers of Phoebe Halliwell.

This witches power cannot fight,

The lure of evil's magic might,

Before misuse lands her in hell,

Remove the powers of Phoebe Halliwell.

Kaia:
(as Phoebe) Knife in the panty drawer...my kind of girl!

Kaia:
(as Phoebe) You don't deserve him.

Phoebe:
How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want him!

Paige:
(after leaping into Leo and exploding him) Ha! Now THAT is a vanquish!

Leo:
(reappears) Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practise on me, I may be dead but it STILL HURTS!

Paige:
I am sorry, Leo, but I think I came up with the perfect way to vanquish Cole! I kept thinking 'What is it that makes him so indestructible?' and then I thought 'It's his protection shield!' so I came up with a potion that makes me invisible long enough so I can get past it, say a spell and blow him up from the inside!

Leo:
Firstly, congratulations, cool potion.

Paige:
Thank you! (she curties)

Leo:
Secondly, it will never work.

Phoebe:
What about water birth, can we do that at home?

Eva:
Yeah, we could rent a tub.

Piper:
What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish!

Leo:
Well, actually dolphins aren't fish, they're mammals.

Piper:
Shut up!

Lazarus Demon:
Go to hell.

Piper:
I'm already there.

Paige:
And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties.

Piper:
Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all.

Piper:
So you say the club is still successful in this... 'alleged' other reality of yours?

Paige:
It's not alleged, it's real. And it's... really good.

Piper:
Oh yeah, am I a millionaire?

Paige:
(smiles a bit) No, not that good.

Piper:
Well, how pregnant am I, exactly?

Paige:
Phoebe and I are practising to be your midwives as we speak. We're preparing for the big home birth!

Piper:
Home birth, you're nuts, I'd never agree to that, I - I wouldn't give birth unless it was in a hospital-!

Paige:
Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality. Hey, who else but a sister would know that?

Piper:
(looking tearful] We must be pretty close then, the three of us.

Paige:
(she nods, also fighting back tears)

Piper:
Like Phoebe and I were with Prue...

Paige:
Yep, close enough to have avenged Prue's death together.

Piper:
Did you guys try to vanquish Belthazor ever?

Paige:
No, but you and Prue almost tried! You guys had a vanquishing potion, right?

Piper:
How do you know that...?

Paige:
Book of Shadows. Also says that it needs a piece of his flesh to make it work.

Leo:
That's right, it did.

Piper:
(she looks at him, then at Paige) All right then. (takes out a dagger) Let's go hunting.

(Cole walks in on Phoebe and another demon kissing)

Demon:
Sorry, my liege. But I thought... I didn't think...

(Before he can finish, Cole vanquishes him with an energy ball)

Phoebe:
(infuriated) Are you kidding me? What did you do that for?!

Cole:
What'd I do what for? You're in here screwing some guy, I'm supposed to ignore it? You're my WIFE, goddamn it!

Phoebe:
(pulling her dress back on) Oh, you have got to be kidding me. After all this time now you're playing the aggrieved husband?!

Cole:
(flings the contents of her vanity table on the floor) You DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S ALL WRONG! It's not the way it's meant to be here!

Phoebe:
Okay, it's okay, relax...

Cole:
(almost in hysterics) This is all messed up! How'd it get messed up? You have no idea what I've given up for you!

Phoebe:
(she gapes at him) Wh-what about what I've given up, Cole? I've given up my family, my heritage, my life!

Cole:
Oh yeah, from where I'm standing, it looks like you have a pretty damn good life to me!

Phoebe:
(strides forward and looks him straight in the eye) Look, the only one getting anything out of this is you. And I have no idea what that is. The only reason I'm still here is to make sure that what happened to Prue does not happen to Piper, and you know it!

Cole:
(despairing) What happened to us, Phoebe? How'd we get here? We used to be so in love! Even without your sisters, it's not working... Why?

Phoebe:
(regretful) I don't know... Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. (she walks out, leaving him alone)

Cole:
(stares as Piper appears) What are you doing here?

