DuckTales

Launchpad:
Please put your seats back in the upright positions.

Scrooge:
Just put the plane in an upright position!

Scrooge:
Ah, nothing but old robes. 40 years of searching, and I end up with Collie Baba's dirty laundry!

Webby:
Well, at least the box is pretty, Uncle Scrooge.

Merlock:
At last, after all these centuries, the lamp will be mine again!

Dijon:
Yes, yes! You will be more powerful than... than... locomotive! More faster than speedy bull! You will leap all buildings in a single town!

Merlock:
And you shall finally be rewarded for your dubious assistance.

Dijon:
Oh, you mean it? My own mountain of money?

Merlock:
Yes. Now, give it to me.

Dijon:
Give? What give?

Merlock:
The map. Give it to me.

Dijon:
De map? Dat specific map? Right here, right now?

Merlock:
(grabs Dijon by the collar) You didn't steal it?!

Dijon:
Too many people, Merlock! Only one Dijon! But look what I did steal - several billfolds... dis handy pocket watch... floss... and date nut bar... and two tickets to the feta cheese festival. For you, master!

Merlock:
Bah! (throws him to the ground)

Dijon:
Maybe you would like de floss?

Merlock:
(exasperated) Did you at least see where the map leads?

Dijon:
Oh yes, master, oh yes! Into de middle of de desert, where de sand burns like a hot kabob!

Merlock:
But I searched every square inch! Perhaps this time I'll let Scrooge do the searching for me...

Dijon:
Oh, smart move, master! Let him boil out his brains in de sun!

Merlock:
And you shall accompany him as his guide.

Dijon:
(nods, then realizes what he said) But I have such sensitive skin, and my brain boils so quickly! (Merlock gives him an angry look) But who needs brains to be a guide anyway?

Launchpad:
Maybe we took a wrong turn at that last sand dune.

Scrooge:
(after Launchpad's camel trips over a pyramid tip) Launchpad! Can't you even ride a camel without crashing it?

Dewey:
Think we'll see a mummy?

Dijon:
That reminds me - my mummy's expecting me; it's time for my nap.

Dijon:
Is there a doctor in the pyramid?

Louie:
Where ya gonna keep all this treasure, Unca Scrooge?

Scrooge:
Oh, I won't keep it all, Louie. Most of these artifacts will go to museums.

Huey:
That doesn't sound like Unca Scrooge.

Scrooge:
That way, I can enjoy a hefty tax break!

Huey:
That does!

Scrooge:
(after Merlock and Dijon double-cross them) D'oh! I knew that rat's prices were too good to be true!

Launchpad:
Forward, ho! (they crash into the wall) Reverse, ho!

Scrooge:
If you don't stop crashing, I'll give you the heave ho!

Launchpad:
Either the water's getting higher, or the roof is getting lower!

Merlock:
They have vanished!

Dijon:
B-but how?

Merlock:
With the lamp, you fool! And you help me get it back! (dangles Dijon over the giant scorpions) Or their sting will seem like a tickle compared with mine!

Scrooge:
I canna work, Mrs. Featherby. I'm going home!

Mrs. Featherby:
But what about your lunch?

Scrooge:
Sell it!

Webby:
As soon as I'm done polishing my tea pot, we can have a tea party with all my dollies!

Huey:
Thanks for the warning.

Genie:
Finally, room to stretch! My foot's been asleep for six centuries.

Genie:
Whoo, cold food closet! Where do you hang the chickens?

Genie:
(fighting with an egg beater) Back! Back, you foul egg!

Genie:
(reading an encyclopedia) Las Vegas must be some place if Caesar moved his palace there!

Genie:
(seeing a globe) Hey, what's this? A baseball? A bowling ball? Cinderella's ball?

Huey:
It's a globe of the earth.

Genie:
Get out! You mean the world isn't flat? I must have missed that part.

Louie:
Boy, he has been in that lamp a long time.

Huey:
Wait a second! What about our wishes?

Genie:
Wishes? Do I look like a birthday cake?

Louie:
Aw, c'mon, you can't fool us! A Genie's supposed to grant wishes.

Webby:
Yeah! Three wishes for every master.

Genie:
Oh, darn! Everybody remembers that part.

Louie:
I'll have the first wish! I'm gonna wish for a million wishes!

Genie:
Get serious! That never works.

Huey:
Uh-oh! It's our nanny!

Louie:
Hurry! Hide the elephant!

