Ed, Edd n Eddy, Season 5

[Inside his house, Edd lies on the floor, trampled. He raises his head and sees that his closet of school supplies has been ransacked and stripped bare of its contents. Edd feels the shelves]

Eddy:
What's this about you givin' stuff away? How am I supposed to compete with that?

Edd:
My school supplies! Gone! Pillaged! Plundered! [He backs away from the empty closet] It can't be! [Edd covers his eyes and then looks again] IT CAN'T BE!

[Edd falls to the ground, then stands up and pulls something from the seat of his pants]

Edd:
A highlighter pen?" [He looks at it.] "How am I supposed to take notes with a highlighter...

Ed:
"Double D, can I have your hat?"

Edd:
Oh sure, why not! Why would I need a hat when school is now totally out of the question! [He throttles Ed and throws him on top of Eddy. Edd then has an idea] Wait! [to Ed] You still have it, don't you? From your parents, yes? The back-to-school-sale coupon?

Ed:
Haven't got a clue what you're talking about, Double D. All I got is a back-to-school-sale coupon from my parents. [He pulls it out of his jacket]

Eddy:
That stupid thing's worthless! The signs are as clear as the gap in your teeth, sock-head. School ain't meant to be. 'Cause it's Summer baby! [He does a knee slide. His apron now reads "I ♥ Summer".]

Edd:
[running to Ed] "Ed, please! I beg of you! I can't be at an academic disadvantage!" [Ed accidentally head butts Edd] Ouch. Without my school supplies, my grades are sure to plummet! [He crouches on the floor, in tears as Ed flosses using the coupon.] That coupon you're flossing with can procure the supplies to cross that desolate desert of scholastic learning!

Eddy:
Oh puh-leeze.

Ed:
Sounds good to me, whatever you just said!

[Edd smiles and drags a pantsless Ed out into the rain]

Edd:
Quickly, Ed! We have shopping to do!

Eddy:
[apron now reading "School Stinks"] Oh c'mon, guys! Forget school, will ya? SUMMER AIN'T OVER! [He throws off his apron. A breeze comes along and chills him] Brr!

[Edd has refused to partake in Eddy's plan of breaking out of school]

Eddy:
Oh yes you do, or Ed here will write your locker combination on the girls' bathroom wall.

Edd:
You wouldn't dare!

[Ed then sharpens a pencil using his mouth]

Edd:
[as Eddy tears up a book]

What are you doing to that poor defenseless dictionary?

Eddy:
Ed's cramming for the spelling bee!

[Eddy continues to stuff pages into Ed's ears]

Eddy:
Feeling smarter, Ed?

Ed:
[cheerfully spewing out loose sheets as he speaks] What?

Edd:
Have you ever had one of those days, Ed?

Ed:
Every day of my life, Double D.

Ed:
This Bubble Bathbel is a smart guy.

Eddy:
It's Bobby Blabby, idiot.

Kevin:
Better spill the beans, Mr. Editor, or you're paper pulp.

Edd:
I have no idea what you're talking about. [Rolf shows him the paper]

Kevin:
Who wrote this stuff?

Edd:
Miniature aliens? Hairy legs? Lost cities and... spandex bicycle shorts? Who indeed is this Bobby Blabby? [Eddy sneaks towards the door with the money hat clamped on his head] Eddy? Care to explain?

Eddy:
What? Uh... couldn't tell ya. Sounds like a jerk. [Lets go of the hat and the coins fall out of it]

Ed:
You dropped your loot, Bibby Boo-boo.

Eddy:
IT'S BOBBY BLABBY! GET IT RIGHT! [turns to the kids] Oops.

[Ed has brought Eddy over to the medical room for an injection]

Eddy:
Hey! Let me go! Untie me!

Ed:
I found him the science cupboard pretending to be a stuffed beaver, Double-D.

Edd:
The nurse thanks you, Eddy.

Eddy:
Oh Yeah? What for?

Edd:
For helping Kevin conquer his fear of needles by allowing him to witness the safe and easy administration of a real booster shot.

[Eddy sees the nurse getting the needle ready]

Eddy:
Oh no you don't! Not me!

[Eddy tries to run away, only to be caught by Ed]

Ed:
Worry not, little man. Because you get to have a lollypop after.

Eddy:
Mommy.

[Ed drags Eddy into the medical room]

Kevin:
Sweet.

Eddy :
But... No! Don't do it! I'm too young!

Ed:
Needle!?

[Ed runs out of the medical room, but comes back to pick up his lollypop]

Eddy:
I hate Needles!

[Kevin is heard laughing whilst Ed walks off with his lollypop in his mouth]

Edd :
It's not how you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

Edd:
It's all fun and games 'til Ed loses conciousness, Eddy.

Eddy:
[angry] Great! So I end up with a detention because of YOUR stupid eating habits! [When he says "YOUR", he puts the detention slip on Ed's chest]

Ed:
"Is it that time already? Ooh, gravy cakes! Yum." [He pulls some from the inside of his jacket.]

Edd:
"Excuse me, Ed, but don't you feel this daily diet of gravy may become detrimental to your health?"

Eddy:
I swear he's obsessed with the stuff! It's stashed here– [he pulls up Ed's shirt, revealing five gravy boats taped to his chest] –right there– [he pulls off Ed's left shoe and gravy flows out] –I bet you couldn't go a lousy day without your lousy gravy, Ed.

Eddy:
[in Ed's ear] SO PROVE IT!