Piper:
Saving my sister. (she blasts Cole into the wall)

Cole:
(looking up from the floor, he sees Paige standing there) You!

Paige:
Surprise! (she runs forward and slices a piece of skin from his hand with Piper's dagger)

(Cole punches Phoebe to the ground)

Cole:
GO! Go get her sisters, they just attacked me!

Demon:
Sisters? You mean there's another?!

Cole:
Yes, damn it! Get 'em and kill 'em on sight!

Phoebe:
Paige was telling the truth...?

Cole:
I didn't go through all this to lose you, Phoebe. If I'm going down, you're going down with me!

(Paige, Leo and Piper sneak into the mansion to try and kill Cole. They peer around the corner into the entry hall.)

Paige:
Anything?

Piper:
No.

Paige:
'Kay. Come on!

(They creep into the entry hall past the stairs.)

Phoebe:
(running down the stairs) What are you guys doing here? You have to leave, now!

Piper:
Where's Cole?

Cole:
(surprising them) Right here. (he throws an energy ball, sending them crashing against the wall)

Phoebe:
No! (she kneels by them while Cole telekinetically draws the vanquishing potion into his hand) What did you do to them?!

Cole:
Exactly what they were gonna do to me. (he and Paige glare at each other)

Paige:
(taking Piper's wrist) She's still alive, grab her hand!

Phoebe:
(bewildered) What?

Cole:
I don't know how you got here, Paige, but if it's any consolation, I know exactly where I'm gonna bury you. Right next to yourself.

Paige:
(she glares at him and then looks at Phoebe) Grab her hand!

(As Phoebe does so, the chandelier shimmers and covers the three of them in a white light. Cole throws another energy ball, but it bounces off the light.)

Phoebe:
(standing up) The Power of Three.

Paige:
(also standing That's us. Potion! (her powers activated, the potion orbs from Cole's hand to hers) I do hate long goodbyes.

(Paige draws her hand back to throw the potion, but Phoebe grabs her hand at the last minute)

Phoebe:
No! (she takes the potion out of Paige's hand)

Paige:
Phoebe, are you crazy? Throw it before he shimmers out!

Cole:
She's not gonna throw it. Are you?

(Phoebe holds the potion in her hand and stares Cole down)

Paige:
Throw the potion.

Cole:
We've been through so much together, haven't we? Our love's so strong, nothing can destroy it, not even this. We're meant to be together.

Phoebe:
I don't think so. (She throws the potion. Cole burns up from the inside and blows up.)

Paige:
I'm telling you he's gone. For good.

Phoebe:
Yeah, that's what we thought last time.

Piper:
And the time before that.

Paige:
Cole's not coming back...ever.

Piper:
Alright, Sally, go meet Harry.

Phoebe:
Free us of the ties that bind, Of evil magic intertwined, We call upon the one who cures, He who's to the Dark inured.

Free us of the ties that bind,

Of evil magic intertwined,

We call upon the one who cures,

He who's to the Dark inured.

Witchdoctor:
Now where's the evil?

Piper:
Oh, here, there, everywhere.

Witchdoctor:
Ever vanquished a demon in this house?

Phoebe:
Oh, only about a hundred.

Piper:
Give or take..

Phoebe:
Another hundred.

Glen:
Hurt, why? Wait, you thought you and I...

Paige:
No! no. I didn't think that at all

Jessica:
Glen, the minister's waiting

Glen:
You okay?

Paige:
I'm fine. Jessica, I wanted to apologise for not being very friendly earlier, I really am sorry.

Jessica:
Thank you, thanks for saying that.

Paige:
I just don't understand what Glen's doing with such a blonde bimbette!

Jessica & Glen:
What?!

Paige:
And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs, because they are fantastic, I should get the number for a friend of mine.

Glen:
Paige, what the hell is wrong with you?

Paige:
Me? Well nothing's wrong with me, I'm not the one marrying the wrong woman!

Spencer Ricks:
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen baby. Oh wait, that's a woman's place, isn't it? So then you wouldn't have anywhere to go, would you?

Phoebe:
You know what? You are a turkey. And turkeys don't write columns. (She turns him into a turkey) But they do make delicious dinners.