Dewey:
Oh yeah, like where?

Scrooge:
(after Mrs. Beakley swears there was a baby elephant in the library) Mrs. Beakley, is this a ploy to get some vacation time?

Genie:
Not the lamp! Put me in a doghouse! A madhouse! Even a house of pancakes! ANYWHERE BUT THE LAMP!

Nephews:
(sweetly) Hellooooooo, Unca Scrooge.

Webby:
(sweetly) Hellooooooo, Unca Scrooge.

Scrooge:
Don't you "Hellooooooo" me!

Huey:
I wish for the world's biggest ice cream sundae. Uh, but not too big.

Genie:
Ice cream sundae, come on down!

(Ice cream and whipped cream fall from the sky and land in the kiddie pool, but a giant cherry lands on Huey's head.)

Genie:
Hmmm... gotta watch out for that wind shear.

Mrs. Beakley:
Should I call the police?

Scrooge:
Aye - to hold me down when those rascals get back! This time, they'll be grounded for a month! No video games, no television, and no more friends...!

(Huey whispers something to Genie, who zaps Scrooge)

Scrooge:
...for the night?

Kids:
We're back!

Mrs. Beakley:
Children, I think your uncle has something to say to you.

Scrooge:
(stern) Aye... (loving) Welcome home! Can I get you and Gene anything? Cookies? Milk? Ice cream?

Huey:
Uh, no thanks, Unca Scrooge. We're kinda full.

Webby:
And sleepy.

Scrooge:
That's because it's past your bedtime! Now scoot along, me wee ones.

Huey, Dewey, Louie, & Webby:
Good night, Unca Scrooge!

Genie:
Nighty-night.

Scrooge:
Sleep tight!

Duckworth:
(deadpan) That's telling them, sir.

Huey:
Your master was a bird?

Genie:
A bird, snake, wolf. He can change into anything. He's an evil sorcerer!

Dewey:
But he can't still be alive!

Louie:
He'd be ancient.

Huey:
Yeah! Older than Unca Scrooge, even.

Genie:
Yeah. Except his first wish was to live forever.

Huey:
Ooooh! Good wisher.

Genie:
Nooooo - bad wisher. (sobbing) Oh, you don't know! He made me do the worst things.

Dewey:
Like what?

Genie:
Did you ever hear of Atlantis? It was everyone's favorite resort until Merlock couldn't get reservations. Then down she went! (sobbing harder) And poor Pompeii! Old Mt. Vesuvius would never have blown her top if Merlock hadn't blown his!

Louie:
Well, maybe we should wish for the Talisman.

Genie:
No, that's the one wish I can't do. You'd have to steal it from him yourself, and good luck!

[Merlock, as a vulture, flies over Scrooge's estate carrying Dijon]

Dijon:
There it is, Merlock, there it is! You can drop me off anywhere along here... (Merlock flies over a briar patch) B-but not there! Not there! Ahhhh! (Merlock drops him in the briar patch) Ow! That is going to leave a nasty mark!

Merlock:
(turns back into his regular form) Are you certain this is where Scrooge lives?

Dijon:
This time, I am very sure... I think.

Merlock:
Then we begin our search...

Dijon:
(climbing out of briar patch) In light? But I am not a popular favorite in that house. Scrooge find me, he kill me!

Merlock:
(knocks Dijon back into the briar patch) Then stay behind if you wish! I'll try very hard to remember you at reward time.

Scrooge:
I told you, I'm not going to the ball!

Duckworth:
But sir, I've already arranged for Launchpad to take you to the society's mountain lodge.

Scrooge:
So cancel Launchpad! I'll not only save face, but my life as well.

Webby:
Genie, you're going to love playing tea party.

Genie:
I know, I've read all about it. Can I be the guy who dresses like an Indian and throws the tea off the boat?

Webby:
No no no, silly, not a Boston Tea Party!

Mrs. Beakley:
(attacking the transformed Merlock) Oh, eeyuck! I hate rats!

Genie:
(after turning Webby's stuffed animals into living beings) Eh, eh, eh, cookies, anyone? Whoa! Feeding frenzy!

Mrs. Beakley:
If there's anything I hate more than elephants in the house, it's rats! Here ratty, ratty, come to nanny... (sees the living toys coming her way) Ahhhh! This isn't a house, it's a zoo!

Genie:
Wish them back, please!

Webby:
I can't; that was my last wish!