Ed:
[clutching his ears] AAAAH! YOUR VOICE IS LIKE TOOTHPICKS IN MY DRUMSTICKS, EDDY!

Edd:
I agree, Ed. I've always wished Eddy could communicate in a tone of voice that didn't rattle the timbers of every house in a four-block vicinity.

Ed:
[to the camera] Don't touch that dial, kids.

Eddy:
[Angrilly] What about YOU, Mr. Encyclopediac! I bet I could stop yelling way before you could stop using those big fancy-schmancy words of yours.

Jonny:
Plank says Double D would go wacky if he only used words with one syllable.

Eddy:
Ha! Even the doorstop's got you pegged!

Kevin:
Aw, Dork, Dorkk and Dorky are having a little tiff. Ain't it precious? [He and Nazz laugh] What dorks.

Rolf:
Always with this duck word, yes Kevin-boy? Rolf would wager his love of mammal flesh and 25 cents that you cannot renounce this label for the mixed-nuts Ed-boys.

Eddy:
25 cents?!

Kevin:
What? I can give up saying dork just like that. [Snaps his fingers]

Eddy:
[Eddy moves to a seat by Jonny] Think you could go a whole day without that chunk of termite food telling you what to do?

Jonny:
Easy-peasy lemon-squeezy, Eddy. Right, Plank?

Eddy:
Sounds like we got ourselves a bet.

Eddy:
Let's see here... Con-she-enn-shus?.... what kinda bunk word is that...?

[Edd looks uncomfortable, trying not to correct Eddy]

Eddy:
Ohhhh... here's another one... temper-a-mental.....

[Edd fidgets]

Eddy:
I dunno about you, but that's just plain stupid!

Edd:
STOP!!!!!! [Snatches the dictionary away, holds it protectively]

Edd:
I will not tolerate your single-handed annihilation of the English language for your own monetary gain, Eddy!

[Edd pauses in horror, drops the dictionary, and covers his mouth, realizing he just lost his bet. Eddy just grins, as if it were too easy]

Ed:
Don't touch that dial, kids!

Edd:
Good Afternoon, Peach Creek Jr. High. This is your principal speaking with a very important announcement. All copies of student Eddy's photographs are to be returned to him immediately. This will leave to comply a well-warned detention for the rest of the semester. Thank You.

Kevin:
Bummer.

Eddy:
You heard the man.

Edd:
Did I just do that? I did, didn't I? I just impersonated the Principal! Made false declarations in his name! Ohhh what have I done?

Ed [to Eddy]:
The sky is falling! The sky is falling, Eddy! It hit me on the head. It did.

Eddy:
You're probably just growing a brain there, lumpy.

Edd:
We hit the sky?! [the sky cracks] This isn't possible!

[A "piece" of the sky falls]

Eddy:
Ed was right, the sky is falling.

Ed:
Thank you very much.

Eddy:
So, now what do we do?

Edd:
I'm afraid we're just about to find out, Eddy.

[The TV spits static as Kevin unsuccessfully tries changing channels. The picture resolves to a fake outdoor fireplace]

Eddy:
[offscreen] Go on, get in there! [Edd prances onscreen, dressed like a pilgrim]

Edd:
Um...good morrow to thee. I'm about to share with thou fellow villagers the tale of Fort Peach Creek. Let us–begin, shall we?

Sarah:
I hate public access!

[Kevin tries unsuccessfully to change the channel]

Edd:
A long time ago, Peach Creek was buteth an untamed wilderness of towering trees, torrid waters, and savage beasts!

[Ed, wearing a moose cap, leaps out from behind a fake bush]

Ed:
Cock-a-doodle doo! I am a salvaged moose! Bleaugh!

[Ed walks offscreen. Edd takes center stage once more]

Edd:
Oh, regardeth over the horizon, for the hero of our epic tale doth approach!

[Eddy appears, pretending to tow a tiny wagon which, by perspective, looks large]

Eddy:
I have come from afar and shall claim this wilderness as our own! [Ed, clueless, stands in front of the camera] Hark ye, o' savage moose, moveth along, or be turned into moose chops! Hear ye? [Ed doesn't move, so Eddy flicks his eyes]

Ed:
This landeth is your landeth o' great shorteth one. [Edd gives him a flag]

Eddy:
Yes, this land is fulleth of peachy fuzzy fruits, and for this reason I claimeth this place as Fort Peach Creek! [The hill of leaves collapses, and he snaps the flag]

Edd:
And...there...you'll...haveth...it.

Ed:
Cock-a-doodle doo!

Edd:
Come back here, you!

Kevin:
Now's our chance!

Sarah:
Jimmy get out of there!

[Edd turns around just in time to see the kids exit the lunch room. They are all afraid of him.]

Eddy:
Yeah! You better run! 'Cause Double D's got all your numbers! And your addresses! Ooh yeah, I'm pumped baby![serious] Maybe a little rough on Ed, huh? He is our pal, you know.

[Edd begins to look angry.]

Eddy:
[a bit nervous] Right! You know best, champ! So hey, I'm gonna go make Nazz rub my feet.[He leaves.]

Edd:
What have I become? Are these indeed the hands of a lowly thug? [He holds out his shaking arms.]'"

Eddy:
HEY! [the Kankers turn to face him in surprise] HE'S! HAD! ENOUGH ALREADY!!! [the kankers stare in shock] Beat it!

[The Kankers look nervous for a moment, then drop Edd and walk away silently, feigning nonchalance. Edd looks at the girls run away]

Ed:
Good one, Eddy.

Eddy:
Vultures!