Phoebe:
A little help here.

Piper:
What are you doing with that thing?

Phoebe:
Well, first I'm going to kill it and then I'm going to stuff it.

Piper:
You are not bringing that filthy thing in the house.

Phoebe:
Oh, yes I am. Thanksgiving is early this year.

Paige:
Listen, Piper, you can't just vanquish an entire house. Especially not our house! People are gonna notice.

Piper:
Yeah, actually. Take her to the attic and keep her away from that turkey.

Phoebe:
Yeah, take me to the turkey.

Paige:
Talk about premature jubilation. You guys really ought to talk to a doctor about that.

Paige:
Now that you mention it, I have seen my share of a certain finger while I was driving over here.

Paige:
Besides, everybody is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well!

Piper:
Why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? I mean, they're just harmless erotic fun.

Paige:
Did you say erotic?

Piper:
(loudly) Exotic! I said exotic!

Dream-clown:
Who's the clown?

Phoebe:
Who's the fox?

Dream-guy:
I'm Piper's dream lover.

Piper:
Oh! Oh no! Listen we've never slept together in the dream, world, place...

Leo:
It doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams. You wanna screw somebody else.

Piper:
Well at least he makes me feel sexy and not like some walking incubator. Although I guess that's what you've been dreaming about.

Leo:
What about me!

Piper:
Honey, we've got our own dreams to deal with, and the tracer. We'll deal with your Mr. Mom issues later.

Phoebe:
I thought you said you tied them up.

Paige:
I did, but the little flockers got loose.

Phoebe:
Okay, Paige, while unicorns may be very magical and cool, I'm not so sure it's appropriate for a baby. Have you seen those hooves? And how are we gonna baby proof that horn?

Phoebe:
You take the magical farm animals and put them in the basement

Paige:
You're Spanish...Andale!

Phoebe:
Take this beast, Before I end her, Ship her back, Return to sender.

Take this beast,

Before I end her,

Ship her back,

Return to sender.

Stanley:
My name will haunt you to your grave!

Phoebe:
What was his name again?

Paige:
I don't remember.

(dragging Standley's body)

Paige:
Mmmm! Come on dead guy!

Cronyn:
I hate good magic...fairy tales, wishes on stars, and children who believe in Santa Claus. Mortals don't know it exists, but magic infuses all their hopes and dreams.

Paige:
Stand back. I think he's gonna break out in song.

Cronyn:
Magic must be saved. And it's up to us.

Paige:
Us? We're us. You're them. We don't help thems. Sorry.

Cronyn:
My cell phone's on the back in case your sister changes her mind.

Phoebe:
Cronyn, huh? Since when do sorcerers have cell phones?

Cronyn:
You think that's bad? I've got a taxi waiting out front. Call me.

Phoebe:
Yeah, but I kinda liked his whole 'world without magic' speech. Very Capra.

Paige:
It was pure Crapa.

Doris:
Oh, girls, I just wanted to let you know how I feel about your father. I.. I just feel so, so lucky. He's the most special man I've ever met.

Piper:
Thank you.

Phoebe:
That's the sweetest thing you could ever say to us.

Doris:
Well it's true, you know. He's so.. he's so kind and he's so sensitive and.. oh, he's the most exciting lover. I mean, girlfriends, he can go all night!

Paige:
These were mine, and now will be yours. Chain-mail top, from my club days. Steel-toed boots, from my mosh pit days. Handcuffs, from last Friday.

Leo:
Okay, well it's really nothing to worry about. Magic has disappeared from the world and Phoebe and Paige went to have a summit meeting with evil so they could fix it. See, nothing to worry about.

Phoebe:
Step aside, bitch.

Paige:
Yeah, that's our job.

Piper:
Phoebe, if you love me, you will send this crazy bastard straight to hell!

Phoebe:
Beast of legend, myth and lore, Give my words the power to soar, And kill this evil evermore.

Beast of legend, myth and lore,

Give my words the power to soar,

And kill this evil evermore.

Paige:
Is that what I think it is?