Genie:
Oh, I wish you hadn't have said that.

Duckworth:
Oh dear, Launchpad isn't answering. He must be on his way. Won't you go, sir?

Scrooge:
Aye, to work! Tell Launchpad he can take you to the ball.

Scrooge:
(trying to catch his top hat, landed on top of the living toys) Since when does a hat have a mind of its own?

Duckworth:
(as the toy inside Scrooge's hat zips around, taking Scrooge with it) Hold onto your hat, sir!

Dijon:
Poor nosey!

Scrooge:
Blow me bagpipes! He's a genie!

Mrs. Beakley:
Does his mother know about this?

Scrooge:
Heavenly heather! The genie in the magic lamp! The fortunes I could own! I could have the world's biggest diamond! No! The world's biggest diamond mine! No-no! All the diamond mines! No! The entire mining industry! Yes, yes, yes...! I can see that this is going to take some careful thought.

Duckworth:
It's your ride, sir. Or should I say, my ride?

Genie:
Music, food, guacamole! It's a party! Ha ha! Gotta boogie! Gotta bingo! I gotta get out of this lamp. Oh, please, please, please.

Scrooge:
Can you keep quiet at all?

Genie:
If you let me out, I'll be as quiet as a mouse, and just as small.

Scrooge:
Oh, all right, all right. (lets Genie out)

Genie:
Hey, look at us! A couple of single guys out on the town.

Scrooge:
Guess again. (puts Genie in a shrub)

Genie:
Hey!

Scrooge:
You can watch the ball from here. Otherwise, you go back in the lamp.

Genie:
But what if I win the door prize?

Dijon:
Master, all this flip-flapping-- maybe we take the bus back?

Scrooge:
(as Merlock smashes a hole in the door) He's got a bear?

Genie:
HE IS THE BEAR!

(Scrooge and the Genie are both stuck in the lamp.)

Genie:
I don't hear anything; I think they're gone.

Scrooge:
Where are we?

Genie:
Well, it's not exactly the Ritz.

Scrooge:
Not the lamp?

Genie:
Sorry about the smell. You get used to it after a couple hundred years. Could you move your elbow, please?

Scrooge:
GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Genie:
(does so) Do you have to yell at me all the time?

Scrooge:
Hmph. I wouldna' be in this mess if it weren't for you. Thanks to you, I've got a crazy animal act on my tail!

Genie:
That's right, blame the genie. It's not my fault Merlock's after me. I didn't ask to be Mr. Popular. All I want is a life of my own, like your nephews. With my own bike, a stack of comic books, a sled... maybe some ski equipment, a CD player, my own home video entertainment system-

Scrooge:
All right, all right!

Scrooge:
I've got to get you to my vault; it's the only safe place. Time to go back!

Genie:
B-b-but you saw what a dump it is.

Scrooge:
Sorry Genie, but the party's over.

Scrooge:
Don't bother landing! I don't have time for any more disasters!

(Scrooge rushes into the money bin and shockingly finds Genie serving Dijon.)

Dijon:
Good morning, Scrooge sir.

Scrooge:
What's going on?!

Dijon:
At the urging of my Genie, I have decided to seek my fortune.

Genie:
I-I never thought he'd wish for your fortune, Mr. McDuck, I swear!

Scrooge:
But th-the lamp? (looks at the lamp he's holding, which pours gravy on him) Gravy?

Dijon:
(holds up the real lamp) That's right! I get the loot, you get the boot!

Scrooge:
(being arrested by his own bin's security guards) Well, you can forget about this year's Christmas bonus!

Huey:
Dijon has everything - the mansion, the factories...

Duckworth:
Even your spat collection, sir.

Dijon:
Everything smells more delicious when you're rich - even me!

Genie:
Shouldn't we be bird-watching?

Dijon:
Don't worry about Merlock. He would not dare to confront the great and powerful Dijon... Anyway, I don't think he knows about me yet.

Launchpad:
I've got the bin at 12:00 high, Mr. McD! Give or take 10 minutes.

Dijon:
Whoever said money cannot buy peace of mind must have had the brains of a garbanzo bean!

Scrooge:
You maniac! Return the bin before I stuff that lamp down your throat!

Scrooge:
I wish me, and my family, and the bin were back in Duckberg, right now!

Genie:
(changed into a real boy) Now I can do all the things real boys do - run through fields! Play catch! Roll over! Wait, that's a dog.