Desperate Housewives, Season 7

Lynette:
[after Frank die] I didn't want Frank in my house when he was alive. Now you want me to hang out with his corpse?

Mary Alice:
(opening scene about Lynette) Lynette Scavo had lost a lot of sleep over the years. There had been 3 AM feedings... temperatures of 102... and late night pillow fights. But Lynette had never complained, because a mother is always on call.

Lynette:
(while speaking to Mrs. Mcluskey) The whole point of this was to get them to grow up and take care of themselves; they just moved from my boob to yours!

Karen:
I don't care what gets Roy's fire going, as long as I'm the one who puts it out.

Sister Marta:
You had a big imagination, most likely from all those trashy books and magazines you used to bring into class.

The Twins:
Can we get our security deposit back?

Gabrielle:
I'd say avoid math and science. They cause serious frown lines…Young girls today need to know the dangers of long division.

Susan:
She used to be married to a Yankee, okay we're screwed.

Susan:
"Oh, why shouldn't I do it?"

Renee:
"Because you'll be forever connected to him. You'll never get rid of him."

Lee:
"And I have a feeling that's not the only organ he wants to share with you."

Lynette:
"Guys, you need to grow up and learn to be independent and that's gonna start with you getting your own place!"

Porter:
"And how are we gonna pay for it?"

Tom:
"If you turn that paper over, you'll find a whole section of people willing to exchange money for something called WORK!"

Mrs Mcluskey:
"You're going to get tested?"

Mr:
(Folding his shirt sleeves...) "No. I think I can take Gabby!"

Lynette:
"Because. That's not Tom. He's definitely a soft wood kinda guy"

Renee:
"Lesson one, Tom is our client. If he wants a big shot office, he gets it. And lesson two, no man wants to be referred to as 'soft wood'!"

Renee:
"Yea Lynette, you did a great job ignoring what he asked for. All that's missing is an antique jar for Tom to put his testicles in."

Gabby:
"So what did you do?"

Lee:
"I guess I outgrew them."

Gabby:
"You did. .... Juanita come here!"

Lee:
"What are you doing?"

Gabby:
"I figured you could talk to her. You know give her one of those 'It gets better' speeches you gays love so much."

Lee:
"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you've had the best sex of your life. ... you have had sex?"

Bree:
"He said he wanted to wait."

Gabby:
"Okay I'm calling it. Time of gay, 11.21."

Gabrielle:
You cheated on Rex!?

Bree:
Of course not! What do you take me for? I cheated on Orson!

Renee Perry:
(to Lynette) It's just hard for me to reconcile this suburban housewife with the girl who had a threesome with two of the guys from the rugby team.

Bree:
(explaining her bad luck with love) My marriage ended six days ago, Keith is 15 years too young for me and my track record with lovers...two dead, one in a wheelchair.

Susan:
You know what, I'm glad I didn't let Mike do this because I'm really enjoying it.

Bree:
Nine years ago my son found me face down, drunk. He had to turn the sprinklers on to wake me up. Did you not know you're dating the biggest lush in Fairview? Do you think you can deal with a control freak with a drinking problem?

Gaby:
They're both our daughters.

Tom:
There's nothing wrong with my mother, so just drop it.

Susan:
Oh, and enjoy those raisin muffins. I hope they're all raisins - my apartment has rats.

Susan:
You have the kids' table in your driveway.

Renee:
The police made me move it off the street.

Porter:
When did Susan get here?