Phoebe:
Uh, if you're referring to Mr. Winky, between the legs, yes.

Leo:
Woa what'd I miss?

Piper:
A LOT!

Phoebe:
Ok, breathe. Keep breathing, keep breathing. Don't forget to breathe. Very good! Relax. Relax.

Piper:
Dad!

Victor:
Yeah, honey?

Piper:
I'm sorry about your demon wife.

Victor:
Oh, hush. Don't think about that.

Leo:
I'm right here, baby.

Phoebe:
You okay? You okay? Ok, you're doing great. You're doing great. Push, okay? Last push.

Piper:
I can't.

Phoebe:
You have to. A big one. Big one! Push!

Leo:
You can do it.

Piper:
I can't.

Phoebe:
You can. You can.

Paige:
Yes, you can.

Phoebe:
You're gonna be okay. Push. Push! Push!

Paige:
Oh, I think the magic is coming back.

Phoebe:
Here we go. Here we go! Oh, I see a shoulder. And another shoulder. And an arm, another arm. Oh, and something else. Something else.

Piper:
What? What?

Phoebe:
Hi, baby. Hi. Okay. Okay. Look!

Paige:
Oh. Is that what I think it is?

Leo:
You mean, I got a boy?

Phoebe:
Here you go, mama.

Piper:
Hi. Hi, little guy. What are you doing? Look what we did.

Leo:
I see.

Paige:
It's a miracle.

Piper:
A little miracle.

Phoebe:
He's beautiful.

Piper:
Oh. You are safe, you are loved, and you are wise.

Piper:
They knew about the forcefield.They almost flew him outta the window.

Pheobe:
Can't they have maternity leaves for new aunties??

Piper:
Hey! Hes just a baby! He's small and little and...

Piper:
I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on.

Phoebe:
Yeah well, Prudence Melinda might get him in trouble at school.

Paige:
I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something.

Piper:
After seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no Muggle.

Phoebe:
Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell? Or is it Wyatt?

Leo:
No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it, and I want what's best for him. That's why I'm going to say no to Potter.

Piper:
The demons saw the forcefield, they're gonna try and find a way around it.

Paige:
Well unless they can get up to Elderland, he's gonna be fine.

Piper:
Magical goods? My baby is a "magical good?" That is just sick and twisted.

Leo:
How'd it go with the new boss?

Phoebe:
Oh, Jason Dean? I want to bear his children, but that's besides the point.

Piper:
Even if he can handle the demons, he must sense the tension, which means at the very best we end up with a neurotic infant.

Leo:
Look on the bright side... growing up with your sisters, he was bound to be neurotic anyway.

Piper:
I don't have the luxury of being careful now that half of Demonville is after our child.

Parastie demon:
Who are you?

Piper:
I'm the mother.

Piper:
It's just so hard to leave. It's so hard to make Phoebe leave.

Phoebe:
Oh...I could just eat your little face...

Piper:
Phoeb? After the parasites that did actually kinda want to eat him...not so cute.

Phoebe:
Gotcha! Oooh, I could smush you! Oooh, I could just smush your little face!

Piper:
Much better.

Paige:
Is that his new name? Smush Face Halliwell?

Leo:
'S about as good as everything else we've come up with.

Phoebe:
No new ideas, huh?

Piper:
Actually-

Leo:
No, we've been so busy with the alarm and the demon fighting and the sister saving. (he looks at Paige)

Paige:
Sorry...

Piper:
Oh, don't be sorry, Paige, you were brave! And you inspired me to fight and you made the world a safer place for our baby... which is why I would like to give the baby the middle name of Matthew, in honor of his super-protective Aunt Paige.

Phoebe:
I think that's a great idea.

Piper:
(looks at Leo) What do you think?

Leo:
(he smiles) Yeah.

Paige:
(touched) Thanks.

Piper:
And I also have an idea for his first name! Wyatt, in honor of his very protective daddy.

Leo:
(stunned but happy) Really? (Piper nods) It doesn't begin with a 'P'...

Piper:
Well, so we break with tradition.

Phoebe:
My date is a demon!

Piper:
Huh? What? That guy? But he's so hot.

Phoebe:
Yeah. Hot as in flames of hell hot. Look, I had a premonition. He devours his victims. I'm next. Freeze the room.

Piper:
Uhh! My sister, the demon magnet.

Piper:
I have to get back to going bankrupt. Actually, scratch that. I have to get back to fighting with my husband.

Piper:
Freaking ever useless Elders!

Piper:
Okay, look, I can schedule in five minutes for a sisterly chat, but then I gotta go.

Phoebe:
I cannot schedule in sisterly chat.

Piper:
I'm telling you. You got 4 minutes and 55 seconds.

Paige:
My sweater shrunk.

Piper:
Ah, come on, you've worn tighter things than that.

Piper:
Hello, have you forgotten about the big-boob fiasco??

Paige:
No, my back still hurts.

Paige:
Finances have run amok, Creditors I soon must duck, I cast this spell to find good luck, And hope my life will cease to suck.

Finances have run amok,

Creditors I soon must duck,

I cast this spell to find good luck,

And hope my life will cease to suck.

Seamus:
What is this, a coven or a day-care center?!

Neil Giraldo:
Hey, how ya been Seamus? It's been a long time.

Seamus:
Don't even try it Neil, I already hit you with my best shot, that's all you get.

Phoebe:
No, actually...nothing happened.

Seamus:
What? That's impossible. Did you take any risks? Get lucky with that fella?

Piper:
What 'fella'?

Phoebe:
I think he's talking about Jason. And no! I did not get luck with Jason... Not that I'd want to anyway...

Seamus:
Hmm... So the burned child dreads the fire, eh?

Phoebe:
My bruises have bruises.

Saleel:
The Charmed Ones. It's about time you got here

Phoebe:
Yeah, well, we had to make a little pit stop somewhere over the rainbow.

Paige (while trying to hand the red-haired leprechaun Seamus's staff) Here. I think, this belongs to you.

Red-Haired Leprechaun:
Actually, darlin', I think Seamus wants you to keep this. For all you done for us, for savin' our kind.

Paige:
Aw, you guys kinda did that yourselves. It was your luck, after all.

Red-Haired Leprechaun:
Ha hay, but it was your fighting spirit that sparked it. The same spirit Seamus had.

Paige:
I wish I could, accept that, compliment, but… I was just looking to be reimbursed, to tell you the truth. I felt like… magic owed me.

Red-Haired Leprechaun:
And you still feel that way?

Paige:
No. I don't.

Red-Haired Leprechaun:
Doesn't matter what brings a person; only what they leave with.

Phoebe:
She was engaged to a warlock.

Paige:
Dan was a warlock?

Phoebe:
Oh no, before Dan. Way before Dan. Two bankers, a rock climber and a ghost before Dan. And actually the ghost was the best of the bunch.

Paige:
See, now that's what I call critical sisterly information. How am I meant to be petty and judgemental without all the info.

Leo:
Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the clock!!

Piper:
Let the truth be told, Let our lives unfold, So we can relive our memories, And stop being enemies.

Let the truth be told,

Let our lives unfold,

So we can relive our memories,

And stop being enemies.

Phoebe:
I was under a spell. Evil

Paige:
Evil? You were blonde!

Phoebe:
Wait a minute. You just said something.

Paige:
I did? Was it smart?

Leo:
I work, she says I'm never around. I quit my job, she says I'm around too much.

Piper:
We did learn that we have some issues to work on. Like somebody need to get a life first.

Leo:
And one of us needs to be wife first.

Phoebe:
Oh, easy on the rhyming. No more spells.

Piper:
Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Tea? A saucer of milk?

Phoebe:
Very funny.

Paige:
A little funny.

Katrina/Kit:
No, I'm fine. Although, I wouldn't mind some kibble. If you've got any.

(Katrina holds a serious expression while Piper stares at her with disbelief. She finally breaks into a smile.)

Piper:
That's not funny.

Piper:
Yeah, by the way, what was with the scratching of my bedpost? What was that?

Katrina/Kit:
I had to keep my nails sharp.

Piper:
Yeah, see, that's just very creepy.

Phoebe:
I did something really bad! I slept with my boss!

Piper:
Jason!?

Phoebe:
No Elise...yes of course Jason!

Piper:
You color-coded the Book of Shadows?

Paige:
Uh huh.

Piper:
We need Phoebe!

Phoebe:
Hello?

Piper:
Ask and you shall receive!

Paige:
Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper.

Piper:
It is if you're good at it!

Jason:
Isn't that your sister?

Phoebe:
Yeah...Paige!

Jason:
She's one of the Godiva girls?!

Phoebe:
Well thanks to me, my paper's going to get an exclusive on her because I slept with Jason!

Piper:
Oh good, so this is all your fault then?

Phoebe:
Uh huh.

Piper:
Perfect.

Phoebe:
Are we back to blaming you again?

Piper:
Yep.

Phoebe:
Just checking.

Paige:
Changing seasons, changes all, Life renews as creation calls,

Changing seasons, changes all,

Life renews as creation calls,

Piper:
Nothing is immune, everything transmutes, So take this demon and give him roots.

Nothing is immune, everything transmutes,

So take this demon and give him roots.

Piper:
He is so innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today.

Leo:
They turned a very bad man into a very big tree.

Leo:
Rock on.

Piper:
Don't do that.

Leo:
Rock on.

Piper:
Give it up man.

Piper:
I'm telling you, it's not gonna fit. Nothing fits anymore and if he keeps growing at this rate, we're gonna have to send him off to college by next week

Phoebe:
Oh my God! Piper, you're blind!

Piper:
Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that, now could we talk about how a monkey could do that.

Phoebe:
What did she say?

Piper:
What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything, he covered my eyes and stole my eyesight.

Phoebe:
I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes!

Piper:
Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said.. ugh, you are acting like you can't even hear me.

Phoebe:
Oh Piper it's no use, I can't even hear you. The monkey stoled my hearing.

Piper:
Alright, speak and spell.

Phoebe:
You killed Aunt Pearl's couch.

Phoebe:
Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Ooh, you're pissed! You're...PMS monkey? [Paige looks at her oddly] No, no, of course not...

Piper:
What about Leo?

Phoebe:
Oh no, did I kill the hag too soon?

Piper:
Oh, if she hurt him, you know, I'm going to have to revive her and kill her again.

Piper:
Everything okay?

Paige:
Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life.

Phoebe:
You're making a love potion?

Paige:
No, I'm making a stun potion.

Piper:
So that lovers will be stunned by you?

Paige:
No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.

Phoebe:
You're in love with a Kazi demon'?

Paige:
[sighing exasperatedly] Stay with me, people.

[Paige points to her ear]

Phoebe:
You hear something? [Paige nods and makes a talking motion with her hand] You hear puppets?

Phoebe:
[to Paige] You lost your voice when you were trying to sing to him? That is so romantic! And humiliating. Yeah, I see your point...

Phoebe:
Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up. And none of that toxic poop you do sometimes. Grams hasn't been around babies since she was alive.

Piper:
Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!

Grams:
Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe:
Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!

Paige:
(in disbelief) You didn't know?

Grams:
Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?

Leo:
(offended) Wrong?

Grams:
(backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.

Piper:
(determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!

Grams:
Now they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner.

Leo:
Excuse me?

Grams:
Oh... (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never have very much luck with men.

Leo:
But you've been married four times.

Grams:
Exactly.

Leo:
(talking to Wyatt as Piper and Grams go upstairs) Now you know why we don't summon her more often... yeah.

Nate:
I always sorta thought this stuff was real, you know, I just didn't really know it was really real. Oh my God, my wife is going to love this!

Paige:
Excuse me?

Nate:
Did I just say wife?

Paige:
You're married? You never told me you were married.

Nate:
I didn't tell you that I had children either, but...

Grams:
And, you know, men are just so...

Paige:
Evil! That's what they are. They are just plain evil.

Piper:
Oh. I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.

Paige:
Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.

Piper:
He's married?

Paige:
Yeah. With two kids.

Piper:
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Grams:
I told you she should have gotten a dog.

Necromancer:
Penny!

Piper:
Penny?

Phoebe:
What's going on here?

Piper:
Your grandmother hates her grandson. That's what's going on.

Grams:
That's not true.

Piper:
Oh, I'm sorry, you just hate men, is that correct?

Paige:
Ghosts can still feel pain. Maybe I can just orb his testicles somewhere.

Piper:
Paige there will be no talk of testicle orbing in front of the child

Leo:
Not around his daddy either.

Piper:
Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?

Phoebe:
Right.

Piper:
Okay, well, now she's dead!

Paige:
You sound so happy about that.

Grams:
I call forth from space and time, Matriarchs from the Halliwell line, Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, Our families spirit without end, To gather now in this sacred place, And help us bring this child to grace.

I call forth from space and time,

Matriarchs from the Halliwell line,

Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends,

Our families spirit without end,

To gather now in this sacred place,

And help us bring this child to grace.

Phoebe:
Well my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed, but I still managed to sign up six people. and you have?

Paige:
I have none people.

Phoebe:
Hmm. None people.

Phoebe:
You and Leo are back in the saddle?

Piper:
So to speak..

Phoebe:
Yay you! God I miss sex!

Piper:
I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now.

Phoebe:
I'm all over him.. it! I mean it.

Paige:
Did you get anything?

Phoebe:
Yeah, frost bite.

Piper:
Friend or foe?

Phoebe:
Not so sure yet.

Chris:
What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I?

Phoebe:
Oh, you call that saving, do you?

Phoebe:
Ooh check out the size of that Oracle's...ball.

Piper:
I'm going to go see what Future Boy is up to.

Piper:
What are you doing?

Chris:
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone cold Paige over here.

Paige:
Power? Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?

Chris:
Because you are the Goddess of War.

Paige:
Ahh. Well, I guess that explains the pitch fork.

Chris:
It's not a pitch fork, it's a trident. Be careful, that's a formidable weapon.

Paige:
Right on. Who wants to fight?

Phoebe:
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Chris:
You're the Goddess of Love.

Piper:
Naturally. Well, then that must make me the Goddess of Sanity because I find this ridiculous!

Phoebe:
Paige, make love not.. you know. There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't... hurdle.

Chris:
What the hell is this? Goddesses gone wild?

Paige:
Reason and judgement are the qualities of a leader. Tacitus 100 AD.

Phoebe:
Love will keep us together. Captain and Tennille. 1970s.

Cronus:
Who are you?

Paige:
The Supremes.

Phoebe:
Oh my, my, my! Aren't you just the edible elder? Have you taken a vow of celibacy?

Phoebe:
One more question...what are you wearing underneath that robe?

Roland:
More robes.

Piper:
Don't you jingle me, mister!

Phoebe:
Or how about "I'm going to go check with the Elders". Do you really think he checks with the Elders?

Paige:
No. He probably orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies a round of drinks. "Yeah, my wife thinks I'm up there. Here's to the Elders".

Chris:
Don't worry, one day you'll learn to trust me...they all will.

Leo:
You need to channel your hearth and home instincts to fight the Titans.

Piper:
I was speaking from the heart not the hearth.

Leo:
You're not the ancient greeks, you're the charmed ones. I didn't give you anything you can't handle. Phoebe, you lost yourself to the darkest love that ever existed, and you came back. Of course you can handle being the Goddess of Love.

Phoebe:
I never thought of it that way.

Leo:
Paige, you're the Goddess of War because you've been consumed with gaining power but you've never let the power consume you. And Piper, is it any wonder that I made you the Goddess of Earth? You are everything that is good and beautiful in this world, the mother of my son.

Piper:
You really have that much faith in us?

Leo:
You really need to ask that?

Piper:
It's not nice to piss off Mother Nature.

Phoebe:
Thank God!

Piper:
You're welcome.

Piper:
I can't just give up. I don't know how.

Piper:
You asked me to marry you and I said yes. You wanted a family and I gave you a son. And now you want me to just watch you walk away?